NYU debt. Please Advise.

Parents Forum
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<p>I think what is really clear is that there are opposing views on the question of "How much should a someone in a relationship know about their partners financial situation?" Of course, there is no clear cut answer here, as it depends on many factors such as how long the relationship has lasted, the intent and direction of the relationship, etc. The spectrum varies from, "You should know nothing until after we are married" to "We've been dating for 1 month and you should know everything." You see...everyone has a different tolerance level on this topic, and it is clear that there is no right or wrong answer. It is purely a reflection of ones own nature and value system. </p>

<p>It is clear that posters have different views on this. I don't agree with some views, and agree with others - but all views are appreciated. I think the key here is to be non-judgemental, and accepting of all opinions. And it does not take a genius to know who agrees/disagress with who.</p>

<p>Agreeing to disagree is OK. We can do this politely! People, we are not in a relationship here, and we should try and be emotionally detached yet respectful from everyone's "opinions." Everyone is entitled to a stance, which is what makes forums like this nice. </p>

<p>But yeah, let's avoid people bashing - it's not nice. Let's not try and point fingers into a he said/she said.</p>

<p>Cease fire!</p>

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<p>Whew! </p>

<p>Inhaaale. </p>

<p>Exhaaale...just got an ounce in the maaail! </p>

<p>HA HA.....JOKING!! - I'm a conservative dude !.....can't ya'll tell !!! I just thought that joke may hit home to the baby boomer generation....<em>wink</em></p>

<p>LOL!</p>

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<p>My description of you? Can you site the post#? You do protest too much and it does come off as bitter, or maybe just naive.</p>

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<p>I am happily married and I agree with Aries. Becuase her opinion does not agree with yours does not make it anti-men or make her unable to have a strong happy relationship. Bobby you sound like a teenager. Just stop. :/</p>

<p>Aries,</p>

<p>I wouldn't bother defending yourself. They are just trying to aggravate you.</p>

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<p>Well I agree with ariesathena...her points are valid</p>

<p>mg and gf are DATING...and this is what is...if he makes some sort of demand she quit school and transfer or whatever...what then...all he can say is maybe maybe maybe...what if she does everything he asks, and it is a bad school choice, she can't get her degree as soon and she resents HIM for "making" her change to satisfy him</p>

<p>You marry and date people as they are...if you date a guy who golfs too much and spends and doesn't save, that is who you date, if you choose to marry him, its not fair to ask him to change...</p>

<p>the op's GIRLDFRIEND is an independent adult who has made some good choices and maybe some questionable ones, but she is not breaking any laws, she is taking care of business, and she owes the OP nothing, she should not change her life around for him, he doesn't seem to respect her, her plans, her decisions, and wants her to change her lifes plans to fit his, even though it all rests on a MAYBE</p>

<p>If I were the GF, I would not date a guy who disrespects so much of my life and goals and judgements and plans, and wants me to adjust everything on his whims</p>

<p>Naive? ariesathena is not naive, she is seeing in the mathguy's posts alot of what iI see...</p>

<p>My Niece dated a guy like that, and after two years saw that he was controlling, but he did it in such a subtle way, she didn't see it, but everyone else did</p>

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<p>Completely aside from the whether the debt is 'worth it' or not, I have to say that it is obvious that your relationship with this young woman is not close enough that your concern is warranted about her student debt. It seems to me that you are in a somewhat casual relationship with this girl and she does not feel comfortable informing you about her financial aid situation. That is her right, and from what you've said here, I have to say that I'd agree with her decision not to discuss it with you.</p>

<p>I don't know why you think that her college housing would cost $17,000. There are many dorms which are much less than that at NYU. It also isn't true that your loans are eliminated if you do not live in NYU housing. Thousands of students get their own apartments and are still receiving need-based aid, which often is far less expensive than living in a dorm. </p>

<p>Lastly, your comment about computer access in the dorms puzzles me as I don't see what the connection is with the issue at hand. In any case, most dorms have computer labs with both computers and printers available for student access, as does the library. However, I don't know many college students who do not have their own personal computers.</p>

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<p>Okay, how many years apart sre these two--- about ten right?</p>

<p>He wants to move to oklahoma, almost the Polar opposite of NYC- he wants to test the gf, want to call the shots, does not respect her choices, her envirnment, her major, her life, her goals</p>

<p>Maybe she likes the dorms, maybe she isn't being totally upfront with Mathguy, cause he is a bit of a bully in the relationship, and that is from the posts I see here where when called an something he says, he backs off, but in other places it shows through</p>

<p>You are at different places, and the GF would be making a big mistake to marry this guy, IMO...I see major major problems</p>

<p>He would question her, test her, and I don't get the feeling of love and caring here, maybe it is, but doesn't come across anywhere</p>

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<p>As I said... "protest too much" is a really good way to avoid discussing the issues. If you can't win on those, attack the person. Ever have political aspirations, Bobby? Or are you just incapable of responding to my points? </p>

<p>"Protesting" is because I don't take personal, unwarranted attacks sitting down. It's not a sign of you being right; it's a sign that I'm not a simple-minded ninny who needs men to think for her, because it's a big, bad, scary scary world out there. </p>

<p>HELLO! 1950 is calling. It wants its zeitgeist back.</p>

<p>Thanks, SweetNY, CGM, and LTS. :)</p>

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<p>Very, very well said CGM and Alwaysamom.</p>

<p>My pleasure Ariesathena.</p>

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<p>OK guys. I thought we were trying to be nice and respectful here. Just take a peak at some of these postings! </p>

<p>It looks like you guys are trying to REALLY trying make a statement. Look, everyone else here does know your stance and your positions are appreciated. But there is no need to hammer it into the ground and to make others look bad. Nothing new is coming out at this point. You have all made your points, and I think this thread is over. </p>

<p>Please note that there are many others who do not agree with you. They have chosen not to beat the issue into the ground. You do not have a right to try and change the other side's mind, and you should not take offense to a different opinion. There is no right or wrong here. </p>

<p>Again, some of you have not read things carefully. And this makes you look bad. But I sort of understand. This thread is getting sort of long! </p>

<p>Alwaysamom: I mentioned clearly that yes, there are cheaper dorms, and that she choses not not live in a cheaper one. </p>

<p>Citysgirlmom: Not ten years. I have not mentioned specific ages, so please do not assume the worse. But ten is not even close. If you read carefully, I have said that I am 32, and she is > 25. And why do you think I want to live in Oklahoma? If you read carefully, I have a home in the city. A bully? Backing down? This is getting sort of out of hand. OK - if it makes you feel better.</p>

<p>And yes, if you have read things carefully, I have agreed that the real issue is probably not the actual debt, but other issues that I have with being with someone who makes decisions the way she makes them. Controlling? Telling her what to do? Again, sort of absurd! I'm not being controling. I agree that it is probably water under the bridge at this point. I'm not telling her to do (or not to do) anything!</p>

<p>I don't think anyone can comment on the health of this relationship, as I have not disclosed many other elements of it. It's just not fair to say, "she should leave him, etc. " You've seen one angle, and even with this topic there are many differing view points. </p>

<p>N E Ways, I think this thread is getting off topic by now. There is too much tomato throwing by a few of you. It's just not appropriate! I would suggest starting a new thread to discuss other issues if you guys want, but I think we've covered all the angles on this topic. Besides, it is getting a bit long and it is unrealistic for people to actually read all of these comments.</p>

<p>Thanks again.</p>

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<p>MG - your gf is using on you what in the sales world, is called "negative reversal". You'll see this for example, when you go to buy a luxury car. The salesperson will ask you questions, like what you do for a living and where you work, trying to guage your ability to pay the premium for the luxury vehicle when a moderate model may suit you just as well. You will hear things like "The payments on the this luxury model X are the same as on model Y, however, the maintenance costs will be x% more. Are you sure on your salary you want to take this on? This model is going to be here awhile so why don't you go look at model Y and if you decide model X is what you really want, we can talk numbers. After all, people who buy model X are more interested in looks and performance than cost, and these extra costs aren't an issue with them." Before you know it, in your mind, you are justifying paying the extra premium for model X, because after all, looks and performance REALLY matter to you and you don't want to just "settle" for model Y.</p>

<p>So MG you really need to assess how important the extras are in this relationship and noone on this board can tell you that. (Your GF's a pretty smart cookie BTW.)</p>

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<p>
[quote]
You do not have a right to try and change the other side's mind,

[/quote]

Uh huh. Let's be clear: no one has the right to try to change someone else's mind? That's your new thesis?</p>