This comment is not directed to any one post here but for anyone reading or posting…
Always make sure you make decisions for family events such as a wedding (but not exclusive to a wedding) with thought to how things feel/look to “the shoe on the other foot”.
That money could have been used for a wonderful payment towards a house, which I know they want. But I guess since it’s not their money, they think why not?!
Our wedding experience was the opposite. We were 40 and 47. On our own, we were thinking a ceremony in the chambers of the judge I clerked for, then lunch and cake in a nice restaurant nearby. My mother was so sad about this and offered to pay for something much more elaborate (though still low-key). She was crystal clear that she was NOT offering me $X,000 to be used as I chose. She was offering me a wedding. We accepted it and had a Sunday brunch for 100 at a lakefront park in Chicago. It turned out very nice, and was still economical enough to feel like it reflected who we are.
George Lucas had his wedding reception in the same park a couple of years earlier. He tented the entire park and the wedding band was Prince! Now, that’s an expenditure that makes sense to me. It’s not like George Lucas had to mortgage Skywalker Ranch to make it work.
@abasket, we face that issue just going to see family over the holidays. We stay at a local pet-friendly motel because my sibs and nieblings who also come into town then can’t afford it and all crash in the spare bedrooms at my dad’s.
A few years ago, the nieblings (then in their early 20s) approached the rest of us and said that holiday gift exchanges were beyond their budgets, no matter how much they’d like to participate. (H and I had tried to broach this issue with my sibs a few years earlier and were shot down.) As usual, the next gen gets it right. We now do a dirty Santa exchange, so only one gift, $20 or less.
I do buy gifts for the great nephews (all age 8 and under), though!
I just went and looked at both of my daughters invitations as I couldn’t recall. One was together with their families and didn’t list any parents. The other was just the couple inviting to the wedding. Both had the couples names as the return address though D2has reply cards sent to me. D1 had online responses sent to them. Years ago we did together with our parents and listed them at the bottom. D2 was adamant about not listing grooms parents. They are divorced and she didn’t want an added line as it wouldn’t have fit. We paid for the probably 95% of the wedding. His parents have never been big on contributions to anything in his life. He paid for his own college.
For my other daughter she was insistent that they wanted to pay for the wedding. We insisted on giving them a check to spend as they wish in the amount we had spent for her sister and brother. I think his widowed Mom contributed but I don’t know how much.
D2 did create some bad will with the stepmom as they had groom walked down aisle with just his mom on one arm and dad on the other.
I think sometimes it’s what vision people have that a wedding should be. D2’s future in laws are very comfortable, but their idea of a wedding is something that’s hosted in their backyard, which they paid for their other son. The mother did everything herself other than catering. She offered to do flower arrangement for D2’s wedding and I told D2 no. It may sound ungrateful, but it would not be appropriate for the venue.
Since when do grooms walk down the aisle? That’s a new one on me.
D2’s H walked down with his mom and dad- D2 did the same with us.
I went to a Jewish wedding recently, and the groom was walked down the aisle with his parents on each arm.
D’s H walked down the aisle with his parents. H did not walk down the aisle at our wedding. Groom preference in both cases.
It may be more traditional for grooms to walk down the aisle with their parents in Jewish weddings. But so many weddings these days are non-denominational that it may be more personal choice at this point.
D2 said that in their non-denominational wedding they liked the idea of both walking down the aisle with their parents- we loved it. They also did not have traditional bridesmaids or grooms. Just had each sibling walk down the aisle individually. There were flower girls of D1’s.
Weddings are indeed getting more progressive with respect to older traditions. D2 had two men in her bridal party, close friends from law school. They wore the same suits as the groomsmen. In our very traditional environment, it got more than a few comments. I was glad to see D2 do that rather than including two women with whom she wasn’t particularly close. They were great and on wedding day, helped me for an hour with my dress. I couldn’t steam out all of the wrinkles, and they took turns trying to get them out, researched the fabric to find a solution, and ended up ironing it (against directions on the label). As the bridesmaids were all getting their hair and makeup done in the suite, they were really the only ones present who had the time to help me.
My son walked down the aisle after the groomsmen did – we had a hard time explaining this to our pastor, but it was nice. I got up and gave him a kiss as he passed and the photographer snapped a great photo.
DiL walked by herself partway, he walked up to meet her and they got her mom up and all three walked the rest of the way MOB was disabled, difficult, and right up to the music starting insisted she’d walk her daughter the whole damn way herself or leave but we allknew she’d fall and take the bride with her. The compromise had been worked out by my son the night before after the MOB had a major tantrum during rehearsal, said she wouldn’t come if DiL wanted to walk herself.
So, lots of ways to get to the altar…
Traditional in Jewish weddings, my husband and I also walked both our daughters down the aisle.
One daughter had no bridal party. Her brother and sister walked down together and her brother in law walked down alone. They had no one stand up with them.
Other daughter had a more traditional bridal party. She did have the grandparents walk down the aisle.
I’m late to the party on this one, but I think it is odd that the reporter included a wedding from 2011 for an article in August 2023. The 2011 wedding was the budget wedding in NC. Even the 2016 wedding seems too long ago.
Surely there have been enough weddings in say, the past three years, she could have found an interesting variety of weddings for the article. The confluence of Covid and inflation would seem to make the early weddings really out of date for costs and experiences.
My best friend and her husband did this 45 years ago (Catholic Church wedding) and we copied it 2 years later. D and SIL did this 8 years ago. None of us are Jewish.
I did not like the idea of being “given away”.
I have seen something similar. A wedding where there were bride’s attendants (this is how they were listed in the program and they were of both sexes) and groom’s attendants (again both sexes.) In the old days, the bride’s brothers or male friends were groomsmen and the groom’s sisters or female friends were bridesmaids. We actually used the term ushers not groomsmen back 40 years ago, as they did double duty of escorting people in the church to their places before they walked down the aisle with the rest of the wedding party.
I feel you should do whatever suits you for your bridal party, but prefer to consider it one big bridal party of people close to the couple instead of his and hers attendants.
S2 and DIL each walked down the aisle solo. Both walked really fast! No attendants. Best man was sitting in the audience til it was time to bring up the rings. I offered to make a canopy, but was turned down. It was a nonreligious ceremony, so I could have made the canopy with vineyard themes, but nope. Was kind of bummed. It was hard to sit back and not be able to contribute.
We walked S1 in and then he went up the staircase solo. FDIL 's dad escorted her to the same place and then she went up the stairs as well.
For our Jewish wedding, we had each set of parents walk us down the aisle. Friends held up the chuppah. I made a tallis for the chuppah and then left it at the catering facility where noone could find it. Betcha lots of people were married under it!
Different strokes for different folks. There aren’t any rules. People should do what they want and what makes them happy…
Well said!
I imagine my kids will be paying for most or all of their weddings themselves (unless they have in-laws who pay for all of it), so I will leave it up to them to decide who is mentioned on the invitation. H and I will probably chip in a bit or pay for something like the bar and the food. I like the “Together with our Parents,” it acknowledges both families and its a good neutral thing to put if there are divorced parents, etc.
I get that one family might pay for all or most, but it’s important to realize that the other party is just as important. They shouldn’t be shut out just because someone else is paying.
Then again, I think it’s really the Bride and Groom’s event and they are the hosts. If the parent wants to host because they’re paying, they need to make that clear. Also, I think it’s nice that parents do pay for their kid’s wedding and if they’ve got the money and want to do that, great. But, I’ve never seen it as something that was required, we saved for college for our kids, not a wedding. That said, that’s our family. I don’t mean to sound judgmental, I get others may feel differently…
I know it’s not a perfect analogy, but I keep thinking of the Seinfeld, “Big Salad” episode:
I love reading through all these types of threads because I learn so much.
I am honestly in the camp of whoever pays for the wedding should get, “credit,” on the invitation. Easy if it’s 50-50. Maybe harder to justify if the G’s family kicks in a smaller percentage. Maybe give them a smaller, appropriately-sized font on the invite that is proportionate to their contribution? 
I’m JOKING!!
IME, the whole reason the expression about the MOG wearing beige and keeping her mouth shut came about was that since she wasn’t paying for anything, she shouldn’t get any attention at the wedding and she should have no say in the planning. When a friend’s son got married many years ago I asked, “Are you wearing beige and keeping your mouth shut?” Her reply was, “You don’t have to do that if you pay for half.” Her whole reason for paying for half was so she could have input, not be restricted in how many people she was, “allowed,” to invite, etc. She had two sons so was never going to be a MOB.
In terms of giving a pile of money and spend it how you want - I have always liked this approach, in general, because I think it staves off budget battles about how much should be spent on what. However, another friend had to dial her daughter way back. She wanted to do a destination wedding for only about 30 people (I think even paying for flights). Her mom did NOT approve of that decision because no elderly relatives could have attended. So, while her daughter had a budget and a lot of free rein on decisions the MOB did draw a hard line in the sand about WHERE the wedding could be held.
I think that was a very reasonable POV. There’s a big difference between constantly playing the money card in order to exert control over every detail, and refusing to pay for something that would exclude key family members.