<p>This sounds to me like a kid who will be way more happy in the smaller community of Oberlin but I agree with Northstarmom that it is time to give her the decision (and she will probably be indecisive about wanting it!). She needs to hear you trust in her decision and that there is no catastrophic outcome here (eg: being unhappy or disappointed is NOT a catastrophe…really. This is a good time for kids to get some perspective on that). The nice thing about this as a learning situation is that she can actually hold both options in some sense for awhile. My bet is that after a month at Oberlin she will let go of the Ivy-glazed longing because of the reality of campus life that is real will take priority. And if it doesn’t and she goes to Cornell later, that will either fulfill her dream or teach her about choices. In any case, good luck. As someone who has tortured myself with indecision much of my life (fate of a Libra) I encourage her and you to start working on the process now. My father wouldn’t help me decide about my first car and it was a wonderful lesson. (And guess what: I made a good choice and still miss that car…a used VW Squareback)</p>