If homesickness is the main issue then I guarantee you are not alone! Homesickness does go away with time. And the key is time. Some practical things are visit student counseling, webcam to skype home for friends and family, keep a journal and join a club or org.
If a major concern is how demanding the work is, the solution is not to go to another school with comparable student body characteristics where the work is also quite demanding. My D1 had friends who majored in the sciences at Northwestern. They told her it was very tough going there. Based on their report there is no way Northwestern is the appropriate solution. It is probably not materially different as far as student conduct is concerned either.
The schools I can think of where students do not act in age-appropriate stereotypical ways socially are by and large also very academically demanding places that will not solve your problems on the academic side. I was thinking of U Chicago-“where fun goes to die”- where you will have no frat boys, eg, but will have no easier sledding academically.
Maybe a school like BYU would be a better fit for you.
Homesickness is likely directly related to relationships not developed at your current school. One may not need to be near home to be happy, if they are in the thrall of a whole new set of people, so they don’t really have much time or inclination to think about home much, or at all practically. But
unfortunately that hasn’t happened here. It might yet happen, But there are no guarantees that it will.
It’s possible that it could more likely happen at some places other than Cornell, for OP.
Thank you for your advice, KunjiBoy. That certainly made me feel a bit better. I do wish the homesickness would go away, but it’s been nearly a year and it isn’t much different than it was when I got here. At this point it seems it will stay with me all three years if I decide to stay here.
Monydad, from what I’ve gathered, the CS curriculum at Northwestern is not nearly as rigorous as it is at Cornell. That’s not to say it isn’t challenging, but I am not worried about being challenged so much as being overloaded.
Regarding what you said on homesickness, I don’t think that the food will get any better; the gyms will not be any less crowded/crappy; Ithaca will never change into Chicago; the dominance of fraternities will never fade; the weather will always be horrid; my family will never live here. I don’t think, in fact I know, that forging new relationships here will have NO affect on my homesickness. It just won’t.
If you want to leave, and it sounds like you do…just go ahead. No one’s stopping you. I don’t really get why you didn’t apply to transfer this year if you’re that miserable. The deadlines were less than a month ago for most schools and you probably could’ve cobbled together an application.
Could you try taking a leave of absence? Or talk to your professors about recommendations for transferring next spring? And if you’re not interested in doing these things because you’d rather get a Cornell CS degree (but just hate every little thing about the school) then that’s kind of your deal…
Hi heat0213, I’m so, so sorry that things have been so difficult for you.
I do not know if my advice will be very helpful since this fall I will only be a freshman in college myself. So unfortunately, I do not have years of experience to offer any real in-depth advice, but I wanted to at least try and help.
Along with Cornell, I have received several very good college offers and have been seriously laboring over what college to attend. I’ve been so afraid that I will make the wrong choice and also worrying so much about the thought of this decision defining the rest of my life, that I think I got my first gray hair yesterday. 
The other night my grandmother saw me completely stressing out and suggested that I put all the prestige of the schools to the side, to forget about how much money any particular school was offering and how much it would help, and to stop trying to decide which one I thought she would want me to choose and how proud I thought she would be of me by choosing the prestigious one. She pushed all the books off the table and asked, what does your heart tell you to do? Which one makes you smile when you think about it. Which one feels like a home away from home when you are there? She reminded me that all she has EVER wanted for me is for me to be happy, and the rest would take care of itself.
She told me that there isn’t a right or wrong answer for the right college. She said that the only thing that is important is what college is right for “me”. College is going to be about what I make out of it.
My advice to you is, please do not think you are stuck without anyplace to turn. Just talk with your parents, and know that they just want you to be happy also. You are NOT defined by the school you go to.
I’m sure you know that it’s going to be hard work at pretty much any school you attend, but there is no reason you have to be miserable every day.
Please hang in there! Take a gap year if needed. Life is way too short to be so unhappy.
Good luck and please keep us posted on what you decide.
@ heat0213, in regards to the clubs, maybe there are some that do not have to vote you in that you can join. Maybe a chess club or bowling, or whatever interest you might have. Also, I’m not sure how it’s done, but what about starting your own club.
Additionally, since you mentioned you might want to go into consulting/venture capital, maybe you can find some type of small startup company in the area that you can intern with on the weekends or something like that.
Finally, I’ve never been in a classroom with hundreds of other students, but if possible, (and I know this might sound silly) sit down front, ask the instructor tons of subject related questions, and try and have the right answers if he asked a question. Don’t let him ignore you. Therefore, if you do decide to transfer, he will at least remember your face when you ask him for a recommendation.
Again, good luck!
HappyCamper, your posts were incredibly helpful. Nice to see someone with a positive outlook on life as opposed to my inherent negativity. Best of luck with whichever college you choose, I’m sure you will do well anywhere.
Dear heat0213,
It is not fair that some people attack you based on your viewpoints when you are asking for an advice though their anger is understandable.
I have gone through some tough times in the past and I know that it sometimes feels like there is no light at the end of a tunnel and you keep going down deeper. No word can help you as what is troubling you is in your heart, not in your mind. But please know that, when you look back, every struggle contributed to making you better, stronger and wiser.
Now, the easiest solution is to run and go back to the comfort of your home. That is not moving forward. If you run now, you will always run in the future at an earliest sign of trouble. If you decide to transfer to Northwestern, you should do that not to run but to leap forward. To leap forward, you need to have a solid footing. That means, no matter what you will decide to do in the future, you need to make present count.
My favorite Lao Tzu quote:
“If you are depressed, you are living in the past.
If you are anxious, you are living in the future.
If you are at peace, you are living in the present.”
And another one from my favorite philosopher:
“When I was 5 years old, my mother always told me that happiness was the key to life. When I went to school, they asked me what I wanted to be when I grew up. I wrote down ‘happy’. They told me I didn’t understand the assignment, and I told them they didn’t understand life.”
Be happy, now.
@heat0213 - I am the parent of a soon to be college student, and I worry about my kids going through what you are going through. I think the suggestion of visiting the counseling center is a really good idea. I’m sorry your first year has been so tough.
Please realize that you have gotten to a point where you are not seeing things clearly anymore. You have decided that Cornell doesn’t deserve to be a real ivy, and you are looking at the people around you and sorting all of them into a few ugly boxes without ever getting to know them. I guarantee you that Cornell really is an Ivy League school, and that the students there are bright and hardworking. I’m sure some of them are people you would like, and who would like you as well. And there’s a good chance that being at home with your parents was not always a walk in the park either.
I’m not saying any of this to discourage you from leaving Cornell. It may just not be a good place for you to be. However, no matter what you decide to do next, you need to get your mind in the right place first. You need to start seeing the positive around you, and to realize that no place (or person) is all good or all bad. Being at home won’t solve all your problems, but maybe it can help you find your positivity again. I wish you the best of luck, and hope that you will find a way to be happier.
My D is a very introverted chemE major. She too was very homesick her first semester. It persisted into the second semester, and was especially tough right after she’d finally been home for winter break and spring break. It has been much easier this second year, but she still gets homesick. She calls us nearly every night. Also, don’t underestimate the effect that sunshine has on your mood.
I recommend enjoying your summer at home with the family. Perhaps plan to meet up with them for fall break. If things aren’t better in the fall, consider a spring transfer closer to home.
Happycamper - you have a very wise grandma.
@heat0213 - you said the gym is busy, why not take some gym classes instead. My daughter took boxing, got great work out and met some people. She got a job on campus (because I forced her). It happens to be in a office that coordinates a lot of events between professors and students. She ended up organizing a lot of events on campus and off campus and met a lot of interesting people through it. She event got a summer internship out of it.
I am fairly certain most clubs do not exclude people, you just need to show up. My kid joined so many clubs freshman year, she had to cut back. I don’t think she had to apply to any, except for her dance club, which she needed to audition.
College is the time to expand your horizon. You can be conservative and religious, but it maybe interesting to meet people who are different from you. You may learn something new.
@heat0213 - I don’t think Northwestern is going to be that different than Cornell, other than the fact it would be closer to home. It is not going to be more conservative. It has Greek life. I don’t think food there is going to be better.
As a mom of 2 girls, I know it often takes only one friend to make a place better. We moved to a new country when our younger kid was a junior in high school. She hated the new school and she cried everyday until she met her best friend. My older kid was also miserable when she studied abroad in Australia. I dreaded listening to her cry on the phone. In both cases, I told my kids to take little steps in trying to feel better.
Weather is getting better now. Slope day is around the corner. Maybe a bit of sunshine will make you feel better.
heat0213- I want to thank you for your post. First, I want to say, don’t take to heart any negative comments. … Not one among us has not gone through a difficult time … I am a parent of a Cornell freshman and you are NOT alone. I wish there was a way of getting all of you together and I suspect you would make a fabulous group. Our son has hated the dorm situation as it has been terribly disruptive even during finals as the RA seems to play no role whatsoever in maintaining any kind of semi normal living arrangement for those who don’t appreciate noise 24/7 . Long before room draw he decided he wanted to move off campus and so we are hoping that makes a big difference next year.
I agree with the advice you received to seek counsel from both professional staff and mostly your parents. Our son has been very open with us, and albeit upsetting, we ( and I’m sure your parents also) want to know so that we can brainstorm together.
Wishing you the very best whatever you decide to do
I myself had nothing to do with frats after freshman year, More recently, hence relevantly, my D2 transferred in as a sophomore, had nothing to do with greek life whatsoever, and loved it there. Based on this I can’t agree that preceived influence of frats on one’s social life cannnot change, over the course of one’s college career there, and particularly after frreshman year.
Also I have never had any problem with the food in Ithaca, I don’t even know what you’re talking about on this score.
I was up there again this summer. The food was -still- fine.
You think it’s ugly there. I think it’s beautiful.
But it’s not worth arguing the point or saying"oh it’s going to be Spring soon" or whatever. These are the ways you perceive things. And your perception is correct,. For you. And your mind is made up.
So take a leave, if you don’t even want to come back, Then apply to transfer.
I guess you were just trying to talk all this out?
@heat0213 One person mentioned this above, but I am going to mention it again: Go to the counseling center TOMORROW. It will help. I promise. The professionals there help people with these exact feelings every single day, every single year.
A few more thoughts:
-If you are homesick at Cornell, you are likely to be homesick at Northwestern. Yes, Northwestern is closer, but it’s still away from home. Homesicknesses goes away once you start feeling that Cornell IS home. The only way to make that happen is to feel connected with people. Join clubs that don’t require an interview (never heard of that!). What about the Republican Club?
-The students who you see partying and looking like they are having a great time—many of them are hurting too. Don’t let appearances deceive you.
-Only about 1/3 of students are involved in Greek life. So 70% of students are not part of any sorority or fraternity.
-If you have lived your entire life in a conservative midwestern town, it could be a shock to be in a place with so many different types of people. A lot of people choose Cornell precisely because of the variety of “types.” That’s what makes it interesting. A BIG part of the college experience is opening your mind to situations and people who are different from your home experiences and people. It sounds like you are struggling with this.
FWIW, liberal people do not magically transform into conservative people when they get older. I think you’ve been sheltered and Cornell is a wake-up call. Maybe you feel “unsafe” in a place where your tightly held beliefs are not universally held. It could be very scary. Please go to Gannett.
If you’re hating the idea of being a software engineer at freshman year, you should consider taking courses outside of CS and changing majors. If you’re only considering not doing so because of a perception of it seeming to be “failing” or wasting “employment opportunities” or “tuition already payed”, you’re not perceiving the problem correctly. Instead, by switching majors to one you actually enjoy, you’re saving yourself from at least 40 years (given current retirement age) of working in a field you hate. You’re avoiding short-changing yourself in pay when you aren’t able to get the better paying jobs in the field because you don’t have the drive that those who are passionate about this field have. You’re saving yourself money from realizing two or three years down the line you got the wrong major and switching then and staying in college longer. If you’re really not enjoying the classes at this point, try some other classes & try some other fields on for size.
For myself, I came in as a genetics major; had a miserable freshman year taking pre-med biology classes. But there was one thing I enjoyed that year and it was my CS class. Beginning of sophomore year, I dropped Genetics and pursued CS instead and enjoyed the rest of my time at Cornell much more. The great thing about Cornell is that there is no department where you’re really “wasting” your tuition money; all of the departments are well-respected, even if they’re not “Top 5 in the country” like the CS dept.
As others have mentioned, please do consider going to CAPS & Gannett. If not, at least consider calling into the EARS hotline to talk with someone.
Just another thought. I know Ithaca College is right across the street and that cross-registration is available to a certain extent. I gather there is a whole different vibe over there. Maybe you could take a couple of classes there in order to have a break from the stress of Cornell.
No, not Ithaca college for OP.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ogiHnwURrAs
Thank you everyone for your advice - it is much appreciated. I will be going to counseling sometime this week, as I had never thought about it before.
Also, regarding my CS major - my parents are more or less forcing me to do it, as they believe that I will “never starve” if I have it (though, I would argue that isn’t true, since most of what I learn will be obsolete within 10 years, and moreover, they are very well off and could/would easily help me if this were the case). Also, they believe that if I want to do any sort of leadership in technology, I should have a very solid fundamental understanding of its inner workings and also be able to converse with those working for me. I was thinking AEM + CS minor would be better for this, but they talked me out of it and the deadline for an internal transfer has long since passed.
I do wonder about my employability in consulting/venture capital, as not only will my GPA be lower than those in Business/finance related majors, but also I won’t have had a chance to take the necessary finance and accounting classes. Combined with the fact that I am by no means at the level some students are here to be competitive at the best firms (think Mckinsey, Bain, etc.), this worries me tremendously.
Lilypod, your son’s dorm situation is eerily similar to mine. It is comforting to know I’m not the only one struggling this badly. I hope your son finds next year to be an improvement.
Plot twist:
@LilyPod is @heat0213 's parent.