*woman
@momoftwolefties I would also be aware that any conversation you have with them could be used against you should you decide to litigate at a later date. Also, I would not let my kiddo off the hook because she’s embarassed they didn’t really accept her. Let them deal with the repercussions. It is not fair for your daughter to have the negative feelings and should the responsibility of their mistake. I agree with other posters that they should have just kept their mouths shut and accepted her once they realized what happened.
@marg928 I have 3 in college and my fourth is a high school senior. Regardless of a child’s age and whether they have reached the age of 18, colleges make every effort to not speak with parents. They consider the student their customer and they want them to be able to stand on their own.
Just my opinion but the school knows it easier to deal with the parent. The school could careless if they stand up on their own. As to the customer that’s debatable, especially in this case since the kid really isn’t the customer, yet.
There are no words. I am so sorry.
It sounds like your daughter is a strong candidate. None of this is her fault and it’s terrible she has to experience it, but I think she will land on her feet, in just the right program, in spite of this unpleasant, poorly handled mistake on the part of individuals at the school.
Best wishes as you work through the necessary confrontation with the school and the upcoming decisions with your daughter.
@dowzerw oh trust me I know they don’t like to talk to parents! That’s what makes this even more confounding! They makes personal calls of acceptance to the candidates of their drama program and those calls go directly to the student’s cell phone. They certainly would not make the call to a parent telling them that their child was accepted, so you would think the call from admissions would also have to go straight to the student. They are clearly passing the buck to this poor mother who now has to be the one to decide when and how to tell her daughter.
^^^agreed @marg928!
They don’t want to be the one to deliver the devastating news, so they dump it on the parents. Cowardly.
Don’t say ANYTHING that you don’t want to come back on you. Ranting to a friend is fine, but you want to be completely cool-headed and doggedly persistent in dealing with the school. Remember your objective, no matter what else is hurled in your direction. The objective is to gain the admittance your daughter was offered, and nothing else matters (unless she decides she doesn’t want it).
Good learning experience for future negotiations, if your daughter has to do it. If they will not speak to you, then prepare a case as if you are preparing for court and present it to your daughter and let her take it from there.
A professional demand letter is the proper response here, in my view. I would also contact by phone, taking notes, and starting at the top (or your daughter, if they won’t talk to you). You need a paper trail.
The school made an offer in writing & you accepted the offer.
At any time before your acceptance of the offer was a formal withdrawal of the offer made in writing or orally ? Saying it was a mistake does not seem like a formal withdrawal of the offer.
My suspicious side wonders if the offer was genuine but that after another received a rejection that they used their “influence” to try & create an available spot. Might be far-fetched, and it might not be.
Do NOT ask for a refund. If the school doesn’t kick back (refund) the deposit, then it looks like an offer & acceptance which equals a contract.
If you call anyone, it should be the university president. When speaking of the call do not state that the offer was withdrawn–since that apparently did not occur during the conversation–just state that you have a binding contract with the school & intend to honor your part of the contract & expect the university to honor its part.
If, before receiving that call, you paid money or had sent in paperwork accepting the “offer”, you really have something to complain about that may rise above the right to yell at university executive. Do not accept a refund and if they send you money send it right back (at least while you are weighing your options).
At competitive schools, even the rejected students could have hacked it, so I wouldn’t let the idea of “not really belonging” be too much of a deterrent.
Good luck to you and your daughter - I feel for you and I really wish I hadn’t signed into College Confidential this morning.
Just to interject, this making efforts to not talk with the parents isn’t simply because they don’t like to do it, or because they consider the student their customer—it’s because of federal law. Under federal law, the moment a student has matriculated parents have no right to access student records or to make educational decisions on behalf of the student (even for students who are minors, or who are taking college classes that will count for high school credit).
Colleges can face pretty severe penalties for breaking this law, even if they might want to.
@dfbdfb Exactly. It is a matter if federal law, not whether a college would prefer to speak with the parent versus the student.
OP: I was not as clear as I should have been in my earlier post.
If you do call an administrator or the university president’s office, it would be only because you received a confusing call from someone purporting to be with a particular department.
The confusion arose because your daughter was accepted, has now made the required deposit & someone is trying to trick her for an unknown reason.
Never state that any offer was withdrawn–because it was not.
dfbdfb: It is at issue here whether the student has matriculated. If so, she’s a student. If not, then the parents can speak to anyone they like about a potential student.
If she is a matriculated student, then this bolsters her case to stay in upon her offer of acceptance.
I am ill for your entire family. We experienced a level of unprofessionalism from them two years ago that cooled my D&P daughter’s interest, but it was nowhere near as egregious as this. I hope your D able to make a decision she’s happy with one way or another. I admire your resolves and I’m sure you’ll continue to be a rock for her, tapping the unique strength of the theater parent!
I want to call FOR you. Everyone’s worst nightmare. Are they prepared to pay therapy for her?
@TranquilMind That has not been my experience. As recently as yesterday, I contacted a college about orientation details and they would not speak with me. My kid has been accepted and parents are invited to the orientation. She has not matriculated but she has received an offer of acceptance. I wasn’t even asking in the context of my kid. I simply needed the schedule of events.
@dowzerw Seems a bit harsh, especially considering most teens are notorious for not checking email or sharing information with their parents. I monitor my son’s email which he stays logged into on the family computer for this reason. There’s so much junk in his email from a zillion colleges he has no interest in applying to so he misses often misses the important stuff. I’ve been lucky the schools my son has been admitted to will give me info when I’ve called with questions.