So I made a post about deciding between a state school and a liberal arts school a while back. We ended up going with the liberal arts school (the cost difference was less than we thought) and I got in EDII. Now, however, my parents are saying that they are going to send me to the local branch of our state school.
So here’s what happened. During the middle of the third quarter, my grades dropped (two F’s and a D). I was skipping two or three classes a day reading and studying in the library, which amounted to a couple of classes with 5+ absences and one class with 11 (the latter was skipped because I was misplaced into what amounts to an algebra 2 class due to limited IB course offerings at my school, but this is me rationalizing). I am in my school’s IB program, so my parents would get emails about me being on “Academic Probation.” When my parents asked if they thought I’d get the diploma, I said it was too early to tell and that last year only about half the kids in the program received it.
As a result of the aforementioned and the consequent arguing it led to, my parents are saying that they are going to void the ED agreement and send me to the local branch of our state school about ten minutes away from us. My dad has called the state school’s office of admission and has told me to fill out an application for housing. I have since gotten all my grades up to at least B-'s and I doubt I will finish this quarter with any grade less than a B. They do not care whatsoever about this, as my dad continues to talk to my state school’s office of admission and my mom insists on only sending me if I receive the IB diploma (which won’t come out until July).
This post was probably more of a vent than it needed to be, but here are my questions:
What will happen if my dad voids the ED agreement? Is it even possible, or is he just playing chicken to try and scare me?
If it is not possible or will lead to something bad if he goes through with it, what should I do? What can I say to him? Should I be talking to the liberal arts school to try and work things out?
Has anyone else had an experience like this? Is this common? Do colleges normally deal with things like this?
I am currently extremely stressed about this. The reason why I was skipping classes and not doing homework wasn’t that I don’t like learning-- it was because I do. The liberal arts school is everything I could hope for in a college, and my parents are proposing to end this because I am lazy and immature. I’m not sure I could handle another semester of indifferent teachers and unmotivated students. I know I dug myself into a hole and that I shouldn’t have skipped, but I am currently at a loss. This is turning more into a pitch for pity, so I’ll stop this post here.
Thanks in advance
Clarification: The two F’s and a D were in my student portal for about ten days and have since gone up to at least B-‘s. These are just for the third quarter. The first two quarters were of my parents’ expectations.
I had two F’s and a D for about a week and a half. Those grades are now all at least B-'s; I never ended a quarter with two F’s or a D nor have anything of the sort on any kind of transcript.
I think your parents have valid concerns about whether their money would be well spent if you went away. You should talk to them and make a contract concerning your behavior.
My bet is that your parents are worried about you skipping classes and doing poorly when you are in college. I would sit down with them and make an agreement about their expectations for your minimum college GPA. If you don’t hit that, then they are under no obligation to pay for a high price LAC. And, don’t make excuses for your grade drop. Own up to it, tell than what you’ve learned from the experience, why it won’t happen again, continue to work hard in your classes, and graduate with the highest grades you can.
I agree that you need to own up, work out a deal with your parents, and ask them to reconsider based on facts, if you can find them.
One option is to ask your parents and the college if you can take a gap year. That might give you time to mature and give your parents a chance to see you can be responsible. You can get a job, pursue other interests, and read and study on your own for relaxation.
It would be helpful to know which two colleges you are talking about, but it is possible that the LAC will give you a much better education and outcomes than the state school. What are post grad outcomes? Look on payscale, see if the LAC you planned to attend has better postgrad earnings than the local Uni. Of course, if the local Uni has an engineering or business school, that might skew the number. Does the LAC have high acceptance rates to medical or grad school, if that’s in the cards? Does the LAC have an active alumni network, which might help you find better jobs? Much of this info can be found on the college website, or Linked In, or by calling the career center at the college and asking for details.
You realize you messed up, but there might be a chance you can salvage the situation if you can show responsibility and present a clear argument for why you need to be at the LAC.
Be sure you really want to be at the LAC. You are going to work hard. You will not be able to escape from professors or just go off and do what you feel like doing instead of doing your work. It’s likely to be more rigorous at the LAC and expectations might be very high, both from professors and your family.
What’s your GPA to date? Your quarter GPA?
You can point out that you were studying and in the library, just not “logged in” (if school is remote) but that you turned your work in as is demonstrated on your transcript (grades were bad for 10 days, but are B’s now, meaning your turned A-work.)
Note that MANY students are hit by “senioritis” in the Spring of senior year. It hit you a bit earlier but you’ve righted the ship.
To answer your question:
The only valid reason for breaking an ED agreement is if your parents are in new, unexpected financial circumstances that prevent them from sending you to the school. However they can’t do anything to you or to them - they can (and will, if it’s a selective LAC) consider that applications from your school are untrustworthy, since not only did you and your parents sign the ED agreement, but your guidance counselor did too.
So, yes, breaking the ED agreement can happen, and it does happen, and there are consequences.
However, the consequences described above fall on those other than the ED breaker, so there is little incentive against breaking ED in this case, unless the high school does something like withhold final transcripts for an ED breaker.
ED agreements have always been toothless, and are not legally enforceable. Schools don’t want a student to attend somewhere they don’t want to go. I know we have talked about a college potentially punishing a HS if they have an ED breaker, but it seems to me that isn’t happening right now…especially if it’s just a one off type of situation, and not a pattern.
I see double and triple depositers as committing a much worse offense, and colleges are looking the other way on that too, due to the pandemic…at least last year they did, and I’m assuming that will also be true this year.
Other colleges can rescind acceptance of a student that was accepted ED elsewhere, even if the student has decided to break the ED contract. So the student doesn’t have to go to the ED school, but they may not be able to go elsewhere either.
First of all, you are not the only person who has had something like this happen. If it is a reflection of a pattern on your part, then frankly, I think your parents are being generous in saying that they’ll pay for housing at the local state school. In my house, you would have commuted.
But let’s see what can be done. It sounds as if you were unhappy with classes, and so cut them and went to the library, and your grades dropped. You’ve not gotten them back up.
You need to think to yourself why this happened. Be honest with yourself. Is this something that could happen in college? Not every class turns out to be perfect in college, either, but you have to push through to finish. Once you’re honest with yourself, then sit down with your parents, and be honest with them. Explain to them why this happened, and what you can do in the future if you’re having trouble with a class, for whatever reason. Then discuss with them why you feel that the LAC will be better for you than the local state college. Don’t denigrate it, just explain why the LAC is better. The reality is that people will go to the local college and do well, too, so saying that the teachers and students at the local college will be indifferent and unmotivated won’t reflect well upon you.
Meanwhile, work very hard in your classes, to get the grades back up. Go to the teachers, apologize, ask if there’s any makeup work you can do.
And if your parents won’t budge, take it and be glad that they’re paying for college at all.
No, you won’t suffer if you back out of the ED agreement. You can tell them that family finances changed.
It’s within specific circles of peer institutions (ie., NESCAC, and I’ve heard of Ivy League but might be apocryphal.) A kid who ED’d Colby who breaks the ED agreement to attend Bowdoin for instance. It wouldn’t apply if the kid broke the agreement for financial reasons (unless they have extra FA laying around and really want that student, there’s not much they can do if their FA formula means the school isn’t affordable) or even to attend UMaine (which isn’t a peer institution).
OP indicated s/he had completed the missing or late assignments and now has a B.
If you’re an intellectual kid in an athletic HS for instance, you may be exhausted with what matters to your classmates and dream to go to a LAC where you’ll find peers. “Hiding in the library” is actually a well-known “teen coping system” and doesn’t indicate a slacker.
Hopefully all of OP’s grades since then have been A’s and B’s, so that OP can prove it was just a short moment of confusion and exhaustion or whatever.
Since the DOJ started looking into sharing of ED info several years ago among some of the LACs, I’m pretty sure this type of behind the scenes behavior was stopped by colleges based on legal feedback. (I know a trustee at one of the NESCACs being investigated).