parent feeling SO bad....

Colleges and Universities A-Z New York University
1

<p>My son was accepted to LSP for the fall. S was offered a small "scholarship" (10,000 per year) and the difference needed to be made up through us and loans....A LOT of loans. Because we have two other kids in college and many major home maintenance projects that must be done, S decided to go to another school. He/we just couldn't figure out how he could ever pay back the large loans after school. S was luckily accepted all all good schools, but NYU was his top choice, by far. He will be attending a well regarded state school (out of state) with a really decent scholarship. Perhaps if S knew he wanted to major in a field where he could make a good salary after graduation, the decision would have been different, but he is not sure what he wants to study.</p>

<p>I am feeling torn ever since the decision was made (I don't mention it to my son). Logically, I know we made the right decision financially, but my heart tells me different, that it was a mistake for him not to go to NYU. I feel guilty that he could not go to his top choice school and guilty that I even allowed him to apply to NYU to begin with. We did tell him up front that unless NYU gave him a good amount of financial aid, he would not be able to attend, but still...the guilt remains.</p>

<p>S knows that transferring to NYU in a year and a half or two years is a possibility since by then the other two kids will have finished college and we will have more funds available. I do not "talk up" NYU or "talk down" the state school. Who knows? He may end up loving the state school and never want to leave!</p>

<p>I am hoping people can share their thoughts, experiences and insight with me. Do you think he has a "real" shot of getting back into NYU as a transfer (granted he does well at the state school)? I am really hoping he didn't lose his only chance to attend NYU.</p>

<p>Thank you for your thoughts.</p>

2

<p>nedel,</p>

<p>No school is worth burdening already over-burdened parents with $42,000+ in payments of one child (out of 3 children)'s college cost per year for 4 years. If this is the reality of a financially-strapped family, the child should be grateful to go to a well-regarded state school with a generous scholarship.</p>

<p>Let’s face it. A lot of the draw of NYU is the NYC location (and networking). There are other ways for your S to draw upon the opportunities of NYC at a later point. 1) If NYC means so much, he definitely should be working hard at the state school, ace his classes and get involved in meaningful ECs/ projects for himself and transferring into NYU will be a possibility. 2) He can perhaps arrange to be an “exchange student” at NYU (have to find out if this is possible with his state school) for a semester or attend summer sessions. 3) He can apply for an internship or job in NYC later on. 4) He can apply to graduate/ professional school at NYU. Etc., etc., etc. So many options where there is a will.</p>

<p>Please do not fret over this too much. I hear you are a parent who wants to be able to give your children what they desire. I am like that, too. But I also recognize from my experiences with S that learning to deal with the setbacks in life and the inability to get what one really wants the first go around is a “good” thing for growth and maturity. </p>

<p>I say your S is much more resilient than you may give him credit for. We, the parents, are sometimes the ones who cannot move on as readily as the younger set. Sigh! Envious. :)</p>

<p>As you stated, you never know. S may fall in love with his state school. All it takes is the right kind of peer support and intellectual challenges he thrives on. And, if it does not turn out, definitely transferring is an option. Also, NYU has so many schools, depending on your S’s eventual major, his chances can be very good with so many programs in NYU (and if he does his part at the State U.).</p>

<p>Perhaps you should sit down and talk with your S at some point. Let him know your disappointment with the lack of affordability of NYU at this time. See if this is really important to him and let him know if the school is still a dream school for him in 2 years, you, the parents, will work with him to afford the school if he can get in. This talk can clarify things for both of you and, hopefully, bring some measure of comfort to you over this matter that has been bothering you. Also, under the circumstances, I think this kind of action would be very generous on the part of the parent.</p>

<p>One thing I have to say, NYU provides a quality education but it is a school that has owned up to the fact that it is “tuition-driven.” So, yes, I do believe that NYU welcomes applications from freshmen and transfer students alike. As long as your S meets the criteria for admission by being a good student driven by his particular passions, then NYU can certainly be a real option as an undergrad transfer and/ or maybe even as a student at one of the grad/ professional schools of NYU.</p>

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<p>I agree with ev. Our D2 just graduated from NYU. I think NYU and NYC ended up not as exciting for her as she expected. Our D1 liked her LAC much more than D2 liked NYU, but kids are differerent. If your son still wants NYU later and it becomes affordable, I also think he’d have good transfer chances. I think you made the right decision; the four years will fly by and soon be forgotten when he enters the next phase of his life, but crippling loans last a long time.</p>

4

<p>Thank you, both, for taking the time to share your insight.
I am really hoping S can transfer to NYU at a later time, if he’s interested. I guess I worry that if he turned down an acceptance once, they won’t bother extending another one in the future.</p>

5

<p>My daughter wanted to go to NYU in the worst way. She was accepted to some absolutely wonderful private schools, with more FA and better merit as well as our most selective state school. We encouraged her to really consider the more affordable options, but this was her dream come true and we were able to help her attend while she had to take the stafford and Perkins. Well she just finished her third year there, having a fantastic time, but during the exams, she suprisingly expressed how she wished she had gone to a more affordable school and that she feels like she is wasting everyones money and for her intended profession she will need a masters then Phd and the money would have been better spent elsewhere. She feels the pressure, especially towards the end. Everyone is very career focused and with one year left, everyone is scrambling to find ways to be more marketable when they graduate, getting internships, going abroad, etc. She also expressed that she wished someone would have really pushed her to go to a more affordable school or even taken some time off. College should be a time of self discovery, fun,making new friends and finding one’s way. So the moral of my story is, it is always greener on the other side, that maybe being in the city is not always the best. There are many distractions and the kids here seem to be in overdrive towards the finish. Your son can transfer at a later time. Spend the first 2 years figuring out what he wants to do and then when he is more firm on his goal NYU may be the right choice. Don’t second guess yourself. What you are doing is wise and he may end up there anyway.</p>

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<p>milkandsugar/ nedel,</p>

<p>This is a good example of what happens and shifts so dramatically during these key maturation years of college. From idealism (that is less focused on pragmatism) to the more “adult” perspective of what is required to make a living and move onto the next phase of life with less worry about financial pressures.</p>

<p>It really is very tricky for parents (and the child herself/ himself) to maneuver between the child’s very intense desires/ feelings and the parents’ own knowledge of priorities based on longer life experience. This is a lesson that the child’s feelings can be as strong as a powerful “tornado” but these feelings can also pass quickly with time.</p>

7

<p>Personally, I think he is better off at a school other than NYU. Here is my logic:</p>

<ol>
<li><p>At NYU, there is the dauntingly overwhelming probability that he will become a hipster. Unless you enjoy him talking about post-punk synth pop indie rock, vegan trends, and neo-classicism and its effects on modern day thinking, then you will benefit from him not attending NYU.</p></li>
<li><p>He will become humble at a state school. NYU sounds great on paper, but in reality, it is riddled with trust-fund kids using daddy’s credit card to fund their newly adopted cocaine habits.</p></li>
<li><p>He will actually make real friends. I attend a state school, and can tell you that my 3 roommates have easily become my 3 best friends. They are not pretentious, wealthy, spoiled brats. They are the three most real people I have ever met, and do not come from too, too much money.</p></li>
</ol>

<p>If you’re feeling guilty that you can’t send your son away to NYU, don’t. He will probably feel awkward and uncomfortable when everyone goes out to Pacha on a Saturday night, and he can’t because he doesn’t want to throw down $150 in one night to drink overpriced margheritas and watch an ironic 80’s cover band.</p>

8

<p>Okletsdoit555’s post made me laugh, though my obscure taste in music probably places me somewhat in that first category. </p>

<p>To be honest, I don’t see a whole lot of sense in going into major debt for a full four years at NYU if transference is a very live option for the future - ESPECIALLY for someone who doesn’t know what he wants to do. </p>

<p>I was accepted into NYU, and I’m planning to attend starting this summer. I could go to Rutgers more or less for free. My parents have been careful to make me consider the cheaper options. However, NYU is my dream school - and I don’t use this overused phrase lightly. There is not a single school on the east coast that can offer me the same opportunities as NYU. Period.</p>

<p>But I’m in a unique position. I’m passionate about two fields - filmmaking and philosophy - and I want to pursue both. Tisch is one of the best film schools in the nation, and NYU is currently ranked #1 for PhD studies in philosophy. Rutgers is ranked high for philosophy as well, but if I go there, I can say goodbye to an education in film.</p>

<p>This is why NYU is so important to me. If I go to Rutgers, I’m locked into philosophy, and there’s a good chance I won’t get into a top PhD program anyway. But if I go to NYU, I keep both my options fully open.</p>

<p>Even so, I’m very weary of the price. The only reason I’m attending is because: (1) my first two years of community college were essentially free due to scholarships, (2) my father can apply the GI Bill/Yellow Ribbon to me, and (3) my grandmother has money saved for me in the bank. If it were not for these three privileges, I highly doubt I would attend NYU; instead, I would pursue filmmaking in my free time and attend Rutgers for philosophy. </p>

<p>So, really, NYU is only worth it for me because I know exactly what I want out of it. In my opinion, it would be silly for me to attend NYU just to attend NYU. I’m attending NYU because it fits my needs in a unique way.</p>

<p>Ordinarily, I would feel sorry for your son. But if your son doesn’t even know what he wants out of NYU, then he is better off somewhere else. You probably did him a huge favor.</p>

<p>Now your son has two years to “find himself.” Maybe he’ll discover an academic field for which he is extremely passionate (like I am about filmmaking and philosophy). By that time, he might decide he wants to transfer to some other school that fits his needs even better than NYU! And if he still has his heart set on NYU, there’s a good chance he can transfer and continue his education for a fraction of the cost. </p>

<p>Looking at it that way, it sounds like a good deal to me. </p>

<p>The key right now is to make sure the first two years of his education are productive and focused. When I was in community college, I witnessed a lot of students taking classes for financial reasons, but very few of them knew what they wanted out of their education and even fewer of them had any sense of how their credits would transfer. So, now is the time for him to figure out what he wants out of his education and to carefully select his classes with schools like NYU in mind (keeping his GPA up, taking general education classes likely to transfer to NYU, and taking “interesting” classes as electives to help find a major). And if he stays at his current college for the full four years, great. He saved money and didn’t put himself at major risk. I would be 100% happy attending Rutgers if I wanted to focus on just philosophy. (In fact, even though I was surprised to get into NYU, I still spent a decent amount of time debating the two schools.) </p>

<p>What do you guys think? Sounds reasonable to me.</p>

9

<p>Isealbz,</p>

<p>A beautiful and well-written post reflecting your maturity and ability to plan and think ahead. You are not one of the purely “idealistic” students I was referring to. You have excellent reasons for attending NYU Tisch (and this admission is a testament to your accomplishments). Also, you had implemented very well your plan (which has a balance of both idealistic and pragmatic elements) by thinking through the rationale for attending NYU and by attending CC for the first two years.</p>

<p>This shows that sometimes we speak only in generalities about any specific group. Isealbz is a very mature and wise young person. </p>

<p>In this vein, I want to respond to oklet_'s post by stating that we have to be careful of over-generalizing the entire population of very diverse students at NYU. Not all are over-entitled trust fund babies (“pretentious, wealthy, spoiled brats”). Some are struggling hard to contribute towards paying their way at NYU with or without parental help. Though I agree most must have some kind of family help and NYU tends to draw from families who are affluent or whose parents are perhaps accomplished professionals themselves and have saved and are sacrificing to have their children attend NYU.</p>

<p>I have met quite a few of my son’s peers and I have been pleasantly surprised by their good manners and budget-consciousness. Two of the kids do seem to come from affluent families but they are not spending money like there is no tomorrow. On the contrary, the entire group seems to want to have fun (on a budget) and they all (except one student who was struggling) are very dedicated to working hard on their particular major or interest area. No one in this group uses drugs, let alone cocaine. My son is even adverse to drinking coffee (which he tried once and got very sick afterwards - I do not know how can that be, since I am a one cup a day coffee lover. :slight_smile: ).</p>

<p>Anyway, I do not want to have readers read only the some of the possible negative aspects of NYU. I am glad Isealbz responded since she is an example of some of the mature and solid students at NYU.</p>

10

<p>First, to clarify: I’m a guy :stuck_out_tongue: . Haha. </p>

<p>Evolving, I really appreciate your compliments. I believe we interacted in my other thread and you were helpful at putting my mind to ease. It is very easy to fall into an “idealistic” mindset. I’ve probably fallen into this mindset to a degree, but I try to keep it balanced against a rational assessment of the situation and the options. </p>

<p>However, this certainly didn’t happen over night, and this is what I’m trying to stress to the OP.</p>

<p>When I was in high school, I was a fairly good student. I maintained A’s, but I wasn’t involved with extracurricular activities, and my SAT scores were mediocre. I knew knowledge was important to me, but I had no idea what I wanted out of an education. Like many students, I wanted to go to a “big name” college just to go to a big name college. </p>

<p>The only subject I truly enjoyed was English. For a bit, I wanted to be a novelist, but this never fully solidified. By my junior year, I took a huge interest in theology/biblical scholarship, and I planned to move in that direction in college. But here’s the key point: it was all sort of wish-washy and undefined.</p>

<p>Due to a lack of EC’s and my mediocre SAT scores, I didn’t anticipate getting into a prestigious school, so I took about a half year off. This was a really risky time for me. I was burnt out and didn’t want to touch college. I was eligible for NJ Stars, and time was running out. I snapped out of it last minute and started community college. I still didn’t really know what I wanted.</p>

<p>I think this extra time was really essential for me. Around my freshmen enrollment, my interest in theology led to a discovery of philosophy. As a result, I started taking philosophy courses at college. And here’s what began to happen: all of my high school interests began to come together in a refined vision. </p>

<p>My love for writing came to fruition in filmmaking; both my general desire for knowledge and my interest in theology became focused in philosophy. And over the last year at community college, I had time to figure out how to get the best out of these two interests. And here I am. </p>

<p>I’ve got to commend those rare students who know what they want right out of high school. I honestly feel like young people are expected to make too many important decisions way too quickly. This, in my opinion, is why community colleges can be valuable (when students make the best of them). </p>

<p>So the moral of the story is that finding a major/career/whatever takes time, and you don’t want to be spending ridiculous amounts of money during this process. </p>

<p>As for generalizing the population, I agree with Evolving again. One of my high school friends transferred to NYU, and I met one of his close friends through him. Both of them are extremely down to earth people. As far as I know, the one guy doesn’t come from a rich background, and he was lucky to get a decent financial aid package. The other guy served in the military to help pay for his education. Both are hardworking. My one friend is a film major, but he isn’t the pretentious type: he just wants to entertain people. He recently got into standup comedy.</p>

<p>Me… on the other hand… I watch a bunch of foreign films and aspire to crafting art. LOL</p>

11

<p>Manhattan can be overwhelming for many people and juggling that with a school without much of a campus may not be the ideal place for any 18 year old freshman. If nothing else, getting his gen. eds completed elsewhere will save thousands and he can always transfer in and end up with the same opportunities.</p>

<p>@okletsdoit555: I’ve never seen nor heard of a cover band at Pacha, but I like the comments.</p>

12

<p>Isealbz,</p>

<p>Sorry for thinking you are a girl. This is the second time I have made this mistake. I think it is a kind of mnemonic device I use that allows me to remember certain posters and for some reason I think of Isabel when I see your ID Isealb… Hehe, I did the same to hellodocks in the earlier days and I said it must be the CC ID: hellodocks and hello dolly. Oops, :)</p>

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<p>Thank you all for your thoughtful messages. Your insights have been very helpful. I guess we will see what the future holds soon enough :)</p>

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<p>Hahaha, it’s fine, Evolving. I thought it was funny. I figured it was my username. My username is actually a rearrangement of my name.</p>

<p>Good luck nedel!</p>

15

<p>Haha, here too. It gets confusing and mistakes are made. I am glad you are taking it with a sense of humor.</p>

<p>Nedel, do let us know what happens. Hope everything works out for you and your S.</p>

16

<p>School is what you make of it. I remember when I was in a stage when all I could think about was going to NYU, or Yale, or some other prestigious, and extremely expensive school.</p>

<p>But the truth is - any college education is a good one. Going to this well known schools like NYU is nice, but when people are looking over your application, unless you went to a community college and the next applicant went to Harvard, your choice of college will matter very little.</p>

<p>I realized this when I learned a bit about my Aunt’s job. She went to Rowan - okay school, nothing special, very easy to get into. Well now she’s a supervisor for the executive branch of the government making 200,000 +a year, while my little brothers physics teacher from Princeton is on the ropes of being fired due to budget cuts.</p>

<p>Obviously going to a well respected, prestigious university is nice - but trust me, the difference in the education you receive is not worth going into a tremendous amount of debt over…</p>