<p>Hi Parents, For those of you who have been through this process, going through it again, or starting for the first time--Looking back on your parent application essays, do you have any regrets, or see errors that you made, or things you wished you had remembered to include? I know every child and every school has a different culture, but we all love our kids and want them to stand out. How do you do this without sounding boring or bragging?
It seems like such a fine line to cross. I have been through this in the past, but now that my child is older, I wanted to revisit my approach.</p>
<p>Hi, I am a student who is now going off to prep school, so I’m just going to talk on behalf of my mom’s experience with writing the parent recommendations. My mom was pretty thorough, she has always written emails, letters, documents in general really detailed. So, she drafted all of the things that she thought basically made me a “great” candidate for the schools. She and my dad collaborated for this but she did most of the “typing”. If you think about it, your child can bring different things to the table for each individual school. For example, I love working on my school’s debate team, so for Exeter my mom mentioned that in regard to the Harkness table. But there are general things for each school that they like to hear such as maturity, independence, work ethic, etc. Be honest with yourself and the school. If your kid is really great, than be honest. The school knows that you are the parent so they won’t be suprised by bragging as you might say. But then again, if you can’t say that your child is honestly mature, than it gives you a chance to again consider “is my child really ready for this?”. So bottom line, make a couple of drafts, ask your kid to read it before you send off the last copy, they will let you know if you are embellishing or “bragging” to much about them. 
Hahaha well that’s what I think went through my mom’s mind.</p>
<p>For most interviewers, it’s second nature to weed out the typical parent plaudits, many of which are common across the vast majority of parent recommendations. In my view, there are three imperatives: honesty about your child’s strengths (to make sure a bad match doesn’t happen), compelling, accurate story telling and brevity.</p>
<p>Two or three key claims of traits you think are unique and relevant, that you validate by example (stories), are most persuasive. Simply stating that your child is kind, honest, hardworking etc, without citing examples, doesn’t really rise above white noise and is certainly not memorable. The brevity part is important because it disciplines you to pick the most important stuff. </p>
<p>Schools admit a family when they admit a child. The parents’ recommendation is a view into you as much as the child and it influences the interviewer’s opinion about what/who has shaped the kid’s personality.</p>
<p>It’s not that important. Just show that you are as enthusiastic as your child about the school, and you are fully committed to supporting him/her in every way possible.</p>
<p>What worked for us was to be direct about why we saw the individual schools as a good match for our child. We were as specific and concrete as possible.</p>
<p>In a nutshell, I think Sue22 is absolutely correct. Of course, me being me, I’ll lay it on in considerably more detail.</p>
<p>The Director of Admissions for one of the boarding schools that gets Oooohs! and Ahhhhs! here on CC spoke with me about this and said that he wished parents looked at this as a time to be as candid as they are on the “roommate match” questionnaire, where you need to be up front about whether your kid’s a slob or a night-owl, without letting pretense get in the way. When he sees critical evaluations of parents he can give them some weight. When he reads a parent’s homage to a child, with the child being perfect, he knows he has a useless piece of paper. So, if I may read between the lines and paraphrase his point: “blowing sunshine up their dresses is the best way to not help your child.”</p>
<p>Note that I didn’t say “not help your child get admitted.” Sometimes, when you’re frank – even in laudatory ways – you can reveal to an AdCom that their school and your child might not be such a great match. If you’ve effectively and accurately described your child and they were able to read your statement…then, considering they know their school infinitely better than you, you may have done right by your child even if your letter ultimately tilts the scales in favor of a negative decision on admission to that school.</p>
<p>But a “Homer hangs the moon!” type of parent statement does nothing. It neither helps nor hurts – unless, I suppose, it goes to some absurd point where the AdCom reading it decides that there’s something dysfunctional or psychologically unhealthy going on. I have the impression that the majority of parents’ statements fall in the “Homer hangs the moon!” category – which could mean that your statement can really stand out if it comes across to an AdCom as being fully credible and reliable. </p>
<p>I think you want to convey these things in a parent’s statement.</p>
<p>1) Parental Support. You’re unequivocally supportive of the application and your child ultimately matriculating at the school.</p>
<p>2) Student-School Symbiosis. This is where you get to answer the question: why in the world do I think it makes sense to part with bushels of money and my child? Explain in practical terms why you believe that there’s a match made in heaven. (I’d write a couple sentences to build a bridge between child and school, showing the child brings X across to the school, while the school brings Y across to the child…with the perhaps unstated but unavoidable conclusion being that this is mutually beneficial, if not a harmonic convergence.) As with the next section, include some observations/impressions of the school, its faculty/staff and its students…but understand that if your perception of the school isn’t aligned with the school’s own perception of itself, you may emphasizing a disconnect. (And that’s okay, because you don’t want your child to wind up in an environment that’s radically different from your expectations, do you?)</p>
<p>3) Wrinkles and Warts. I would definitely cover some of the warts that you may feel uncomfortable addressing but will come out. They’re there. In some teacher comment, in something that came out during the interview process, in something that may not be at all apparent to the AdCom if you don’t bring it up yourself. It may be something that won’t surface until first semester exams after she enrolls. And then I would explain why this “match made in heaven” (please don’t use that phrase) still works. Or why it’s even stronger. Maybe your child procrastinates…but is grace under pressure and her competitive spirit has always helped her overcome bad habits. Or maybe it’s a team spirit that will make her grow, because she comes through for the group and at this school she’ll do that…and demonstrate her leadership skills in doing so. And all of that, of course, would be supported by actual examples you’ve observed as an involved parent.</p>
<p>4) Your Willingness To Help Them Help The Kids. Lastly, in some way, I’d briefly convey the impression that I (like my child?) am a team player and that I will provide the school with the resources/information, etc. that they need to help guide my child, in particular, and that I am standing by, ready, willing and able to support the educators and other adults at the school succeed in their roles in whatever ways possible when I’m solicited to do so. If your child matriculates at this school, you will have a vested interest in them being successful in every possible way…and I think it helps for them to know that you “get” that and will do what you can to make them look good and back them up, in whatever ways you can, given the limitations of distance, finances, job constraints, etc. This probably doesn’t need to be more than one self-serving sentence: “Glinda can be awesome at Oz Academy, so I am committed to helping your team bring that out in her whenever you seek our support.”</p>
<p>Just remember…if you’re making stuff up or fudging things, you may not be doing your child a favor especially if he gets admitted on account of the fact that you merely gave the appearance of candor in your personal statement.</p>
<p>I’ll probably get another chance at writing one of these myself and these are the points I’ll be sure to hit…subject, of course, to the additions, deletions, modifications, provisos, etc. that others here might wish to point out or propose to me!</p>
<p>All good tips, DM. thanks</p>
<p>Thanks D’yer and others! I really appreciate this insight.</p>