Okay, LAST ESSAY. I'm Serious.

<p>THIS IS THE LAST ESSAY. I'm really sorry to bother all of you again...:o</p>

<p>Special Thanks to: SweetestSeth and Susantm. (Susantm, I sent you a pm with my 3rd essay)</p>

<p>Please give me your honest opinions on this. This essay received the lowest Flesch-Kincaid Grade Level (9.0. The others were 10.5 ,11.2, 11.2 respectively)...</p>

<p>PROMPT:
Page 8: Tell us anything else about yourself that you feel is important for the Admissions Committee to know. You may wish to describe some of your non-academic interests. </p>

<p>**I sensored out some personal info with CAPITAL LETTERS</p>

<p>ESSAY:</p>

<p>Some of my non-academic interests include graphics design, tutoring, and golf. I take this truth with great pride, for excluding the last interest, I have learned all without any guidance from others. The first started out from making crude shapes with Microsoft Paint; now I design a variety of graphics for companies. The second started out from helping small children with their math; now I proudly tutor four students. The last started out from attempting to imitate my parents; after a few years of practice, now I can play with the adults and reach a distance of up to 230 yards with a driver. </p>

<p>Although I have always enjoyed drawing, I was never patient enough to finish what I started. My mind was forever flooding with so many fresh ideas that before I could put them all down on the paper I grew tired. However, with a computer program anything is possible; I can color a vast amount of space with one click, lighten a picture without having to start afresh, and undo mistakes within seconds. </p>

<p>I did not know even about the existence of design software until two years ago. At the request of my mother I started drawing shapes with the Microsoft Paint to use for her new business. Then as soon as I saw what a high school student made with Adobe Illustrator, and I was soon so ashamed of my designs; compared to his modern, professional designs, mine appeared like a collection of crude sketches. From then I installed the Adobe Illustrator and began to teach myself the basics. After a few months I could design basic newsletters and business cards; now, using various tools on the Adobe Photoshop, I can design even more complex graphics. I have designed various fliers and even a DVD cover this year, and for an internet shopping mall I sent in many T-shirt designs to be printed and sold.</p>

<p>My parents run an education center in SOME CITY, SOME STATE. Because I spend most of my time there I always had the time to help small children with their work when all the other teachers were busy. Then one day, a parent asked me to officially tutor her daughter in mathematics. I gladly took this offer; I loved teaching. As my first student instantly showed improvement in her math grades, the word began to spread. Another student wanted me to teach him writing, and another 6th grade student asked for a math tutor. At the moment I have four students; one adult for instruction in computers, and three children in math, writing, and both. I simply adore the fact that I can enlighten the others, and it motivates me further to gain more knowledge myself.</p>

<p>Although golf is strictly a sport, not many people feel the same way about golf as they feel about football or ice hockey. Candidly, I agree with them. I regard golf more as a game of technique, thinking, and etiquette. It requires a player to master all the technique for handling each and every one of his or her clubs and knowing how to swing them appropriately. The player is obliged to think about every detail of the situation he or she is in; one must not only consider the basics such as the shape of the club, the placing of the hands and feet, the distance desired, and the obstacles, but also the slope of the land, roughness of the grass, the direction of the wind, and sometimes even the air density. The player should also learn much about the course and plan the way into the hole in order to do his or her very best. With so much to be careful with, golf indeed can be frustrating; but because of it I learned patience. Learning about the golf etiquettes is almost as important as learning the physics of golf, and through this I learned more about manners in general.</p>

<p>I value my non-academic interests as much as I value my intellectual and academic ones. They keep me energetic and contented, as any other interest should. Whenever I complete an artwork, see a satisfactory mark on my student’s test, or make my last shot into the hole, I sense pure delight rushing in through my veins. However, these interests do more than just keeping me at ease; the challenges I face with my extracurricular activities prepare me for the academic challenges, and the academic challenges eventually prepare me for the challenges in life. </p>

<p>-End Essay</p>

<p>THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!</p>

<p>Very nice! Most of the essay flows very well, and I can just feel your excitement about these areas of interest.</p>

<p>Just a couple suggestions: The first paragraph is a bit awkward. "I take this truth with great pride, for excluding the last interest, I have learned all without any guidance from others." The first part of this sentence sounds stilted. Perhaps you could think of a way to reword it. Also, generally you would say "started out with," rather than "started out from" in the way you are using it.</p>

<p>Third paragraph: "Then as soon as I saw what a high school student made with Adobe Illustrator, and I was soon so ashamed of my designs; " Omit the words "as soon as" near the start of the sentence.</p>

<p>Last paragraph: "keep" instead of "keeping."</p>

<p>Otherwise, sounds great! I think a sense of individuality really comes through, as well as a sense of passion for what you do and for always learning more and improving in all areas.</p>