<p>this sucks so hard, i dont know what to do!</p>
<p>Many people have special places in which they stay and think deeply about matters. For some people, that place is the silent, studious environment of the library, or their bed, upon which they can lie and assess themselves after a long, hard day. Amazingly, these places have enabled some of these people to make discoveries that would forever change the way the world was viewed. For instance, Sir Isaac Newton was sitting under an apple tree wondering how to formulate his theory of gravitation when he saw an apple fall, and came to fully understand the mystery that is the Earths gravity. However, my special place is atypical. Its unhygienic. Its a haven for germs and bacteria. The smell is rather unpleasant too. My special place is none other than the bathroom, and this makes my story, the story of the Bathroom Thinker.</p>
<p>so vague with “these people” and “some people” just head right into newton</p>
<p>"my story, the story of the Bathroom Thinker. " remove it. Also I think this topic has been done in “ON writing the college admissions essay”</p>
<p>ok, heres my revised edition lol </p>
<p>I sit. A bead of water drops. Five seconds pass. Another bead drops. The fan makes a whirring noise. So much is going on, yet it is strangely peaceful. Many people have special places in which they stay and think deeply about matters. For instance, Archimedes stepped in the bath, looked down and cried EUREKA! when he saw the water level rise, thus making plain to him that volume can be measured. Sir Isaac Newton was sitting under an apple tree when it struck his head and enabled him to fully understand the mystery that is the Earths gravity. However, my special place is atypical. Its unhygienic. Its a haven for germs and bacteria. The smell is rather unpleasant too. My special place is none other than the bathroom.</p>
<p>much improved but I still suspect the idea has been done. I dunno if that matters in the world of admissions but I would try an alternative</p>
<p>that sucks though, i’ve spent a long time thinking about my essay topic and i thought i was being original.</p>
<p>again I wouldn’t know if that matters</p>
<p>thanks for the input, cacciato. however i’d like someone to walk me through. I wrote my second paragraph, please read and give your opinion. Should I PM it to you?
I want to edit my essay paragraph by paragraph.
as for the topic already being used…i’ll ask my creative writing teacher about that.</p>
<p>Remove “For instance” and it’ll be great. The second version’s much better, congrats! Maybe try using some less cliched, well-known examples; two of them right next to each better is kind of meh (their being fictional doesn’t help either). “Bead of water” is also kind of vague in the beginning; it’s only after I finish the paragraph that I realize it’s a leaking faucet. Even then I’m still not sure (a bead of sweat?). “However, my special place is atypical.” is redundant… use either special or atypical or introduce some other idea.</p>
<p>Also… surely Archimedes was also in a bathroom?? It creates a bit of a problem if you’re following it with “my special place is the bathroom” 
</p>
<p>That’s all I’ve got for that paragraph. Here’s a useful tip from my Eng teacher though, often writing body paragraphs FIRST makes the intro easier and focused. ;D</p>
<p>Don’t worry about it not being unique enough. I read an essay about how one kid’s insomnia helped her be creative and thought it was great until I realized how many sleep-deprived, thoughtful kids must apply to top schools, haha. You just need to inject more of your personality into your essay until it feels unique to YOU… which is what counts more than the topic. I doubt many topics are truly one-in-40,000 anyway.</p>
<p>If you want me to give you input on the rest just send me. ;D I’m submitting an app tomorrow though, so I’ll have to respond after that.</p>
<p>Thanks a bunch for the advice! I was worried using isaac newton and archimedes as examples would be a bit cliched. do you have any other suggestions of similar instances?</p>