<p>I grew up in CT and NY and was also in HS in the early 70’s. No way would I have wanted to be seen with either parent unless it involved shopping for clothes for me with my mom. None of my friends growing up wanted to be around their parents, either. I don’t think it’s a regional thing more just typical teen behavior. </p>
<p>My mother never cleaned her own house, she had a cleaning woman, and she certainly wouldn’t have been a mom who cleaned a dorm room! </p>
<p>And as I said in an earlier post - my parents put me on a plane to go to college and only visited once in 4 years. </p>
<p>i didn’t clean or help DS unpack when I dropped him off. I did make up his bed and I went and bought light bulbs. I stayed no more than two hours and left. We are from NY and he goes to school in Maine.</p>
<p>Schmaltz, fascinating question! Out here in CA, I don’t get any feeling that my kids are embarrassed to be out with me. Of course, there are assumed standards of behavior - but it hasn’t been an issue… When I was growing up, also in CA, I went out with my mother pretty frequently, but my brother was embarrassed to be in public with mom. So for some, at least, it could be a gender thing too, not just regional. Or a stage of growth, for example, 14yr. olds might be more reluctant to be with parents than 18 yr. olds.</p>
I’m pretty sure my older son’s first roommate lived out of piles on the floor. I didn’t clean the room at all when we arrived, but did help clean it when we moved out as I didn’t feel like paying fines for the mess.</p>
<p>Kudos to girl / mother for not absolutely flipping out. I would have been furious to have my daughter’s things dumped in a trashbag and new bedding substituted.</p>
<p>hana - I went to see “Contagion” with my 17 yo son last weekend at his suggestion. Just the two of us. I don’t think it ever occurred to him that some might think it odd. He thought that I’d like that particular movie and he really wanted me to see it. I don’t go to many movies because I hate the theaters and the films are usually disappointing. I couldn’t refuse and it was really great - because he thought it was fun. The movie was just okay.</p>
<p>I grew up in Ohio and did my undergrad at Georgia Tech back in the seventies. My parents drove me down to Atlanta (10 hours) and helped me move into my non-air conditioned dorm. This included my stereo with its large speakers and a pretty extensive record collection, so we were probably a little ripe as well as tired from a long day. It was dinner time and we didn’t know the area so my dad grabbed the yellow pages (remember those?) and looked for a restaurant ad which said that they served breakfast, lunch and dinner thinking that it would be a family diner. We found one that was on a major street, so we knew that we would be able to find it. We piled into the car, had no problem finding the place, but got a clue that our assumption about the restaurant was faulty when we noticed that they had valet parking. My dad got out of the car and went into the place to ask the maitre’d if they would seat us as we were. I was wearing cut-off shorts and a tee shirt while my parents were also casually dressed. To our surprise, they not only seated us, but towards the front of the restaurant where all of the other guests were likely to see us. It was easily the fanciest restaurant that I had been in (although my parents had eaten at many similar places without us kids). The food and service were both great and it was a memorable start to my time in Atlanta.</p>
<p>My MIL moved my husband into his dorm. The next time they arrived on campus: graduation day.</p>
<p>Oh, and a dear friend who has, what I term marginal taste, outfitted her daughter’s room per their taste: purple sheets, leopard duvet and shams, and …yeah, purple lamp with leopard lampshade.</p>
<p>When I suggested that the roommate might not be thrilled…too bad.</p>
<p>(The girl still has marginal taste. But she is a doctor so something went right.)</p>
<p>We’re in FL. When we moved D in at FGCU last month, pretty much every kid had a room full of parents/siblings helping them haul and set up. It seemed to be standard. If we had just hauled her stuff in and left her, I think she would have cried. Everybody’s parents were helping them. Now DD didn’t want us to put anything away for her as she wanted to choose where it went and of course be able to find it. So I made up the bed. My husband and son did the electronics and the hanging of things on the walls. Then we all just emptied the bags onto the bed and handed things to D to put away.</p>
<p>As far as cleaning. D is in a brand new building, they are the first group of kids to ever live there…so obviously it was spotless. But honestly, I would assume even if it were 100 year old dorms that they would be cleaned prior to student arrival by the college. If we were to encounter a dirty room at move in my D would be THRILLED if I helped clean it.</p>
I personally don’t see anything wrong with this. I figure I’m paying anywhere upwards of $15K/year to the school so I’d like to make sure my child is making good on the investment. I have read stories on CC of students who tanked and didn’t tell their parents. My DDs both show(ed - 1 done graduated) us their grades rather than go through the form nonsense.</p>
<p>^^ Agree with Erin’s Dad. Although this isn’t an issue with S1 who just started college, I can easily imagine situations where I’d insist on a signed FERPA if I was going to pay for college for a child who hadn’t sufficiently earned our trust. </p>
<p>yes, IDEALLY, grades are the student’s responsibility, but it’s not always realistic or smart to invest in a young person’s college education and not require any accountability from them</p>
<p>^ Digression but I think the debate boils down to what kind of child you have and what kind of relationship and trust exists between you. Never in a million years would I think I’m being played by my kid. I wouldn’t fund a child I have that little trust in. I would just absolutely trust that I’d know they were trying their best and I don’t need to check on my ROI. </p>
<p>Could I be wrong? Sure, anything is I guess possible. But it’s on part with knowing my spouse isn’t cheating on me without me having to read his email, my sister isn’t scamming funds that she says are going to my mom’s care, and our cleaning person really is working four hours even when we aren’t home to watch her. Call me a sucker if you will but I call it trust.</p>
<p>Sure, but if you knew your spouse had just cheated on you, you wouldn’t continue to trust. There are circumstances where a student betrays the trust, and more direct supervision is called for. Every parent has to make that determination for him/herself. I won’t call you a sucker, I trust my adult son and my DH as well. But I am aware of plenty of situations where less trust is called for, and the parents know it and deal with it each in their own way.</p>
<p>^ Yeah I guess you are right, to each his own obviously. Personally, I just can’t see spending all that much on a kid who I know from 18 years of experience has to be this monitored. I mean that quite seriously. There is a far bigger problem that the loss of money in this situation.</p>
<p>It very much depends on the kid, IMO. I’m confident DD is working hard and doing the best she can, and I almost never use the school’s online system to check her grades. DS is a completely different situation, and DW or I check on him 2 or 3 times a week.</p>
<p>Gourmetmom, that is so sweet. My son & I saw ‘Midnight in Paris’ on my b-day & it was so much fun.
(Thanks for the opinion about ‘Contagion’ - it’s gotten so much buzz & I’ve been thinking about seeing it, but I should probably wait for dvd!)</p>
<p>My son isn’t bothered being seen by me. We go to movies together, etc. When we moved my older son into his dorm, his second-floor room was a good distance from the car. He was glad to have help hauling boxes, etc. His older sister even drove out just to say good-bye. He’s only an hour away; she just felt it was an important day and wanted to make an appearance to give him a hug.</p>
<p>Re the grades issue, I’ll just point out that having a hard copy from the school is very helpful if your kid is on your health insurance and or getting a good student driver discount and you have to fax in proof of grades or units being taken. My kids didn’t want to give their password as it linked to their e-mail etc., but they can request a hard copy be sent home every semester and having the records handy is useful for insurance purposes.</p>
<p>I have the ids and passwords for both kids’ school accounts. They have plenty of freedom but they’re not “all growed up” yet. All I can see is the official info- eg, finaid payment status and grades and that does’t bother either. What’s harder for me, at times, is DH and I (and a host of older relatives/friends) are friends on FB. TMI, at times.</p>