<p>I got my psat's back last week and my parents are super upset--even though my score was good, it was one point away from last year's semifin. cut-off...i worked hard, they know it...should I just allow them to keep yelling at me or should I ignore them...any suggestions? I apologized a ton...but they don't care...</p>
<p>btw, if it makes a difference...I have a really good GPA and stuff...i am adopted too (if that makes a difference, I don't know why but it could...)</p>
<p>Your parents’ expectations are unreasonable. You did the best that you could. It’s not your fault. Unfortunately, since others’ behavior isn’t under your control, there’s nothing that you can do to stop your parents’ being upset. Arguing with them will probably make them escalate. My advice is to be polite to them while tuning them out and reminding yourself that you did the best that you could, and whatever your PSAT score, you can be successful and fulfilled in your life.</p>
<p>I’m so sorry. Your parents reaction to this is not right. Is there another adult you have in your life that you trust and can speak with? You deserve support, love and kindness; PSATs have nothing to do with that. </p>
<p>I know it seems a long way off, but soon you’ll be out of their home and your days will be more peaceful. Hang in there.</p>
<p>Watching the admissions results from my d’s school last year, it was obvious that a lot of the super-reach schools don’t care about the PSAT score. At this point, concentrate on your grades and regular SAT’s.</p>
<p>First of all, I am certain it has nothing to do with the fact that you are adopted.</p>
<p>Some parents have unreasonable expectations of their children. If you are one point away from last year’s semifinalist score, then you are almost sure to be Commended … which means you are one of a very few students in this country who are NM Commended. It’s an accomplishment of which you can be very, very proud.</p>
<p>BTW, my D missed semi by a point a couple years ago (she would have made it with that score the next year! Who knows, maybe you will, too). Anyway, she still got lots of great offers for scholarships.</p>
<p>I am sorry that your parents are disappointed. We are all proud of you! :)</p>
<p>Northstarmom gave wonderful advice to you. You should be proud of your PSAT score and your grades. All anyone should ask is that you try your best. You have done that. Sure it may feel frustrating to be one point from the cut off, but still that means you were a very high scorer. Feel good about that! Really!</p>
<p>I don’t think that your parents’ reactions have anything to do with your being adopted. Unfortunately, I’ve known IRL and on CC students whose biological parents had similar expectations to what yours have of you.</p>
<p>You did your best, and should celebrate that fact. That was the only thing that was within your control. Meanwhile, not making NM scholar won’t keep you out of any college. The very top colleges – places like HPYS – don’t pay that much attention to NM scholar because those colleges have such an overabundance of high scorers that the colleges can pick and choose from their applicants those who’ll most contribute to creating a diverse campus filled with students who will provide students for all majors including the unusual ones, and are active in the hundreds of clubs such colleges offer.</p>
<p>My daughter’s PSAT score was also one point below the NMF cutoff. She is now a sophomore at MIT. </p>
<p>Were your parents hoping for you to qualify for a NM scholarship? A lot of schools don’t offer them, and there are lots of other ways to get merit aid. You did the best you could - your parents will get over it.</p>
<p>And to add one more – my son’s PSAT missed the state cutoff by one point also. He’s currently a sophomore at Rice and is the recipient of 2 merit scholarships that amount to a 3/4 break in tuition.</p>
<p>oh yeah, I’m not worried—just my parents :-)</p>
<p>you all are very nice too –> again 
</p>
<p>but I just don’t know how to cope with them…I know they’re wrong don’t worry (I don’t think my life will be “ruined” and that I am a “failure”)</p>
<p>my parents don’t even need the money–that’s the sad part…they don’t care about the scholarship itself–just the fact that I probably won’t get it…</p>
<p>To Spiralcloud</p>
<p>As a parent of a child who just got his PSAT score back and probably will just miss the cutoff, I was pretty distressed.</p>
<p>Mostly, it was because my son had two goals this year, to make National Honor Society, and to be a National Merit Semifinalist. He has made NHS, and he’ll have to wait to next year to find out about the other. But he is disappointed, because it’s not a sure thing.</p>
<p>Why was this important to him? Because he’s a very smart kid, in a class of other very smart kids, many much smarter than him. He feels that it is one way that he will have some outside recognition for his intelligence. </p>
<p>As another poster pointed out, he will hopefully be commended, and that is not a small thing. So we try to point that out to boost his confidence.</p>
<p>As a parent during these times, though, I can try to shed some light on why your parents may be upset.</p>
<p>Many colleges offer free rides to NMFs. Your parents probably want the best education possible for you, but they may not be able to afford it. Many parents have to send their kids to the local college because that’s all they can afford. But we also want our children to be able to see the world outside of their own city or state. Because there are now colleges out there that give generously to NMFs, there is hope that our children can explore the world outside. Knowing that your child will not get NMF only brings home the fact that you cannot give your child what you had hoped you could.</p>
<p>Spiralcloud, we’ve never met, but rest assured that I am proud of you. I bet your GC is, too. Perhaps he or she has some advice for dealing with your parents’ unreasonable expectations. It couldn’t hurt to ask. </p>
<p>:)</p>
<p>do not worry, My D qualified as sophomore and then had “bad day” junior year and missed by 1 point, certainly not that big a deal, especially for selective schools.</p>
<p>Montegut- i completely understand what you are saying except those specific circumstances don’t apply to me. My parents make over $300,000 a year so they can afford to support me—and I have quite a few scholarships aleady</p>
<p>Plus, my parents would rather have me stay in-state for college (they don’t want me to leave them)</p>
<p>Spiralcloud, your parents will get over it. If they don’t, then you’ll just have to realize that they have unrealistic expectations. You will need to tell yourself that you ARE good enough, just as you are. If you can’t do this, and you still are bothered by your parents’ reaction, please talk to your guidance counselor (who may refer you to the school psychologist). You may need to learn to cope with the situation as it is. I have encountered parents who expect the sun & the moon and are disappointed when their kids can’t deliver … sometimes, that’s the luck of the draw, and you will need to figure out how to live with it. It’s okay to ask for help.</p>
<p>May I suggest you go to college as far away from them as possible.</p>
<p>Oh, and I am proud of your score. You did great! Good Job!</p>
<p>Who’s to say the cut off score won’t go down - most of them did the year before last.</p>
<p>I know someone who missed the cutoff but went on in the next couple of months to score a 1600 (there was no writing in those days) and attended Columbia with a merit scholarship.</p>
<p>By the way, you should not have ‘apologized a ton’ (or even a little) to your parents. Your parents should apologize to you…but I suggest you forgive them, they are probably just very anxious for you. Obviously they love you tremendously and the fact that you are adopted must make you that much more precious to them.</p>
<p>OP–you have no need to apologize to your parents. </p>
<p>You are asking us how to deal with their reaction. </p>
<p>It probably depends on whether your parents view your achievements as a reflection on them. If they do, then you’ve let them down and made them look bad. If that is the case, there probably isn’t much you can do. They will have to blast you until they get it out of their system. Do they usually try to deal with you on other matters using anger and guilt? If so, this may not go away very soon, sorry.</p>
<p>As Queen’s Mom suggested, you might want to see what you can do to go to college away from them. Just remember, it is not any failling or shortcoming of yours. Parents who confuse parenting with living vicariously through their child and/or “love” with trying to control and punish their child using guilt and anger are a real problem for the child -IMO. Also, if they would do it to you, they would probably do it to a non adopted child.</p>
<p>Except for the National Merit Scholarships, PSATs are pretty meaningless. The National Merit Scholarships are pretty meaningless, too, although a number of state universities seem to offer really nifty scholarships to NMSs. In terms of college admissions, the SATs are far, far more important.</p>
<p>One of my children was a National Merit Scholar; the other fell considerably more than one point short of the NMS cut-off on the PSATs. Their SATs were 30 points apart, with Kid #2 (who only took them once) outscoring Kid #1 (who took them twice). Kid #2 attracted far more merit scholarship interest than Kid #1 (better GPA, class rank, too).</p>
<p>Keep your eyes on the prize! The point of all this isn’t to score the highest on the PSATs, the SATs, the ACT, or whatever. And the point isn’t to notch your belt with admissions to famous colleges, either. The point is to learn as much as you can, to grow and to mature as a person, to take advantage of the opportunities that present themselves to you, and to do what you can to create new opportunities. You seem to be doing fine as you move along that path. Your excellent PSAT score confirms that you are right on track in the academic department, even if there’s room for improvement, and your sensitive, measured response to your frustration with your parents shows that you are a star in the non-academic areas of growing up, too.</p>
<p>How to handle your parents? This is all going to be a blip in a relationship that, one hopes, will continue for many, many years, the rest of their lives and a lot of yours. Right now, they hold all the power, you are under their thumb, and you are understandably upset when they seem to be unreasonable. But sooner than you can possibly imagine, and forever after that, it will be you who holds all the cards and who controls the relationship, and you will understand how much love, imperfection, and sometimes sheer terror stands behind your parents’ unreasonable reactions. So be a little forgiving, and respectful, and practice being the gracious winner you want to grow up to be. Hold true to what is really important, and shrug off the rest. Your parents will come to respect you for it.</p>