I’ve always found that kids who are excessively pushed by their parents never develop the intrinsic motivation that is necessary for long-term success. And, to me, no college acceptance would be worth laying waste to my relationship with my kids.
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Completely agree about intrinsic motivation aspect.
(We wouldn’t let paternal grandparents “pay” our kids for their school earned A’s. We had to explain that just bc they were doing so for the other grandkids does not mean we are okay with that for our kids!)
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- Stay off this board until Junior Year
- Be involved in High School, join the orchestra, try out for plays, go to football games, dances, movie nights, etc. If he has a passion, great if not yet it’s a great time to try out new interests.
- Teach him the importance of giving back, volunteer together. Emotional Intelligence is an important life skill, critical to success in both your personal and work relationships.
- Stay on top of school and take the appropriate level classes. Make sure to take 4 years of all core classes and at least 3 years of a language.
Remember in the end you are looking for the best college for your son, not necessarily the best college based on some arbitrary ranking. Don’t worry about what other parents/kids are doing, let him enjoy HS before putting too much pressure on about college.
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The kids should stay off CC entirely. It’s bad enough for the parents :-). I mean this seriously
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Our high school students in the USA are under far too much stress. Many of them suffer from stress related illnesses. The number of high school students in the USA who are being treated for stress related illnesses vastly exceeds the number who are going to attend an Ivy League or similarly highly ranked university.
High school students should do what is right for them. They should take AP classes if and only if this makes sense for them. They should take AP classes in the subjects that they are good at and that they like.
I agree with the suggestion to read the “applying sideways” blog on the MIT admissions website. This is pretty much exactly what I did (I attended MIT) and what my wife did to get into an Ivy League graduate program and what one daughter did to get into a “top 5” DVM program. Our other daughter also used the same approach and is doing well, but has not gotten to the point of applying to graduate programs yet.
The point is for the child to do what is right for them, and do it very well. What my daughter did to get into a very good DVM program has nearly zero overlap with what I did to get into MIT. As one example reaching inside a cow never appealed to me at all. However, we both did what was right for us, and it worked.
Also be aware that there are a lot of very good universities and a child does not need to attend Harvard or Stanford or MIT to do well in life. MIT graduates end up working next to U.Mass and UNH graduates and no one cares where anyone got their degree. MIT graduates also end up in top graduate programs studying alongside U.Mass and UNH graduates and again no one cares where students got their bachelor’s degree. In looking at a university, fit is important. Affordability is important.
A really top student will find more students who are “like them” at a highly ranked university. They will find more peers, more stress, and more competition. Whether this is good or bad is likely to depend upon the student. One answer might fit for undergrad while the other answer fits for graduate programs.
In terms of your specific child, music and math do go together quite a bit. I was a math major and work in high tech. I have known quite a few other high tech people who are also musicians. One daughter took AP Music Theory and liked it a lot, but it is a very tough class. You need to want to do it and be quite good at both math and music.
In terms of accelerated math, I have consistent encouraged students to be cautious about jumping ahead in math, and to make sure that they have each level down solidly before they jump to the next level. Your next math class will depend upon this class and your previous class. Someone who is good at math is likely to end up in a job where they really are using algebra and calculus and probability theory, and it pays to know them all well.
I think that the main advice for a high school student is that this is not a race, and you do not need to compete with everyone else. Take things at your own pace, and whatever you do, do it well. There are hundreds of good universities, and when the time comes find one that is a good fit for you.
In terms of budget, whatever you spend on your first child is a precedent that applies to all additional children. Budget accordingly.
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Following 3 semesters of online school and limited extracurriculars I’ve noticed that many students at my daughter’s high school have been trying new activities for fun now that they are back on campus. This is something that I hope students continue to do. Don’t be calculated about it. This year a crazy high percentage of students attended the homecoming dance. I gather it was 1000 kids dancing the night away in masks and having a blast.
With both my pre and post covid kids we had a difficult time fitting in college visits. I’d go ahead and start visiting college sophomore year or even this year if you’re if it is convenient. Skip the admissions info sessions (or just go to one and then stop going). This is more to get a feel for what he likes rather than a deep dive into decision making.
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My kid is in 10th grade. So I don’t have the 2 years of extra experience under my belt that the Class of 2022 parents do. But here’s what I’ve learned so far through D24’s 9th and 10th grade (I’ve got a kid in 8th grade right now, too!):
- Let your kid explore their interests. Give them some autonomy to pick their electives, but provide guidance at the same time.
- Remember that it’s normal for kids to try out lots of different things in the next few years and it’s ok if they’re not a “spiky” kid right away (i.e., has singular focus on ONE thing and all of the classes & extracurriculars center around that). For example, this year, D24 signed up for 2 clubs - Robotics (which she loves) and Yearbook. She’s learned that she doesn’t like doing Yearbook and won’t be participating in that club next year.
- If your school’s guidance counselor isn’t very helpful with advice about math classes, for example, ask your kid’s current math teacher for his/her advice on what math to enroll in for the following school year.
- don’t stress out if your 9th-10th grader acts totally uninterested in college right now. That’s ok.
- Start to figure out BEFORE 11th grade how much you can afford to pay per year for college.
- Help your kid get organized. It’s key to managing HS class workload & extracurriculars. Time management skills. For example, our HS requires each student to have a ‘communication journal,’ in which they write down that day’s assignment, HW, upcoming tests/quizzes for each class. D24 was bad at actually checking it in the evening to ensure she didn’t miss any HW. So we put up a white board in our kitchen and when she gets home from school, all of her HW gets written on that. As she completes it, she erases it off the board. In 9th grade, D24 was really bad for awhile with ‘forgetting’ to turn in HW assignments in a couple of different classes. So now she uses a “HW folder”. All of the HW due the following day gets put in that folder in order of her class schedule. Now she doesn’t ever forget. Figure out what works best for your kid and do that.
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Wish I knew:
AP’s are a double edged sword. Originally thought they’d be great then learned they actually teach to a test. It’s boring and it’s busy work rather than developing complex thinking. Getting a 5 in APUSH is not as exciting as having a teacher who lives and breathes history. You might need them for rigor. My kids have taken them. But they are not the best thing for kids.
Sports: They are a great way for kids to learn that everyone loses, everyone has a role, you can work hard and still lose or cheat and win. Teaches being fit, hard work and collaboration.
Competitive Clubs: Debate, Model UN, anything and everything, etc etc. These can be good ways to develop interests. They can focus a kids skills and show them that there are many talented people in the world. They also foster a better understanding of diverse opinions.
Grades: Sadly, the world is crazy. Every kid in America has an A in every subject(well almost). A B even well earned will create a lot of stress for the kids, the parents etc. This is crazy. But knowing this will prepare you.
Character: If your kid graduates high school and can hold a conversation, look people in the eye, hold the door, be gracious and kind and think of others before themselves, be able to reach a friend in need and be willing to lose, you have all the kid you need.
Honestly, the college your kid attends does not matter. But the relationships your kid has, and their ability to navigate the world will make them successful or not. Don’t underestimate communication. It’s the soft skills that really matter.
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At my daughter’s (highly ranked, well-funded, but public) high school (or maybe due to her personality) the experience was quite different: Typically, the better teachers were the ones running the AP courses.
But, most importantly, given the entry requirements/recommendations, you were surrounded by cohort of students who all wanted to be there, and with similar work habits/discipline, and academical ability.
That lead to the atmosphere in the classes being more “relaxed”, with a more “cooperative” working relationship with the instructors, because their focus was on the material, not on how to manage a widely diverse class as far as ability, attention span, discipline, finishing assignments,…
This might come across elitist: but I honestly believe (based on what I saw with my daughter over those years) that some high-achieving student they might actually do better in the setting of A/P courses, and would have lost interest/momentum if placed in other classes.
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I actually wished I pushed them more with my older kids, and especially preparing well for the exams. My third and fourth are graduating a year early, saving a lot of money. Our high school requires the students to take the exams (and pay for them the first week of school).
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Yes, I can see that in a public school, esp a large public where you are getting the “cream of crop” in AP’s so to speak who might be more interested in the class. It can be different in other settings though. Think of a magnet school, a test-in school or a private. In those settings, you might have less difference across the population. So kids are already interested and working at a high level. Even some top publics (thinking of one near us) have enough kids that AP’s don’t add much value in terms of intellectual rigor. They used to teach kids in my day 
with just honors and kids still went to the best schools.
Wow, I’ve never even thought that AP’s can work. I’ve heard so many stories that they can only be used to take more advanced classes or colleges which require 8 semesters etc. We’ve known a lot of kids who had a huge amount of APs and no one we know is graduating early. One who had two years of college credit might be able to get a graduate degree as well. Another with two years of college credit ended up with nothing.
I think state schools are much more likely than high-end privates to actually allow early graduation with AP credits. It’s fairly common at some flagships. But your point is valid: in some circles you’ll see it a lot, and in others you’ll only hear of higher class placement and the benefits that come with that.
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Yes, agreed. We have a close family member who did two years of classes at a great college while a homeschooler. He is now attending local state U. They would not count the college classes as they were used toward the high school graduation requirements.
The few schools I checked re: AP’s did not have benefit except advanced placement. We haven’t checked as all acceptances aren’t in yet. But once they are, I’d be shocked if my kid can graduate college early. Very happy. But shocked.
Could be due to the circle you’re mostly involved with. If you are dealing with magnet schools, test-in schools and privates, then they might tend to enter into colleges that have little interest to make it easy to save tuition for half a year - no matter what the official explanation is.
On the other hand, for the majority of students who attend good state universities, or other good private universities that are not the major brand names, AP credits certainly can translate into a semester saved.
But even for the 3 students who I personally know who are now graduating from T20 schools, some did use AP credits to cover electives, or skip over 101 courses - and thus were able to finish their major early. Others COULD have done that, but instead opted to double-up majors, add minors, etc. “filling in” the 4 years because they weren’t on a tight budget.
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Yes, mileage definitely varies depending on the model you are driving. If anyone can get a benefit from APs, that’s just great.
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My daughters are in the honors program at UDel and Clemson, they got 4/5 on every exam and I think all were accepted. They didn’t apply to any reach schools, mostly safeties/matches because without merit, they couldn’t attend. We don’t qualify for FA, and don’t have $280,000 set aside for 5 kids, that’s for sure.
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Those sound like awesome results. I’d never heard of honors programs until a few years ago. My kid is waiting on acceptances and got into two honors programs so far. They seem like a great place to be.
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AP or other pre-college credit can be useful for purposes other than early graduation:
- Advanced placement into higher level courses, meaning that the student can learn more advanced material and/or clear prerequisite requirements earlier.
- Clearing requirements to allow more schedule space for free electives (either advanced courses in major, or additional courses out-of-major).
- Where offered, making it more doable to include a master’s degree along with a bachelor’s degree.
- Taking a lighter course load during a semester of particularly high workload courses, needing to work more hours to pay for school, or varsity sport season, without graduating late.
Note that 1-3 above are ways to get more academic experience or learning out of 8 semesters of college than what one would otherwise get.
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Wow! This got interesting fast 
Tip #1 for any parent is to read this book:
https://www.amazon.com/Who-Gets-Why-College-Admissions/dp/1982116293
If your kid is not hooked and not a true superstar, your budget will likely determine where he will end up. Please remember that when you talk to him.
If you want the closest thing to guaranteed merit, focus on the PSAT. This is a pro tip. I repeat, focus on the PSAT. This is even more important if you are a URM.
As far as coursework goes, as long as the counselor checks off the box “most rigorous”, it does not matter much unless you are interested in MIT/CalTech type schools.
Most AOs focus on 1-2, max 3 ECs that are meaningful to your child and has been impactful for him.
Be realistic. There are over 25,000 schools in the USA and even if you take just the top 10 students from each school, that’s 250K students. T20 schools will admit only 40K or so. And over 70% of those kids will come from the top 25% of the earners in this country.
Trust and love your child. He will succeed in his own way. Be there for him.
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I know a lot of kids who got credit for AP classes/tests. Impacts varied. Some graduated early. Some were able to graduate in 4 years but had one or two internships (gaining experience and some $$$). Some are able to double major or pick up a minor and still graduate in 4 years.
Others had 4 year scholarships that could be applied to grad school so they graduated in 3 years with undergrad degree and scholarship paid for one year of grad school.
Some kids end up taking higher level classes (graduate level without officially being in graduate school) because APs let them test out of pre-req/lower level classes.
For some kids its a matter of having higher class standing (coming into school with enough credits to be a sophomore) which helps with scheduling classes.
Other kids see no/little benefit from APs. Sometimes the line between maintaining academic integrity of colleges and preserving revenues can be a little blurry. LOL