<p>My parents-especially my dad is very set on me being no further than 3 hours driving away from home in maryland. He says there is no point in being so far. I'm pretty confident that he is just being overprotective because we know plenty of people- including a neighbor's son who went all the way to CU-Boulder for school. I'm kind of set on going somewhere like Michigan or LA though for school. How do I deal with my folks? I'm sure there are many posters on here with similar problems?</p>
<p>Going to college is a big part of growing up and becoming independent.</p>
<p>I lost many a great opportunity because I took to heart my parents demand of me to stay as close to home as possible. Now, when I think about it, I feel... dependent, and weak because I let the luxury of having loving and supportive parents close-by factor into my college decision. DC or Cali would have been nice to consider.</p>
<p>The advantages of having one's parents close by far outweighs the drawbacks, though. You certainly won't feel homesick, and you'll have everything you need within a reasonable distance.</p>
<p>I'm very happy with my decision, and the regrets I have are insignificant.
It's ultimately a personal choice.</p>
<p>My parents are the same way. When I asked for advice, one poster told me that I could just leave part of the application out and get rejected to the schools my parents have chosen. Another poster told me to send in the application, but send a letter shortly after asking the admissions office to discard the application.
You could always try one of those. That way, when you get rejected from the local schools, you'll have no choice but to go to the school of your choice.
Or you could always just take on loans and pay for college on your own.</p>
<p>saxgirl - haha that is quite sneaky :]</p>
<p>haha
I haven't decided if I'll go through with it since I always feel guilty about everything, but it's definately something to consider.</p>
<p>hahaha that's very clever, thanks.</p>
<p>However, please make sure that you seriously check out some colleges in your state. I thought I wanted to go up to Chicago, but after doing some research, I found a college within three hours of my home that has everything I could possibly want. I actually feel okay saying that it's better than the school in Chicago.
All I'm saying is just make sure you check out all options before you completely reject a school. You never know what may surprise you.</p>
<p>Living in Maryland, you have many great schools within a 3 hour drive. And, you can be independent of your parents once you begin your freshman year - don't go home on weekends and immerse yourself in the school culture. I grew up in Baltimore and went to Gettysburg College. I found that I never wanted to go home and never felt too close to home because I only went home at T-giving, Christmas, and at the end of the academic year. You are able to be independent if you want to.</p>
<p>What about JHU.. amazing, amazing place. try there maybe if you have the grades</p>
<p>I'm a parent I have to say 3 hours seems like a rather arbitrary limit. That's barely Frederick to Salisbury or St. Mary's. Heck, you'd have trouble going from Baltimore to UVA. Forget about W&M or Richmond.</p>
<p>If things get tense about this (or you're too chicken to try saxgirl's clever scheme) ask your parents for a different limit. Maybe a geographical mileage radius. Try the "Draw range rings around a point" tool on this page: GPS</a> Visualizer: Great Circle Distance Maps, Airport Routes, & Degrees/Minutes/Seconds Calculator. </p>
<p>It could broaden your options and show your parents that far really isn't that far after all.</p>
<p>Good luck.</p>
<p>Hi, Maryland Mike. I grew up in Baltimore, so know your region as well as parental stuff, as I am one. </p>
<p>By saying "3 hours away" your parent is clearly envisioning their need to drive and return from the campus within a day without taking a motel, in their own car. If their lifestyle is to drive everywhere, and don't fly for work, that's how they'd think.
I think this is limiting in 2008. You'll be living in a much more mobile society than that. Their life is "made" but yours isn't, yet. You need the choices. </p>
<p>They may not be imagining beyond the first drop-off freshman year, but things change a lot after that for families. They don't realize that yet. I suggest: </p>
<ol>
<li><p>Find out what's really on their minds by initiating a gentle discussion. Ask them if they feel the above, due to financial pressure, a desire to visit you often on weekends at your campus, anxiety about you leaving the nest, unwillingness to consider trains and planes for themselves or you (2 separate issues). Don't judge or disagree, but find out what's troubling them most.
Then ask them if they'd be open to seeing some data on the subject.
If they're irrational, that's another problem and you might need to just bring them data to open the talk, but you know them best.</p></li>
<li><p>If they envision you returning home every 3rd weekend, tell them that's not good for you academically or socially. If they imagine dropping in on you whenever they miss you, same thing. If they simply will "miss you," promise lots of emails and phone calls no matter where you go. POint out that the big difference is your not being in the house; 1, 3 or 18 hours it's the same absence. Hand them a tissue, and maybe one for yourself. These are real feelings that come from love, not overprotectiveness. Cry, but then ask them lovingly to try to get beyond this level.
Growing up hurts, but we're all in this together. (make it an "us" not a "me vs. them" feeling). If they know you love them, that makes a huge difference.</p></li>
<li><p>Maryland, in particular: Offhand, I can think of one list that encompasses safeties through a reach: Towson, Goucher, UMd, Gettysburg, Muhlenberg, JHU, but maybe those aren't what you'd put on your list in any way, shape or form. The majors you want might not be there, the size might be all wrong, and so forth. I don't think 3 hours even gets you to the Philadelphia area, which would at least open up everything there. If you want to live in D.C., there are choices like American, George Washington, and Georgetown but I'm guessing if you're from Maryland you know D.C. very well and would like to see someplace different. From this paragraph, you see your parents feel you have "enough choices" but that's beside the point for you. It doesn't include
a single Ivy, or any of the family-feel top LAC's. It limits you to 2 cities you know already, Baltimore and D.C., but life is larger than that.</p></li>
<li><p>Research the costs of trains and planes for them. Amtrak runs up and down the East Coast from Baltimore (the station is on Charles Street, around l0 min south of Johns Hopkins U), with some D.C. and maybe suburban train stops, too. Baltimore Washington AIrport is a hub airport of several airlines so offers excellent one-stop deals all over the place. If they don't like to fly or take a train, honestly, that's irrelevant. You'll be the one travelling and all they have to do is get you to a local station, which is much easier than their taking all day off of work to drive 6 hours roundtrip anywhere.</p></li>
</ol>
<p>Important: look up planes by typing in a date a month from now, to see what kinds of deals there are when you plan in advance. Use a search engine that compares many airlines, type in your city of departure and arrival. Don't use this week's dates because those prices are always much higher. As a student, you'll know your academic schedule in advance so can book way ahead. </p>
<ol>
<li><p>Look up the Greyhound and Trailways schedules and fares, too. If they say it's unsafe to take public transportation or wait in terminals, that's where to really assert yourself. It. Is. No. Problem. even if your Mom wouldn't do it herself. BTW, my D used Greyhound from Cleveland to Buffalo for years, and while the stations are unpleasant, all I did was wait with her to board a bus and be sure to pick her up right on time. She never was alone in a station, which she did find creepy. On the bus, she put her bookbag on the other seat and nobody ever sat with her, or if the bus seemed it would fill up, she chose an aisle seat next to someone she felt looked trustworthy, like a middle-aged woman, so didn't leave it up to chance. Never a problem in 4 years.</p></li>
<li><p>Whatever it costs by public transportation, do the math on a roundtrip car drive of 6 hours x gasoline at $4 or $5 a gallone plus wear and tear on the car. The difference is what it costs to get you to school. And they don't have to go each time, just you. Big difference.</p></li>
<li><p>Ask them: if I could get into a school with good merit or need-based financial aid that is up in Boston, Chicago, North Carolina, FLorida etc..couldn't that more than offset this differential in travel costs? They'll say: no problem, just get financial aid from within 3 hours, but it doesn't work that way. You want to be able to compare financial aid offers with few limits. </p></li>
<li><p>If they worry about your never, ever returning to live in their region after college, tell them you are not thinking like that. Somewhere there are stats that say that the vast majority of students return after college to live near home to begin their work, even if they went far away to school. </p></li>
<li><p>We did ask our 2 older kids to stay within a triangle from Maine to Chicago to the Carolinas, which meant a 7 hour one-way drive. That's because they wanted liberal arts majors, found in most places. We lived in upstate NY and there were more places within that triangle than they could even investigate.
The oldest 2 ended up 4 hours away, but also considered places 7 or 8 hours drive away. </p></li>
</ol>
<p>The youngest wanted a specialty major in film and made the case he should be allowed to apply in California as well as on the East Coast. His older brother counseled him, "don't discount the value of having the moral support of parents 4 hours away" which I found very moving to hear from the big brother who had already graduated by then. So it will feel different to you, to be beyond one day's range, but you might feel you can deal with it in return for a wider range of choices. Because of the specialty major, we let him apply to 2 places in California and 5 in the East. Sure enough, his best offer, in terms of program and financial aid, came from California, so off he went by plane. It is really true that the feeling from home is identical. When he's away, he's away. He likes home, so came here to work all summer, so we are getting our "fix" and won't mind when he takes off again in late August. He really had to prove to us that his major was best accomplished 3,000 miles away. I wouldn't have liked to send him that far just to study English or Chem, when that's very much available all over the nation. BTW, we couldn't afford to visit the campus beforehand; the first time any of us set foot on it was freshman orientation. So they may be thinking about a round of car-visits to explore the campuses. There are many ways around this, and you can go alone to visit or just use web information to narrow down your visiting list. Visits aren't mandated, either. </p>
<p>It sounds as though you're just trying to stretch your parents to consider places like Boston, Chicago, the Carolinas or Florida. Remind them that, most of the time the traveller will be you, not them, and it's much easier to fetch you from train station or airport than take their entire day to round-trip drive you for 4 years. That ought to do it.</p>
<p>Post back what you think of all this. I know every family is different. </p>
<p>If it's marginal money, just say it means so much to you that you'll get a full-time job next summer, even a deadly dull one, and give them all the money as a differential transportation fund. Put your money where your mouth is; it might impress them how much it means to you.</p>
<p>We told both of our girls that they had to choose one school that was local, just in case they decided not to go away or in the event of some unforseen circumstance. I wouldn't force them to go local, but I really do want them to have that option on the table.</p>
<p>ZM, I'm with you there, too. It's all about young people having choices, and local is an important choice to maintain, as well. "Keep your options open, don't burn any bridges..." Same good advice we're always dishing out :)</p>
<p>It's kind of different than what you all think,</p>
<p>First of all, I've had some rough times in Maryland that only my best friends know about. Too many awful memories. Stuff about which I wouldn't feel comfortable telling my parents. So despite the "vast statistics" like you mentioned, I don't plan on returning to the region. But my parents don't know that.</p>
<p>What they do know is that while JUST like you said, traveling/picking me up is an issue. But that's still only three times a year max. It can't be something that limits me from going wherever. But this is the chance to be independent for once and that means going where they're support isn't available. There is a difference between 3-4 hours and 14-15 hours away driving.</p>
<p>And no I'm thinking more like L.A ya know for film school. Or or the midwest...my brother who my parents know i'm very close to lives in Chicago with his girl. So at least I would be near family and maybe my parents would understand that?
And driving would not work...not with my 1992 Toyota Camry.
And btw I do work...for them. I have since I was 10.</p>
<p>If I end up at Mich. State I could get a 2,000 a year scholarship though.</p>
<p>Is Greyhound a bus? And there is a transcontinental railroad right which would be cheapter than flying. Learned about that in U.S. History :)</p>
<p>As long as there's a direct flight, the whole east coast is actually OK but yeah. JHU and UVA are big reaches</p>