<p>My Junior D is making her first round of college visits during February vacation. Did you accompany your S or D on meetings with coaches? My husband is the one taking the road trip and wonders if he should make himself scarce after the official tours and once she arrives at the athletic facility for her appointments. Not sure what the role of the parent is in athletic recruiting besides general advising. Your experience and observations would be helpful.</p>
<p>You’ll get differing advice on this. In our case, I made preliminary calls to coaches, set appointments, and sat in on meetings with coaches, but let the kids take the lead in the meetings. With followup communications, both kids asked me to review a few emails for tone, etc. They didn’t really need the input, but it helped with their confidence in what was a new experience for them (and me, too).</p>
<p>I see recruiting as a business negotiation and believe most parents are much more experienced with this than their kids. On the other hand, it’s important to keep the helicoptering in check.</p>
<p>I expect others will advocate a more hands-off approach than mine.</p>
<p>In my case there was no involvement. I didn’t even get to see emails. Did get to drive to one college relatively close to our house but I was told to stay in the car. I think it depends on the kid and how comfortable they are with coaches.</p>
<p>Also my daughter waited for officials to visit east coast schools. And she already knew USC, UCLA, Cal and Stanford well.</p>
<p>Hi Pathways-</p>
<p>New to CC, but DS was recruited this year. Answer to your question: It depends (?).</p>
<p>Most Coaches want to establish a relationship with the recruit and not so much with parents. I think it’s best to monitor the recruitment progression and help your student calendar timely responses and encourage regular communication with Schools. Have Dad introduce himself to the Coach during visits (he can be nearby on campus) and inquire as to when he should come back to meet up your D/S? </p>
<p>As the process advances, the parental role in the recruitment process is often debated. Also, to opt for the “hands-off approach” depends on how organized your S or D is? Will they take the initiative to respond timely to all correspondences from Coaches, regularly update their own stats, and keep regular communication with recruiters without your input? Depending on the NCAA Division involved, IVYS, D1, D2, D3, or NAIA… you/and or your husband, can agree to make a check list of pending requirements per each school. You can monitor your S or D through their completion of the NCAA Clearinghouse profile and the sending of transcripts to the Clearinghouse. You can remind them to return all phone calls timely. You can encourage your S or D to send updated news of their recent athletic efforts to all interested coaches. You can serve as their “behind the scenes” marketing rep. Think about what you’re comfortable doing? I really believe parents are an extremely important assist in the recruitment process. I cannot imagine that ALL recruited student athletes are capable of making such important decisions without their parents. They’re still children.</p>
<p>^^ agree, relationship building is important!!</p>
<p>path: when I say my daughter did it all by herself it’s important to know she already had relationships (going back 3 years) with 2 out of the 3 coaches she was being recruited by, so it’s easier to go it alone when you already know the people you’re going to see. </p>
<p>But if your athlete doesn’t know the coaches, has never been to the schools, that can be a bit intimidating I would think. And I know parents that go with their athlete to OV’s and practical sleep in the dorm with them. So, coaches are use to having parents around.</p>
<p>I don’t think my parents have been in contact with coaches other than (in one case) to drop me off for an OV and in another have a phone conversation about a LL. I am proud that I did the process almost entirely independently from my parents. I didn’t see a reason for them to get involved, if they had questions I asked them to come to me first. That being said, my parents trust me and don’t pry into my schoolwork, grades, EC’s, etc whatsoever. I think that their lack of involvement in the process forced me to become more extroverted and proactive which is definitely a good thing. Coaches never asked to speak to my parents, in fact, the coach for the school in which I’m attending has only spoken to my parents on the phone to say “congrats, be proud, yadda yadda”. From what my club coach this year has told me, coaches appreciate that approach more than one conducted by the parents.</p>
<p>I’d say the best thing is to play it by ear and have H available if coach wants to talk with him. For my S, recruited for DIII soccer last year, the coaches at the schools he visited, especially for overnights, all had time set aside to talk to the parent(s) with the student present. It’s important for the student to take the lead in asking/answering questions, but the coaches know parents have questions/concerns that a kid isn’t thinking about. The coaches seemed to expect that we’d spend 15-30 minutes with them when we arrived to retrieve S after the overnights. For initial tour/campus visits at which S had arranged to meet coaches during the visit, we were present when S met with coaches and that seemed to be what the coach expected since we were there. That said, I’m sure that kids who don’t have parents in tow or who travel to/from overnights on their own do not have the absence of a parent held against them.</p>
<p>Thank you for sharing your thoughts…wasn’t sure about protocol. At the state college where I teach parents always accompany their children on the tours and the accepted student days (and are the one’s asking the questions about graduation requirements, financial aid, etc)…but athletic recruiting it seems, as mentioned above, is more about building a relationship between coach, team and prospect.</p>
<p>I will suggest to my husband that he read my Ds cues as to whether she wants him to stay for the meetings or have him find a coffee spot. I suspect she will want him to bring her in for the introductions and then leave. Right now her list of prospective schools is long (~20 schools across three leagues and 9 states). When she has a short list in the fall, my husband or I may appreciate an opportunity to talk with admissions or ADs to discuss finer details about scholarships and making commitments.</p>
<p>I don’t think my D could do this college search on her own, as other posters or their children have done, --at least not now as a junior. Her focus in on her classes, her sport and preparing for tests. I am very grateful for the good advice on this forum which allows me to be a better “behind the scenes” advisor and keeper of the growing college spreadsheet!</p>
<p>This was definitely a learning process for my daughter. I sat in on the early meetings, and she figured this out. She needed to learn how to keep the conversation rolling, how to answer implied questions, and how to phrase questions to get what you want to know without being too blunt. She also wanted a second set of ears in the room. </p>
<p>By the third meeting (unofficials, junior year), she had the process nailed and didn’t really need me there. I sat in on some meetings, but always sat in the chair furthest from the coach, and off to the side, out of easy eye contact range if possible, to encourage the conversation between kid and coach.</p>
<p>Now she works in the coaches’ office and is on the other side of the relationship. They are very wary of kids who are “handled” by their parents, but are fine with parents touring, sitting in on the meetings and so on, during junior year. By senior year, visits are about the student/team/coach interaction. If parents need to come to the campus for logistical reasons, to talk about finaid, “see for themselves” and so on, that’s fine, but don’t hover or function as a chaperone. The coach wants to see a muture, self-confident kid.</p>
<p>My son was recruited early in an individual sport so it was all unofficial visits. I accompanied him because in his sport there is a strong family connection in regards to out of season tournament play etc… I just went along to take it all in. He did the talking, asked the questions etc. but I did appreciate having the ability to get a sense of what the coaches were like. My gut told me a lot, it was his decision and he made the right one, which inside was the one I felt was the best fit. I was happy to know he was making a good decision.</p>
<p>pathways, in my daughter’s case, there is no way she could have done this by herself AND keep up with her demanding course load at school, year round sports schedules, leadership roles in clubs and test preparation. I helped her a lot with organization, time management and deciphering coach-speak. I accompanied her on all unofficial visits and initial meetings with coaches, but did not stay for practice. I was there are as an extra pair of ears, but my daughter asked the questions, etc. Several coaches were eager to include me in the conversation, directing questions and comments at me. Others spoke only with my daughter. My daughter attended a college fair for her sport the summer before her senior year, after July 1st, and all those coach contacts were on her own. And we did not accompany her on her official visits. Two of her officials were to schools we did not take unofficial visits to, although I had met the coach at one school. She ended up signing with a school I have never visited, only driven through. I have not met the coaches, although I spoke to the recruiting coach prior to my daughter signing her National Letter of Intent.</p>
<p>I personally think that the vast majority of 16-17 yr olds need significant adult support through the recruiting process. In some situations, that is the coach. In other situations, there is a recruiting consultant. Some school college counselors provide significant support to student-athletes, particularly those schools that have a lot of recruited athletes. And for other kids, it is a parent that supports the child through the process. As long as the process is athlete driven, I think a parent can and should play a supporting role.</p>
<p>our experience looked similar to sherpa’s, riverrunner’s and fishymom’s</p>
<p>Athlete in drivers seat with support</p>
<p>@ fishymom: True. My ‘mentor’ through the process was my club coach, not my parents. He was the one that helped me decipher coach-speak and what or what not to expect from a situation. I would think (almost) every recruit has some adult that they look to for guidance in the process.</p>
<p>Hey_pal, you are very lucky to have a coach that could help you through this process. My daughter did not have that, so she and I muddles our way though together.<br>
And I agree, every recruit needs an adult guiding them through the process.</p>