<p>Anyone read “Lost in the Meritocracy”, by Walter Kirn? He writes about his experience as a scholarship kid at Princeton. [disclaimer: I’m sure that this type of situation would no longer be allowed at P’ton, so please don’t take this as a swipe at the school, just a once-upon-a-time way of life] His dorm was a suite with a common room which was supposed to be jointly furnished. His wealthy suitemates bought nice rugs and furniture, and then presented him with the (enormous) bill for his share. He couldn’t pay it, so his suitemates exiled him from the common room, forcing him to walk around the edges of the room on the bare floor to reach his bedroom. Left alone in the suite at the end of the fall term, he exacted revenge by IIRC either setting things on fire or flooding the room.</p>
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<p>At my daughter’s college, the common room was completely bare. Six people lived in the suite freshman year and the common room was truly like a living room with nothing in it. Also, there was no overhead lighting at all. None. Therefore, floor lamps had to be purchased in addition to desk lamps. Most inexpensive lamps need to be assembled. I believe there was a bed and a desk and maybe a very small bookcase. So I seem to recall buying one of those plastic drawer things at Target for extra storage and a place to put things on like toiletries and we bought a small bookcase that she put in the hallway. Her room was so small you could almost touch each wall standing in the middle of the room, it was a single in the suite. And so, yes, the common room needed furnishing with both lighting and seating, etc. This, folks, was an East Coast super-reach school, rich with tradition, and I think the geography, layouts, age of buildings and tradition of the schools may have a lot to do with issues like lighting/furniture, etc. On the West Coast, you tend to have everything you need in the room. Yes, there are less expensive ways to furnish than IKEA. Often students who have graduated are selling old couches, but old college couches are pretty gross usually. If you are very low on time, in a new city and have no car once Mom leaves, you are probably going to end up at IKEA or Target.</p>
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I’ve heard that tale before, and I’m skeptical. He should have demanded that they get their stuff out of “his” share of the common room.</p>
<p>It may well be that the unfurnished common rooms are a holdover from an earlier era when it would have been reasonable to expect most students to provide decent furnishings for the room. Even if that’s no longer so true, the college is not going to go out and buy furniture for all those hundreds and hundreds of common rooms. Maybe they make sure that there are at least one or two kids in each suite who can afford stuff from IKEA.</p>
<p>S2 was mortified when I asked his roommate’s parents if they would exchange phone numbers with me “in case of emergency”.
So, with D2, I waited until she was out of earshot when I asked her roommate’s parents to do the same!</p>
<p>^ ROFL. And the kids think they put things over on the parents!</p>
<p>We certainly had to buy furniture for the common rooms of suites when I was there. Harvard supplied a bed, desk, chair and bureau for each student. My freshman room had a nice leather arm chair, but I don’t think any of my later rooms did. I remember my junior year the Rugby team got the second hand sleep sofa up to the third floor. We had no idea how heavy those things were! I know our coffee table was my steamer trunk. I think we also had shelves from cinderblocks and boards.</p>
<p>I also had boards and bricks for a bookcase, and a trunk for a coffee table.</p>
<p>Both my kids were happy and thankful I helped unpack. S2 had not cleaned up anything when I got there for pick up this spring. Not fun. S2 did the same thing freshman year, but this spring, he was 90% packed and had a list of each bag/box and what was packed in it. I nearly fainted. He paid attention to my comments on organizational methods! (I make the same kind of list every year.)</p>
<p>Wait until you get there to help them get out after graduation. DD1 said she and friends had gone through things already. Hah! Good thing we only live 2 hours away. It took two van trips to get everything out of there and she was late for check out by an hour.</p>
<p>Learn something new every day! I figured S’s common room would be furnished – and it was! I wanted to bring / leave some board games for the guys to play but I was vetoed.</p>
<p>So for all you mamas (and one dad) scrubbing the bathrooms - have you considered what it’ll look like a week later? And if you think your kid and/or the roomies will manage to take care of it properly then why couldn’t they do that at move-in themselves? And if they don’t then what’s the point of the initial cleaning?</p>
<p>I think the answer is probably that they could clean it themselves but that it’s seemingly the parent’s last opportunity to take care of their kid in some way (but wait till they visit home - there’ll be more opportunities).</p>
<p>Both of my kid’s dorms all years had clean bathrooms and rooms upon move-in. I wouldn’t be happy to pay the kind of money they want for a dorm room (read: overpriced) only to encounter a filthy room.</p>
<p>Didn’t saw any bathrooms at move in. Is that bad?</p>
<p>I just realized I never saw where D lived Junior year. I saw her sophomore dorm briefly, and where she stayed during her semester “abroad” in NYC. I hope I will see her senior digs, but it’s not in the plans before graduation.</p>
<p>Disclosure; We helped son set up his TV (unheard of at D’s school, but common at son’s), but the Xbox and surround sound were completey up to him and roomy.</p>
<p>And son was NOT opposed to being seen with us having dinner at Craft.</p>
<p>“It’s interesting to hear how involved some parents are with move-in. Freshman year, I had a short vacation with my mom and sister before move-in where they helped me bring in some boxes and do some minor set-up. The past two years, they dropped me off at a hotel or tribal casino and I have taken a shuttle to the airport.”</p>
<p>I, too, am very very surprised by the level of parental involvement discussed here. Dorm rooms are usually kids’ first taste of adult freedom…why rob them of the adventure of arranging the room?</p>
<p>By arranging - do you mean how the furniture (beds, dressers, desk) itself is laid out (which, in many cases, there’s nothing to arrange - it may only fit one way) or do you mean arranging the things themselves (underwear in this drawer and socks in that drawer)?</p>
<p>Our goal in helping our son set up his room was simply to get it to be functional, so that he was then free to go out and meet other students. We also wanted the basics in place, such as the printer set up, so that he was ready for classes. </p>
<p>I stressed to him that the easiest time to meet other people was in the first couple weeks, before everyone starts to get settled with a group of friends.</p>
<p>My wife and I were there about 3 hours, and then we left town and haven’t been back.</p>
<p>The arrangement of my son’s double bedroom was like a geometry problem, because the beds, desks and chairs didn’t really fit in any sensible way.</p>
<p>Hmmm… I wonder why we seem to need to defend ourselves. Perhaps the definition of helicopter parent is like that of alcoholic; someone who does it more than me!</p>
<p>Neither I nor the roommates parent arranged the dorm room but a few days later my son told me they moved things around, which is how it should be done, imo.</p>
<p>I didn’t go into the bathroom which is somewhere down the hall from his room but I assume they were clean as his school has cleaning people who clean them, the hallways, and the common areas in the dorms (kitchen & lounge.)</p>
<p>^^ Shrinkwrap, I love it! Thank you for that post! </p>
<p>My son was expecting us to just dump his stuff since his roommate lives within 30 minutes of the school and he just rides a train with suitcase in hand to move in! For us the journey is many hours from our home, so it is not the same situation at all! Tried to explain this to my kiddo, but it does not seem to matter.</p>
<p>I was just thinking along the lines of Shrinkwrap, that this thread is feeling rather defensive. Let’s take it as a given that not every child’s needs are the same, and that parents generally have a good handle on those needs. Sure, there are parents who are clueless, but not CC parents ! :D</p>
<p>Great thread, PG! </p>
<p>And another vote for Shrinkrap’s apt analogy! </p>
<p>I so fell off the wagon in an effort not to helicopter that I mistakenly failed to get contact info for roommate’s very nice parents. They live 30 minutes from school; we are a 2-1/2 hour plane flight away. Doggone it! Now if I desire that valuable local parent advice, I will have to go through the kids, which kind of foils the “behind the scenes” element I envisioned to help figure out random/fun stuff. So I guess it’ll have to be an emergency. Sigh.</p>