<p>It was going to be a huge stretch, but we decided to get behind our kid's choice to go for his dream school. He's a valedictorian, straight-As, lots of AP courses under his belt. We swallowed hard and gave up his admittance to the flagship state school that offered incentive scholarships. We tried to be clear that it was going to be risky--he needed to get some scholarships, get a summer job, save a lot, take out a moderate amount of loans, and look into working during the school year. The fallback position would be that if the money didn't come through, he'd have to keep his grades up enough to transfer to the state school. We had very little room for unexpected events--everything pretty much had to go right for this to work.</p>
<p>Well, he didn't get any scholarships and then managed to have 2 bike accidents that cost a lot of money. His latest accident came just 2 days before his summer job was to start. He broke his leg and, in addition to the thousands of dollars paid out in unexpected medical bills, he is now ineligible for the job and will be on crutches for at least 4 weeks, so no summer income.</p>
<p>We are sick with disappointment, but we have to tell him we can no longer afford to send him to his dream school and the best we can now offer is the state school where we turned away the scholarships. The whole family feels like it is imploding and there is a lot of blame floating around. The deadline for the first tuition payment is coming up and we are going to have to pull the plug before we are committed any more financially. </p>
<p>I'm looking for any reality checks from people who may have encountered similar situations and how they coped. Thanks for listening....</p>
<p>can’t you contact the dream school and talk about your problem? he sounds like a wonderful student and it’s a shame to give up his school and all it can offer him to take out loans for his state school…of course only you fully know your financial abilities and debt comfort but maybe you should try thinking about the situation a bit more…hope someone else here can chime in with even better advice!</p>
<p>I’m so sorry to hear about this! I can understand the desire to pass blame, but it sounds to me as though no one is blameworthy in this situation. You made reasonable choices based on likely future events and then something unpredictable happened.<br>
A possible plan: go to state school and attempt to transfer after one or two years.
Another plan: ask the dream school if attendance can be deferred for a year.</p>
<p>This is too bad, and I’m really sorry you are in this situation.
I wonder though–and do not mean this to sound harsh–if this is all is took to make it entirely unworkable, it probably would have fallen apart sooner or later. If not the bike accidents, something else–any big, unexpected expense would have derailed your plan. </p>
<p>Even though it is probably bitterly disappointing, I honestly think the better plan would be now to defer for a year, and regroup. Maybe he could work for a year to save enough for a cushion. </p>
<p>Or, if he can go to state U and you can swing that, go there. As was mentioned, perhaps he could transfer later. Better to transfer later to desired U than to do in reverse–start at desired U, not be able to afford after 1-2 year (when he has his social group all in place) and then have to transfer somewhere cheaper.</p>
<p>Again, really sorry you are going through this. But glad he’s going to be okay. The bike thing sounds pretty bad!</p>
<p>Wow, thanks for such great, quick responses! To clarify about the state school, he’s going to have to reapply and probably won’t be registering in the fall. </p>
<p>Also, we’re checking in to requesting a gap year at the dream school.</p>
<p>And yes, I concur that we made reasonable choices based on risk. We rolled the dice and lost.</p>
<p>Thanks for your comment, paperplane! Yes, whether the plan was workable is the source of the blame-slinging. The parents are arguing about whether the initial premise was feasible given the circumstances and the child is feeling guilty because it is his medical bills that are tipping the balance. </p>
<p>Again, thanks for helping to think of additional options!</p>
<p>While my d was in college, my wife had an aggressive form of breast cancer, and then I followed with a major heart attack. Both times, the school (Smith) stepped up and substantially increased our financial aid, and with very few questions asked. We are eternally grateful. </p>
<p>Don’t know the “dream school”, but many hate to lose a student they’ve already accepted.</p>
<p>Hang in there! Getting past the blame and onto a new solution is definitely the only way forward. I could’ve been in your spot, so easily. I’m sure your son is very frustrated by being injured, unable to work, unable to make his plans work.</p>
<p>Learning how to make a new plan when things go wrong is no fun, but an essential life skill nonetheless.</p>
<p>I would say talk with the school. We had a medical situation in our family that affected income, and the school helped out. Not sure if financial aid is in the picture here, but perhaps it could be, or it could be increased some. It sounds like your health insurance has large deductibles-?</p>
<p>If talking with the dream school yields no help, your son can register for classes as a non-matriculated student at the state university, then enter as a matriculated student in January. Or use the credits at the dream school if he prefers, after a deferral (just not too many credits, or he becomes a transfer).</p>
<p>His medical issue is short-term and finite, and that is something to be grateful for. It may seems like a crisis now, but things will work out one way or the other.</p>
<p>OP - according to you this was going to be a huge stretch for your family financially to send your son to his dream school, so I personally think your son should re-apply to a school which would be affordable to your family. The worst case scenario you just described here, frankly was quite normal to any family - unexpected small medical bill (deductible amount should have been put away, or you were gambling with your family’s lives), and a teen not able to work (how many teens are without a summer job?). Even if your son were to take a gap year, able to make some extra money to afford the first year, there maybe other unforeseeable spend which could make the next 3 years unaffordable to your family again. I don’t know which is your son’s dream school, but it sounds like it is putting a lot of stress on your family.</p>
<p>If the idea of a gap year is unappealing, there is no harm in suggesting that he contact the state school to see if he could still enter in the fall. They wanted him enough to offer incentive scholarships. They might stil want him (although there could be issues with arranging housing at this late date).</p>
<p>gosh, I’m sorry that this has all happened.</p>
<p>Contact the dream school and find out if he can defer a year. When son is better, he can work and set aside money. </p>
<p>Contact the flagship and see if they will re-accept with scholarships. Sounds like your son has high stats, if he does, the school may happily do this.</p>
<p>*And yes, I concur that we made reasonable choices based on risk. We rolled the dice and lost. *</p>
<p>I’m sorry, but i have to strongly disagree. Attendance at this school was not a “one year deal”…it’s a four year deal. It was HIGHLY unlikely that your family was going to go thru all four years without some kind of major financial setback…major car repairs, perhaps the need to replace a car that “dies”, major home repair, health/dental expense, computer dies/needs replacing, etc. </p>
<p>I know that we can’t go more than a few months without some unexpected big expense. Recently, the tornado winds blew our fence down. In the more recent past, we’ve had to replace A/C units, a leaky roof, a car that died, washer/dryer, and various health/dental expenses. </p>
<p>It is NEVER a good idea to have a college plan that requires that everything go perfectly for 4 years so that all the extra funds can be for college. You didn’t have any sort of cushion. This wasn’t a calculated risk…this was a risk with very bad odds. </p>
<p>I’m not even sure if the deferred year plan to the dream school is a good idea UNLESS during that year the parents/student can build a savings that will be a “safety net” for any future unforeseen major expenses.</p>
<p>Could you improve your family’s situation by reducing expenses?</p>
<p>And could you reduce them by thinking like a young person?</p>
<p>I am amazed at how many additional bills (Internet, cell phones, etc.) most of us have accumulated over the years. Yet most of us would not be willing to live without these new services. </p>
<p>What I have learned from young people (my grown kids and my colleagues at work) is that we may indeed need the new services that have cropped up in recent years, but we don’t necessarily need the old ones that most of us are still paying for.</p>
<p>Young people’s concept #1: Everybody needs a cell phone, but nobody really needs a landline. (I am still having trouble wrapping my mind around this one, but my grown kids have lived without landlines for years and do not miss them.)</p>
<p>Young people’s concept #2: Everybody needs high-speed Internet, but nobody really needs cable TV. You can watch today’s broadcast TV shows tomorrow, at times of your own choosing, using an Internet service called Hulu, which is much cheaper than cable TV (a limited version of it is even available for free). </p>
<p>Young people’s concept #3: It may not be necessary for every adult to have a car. New concepts in the workplace like flexible hours and partial telecommuting and new services like ZipCar (or other car sharing services) and Peapod (or other grocery delivery services) may make it possible for two people to share a car with much less hardship than they would have endured if they tried the same thing 15 years ago.</p>
<p>If you can combine some of these newer ideas with more traditional ways of saving money (like spending vacations at home, avoiding eating out, and doing your own housecleaning and yardwork), could you save enough to make a meaningful difference?</p>
<p>I’ll respectfully disagree that the family is imploding and give you an alternative narrative: You are all behaving like a wonderfully loving and functional family. Thank god, your son had a bad accident and high medical expenses- but you all pulled together to get him well. What would you prefer- a collection bowl at your local dry cleaners and grocery store so well-meaning strangers can drop in quarters to help an indigent kid who can’t afford his treatments?</p>
<p>And now you are all still acting lovingly. Having come together to focus on your son’s health- your top priority- you are now assessing all the other priorities on the table. Your son’s education. You are all highly committed to his education. That’s wonderful. Right now, you can no longer afford to help him with his top choice- which is a shame but hardly something to beat yourselves up with. He will go to college. He will go with the loving support of his family who are prepared to make sacrifices and see him through. But for now, he needs to contact the State U. and find out what he can retrieve of the generous offer they made him back when. And he can and should express his gratitude to them for hearing him out- but his current medical situation means that he needs to attend State U and he will do so with pride if they can work with him on the finances.</p>
<p>If you were experiencing a temporary blip (spent your cash cushion on the medical expenses but overall could afford private U with some moderate belt tightening) then I’d say go call the private U and have your finances re-evaluated. But it sounds like it was going to be a very tight, scary squeeze for four years- plus all the years of repaying loans thereafter.</p>
<p>How are you going to rebuild the emergency cash cushion now if every dollar is getting allocated to your son’s tuition? What happens when you have a dental emergency in a month, or the refrigerator compressor dies on the hottest day of the year?</p>
<p>Stuff happens- that’s why you can’t budget to the bone in real life, even when people do it on TV and make it look so easy. But lots of those people don’t have health insurance.</p>
<p>I think you are lucky your son is going to be well. And he is so blessed to have parents who are prepared to sacrifice for his education. And a year from now he will be so excited to have a year of college under his belt with your help- state u, private U, his great adventure is just beginning!</p>
<p>Young people’s concept #1: Everybody needs a cell phone, but nobody really needs a landline. (I am still having trouble wrapping my mind around this one, but my grown kids have lived without landlines for years and do not miss them.)</p>
<p>With some cell phone plans you can have the best of both worlds. We gave up our “land line,” but our cell phone company gave us another line for $10/per month. We bought one of those phone systems that have 5 handsets (with plugs for the wall) so that we could have handsets around the house…and not just at one location. And, we got to keep our old home phone number. </p>
<p>It is a big savings because no long distance charges, no extra charges for call waiting/caller ID, etc.</p>
<p>Landlines versus cellphones: I have a landline and pay about $35 a month for service. My spouse and daughters have cellphones and pay about $210 a month for service.</p>
<p>Because your S didn’t get adequate scholarships, it sounded like the best scenario your S had going for him was spend one year at dream school and transfer to state school. Now even that is in jeopardy.</p>
<p>Paying for one year at an expensive school knowing that you’ll need to transfer after one year for financial reasons is a giant waste of money in my opinion. Maybe the fates have thrown you a bone and given you a chance to pick a more doable financial course.</p>
That’s true, but most older folks now have both and letting go of the landline can be a very significant savings if they have a long-distance plan. This is especially truy because many families have family cell plans to pay for their college or high-school kids. We dumped our landline some time ago, use a family cell plan (~$120/month for 4 lines) and make extensive use of google voice to make long distance (free anywhere in the US/Canada) and international calls (2 c/min to the UK) from home using our computer. It’s cheaper and we really enjoy hearing our S and D over the computer speakers and using a microphone to talk; that way we have a mini conference call and both parents can talk and both hear the full conversation all the time</p>