Oppressive Parents Dictating College Decisions

Student Lounge College Life
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<p>I have a friend that is currently attending an out-of-state Christian private college. Her parents forced her to go to this college, and she is not having a good time there. I want to make this thread for her so that she can read everyone's answers.</p>

<p>Basically, her parents told her that if she went anywhere other than [private Christian school], they would be disappointed in her. So she went, not wanting to disappoint her parents. She's completed a semester there, but hates it. She often tells me it's hard to get along with the students there. She's involved with school activities, but she's not really even Christian, and does not share a lot of the same values / interests with many of the students. She wants to get into social justice, political classes, and women's studies, but being a super conservative school, it really doesn't offer what she wants there.</p>

<p>Now that it's winter break, she brought up the idea to her parents about transferring to [closer-to-home state university]. They basically told her that they would cut her off if she tries to transfer. Now she's faced with the dilemma of pleasing herself v.s. pleasing her parents.</p>

<p>I was wondering if anyone could give advice to my friend. I know there are some people on here that went through the same situation.</p>

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<p>Unfortunately, this is a common story around these forums (though the type of parental restriction with respect to college, major, or anything else differs).</p>

<p>Until she is age 24, married, or a military veteran, her parents have absolute veto power over her college choices, by refusing to pay or cooperate on financial aid paperwork, unless she gets a full ride merit scholarship somewhere (but by attending college after high school graduation, she is no longer eligible for most such scholarships, since most are given to frosh, not transfers).</p>

<p>If her parents are unyielding, then her only choices are to submit to her parents, or go it alone and defer college until she is independent of them for college financial aid purposes (which would likely entail working as a high school graduate until age 24, serving in the military, or getting married). Either way, it looks like her relationship with her parents will be severely damaged.</p>

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<p>That’s what we figured. She could always take loans and work to pay for school on her own (it actually wouldn’t be that expensive), but it would require her parents to agree to file the FAFSA. She isn’t sure how helpful they will be with that.</p>

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<p>Parental non-cooperation on the FAFSA (which appears to be likely if she does not want to attend the parent’s choice of college) means no possibility of any need-based financial aid (including government student loans) at all until she is age 24, a military veteran, or married.</p>

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<p>Her parents basically forbid her from going anywhere other than their choice. She has no choice but to stay at [christian-school] until she graduates. She’s accepted this. It won’t be the end of the world.</p>

<p>However, I’m worried because she is borrowing money from her parents. Right now, she’s paid-in-full - doesn’t owe them a dime. However, she has two more years at this school and estimates that she will be $12,000 - 18,000 in debt to them after these next two years.</p>

<p>I’ve advised her to be a little bit weary about borrowing money from parents that are this controlling. She wants to go to law school, but if she owes them money, it could dictate where she goes. Legally it can’t, but every family situation is different, and this might be one of those times where it could make a difference. For example, I don’t want to see them hold her personal loan from them over her head when she tries to go to XXXX Law School that does not agree with their worldview.</p>

<p>She’s very afraid of federal student loans, but in this situation, I personally think federal student loans are the better route. It would free her from her parents’ control the minute she graduates or turns 24. She can go to whatever law school she pleases, regardless of whether or not they like it. If she owes them money… Could be a different story. They don’t want her to go to law school directly after college, so they might not let her until the loan is paid off.</p>

<p>Basically, am I giving my friend good advice when I tell her to owe the government money instead of her parents? Personally, I’d never take a loan from anyone I knew, especially a family member. Although there’s no interest, I’d rather give interest to the Department of Ed. than willingly allow somebody else to have influence in my life.</p>

6

<p>Federal loans will not cover her expenses. The most, she can get, this year, $5500. </p>

<p>Unless she is at a top school now, going to law school will put her in even more debt since law school is very expensive and graduates are finding it tough to locate jobs. Again, unless its Harvard law, she needs to think through these plans. </p>

<p>The only way I see, to get out of her situation, is to not return to her university and expect to get kicked out of her house, and find a job, cheap apartment and a CC. This, is not a good option either.</p>

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<p>Now this is a real stretch but if your friend is a particularly high achieving student - there are scholarships to the tune of full tuition and more available for law school. The legal market is hurting as was mentioned before - but if your friend can swing the grades and LSAT score, there are full scholarships available at Cornell, Columbia, UChicago - along with lower T-25 and Tier 1 schools. Obviously one would never bank on such scholarships as they require incredibly high (98th+ percentile) stats - but she might find herself not needing her parents’ assistance with grad school along with the reasonably good employment that a Columbia/Chicago/Cornell JD brings. </p>

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<p>When you turn 18, you are legally an adult. But the way it works for college financial aid, that is not the case. I suggest your friend finish up at her school, and cooperate with parents, but put in a contigency ot the loan repayment to be “as able to repay” . A smile and cooperation goes a long way. That way she can get her education. The alternative is for her to get a job and work until she is able to get the aid to go to school as an independent student. She’d be about 20 now, so that’s about 4 years to go. </p>

<p>She can also research the possibility of joining the military. That would offer her valuable experience plus college benefits for when she leaves. There are commitments in that course of action that she should carefully way. Not many free lunches out there.</p>

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<p>One thing that has not been mentioned…</p>

<p>Is her Christian college accredited? Unless her school is <em>regionally</em> accredited, her credits likely won’t be accepted anywhere. There is a broad range of Christian schools. A place like Baylor is accredited. A place like Bob Jones University or Pensacola somethign or other is not. Googling places like the latter two will indicate that they are <em>nationally</em> accredited, but that has no value/transferability of credits at other schools that are reginonally accredited.</p>

<p>Hope I am making sense.</p>

<p>ETA: My point being, even if her parents allowed her to transfer, the second school might not take her credits. Alternatively, if she stays at an unaccredited school her degree may not be worth much of anything/recognized and might also be barrier or to entry at law schools. </p>

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<p>Now that she’s decided to stay there, I suppose I’ll mention the school names. She goes to Lee University in Tennessee and wanted to transfer to Florida State University, as she’s a Florida resident. One of the reasons for transferring was geography, but obviously it’s not that big of a deal since she only drives home a few times a year. The actual schools were the more important reasons.</p>

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<p>Cost-wise, it looks like Lee University is about $22,000 per year, not including personal and transportation costs. Florida State (in-state) is about $22,000 per year, including personal and transportation costs (estimated at about $4,000), so the comparable price is about $18,000 per year.</p>

<p>It seems rather mean of the parents to force her to attend a college that is about $16,000 more expensive over four years, and then stick her with that amount of debt owed to them.</p>

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<p>I didn’t have a choice where I went to college, and I just made the best of it. However, I signed up for anything I could to get me away from that college. I was planning to study abroad a year in Germany, but then I got a co-op position in Houston, and worked every other semester in Houston. I wonder if her parents would let her take advantage of any opportunities for study abroad. The reality is that there are plenty of students at FSU who feel just like she does – not fitting in, don’t share the same values/interests, etc. It’s tough being in a new place among new people. Changing colleges may not solve her dissatisfaction.</p>

<p>For what she wants to study – “social justice, political classes and women’s studies” – I think she’s at a fine university. Their Political Science major offers numerous courses and specialties, including a specialty in Political Theory with seven courses on topics she would probably like, including “feminism” (see Contemporary Political Theory below). I think she needs to stop feeling sorry for herself and be grateful that her parents are helping her pay for college. I’m sure she’s not the only person who doubts Christianity and who attends Lee University, so she shouldn’t be self-conscious about that. It looks like these classes would all welcome a healthy debate about many issues, and debating religious and political views with others will give her good preparation for law. <a href=“http://catalog.leeuniversity.edu/preview_program.php?catoid=7&poid=1850&returnto=1609#”>http://catalog.leeuniversity.edu/preview_program.php?catoid=7&poid=1850&returnto=1609#&lt;/a&gt;&lt;/p&gt;

<p>PLSC 371 - Ancient Political Theory
A focused study of key themes of political theory (power, authority, legitimacy, obligation, citizenship, etc.) in major ancient philosophers and thinkers. Offered as part of the Political Theory sequence.</p>

<p>PLSC 372 - Modern Political Theory
A focused study of key themes of political theory (authority, tyranny, obligation, Church and State, citizenship, etc.) in major modern philosophers and thinkers. Offered as part of the Political Theory sequence.</p>

<p>PLSC 273 - Morality and Politics
A course that examines the moral and political responsibilities of government and Christian citizens with regard to a variety of social, economic and cultural public policy problems.</p>

<p>PLSC 373 - Theological Foundations of Politics
This course seeks to expose students to the seminal doctrines of political theology. Students will read and discuss a variety of both primary and secondary sources that consider the appropriate role of politics from a Christian perspective.</p>

<p>PLSC 379 - Topics in Political Theory
A course which seeks to expose students to important topics in Political Theory that are not covered by existing courses in the Political Science curriculum. Repeatable for credit provided the topic is different each time.</p>

<p>PLSC 473 - Contemporary Political Theory
A focused study of key themes of political theory (power, knowledge, authority, feminism, the self, relativism, etc.) in major contemporary philosophers and thinkers. Offered as part of the Political Theory sequence.</p>

<p>PLSC 474 - American Political Theory
This class is a survey of the American political mind from the early republic to contemporary controversies. The problems of popular rule, federalism and representation will also be emphasized. Offered as part of the Political Theory sequence.</p>

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<p>Thank you! I will pass this information onto her.</p>