I am not allowed to be friends with people of a different religion, or sexuality.
I cannot read fantasy,mystery, romance, supernatural, thriller, science books(involving evolution) or any books written by authors who are "sinners". Or go against gods will.
I have to give a portion of any type of money I earn to the church. (10%)
I am not allowed to decide how to spend any type of money i earn. I have to ask her first.Even though she doesn't have a job.
I am not allowed to visit friends house, if they don't go to my church.
I am not allowed to listen to non christian music.
I am not allowed to go anywhere by myself.
8.I am not allowed to walk home by my self. ( she always picks me up 2-3 hours late from school everyday. 3-4 times around 7:30 at night.)
I am not allowed to visit family members.
I am not allowed on any social media.
I am not allowed to have a cell phone, or any technology
I am not allowed to shave, or wear makeup.
I am not allowed to wear skinny jeans, or any shirt shorter than my knees. (she buys me women size clothes 3-5 sizes bigger than what i actually can fit. ) I am naturally skinny, and all of my clothes are baggy.
I am not allowed to watch movies with kissing in it. ( I am 15 years old.)
I am not allowed to be friends with boys.
I am not allowed to miss Church
I am not allowed to apply to colleges that she doesn't want me to go to.she hates Harvard Columbia and Barnard
I am not allowed to read books about colleges,scholarships, or any advice books. (I have to go to her for advice, or pray to god.)
She said she would be in charge of me until i am 25.
I can only marry a black men.(I love all men. Like white guys, Hispanic guys, and Asian guys, race doesn't matter to me.)
I am not allowed to study about other cultures expect for black history.
Anyone ever had strict parents? How did you survive?
Do you keep this situation secret by necessity? Is there anyone at school you can talk to? You mention guardian. This is a complicated situation that an online forum might not be helpful for, though of course we sympathize and would want to offer support. I hope there is someone in your environment you can talk to.
If you have a guardian and no parents I’m sorry but take solace in the fact that her income will not be counted for your financial aid. In other words you will probably be able to get a lot of aid for college. You have a lot of time in the next couple of years to research schools that give a lot of aid.
I think you at this age you pretty much should follow the rules and do your best in school. Maybe the inability to date will be a blessing for a couple of years. Great grades will give you college options. If your guardian’s income info is not needed you can apply secretly to colleges that interest you. You might even start out at a school she approves of and transfer later.
How would she feel about Howard University? They are historically black and are known to give good aid.
The advice to find a teacher or counselor at school is good. The ideas that you can’t contact your bio family and that she picks you up hours late after school are really concerning. If you feel this person has mental health problems please talk to somebody. But being defiant, though justified, is probably not a good idea. Good luck. I’m really sad for you.
It will get better, I promise. Keep your eyes up, and going forward.
It sounds like it’s pretty hard right now, and I am sorry for that. But hold on, and look for a bright spot in every day.
Try writing just a short sentence about something good that happened every day.
Even, or specially if it feels that you really have to reach for it.
Nothing huge, just positive.
Like the bus driver had a great smile today. Or someone moved over so I could sit down.
Write them on actual paper, if it feels more real to you, and read over them when it gets tough.
You are very, very, young.
Really.
Crap I wrote much more but it didn’t post.
I will try and find it.
Your post feels like a message from a hostage. We do not know the background of your situation, why you have a guardian, why this person was chosen/appointed and when. Your guardian would appear to be pathologically controlling. There are legal aspects to this situation: I am not sure why she would have control of you until age 25. Is a court involved? I wondered if you had some say in your guardianship once you reached 14, or whether reaching 18 means you are free to go. Even state transitional services end at 22.
I really hope you can find someone to talk with. At school or even child protective services, if that is appropriate. I cannot tell if this is actually a warm home with strict rules related to a religious culture, or if it is a situation that might be defined as abuse or neglect. It doesn’t sound like a warm home to me, however, from your post. What is apparent, is that you are miserable and feeling imprisoned by this person and these rules.
If you talk to someone at school, perhaps they can ascertain at what age you can seek another guardian and what your options might be. We are really sorry you are suffering like this.
" The guardianship of a minor remains under court supervision until the child reaches majority at 18."
“In some states, if the child is a certain age or older, the court must appoint the person nominated by the child unless the court finds the nomination contrary to the child’s best interest. The court may not appoint a person against whom the child has filed a written objection.”
“The court can order a guardian to let the parents visit or contact the child, but the court may also put limits or other conditions on the visitation, such as requiring that any visitation be supervised. The time and frequency of parental visitation is often is up to the guardian (or the court) to decide.”
It would seem that your guardian does NOT have control until you are 25, but until you are 18. It would also seem that you, the child, could petition the court to have a different guardian. You would need to talk with a lawyer. Again, I strongly suggest you reach out to school or court or some other agency for help.
I looked over your past threads.
You are a freshman, at a tough age. It sounds like you go to a school with a lot of at risk students (and I’m guessing in a poorer neighborhood). Your parents are out of the picture. You seem intelligent and ambitious.
I don’t know your aunt, but it does sound like she is super strict. But it also sounds like she is being super strict because she wants you to have that future that you dream about. That means she cares about you. She’s the one that’s been there for you, she’s the one that has committed to be there for you. She’s there because she CARES.
I think she’s being super strict because she’s scared for you. She knows how easy it is for a bright young kid in your situation to fall through the cracks of the system.
The way to get her to be less strict is to show her your goals are in alignment, that you are responsible, you won’t end up as a kid who drops out, or goes to prison, or gets pregnant, and all the other fears that must be going through her mind. Show her affection, gratitude, respect and openness.
I hope you and your aunt will be a team against the challenges of the world. It sounds like she would be a fierce advocate for you.
My prayers to you and your aunt, and my sincere hopes for your future.
I also don’t see how she can have any say about what happens after you are 18. It does sound very strict and controlling, but many of these rules do not seem to be arbitrary. She clearly is trying to keep you out of trouble in what the poster above described as a poor environment. So you and I may not agree with all those rules but her intent does seem to be for your good.
If you read books at school or required books for school, I don’t see how she would know what you are reading or have any say over it. You say you have plenty of time after school so read what you like.
Her views on college and spouse selection seem unreasonable but I would just nod and smile. She won’t have any say over you when you are 18 and then you can do what you please. I don’t think there is any good that will come of trying to argue with her about this.
I would talk to a counselor at school, but it’s not clear anyone could come up with a better guardian for you. Do you have any relatives you think might serve better?
I think the most important thing you can do is make sure you do really well in high school and especially on the PSAT/SAT/ACT. That should open the door to many college opportunities at little or no cost to you. You should be aware there are application fee waivers available from colleges–talk to your counselor about that–so your guardian shouldn’t be able to control your applications by refusing to pay for the application. Despite what she says, your guardian won’t have any say in your choice, and once you’re off to college you will be free of her.
Oh a suggestion - try to be on good terms with someone she respects, like maybe her pastor?
There may be occasions when that person can back you up on something and change her mind about one of her rules.
The other comments are right - 18 you get a lot of rights. For college you might even be able to get “independent student” status. I wish you had access to a good counselor.
Since you are able to find some private time at the computer, you could try and contact an attorney that handles child advocacy cases. Perhaps you could start emancipation proceedings that would coincide in timing with your going away to college. At 15 years old, it is hard to know if that is possible. But at least you might be able to get more suitable placement until that time.
To be completely honest, I have my doubts about this post, but assuming it is legitimate that is the direction I would take. In this day and age, those levels of restrictions and that kind of control could be considered a form of abuse. Depends a lot on where you live and the prevailing local standards, but I can’t imagine there are many places left today that would look favorably on such behavior.
PM’ed you. I think we should respect the original poster’s fear about exposure from this thread and stop answering so the thread dies, if it cannot be closed.