<p>Years ago, my freshman roommate’s mother wore her Phi Beta Kappa key as a necklace and kept talking about it and how smart she was.</p>
<p>One thing I thought was awkward was – S’s roommate is the son of immigrants, who were pretty much terrified about leaving their son in a city they’d never been to. They took a lot of comfort when they ones that I lived about 40 mins away, and I didn’t have the heart to tell them that I really wasn’t planning on being there except in case of emergency as S really needs his space. They asked for my cell phone - so fine, I gave it to them, they were nervous and I can deal. They then asked for S’s and I gave it to them because I could see how nervous they were, but I probably should have said that that wasnt mine to give out.</p>
<p>I also (stupidly) said something to the effect of - if he doesn’t go home for Tgiving, he is welcome to come with us. I’d certainly never leave a kid alone for Tgiving and it’s no skin off my back. S said later that he wished I hadn’t said that- what if roommate turns out to be a jerk? I said he’d have to be a pretty big jerk for me to not consider him welcome in our home, but S’s point was well taken. I think I was just reacting to clearly terrified parents and trying to make them feel welcome esp at a school which is already “home” for our family n</p>
<p>The first thing my roommate’s parents did when they came into the room was ask my age and then freak out when they heard I was a 20 year old new transfer student. Their D was 18, maybe even still 17, I forget. I figured they were just wishing she’d had another freshman (I certainly wished I’d had another junior) but I learned later they thought I would corrupt her. Little did they know there was not much left to do in that regard!</p>
<p>My parents never met roommate’s parents and reading this thread I’m beginning to think maybe that was a good thing.</p>
<p>I’ve never had a move-in cleaning issue for a fall move-in with either of my daughter’s freshman or sophomore year, but both did fall semester abroad junior year and so had winter move-in for second semester. Younger d lived in special interest housing that semester, sort of what must have been a frat house at one time. The roommate that she would be sharing with had left all of her clothes on the floor and the entire place was so dusty that dh found a vacuum cleaner someplace and vaccumed the common room, corridor, etc… but the really gross part was the dirty dishes left in the sink by all those who had left for Christmas vacation and among the dead rodents in the sink with them. When older d moved into a suite vacated by some of her friends at different university, we did have to vacuum and dust as well as wash the bathroom floor and clean the toilets. In both cases, we were the first family to arrive for second semester move-in… so not a matter of embarrassment, just be to be prepared that freshman year is only the beginning.We had left early because it was snowing and bitter co.d. When older d moved off campus the following year, she and her friends had to hire a cleaning service to clean the apartment and deducted the cost from their first month’s rent, which they had specified in their lease the previous spring and made landlord remove old and gross micro-wave and refrigerator that had been left behind, along with all kinds of other stuff.</p>
<p>I have a somewhat embarrassing story. During move-in, I needed to use the restroom. Unfortunately, the toilet became clogged and I felt I should notify the R.A. The only saving grace was that I had used the bathroom on the floor below my son’s room, as it was a girls’ floor, and the R.A. would likely not see me again.</p>
<p>Freshman and sophomore years I know we stayed too long helping set up room, “talked too much” to roommate and parents per D and H. But this year with D moving into single and more new furniture to set up (things she can fit now), actually we asked and she requested we come back next day to help more with set up, wiring lights (and in BF’s room too!) Don’t know if it is because no roommate to be mortified in front of, or whether as they mature, we are less embarrassing to have around and like the help!</p>
<p>S2 had had a couple e-mails from his roommate, so on move in day, he said to his roommate, in front of his parents “So, you’re from Birmingham?” His mother immediately said, “No, we’re from Nashville” (I had seen the email, the kid said he was from Birmingham). S2 graciously said, “Sorry, I must have misunderstood.” S2 later told me that he didn’t have the guts to ask the kid “I thought you said your parents were dead?” Which the kid had said in his e-mail, claiming he had been raised by his older sister (he had no older sister).</p>
<p>This was last year – it just got worse. The kid slept 15 hours a day, only left the room to go to class, even eating all his meals in the room. His mother would call and he would put her on speaker phone and the two of them would have screaming fights that would go on for 20-30 minutes. Needless to say, S2 was never in the room and this year is living with someone else.</p>
<p>I would not have thought that it would go well. It was wonderful that your son was able to cope with this situation. You must also have had concerns from day 1 about this. I know that this situation would have given me a lot of apprehension (to say the least).</p>
<p>I agree that kids need some space, etc., but I’ve moved a kid in close to home, an hour from home and across the country, and when you fly across the country, you’re not pulling up and driving off five minutes later and if there is a lack of transportation to places like Target or IKEA, there may be more of a need for parents to drive students, etc. </p>
<p>I was appalled at the state of my kid’s room when I arrived at her school, including the dead crickets on the windowsill above the bed and the gunk on the walls. It made a bad first impression on me. I helped clean and unpack, DD was appreciative of the help. There was another mom in the suite who really took charge of the common area, going to IKEA and making numerous purchases and setting up the common area that would be used by six people. It was somewhat presumptuous and I was pretty amazed by the whole thing as the tastes of others was not really considered. However, no one in the group had a car (once the parents left) and I know they all really benefitted from her effort. I did notice at one point that her daughter went into her room and gave a silent scream and looked very upset. Clearly, her mom’s take-charge style was embarrassing her. I was kind of in awe though because it was a million degrees and extremely humid and DD was four flights up with no elevator. As an adult, I was just really impressed by her endurance. The truth is, I felt pretty overwhelmed myself assembling things, going up and down the stairs, facing the separation and I found it comforting that someone was in control. I am usually the person who takes control if there is a need, but I am not in that league. It was very hard on the daughter though. I think the dynamics of relationships get pretty clearly distilled during the moving-in process. Usually, though, I think parents can be forgiven a lot because most of it comes out of love and concern.</p>
<p>Oh my goodness…now I am stressing about my Ds roommate next year and we haven’t even hit submit on one application yet!!!<br>
on another note…I am quietly laughing because I can totally see myself doing almost every embarrassing thing on this thread and more!! (I am an endless source of humor and eye rolling for my D!..thankfully she has come to accept it with a smile!)</p>
<p>When I was an RA, one of the folks on my hall brought her mom and the housekeeper. Mom sat in the chair and watched the housekeeper unpack.</p>
<p>Said student brought me a skirt to hem during rush week. I think not. Later she put all her wool sweaters in the dryer, threw in detergent and wondered why they weren’t clean.</p>
<p>Parents arrive and internet is not functioning, though it works on our kid’s computer. Mother calls campus IT to get the dorm’s IT person paged, stat. IT guy shows up, cannot fix the problem. Parent then spends 30 minutes on phone with campus IT insisting that a manager come over immediately to take care of this problem.</p>
<p>Lesson: your kid needs to learn to advocate for him/herself. Trust me, internet is important enough to a college student that it WILL be taken care of!</p>
<p>I did both in the past month (moved one across country via plane, moved the other nearby via car) and didn’t really find one easier or harder - just different. Actually I think the easier one was D, because roommate was already moved in and it was just us in the room setting up. With S, the roommate / parents were there and we were all cramped setting up one room - it would have been better if each of us had had the room for an hour or so independently. I think the big thing was that for S, I needed to break the idea that I could “always drive something back up to him” - which, granted, I can!</p>
<p>PizzaGirl: You did a wonderful good deed for those terrified parents. For them to know, for emergencies or just “need” that there is an adult nearby probably is helping them to sleep at nights. And for the son, no matter how self sufficient and self assured he may be, it must make it easier for him to cope with what may be, a difficult transition.</p>
<p>Pizzagirl, I just meant it’s easier to leave quickly if you drove for a half hour and just need to hop in a car than if you flew across the country and have to book a hotel, rent a car, etc.</p>
<p>“I also (stupidly) said something to the effect of - if he doesn’t go home for Tgiving, he is welcome to come with us. I’d certainly never leave a kid alone for Tgiving and it’s no skin off my back. S said later that he wished I hadn’t said that- what if roommate turns out to be a jerk? I said he’d have to be a pretty big jerk for me to not consider him welcome in our home, but S’s point was well taken. I think I was just reacting to clearly terrified parents and trying to make them feel welcome esp at a school which is already “home” for our family.”</p>
<p>I also extended an open invite to roommate as he lives in CA so not always going to be able to go home. His parents can’t come out for Parents weekend so I told him he is welcome to join us for dinner out if he doesn’t have other plans. Don’t know if DS was appalled I did that but frankly if he was I don’t care. It was the right thing to do, imo.</p>
<p>…so the fact that I have 20 people coming for Rosh Hashonah, most of whom are my kids’ ages AND most of whom aren’t Jewish is an anomaly? And Thanksgiving…Chanukah and Christmas…table opens at whatever time or for whoever is hungry is weird?</p>
<p>@ellebud. Yep, an anomaly: your kid(s) think you/ your home is not embarassing, and actually want to bring college friends home. lol. But they should ask you first, and you need to set limits if you want to!!! I like the friends all coming over/home. but most I think I’ve had was about 12, and that for 1-2 nights max.</p>
<p>BrownAlum: They don’t have to ask. They know I’ll feed anyone. All I ask is that I know approximately how many people are coming. If I’m planning for 20 I cook for 35. (Remember there has to stuff for guests to take home. And extra just in case there is another “homeless” or a non Jewish kid who wants dinner.) I also have a vegan dish and appetizer (not identified as such)…just in case.</p>
<p>But I do serve a caveat: Day after Thanksgiving, my girls (reluctantly) and I are going sale-ing. We are out by 7:45. No breakfast is being served. (OK…there might be a few dozen frozen bagels…and some juice…a little cream cheese…just in CASE.)</p>
<p>Am I embarrassing? Probably. I think that they’re just used to H and me.</p>