<p>I think the point being made is that you’re still focused on “what do they think of me” (good, bad, indifferent, drama queen) rather than you taking a genuine, authentic interest in who they are and what they are all about.</p>
<p>“The senior in my Holocaust class told me that the upperclassman saw that I cared a lot about Knox and they took advantage of that. She told me to act like I don’t care about anything. She even told me to be a b!tch and use it to my advantage (don’t agree with that, but that’s what she said). In the group, I was essentially the admission officer. The reason my original orientation leader didn’t want me was because she thought I would know more about Knox than she did (I’ve had numerous people tell me this). So basically, the admission like role in the group is what turned people off. I really haven’t tried to be the center of attention or anything.”</p>
<p>This is the paragraph that stands out to me. Having conversations with others about why people like / don’t like you tells me the conversations are, in the final analysis, ABOUT you. Which isn’t as interesting to other people as it is to you. You are getting good advice here; best of luck to you.</p>
<p>When I was categorizing Knox students, it was just to show the typical student at Knox. I agree with everything you’ve said, but I think people took it the wrong way when I said this. All I meant was that there is a certain type of Knox student, and I don’t fit it. It’s like saying how at Hampshire, your classmates are more hipster, and you’re not. I know not everyone fits these groups. I have tried getting to know peers from the interior, but I’ve never felt a connection. IMO, I’ve just had a harder time connecting with anyone. I cannot stress it enough that the reason that I haven’t made that many friendships is not because I’ve been stereotyping every Knox student. My point was just to show CC the Knox norm. I have tried really hard trying to know people who are nothing alike. </p>
<p>Even the people who I ate with, there was something missing there. I know I’m not going to find a BFF after two and a half months, but I would have liked to find someone who I connect with. When I said I was being nice and courteous, I meant to say that I’ve been <em>extra</em> nice and courteous. I have really tried getting to know my classmates from the inside out, but something still doesn’t feel right.</p>
<p>I didn’t do anything wrong when it came to the drama. I noted the first part of the drama in the original post. My suit-mates were literally in the common room listening to my skype conversation, and then telling me to stop talking about them when I wasn’t. I had one girl call me a b!tch at dinner for no reason. Maybe it’s a way I come across, but a lot of them do not try and get to know me. All they do is judge.</p>
<p>I know what boysx3 was trying to say, but everything I said in my last post is true. I can assure you that I’ve been very low key since I’ve got to Knox. You can ask any Knox student. Before I came, I was anything but low key. And I do agree that first impressions tend to stick , but a lot of people want to know the real deal about me. My point was that over time, Knox students will start to remember less and less. I understand everything you’ve said and it’s good advice, but there isn’t much I did wrong at Knox in comparison to what I did wrong before I came. If I would have entered low key then it would have been way easier making friends.</p>
<p>Yes, I do care to an extent what people think about me, but everyone does. I was actually just telling this girl about my time at Knox because she asked. She was trying to understand what was happening and what I can do to fix it. She and (her other senior friend) told me how they love Knox (the school), but they don’t like the people.</p>
<p>EC, why is it, do you think, that other people don’t like you? You say you had no friends in high school and now the same has happened at the college you so carefully selected. It seems obvious that you are doing something wrong in your approach to making friends.</p>
<p>Several parents here have tried to point out that you are most likely coming across as obnoxious, whether or not you mean to. From what you said in your most recent posts, you may be coming across as desperate for people to like you. As ironic as this may sound, this will often work against you and drive others away.</p>
<p>Continue being kind and courteous, and focus on being in the background, quietly observing and learning how your classmates interact. Even though your school is small, there are over one thousand students there, and you should eventually make some friends. </p>
<p>Just don’t put so much emphasis on finding friends or else you may come across as “that creepy guy” who is desperate for people to like him. Try being ‘invisible’ for awhile, focus on your classes, and find things that interest you. People don’t usually set out for the day to make friends… it just happens naturally over time.</p>
<p>A few quotes stand out to me:</p>
<p>
</p>
<p>This reminds me of a humorous card I saw recently, which says “I’m extremely modest. It’s my favorite thing about myself.” It seems to be important to you that other people have some impression of you, and I suspect you kind of pride yourself on that fact - which speaks to the “big” personality. It’s hard to carry off a big personality like that.</p>
<p>
</p>
<p>Honestly - no. It is a general truth that people aren’t as interested in someone as that person would like to believe. We’d all like to think we are fascinating to others, but in truth we aren’t.</p>
<p>OP has gotten lots of good advice - but those with “big” personalities aren’t always good at taking advice.
I don’t have anything else to add, since the advice I gave wasn’t even acknowledged, so I will just leave you with this inspirational video ( check out day three)
[100</a> Days of Rejection Therapy | The Fun Side of Startup](<a href=“http://www.entresting.com/blog/100-days-of-rejection-therapy/]100”>http://www.entresting.com/blog/100-days-of-rejection-therapy/)</p>
<p>early_college: With a few clicks on my keyboard, I was able to figure out your identity. This knowledge, directed me to a YouTube video you posted. Viewing the video gave me a better idea of your personality.</p>
<p>I’m going to be blunt. In the video, your personality was extremely annoying and over the top. If this was your acting ability, it wasn’t natural at all. Sorry, but true.</p>
<p>Stop categorizing everyone else and placing them into specific boxes based on your interpretation of them. Jocks are good at more than sports. Artists are good at more than drawing/painting/sculpting. etc, etc.</p>
<p>Look in the mirror and try to understand how you’re coming off to others. Stop butting into everyone else’s business. Stop trying to come off as a know-it-all. Stop trying to push your ideas on people that don’t want to hear them. </p>
<p>You seem to view yourself as better than other people—intellectually, acting ability (which wasn’t very good at all in the video), socially, etc. Stop trying to act like you’re a college counselor for crying out loud. Stop basing everything on what you read on the internet and college search handbooks. Stop giving people advice. What you may think is good advice may actually seem strange to those on the receiving end.</p>
<p>There is no harm in sending out transfer applications. If accepted and a financially suitable, you’ll have options at the end of the academic year if you still don’t like Knox. However, do not spend so much time analyzing every single college. </p>
<p>It’s not any specific college that’s going to change your life. It’s the experiences in life which shape and mold a person.</p>
<p>Again, I’m going to suggest that you make an appointment with the counseling center at Knox and speak with a counselor about the things you’ve been experiencing. Speaking face to face with a neutral, nonjudgemental counselor may be very beneficial to you in figuring out why you don’t feel like you fit in. </p>
<p>PS–The way you perceive others may not be the way the majority of people see them. The way you view your own personality and actions may not be the same way as others view them.</p>
<p>YOU HAVE NO IDEA WHAT YOU’RE TALKING ABOUT NYSMILE. Do you know what Survivor is? Seriously? Obviously, it’s not “acting”. One needs to be over the top, annoying, obnoxious to get on a reality tv show. YOU NEED HELP. You have been bullying me on CC since I was 14 years old. I suggest YOU get a therapist because I think making fun of teenagers is FUN for you.</p>
<p>See–You see any criticism as bullying. The ability to accept criticism is something that takes maturity. Criticism is not bullying. It’s advice to rehash and evaluate and then either take to heart to better oneself or to ignore and not accept. It is not bullying. Perhaps your view of the way other students react to you is not the reality of how you interpret their actions. This is why I suggest you meet with a counselor at Knox and talk about the things that are bothering you. Speaking face to face with a neutral and qualified counselor is a good thing. Often times, it helps one to understand the how’s and why’s of what is going on in your life.</p>
<p>Telling someone they’re going to get rejected by most of their schools, go no where in life, never leave Georgia, making fun of a 14 year old, etc is not “criticism.” I am going way beyond this thread. I showed you WRONG when not only was I accepted to the majority of my schools, but when I’m doing academically GREAT at Knox. Please, do me a favor, and take your own advice.</p>
<p>Unlike half the people here, I haven’t been following your personal story for years 
but i am a New College graduate, as is my H, and I am considering it for my daughter. I loved it, but it’s not for everyone, and a lot of kids transfer out . . But a lot of kids also transfer in, and stay, because it’s more for them than their first school. I don’t know anything about Knox, but NC seems a world apart. There are no frats, there are no jocks, and it never ever seemed like a rumor mill, like you describe at Knox. It sounds awful! What you describe sounds like middle school.</p>
<p>New College may be for you if you consider yourself a genuine intellectual. At school there were plenty of drugs and drinks, but most of the time even when we were under the influence we were discussing philosophy or art or politics. Graduating also takes quite an effort. The final thesis and oral defense are a big deal. You have to be an independent and self-motivated student to get through it. Class size was tiny, but it may be different now. There were only 450 students when I went.</p>
<p>I’m just going to say that I find it kind of strange that CC emphasizes the “fit” of a college above everything but finances when selecting a college, but if students find that they don’t fit at a college after enrolling, it’s all about them not trying/being depressed/being entitled/having a personality disorder/etc. Although I agree that there is a large personal component to happiness, there are also environments where a person does or does not fit well, and those can have a significant effect on a person’s well-being if the incongruity is high enough. Surely, CCers in general recognize this (hence all the emphasis on “fit”), but why does “fit” suddenly become a non-factor once someone is at the school? I’m genuinely curious.</p>
<p>I think NC has almost twice as many students now, but still that is really tiny. Much smaller than many high schools.
I expect OP with his " big" personality will be more likely to find his “people”, at a school that is at least 8,000-13,000 undergrads, if not larger.
Although his quest also reminds me of a 30rock episode where Liz Lemon & Jenna decide that what they need as BFs are people who are more like them. It doesn’t work out so well.</p>
<p>When I think of fit, I think more of academic fit. Others may disagree…I tend to think people are the same no matter where you go. There will be jocks, hipsters, nerds, popular kids, smart kids in every school. If a school is of a decent size, the mixture will be the same. So fine, Oberlin may have more hipsters and Colgate will have more jocks, but you’ll find same type of kids at both of those schools. Most of us only need few good friends. If we try hard enough we’ll be able to find good friends no matter where we are. </p>
<p>I have followed OP’s saga, maybe not as closely as others or care as much, but I don’t think he’ll find happiness until he is happy with himself.</p>
<p>Many of us have predicted you would be back here complaining about your current college and looking into the idea of transferring. We have tried to help you understand that college and the college experience isn’t the same as what is seen on the big screen or fictionally described in print. The reality is that it takes a lot of flexibility, tolerance, social understanding, and an open mind about others and ideas to make situations work. This comes with maturity. </p>
<p>Learn to differentiate between criticism and bullying. Learn that criticism is a good thing for it helps us to reevaluate. Usually, college is the time when most people learn this concept via constructive criticism on assignments by professors. </p>
<p>Despite what you may think, we all want you to succeed. Yes, even me. </p>
<p>I’ll back out and let the others respond on this thread. I do hope you think about talking with someone at the counseling center to help you figure out why you never feel like you fit in and why you aren’t happy. Bye</p>
<p>In high school, I did have friends. I hated my high school, but it wasn’t until sophomore/junior year that I found my “close friends”. So, yes I feel like one could attend any college and make friends, but that doesn’t mean they fit in. It was probably really dumb of me to say that I was the creator of the facebook group because I essentially gave everyone my identity. However, even though there are some mean people on CC, I’m not afraid of people who are closer to my grandparent’s age (no offense to anyone). </p>
<p>I cannot ECHO what psych_ said any louder. When there is a problem, CC always blames me for it. When I did bad on the SAT/ACT, I HAD A LEARNING DISORDER according to CC. Um, if anything, I have showed that the SAT/ACT is worthless garbage. According to the ACT, I am not college ready, yet I have done GREAT at a private LAC. Why is there something wrong with me because I don’t fit in at my college? A lot of people here have it SO wrong. My situation is very complicated, thus people aren’t quite understanding it.</p>
<p>Also, I was told that I wouldn’t get accepted to any of the college’s because of my SAT score. I showed everyone wrong with a very successful admission cycle. To say that I don’t know enough to help give people advice is funny. I would be an excellent admission officer if I started today. </p>
<p>CC bullies people who do not fit into the “norm”. Yes, I didn’t have a 2200 SAT score and a 4.0, but I worked very hard in high school. I got my GPA up from a 3.389 to a 3.521 just in my senior year! I have always been a very hard worker and dedicated to my school work. I may not be “gifted,” but I try 10 times harder than any of the gifted kids I know. </p>
<p>I am still torn about applying to transfer. I really don’t want to. I wish I knew what the right thing to do is.</p>
<p>In the ideal world, “fit” should be a financial, academic and social fit. Financial comes first, of course.</p>
<p>Please take this with the supportive encouragement with which it is truly intended, but this advice is the right thing to do
</p>
<p>And please tell your parents if you are unhappy and considering a transfer. They will need to be on board with the idea.</p>
<p>I think you should send in transfer applications and also return to Knox ready to make it work. If Knox gets better, great…you unnecessarily applied to transfer and you can turn down any acceptances. If it doesn’t get better, you have a potential backup plan in the works.</p>
<p>Eye roll… Knox is a good college, but not a great college. Stop tooting your horn about how successful you are and bashing the people on CC you wanted advice from. If you can’t get along with a fairly wide group of people, you are not going to be successful in life. Fit is important, but my sense is that you are still going to have “social” fit issues even if you transfer. We see students on the “transfer merry go round” out here, and they often take a long time to graduate. Sometimes their reasons for transferring are legit, but I really think you have no interest in looking internally at how you might need to adapt to be more successful. You are really looking for us to legitimize your gripes about Knox, and ignoring or knocking anyone who suggests you should change in some way.</p>