I wasn’t quite sure where to post this but basically I’m wondering how long parents usually stick around on move-in day/ in the days around it, and any tips on explaining how busy I’ll be with WOW to clingy parents.
I’m an extremly independent person and I’m really not worried about any anxiety moving out- honestly, they could just drop me off and I’d be happy. I’m coming in from out-of-state and originally wanted only one parent to help me drive across the country and move in (both because I didn’t deem it necessary and because that’s taking up way too much space in the car)- however, my other parent insisted on coming so both my mom and dad will be with me. We’re arriving in SLO with a full day before move-in just to relax and pick up additional items, then I’m moving in on Friday, the 8th. On Saturday I’ll be in SLO Days all day, then on Sunday, the 10th, WOW starts. However, my parents are staying near SLO (Pismo) until they fly out on the 13th. I think this is ridiculously long, but know nothing can be done because their flights home are already booked.
However, my parents continue to try and plan for us to “spend time together”- they want me to meet with them and my uncle (who lives in CA and may drive up) on the 12th, and even have tried to push for me to stay at their hotel in Pismo for a night after I move in (which I have blatantly refused). I’m not trying to seem embarrassed of my parents like a child, but this is obviously excessive and inconsiderate of them to ask. I’ve tried to tell them exactly how full my days will be with WOW, but it’s like they don’t care. I want to enjoy WOW and spend this valuable time meeting new people- not worrying about having to meet up/keep in contact with my parents for literally every day till class begins (on the 14th).
Sorry for the long backstory, but any advice (perhaps from other parents) on how to “let them down easy” and explain to them that I do not need them around without offending them is greatly appreciated.
My son will be a freshman this year and, as a parent, I had many of the same questions that you have. I called Cal Poly and got a brief run-down of what the activities for families are during move-in weekend.
Obviously, parents can help with move in. Additionally, there are gatherings at various times (check the website) and there is a rally on Sunday evening that families are encouraged to attend. They say that move-in week is a “family” activity. However, the students are separated from their families for organized WOW events for much of the day on Sunday. I was also encouraged to check out the website for family activities.
Here’s the link: https://parent.calpoly.edu/move-week-activities-parents-supporters
You might want to help your parents plan activities in the surrounding area so that they are busy during your WOW activities.
I drove my son down on move in day, helped him get settled (we made the bed, put a few items away) then we went to lunch off campus. After lunch, I dropped him off across the street from the entrance to Cal Poly (where a loooong line of cars were lined up trying to get onto campus) and he walked back and I drove home. He’s an independent guy, wanted to explore campus, put some stuff away, and helped his two roommates bring their stuff in from the parking lot when they moved in a short time later. WOW started later that afternoon and they kept him busy. One of his roommates was dropped off by his sister, who took off right away as she was returning to her apartment in Santa Barbara where she was a student.
Your parents can take part in the Cal Poly parent activities and keep in touch with you in case you need anything and can pick it up and bring it to you. You’ll be busy with WOW.
We did the same as @MLM. I can’t imagine being there during any of WOW. I would think that would be incredibly awkward. I’d there are lots of things they could do after having signed off with you if they insist on staying. Congrats and have fun. It’s great to be a WOWie!
Your situation brings back memories of my first son. He was ready to leave home and it showed with his attitude, making that summer unpleasant. We spent lots of time with him, driving the entire day down to SLO, enduring long lines at move-in and sweating in the darn heat. When he got his Wow schedule, it was packed so we didn’t see or hear from him much. I think we spent a few days in SLO before returning home and I was never so happy to get rid of him & his attitude. But our lives changed and sadly I missed his presence at home. We maybe heard from him once a week after that. He came back home Thanksgiving as a mature and humble adult (thank you Cal Poly). From high school graduation to Thanksgiving, separation and the road to independence were bumpy rides but everyone changed, for the better.
We experienced the same fall move-in and Wow with our second son, but without the attitude. Again, it was another milestone in our lives. It was hard not having him at home.
We may not have heard from our sons as often as we liked, but I texted our sons every 1-2 weeks, asking about superficial things (how are you doing with your 100 degree weather?) Any response let me know they were okay.
Allow whatever feelings your parents have, as you can’t change that, no matter how hard you try. Do what you can change: the way you respond to them. I’d suggest being diplomatic about sticking with your WOW schedule; full details may not come until you check in. Stay in touch throughout their SLO stay (we texted our sons every so often while we were in town). Don’t burn your bridges now by being rude as a poor attitude and harsh words can leave a bad taste in everyone’s mouth. The three of you will experience these life changes but eventually each person will adjust in different ways. Best of luck and enjoy WOW.
Be nice. Your parents are paying for you to go to college, driving you there, and letting you have a car. If they want you to meet your uncle for dinner, try to make it happen. Schedule a breakfast with them if you can.
If they want you to stay at their hotel, tell them you can’t because of all the scheduled activities (but be nice).
Just hang out with them for a bit. You’ll miss them down the road.
Not to mention they are paying your tuition and letting you drive a car like mentioned.
Also, WOW will keep you thoroughly busy. At the end of the day you’ll just want to sleep, so perhaps one night you spend with your family and just be back intime for the early morning scheduled activities.
Best regards,
-super senior student
- Research (web and/or phone calls) what part of the program is for parents, and then use this factual information in your discussions
- Determine your own schedule carefully, and use this factual information in your discussions
- Schedule a specific time--one afternoon maybe--when you will be with your parents and uncle. During that time, be sweet, conversational, and in the moment--and be clear that this is your only real chance to be with them during this week
- Research a couple things for your parents to do in SLO--afternoon of wine tasting in Paso Robles or Edna Valley, visit Hearst Castle, ocean fishing at Port San Luis, Climb Bishop's Peak, visit Morro Bay
- Gently but firmly tell your parents that it is very important for you to make connections and take the transition to college life seriously, and the WOW program is carefully planned to help you succeed. You have been advised to take it as seriously as you would your first week of classes
- Tell them that you'll look forward to seeing them at Thanksgiving, and then follow through
Thank you all for the tips.
As far as some comments; I think I’ve made myself very clear that I am being “nice”- refer to my original posting on “letting them down easy” and doing this “without offending them”. I’m not a child trying to be resentful of my parents dropping me off at camp, I’m an adult trying to figure out a way to explain to other adults that they are being inconsiderate. Also, of course I plan on finding time on the 12th to quickly visit them to say goodbye- I just need them to understand it wont be for too long. Also, they are not “letting” me take my car (of which I bought and pay for all costs associated with it)- I chose to find an upperclassman off-campus willing to rent to me (which I am paying), so I am choosing to take my possession to school with me. And finally, I do understand this is a traumatic time for them- I love them and will miss them (and wont see them again till Christmas break (too expensive to fly out for thanksgiving too)), but it is not ok for them to be inconsiderate of my introduction to college, a time where I need to be more independant than ever.
Inconsiderate sort of implies intent. My guess is that they would never cause you harm or distress, thoughtlessly or otherwise. I’d just gently let them know that you realize this is hard for them, but your schedule during WOW won’t allow time to spend with them without compromising your introduction. Good luck. Have fun.
I’m sorry, but you do sound quite insensitive and thoughtless. You can tell your parents you’ll be busy during WOW week. That’s fine. But not wanting them to come with you? It’s probably a very good excuse for a vacation for them. The college actively encourages parents to come and stay awhile in San Luis Obispo. It’s a beautiful town & it’s good for the economy. I’m sure you can get away for a lunch or dinner with your parents and uncle. You sound less independent than immature.