Hi. Have two rising seniors and one rising junior at competitive high schools. We tried to avoid over emphasizing college. Both seniors are bright but quite different compared to others posting stats. Neither wants to do college visits, or work on essay or common app over the summer. Have done some virtual visits with prompting. I don’t think they know in any detail about levels of ECs. They are sick of me raising the topic of college admission or “demonstrated interest”.
Have we done something wrong (or right)? Do we just leave them to take care of it (with help from their GCs)? In the end, they usually get done what they need to.
Your kids sound pretty typical to me. It’s summer, deadlines are months away, and everyone is reeling off a pandemic.
Your response and level of involvement would seem to depend on your parenting style/philosophy.
My kid isn’t particularly motivated to write college essays, but he is interested in going to college and knows he has a hefty fall courseload. I have helped him develop a timeline for getting stuff done and prompted him to get started. I’m sure there are many parents who would disagree, but a little nudging has been effective for us.
There’s plenty of time. Sometimes there are reasons for avoidance, such as not wanting to face the dramatic changes ahead. COVID no doubt is a factor too.
In Sept. several years ago, my son (who was a high achiever academically) seemed totally disengaged from the college search. I told him he did not have to go to college and could get a job instead, that was fine by me, not as a threat but as a real option. I went out and when I came back he had made a color coded chart!
Still he finished his essay in a few days in late Dec., just before the deadline, and got in to his top choice.
It’s a tricky balance, nudging , staying available, but letting them have autonomy in the process. None of us parents do it perfectly but they end up at school nevertheless. It’s early, it’s summer and there is a lot of uncertainty in the air. I am sure they will come around when they need to.
MOST kids go to a state college or community college near their homes. There isn’t a big need to worry about admissions or writing essays or taking tests 5 times. There is a college for your kids and they’ll be very happy about going there.
My kids didn’t start looking until after junior year. One is an athlete and eliminated schools based on the team/coach but also on academics after she figured out that schools were different. She looked at one school in Aug and the others in the fall, but had her decision by the end of Oct and only applied to one school. No essay.
My other daughter went to a school fair (the big kind, in a city events center), found a school and that was it. Also one application, not sure if there was an essay. Very happy with her choice.
@compmom wrote: “…he finished his essay in a few days in late Dec., just before the deadline, and got in to his top choice.”
No need to spend months writing & rewriting one’s college application essays.
However, it is important to understand broad differences among colleges & universities. I contribute to this website because of my poor preparation in the college application process many decades ago which resulted in attending a school which was a poor fit for me. I do not want others to make a similar mistake.
The first step is to determine what one prefers to study & what schools are within one’s budget.
Then consider the difference in school size & location.
You make good points about the need for spending time and effort on the college search. However, while some kids do have a specific set of requirements from a college to allow them to do well, others really can do well in a wide range of college types and regions. I know of students of both types, from students who really needed the Right College to succeed, to those who really could do well wherever they end up.
@Scg123 In your opinion as a parent, where are your seniors on the spectrum of Needs The Right College to Anywhere Would Work?
I don’t have any insight, but wanted to let you know that you are not alone in your experience. And, no, you haven’t done anything wrong. My kiddo has done a little in terms of college (and will only have his essay done because it is required summer work for AP lit), but has been somewhat reluctant to engage in the process. I think is due to the almost 2 years of covid and the attendant stresses. He tells me he feels like he has barely been in HS and now it is college time - it’s overwhelming. Many of his friends are in the same space.
Thanks @MWolf and all. Thanks @Thorsmom66. In some ways I would love to stop nudging (and then I log on to CC). Two different scenarios with each kid.
Each have a list. One really has their heart set on two schools (Tulane, U Miami) and after that it is a big question mark from their perspective (per GC charleston, Miami in Ohio, OSU, smu, IU, Boulder, u of Arizona, u Alabama). His GC recommended starting common app and essay over summer. He isn’t interested in college visits or doing anything further until school starts but cares a lot about whether he will get into those two schools, both of which are reaches. He is focused this summer in his job as a lifeguard.
Daughter has a list that includes NE schools (Colgate, Hamilton, BC, Tufts, Swarthmore) but almost any discussion about college is a non-starter. I am not sure she cares that much where she goes.
If they have schools they want to apply to, they are ahead of where my now high-achieving son was at this time. Your kids just need a safety they could like and their list is done, it seems.
GC’s all suggest writing essays in the summer but I don’t think it is necessary. Some kids need the deadline, and it is even possible there will be some personal growth in the next few months.
The losses for each age group from COVID are staggering and sad. I felt very affected thinking about how some kids, as @Thorsmom66 said, may feel they have barely had a high school experience. The resistance to change that normally happens must be greatly increased by COVID.
