Hi, newbie poster here.
S26 is a rising HS freshman. Interested in orchestra, music theory, +2 accelerated math and motivated. However, the current generation of parents spurring GPA-driven courses and AP races are worrying us. I want him to enjoy HS and yet, at the same time avoid some obvious pitfalls. We would like parents of 2022 HS graduates to tell us what traps to avoid and what to focus on? Any advice is appreciated.
My advice: explore your interests, work hard, ask for help if you need it, self-advocate, get involved in extra curricular activities that interest you instead of doing things that you think will “look good”. Good time management skills are key. For my older son this was one of his biggest challenges - initially he underestimated how long assignments would take and would plan (or not plan) accordingly which resulted in some very late nights. Wishing your child best of luck as he embarks on this new adventure - hoping it is smoother than the past few years have been (no fun being a HS student during a pandemic).
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Many years ago I found College Confidential, and multiple posters would tell students and parents to read “How to be a high-school superstar” by Cal Newport. I did, and so did my kid. We didn’t follow that “path” at all but it was good to read his insights about the process and life in general. There were also a lot of posts recommending the online article “Applying Sideways” on the MIT Blog. Also worthwhile. Good luck!
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Think about keeping options open while exploring. If your kid might want to take xyz class and it has prerequisites, fulfill them (unless it detracts so so much from what they love.)
Also, strive for balance. Having no time for a class you love because you are so overloaded just sucks the joy out of it. Try to leave yourself enough time to do more than just go through the motions.
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Slow down, enjoy high school. If your region was virtual or mostly masked, take time to enjoy social gatherings, hanging out with friends, impromptu plans for entertainment, volunteering,and a part time or summer job.
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+1 to time management being key.
I also think way too many parents these days let their kids give up/back out from a challenge too easily. Most students should be able to handle taking the most rigorous courseload at their high school (DD took 14 APs in high school and is not a particularly gifted student), but they don’t because too many students these days back away from challenges and do not develop resilience, determination, persistence, and grit (the number one predictor of success!).
Push your kid to take on challenges — whether it’s a difficult courseload or a sport they don’t happen to be naturally talented at or an EC they find frustrating — and encourage them to stick with it! This is key for developing the grit and delayed gratification skills necessary for adulthood. Most things about being an adult aren’t a bed of roses, but many college grads these days seem unprepared to handle that since their parents were way too lenient.
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A good place to start is to sit down and have a long conversation in the family about what the goals are for high school and what the goals are for college. Useful for some kids that need structure. Not necessary for others. How many APs etc will depend on your read on what kind of time your son will take on the academic front to get a certain GPA. At our school the guidance is to take the hardest curriculum possible while at the same time avoid slipping into the B/B+ range. Only you can be a judge of what that curriculum is likely to be given his middle school record. The rest of the schedule – sports / other stuff falls into place once you determine your weekly academic load. Some schools give placement tests before letting you take some APs. In those cases, the school is offering a service to help you guage the right level for your son. Skipping core classes by taking them in the summer is not the best idea. That material will not be covered properly in the summer.
Sleep is massively important. Your son should get at least 8 hours, preferably more per day in order to have a healthy state of mind. It also helps him perform better.
Don’t take ECs that you don’t enjoy. Let me rephrase that – only take ECs that you are going to have a blast with. Often less is more. Do meaningful work if you pick something.
Engage with the teachers and the school. Take academic and non-academic risks. Stretch a bit.
There is a knack to learning. You can learn efficiently if you aim to get the key concepts in a deep away. This will make your learning very efficient, and permanent. You don’t even revise anything before an exam. You can just walk in and do well. On the other hand, if you aim to rote learn, high school can be very painful. College will be more painful. It is key to learn how to learn.
As someone mentioned above, time management separates the successful ones from the less successful.
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Hard disagree there. I’m always of the opinion (and so are most of the parents in my area whose kids have gotten into top colleges) that taking the harder and more thankless road of really pushing your kids will teach them to develop the mental stamina that will help them succeed. In today’s world, with so much competing for their attention, I get the sense that kids who aren’t inclined toward it just don’t develop mental stamina as easily as we did when we were young.
I’m OK with my kid hating me. I want her to do her best. Sometimes that will mean being varsity captain while other times it’ll mean being a benchwarmer on JV (and other iterations of this as applicable to academics, music, clubs, etc). If she doesn’t try her best all the time at everything, my kid will lose every comfort we provide.
Kids will put heart and soul into something if they love it.
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Think outside the box. Don’t do things just because everyone else is doing them.
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Time management. Defining goals. Not feeling like T20 or T50 or whatever the nonsense is has to be the focus. Unless that’s what he wants.
If your kid is motivated, don’t micromanage.
My S22 is going to University of Pitt in the fall - his #1 pick. HS for him was AP classes, EC’s he enjoyed, working part time and hanging with his friends. The world didn’t collapse if he got a B in a class. If he dropped an EC, we didn’t fret over how it would affect his future.
We let him be himself and he went in directions we could not have predicted.
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I can’t underline the sleep thing enough. My kids have friends who don’t start HW or papers until 10/11 at night and stay up until 1-2 am. It gets to be a spiral of sleep deprivation and, often, commensurate under performance.
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Agree with almost everyone above. Let them do what they like. Pick class load that is challenging but not overwhelming. If they love an EC encourage it, but don’t force them to do things they don’t like because it will look good on an application or will “teach them to follow through”. And most importantly, kids change, let them.
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Great point about kids changing.
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Based on your kid’s posts, you might want to reassess the efficacy of your strategy if you have younger children. But thanks for continuing to make controversial posts; it makes it easier to unmask you as the multiple account you are.
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I would say, take a friend and take a college tour or walk around campus this summer at a nearby college, hopefully one that has a summer school program so that they can see some students on campus, or you could even do that over Spring Break if his Spring Break hasn’t already passed. This is not to hothouse him on being stressed about getting into college, but just to let him see the possibilities. Make it fun and get a good lunch, maybe buy a t-shirt if he’s interested. I live in the same town as my state’s flagship and they have a program for middle school students called “First Look.” Here’s how they describe it:
“First Look helps at-risk students understand why there’s a long-term reward for academic achievement, using our campus to illustrate the general experience of college without promoting any specific university. Research now shows that high school is late to start on a college track. Students need motivation, time and academic rigor to fully develop and be ready for college. Our hope is to get them excited and thoughtful about how they can pursue higher education well before high school.”
We are not “at-risk”, but my D22’s middle school class did this program (I think it was 8th grade, maybe 7th) and I think it really did help her put things in perspective. I chaperoned so went along too. She ended up not applying to the flagship because she did not want to go to school in her hometown, but it was a good experience. We also walked around a lot of other college campuses and toured with her older sibling and an older friend. They were fun little outings that weren’t serious or stressful because college was so far off, but it did help answer some questions that she might not have even known she had (What does a dorm room look like? Where do you eat at college?)
Another thing I would say is while keeping your eyes on the prize is great, don’t stress. Let him take the classes that interest him, and do the ECs that he finds fun. This is that “Applying Sideways” article. Worth a read: Applying Sideways | MIT Admissions
And don’t get caught up in the hyper-competition that is ubiquitous here on CC. There are great colleges out there for everyone! Even students who make the occasional B or C, or even gasp mostly Bs & Cs. And it’s absolutely okay and the norm if he doesn’t know what he wants to major in right now when he’s in 8th grade! He doesn’t have to cure cancer or start a non-profit while he’s in high school, or build a nuclear reactor in his garage. College will expose him to more options and more things than he can imagine right now.
And I also agree that sleep is super important!
And if he can get a summer job (maybe not this year, but before junior or senior year if he can) that can really help put things into perspective.
Good luck and enjoy the ride!
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I have recommended that book often, and do so again. It provides an approach to let students stand out with less stress.
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This would be laughably funny if you weren’t serious.
You should reflect upon the fact that some of the posters on this thread manage to have great relationships with their kids, have kids engage in ECs that they enjoy, and also get into top schools.
Yet you seem to think that getting only the last one is a victory.
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I was pretty hands off when it came to course selection, it was between them and their guidance counselor. My oldest wanted to go to business school, she took precalculus junior year, and AP statistics senior year instead of calculus because she heard it was easier. She ended up graduating magna cum laude, but college calculus kicked her butt. My only college science major only took honors biology and honors chemistry, and no physics. She chased merit so it didn’t hinder her acceptance, but getting through those classes in college was brutal. She really regretted not taking those 3 AP’s in high school, her guidance counselor knew she planned on going into physical therapy (starts her DPT program this summer), but he never suggested that it might be an issue later on. I should’ve been more involved, putting aside my parenting philosophy of benign neglect.
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It it all worked out in the end, so I’d say you did just fine!
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