Parents' Cafe: Why Are We Doing This?

<p>Thanks Cecil, my fear level has now been upgraded to "cautiously optimistic" :)</p>

<p>Mine too Cecil. I dread those six weeks. But I also have an older daughter at home. All of our friends and family are so concerned about her, it's heartwarming. They are afraid she will be lonely and probably jealous. I think she will be a little bit of both but she is handling it very well. She is looking forward to having more one-on-one time with her parents and not having a bratty, nagging, bossy, "little" sister around (little only in age in this case). This also allows us all to focus on getting her resume reading for college apps. So we have a lot to focus on besides missing the bs-girl. I actually think the anticipation is worse than the actual reality will be. We'll miss her, but we'll be able to live vicariously through her as well. I'm excited, sad, and scared all at one time. I think I will be relieved when she is finally there and we can get back to a "normal" life at home.</p>

<p>I know this is a parents forum, but a figured you parents could be a huge help. I am 15 and going into sophmore year at a public hs. I wanted to board for all of hs, but parents shut me down. I always remembered it and still aspired it, yet figured I would just have to get over it. The problem is, I really can't. I want to go to bs so badly, and even asked again. I am allowed to apply according to my dad, and my mom was upset and took it personal. I origionally wanted schools all in the NE area, but realized it is too far fetched. I think my only chance of getting the approval for bs is something closer to home. I am currently considering Peddie, Lawrenceville, Blair Academy, and Hun School at Princeton. They are 1hr to 1 hr 30 mins away, so i could visit home on weekends. What advice would you have for me? I have the grades to get into almost any school I want, and I am a multisport athlete (football, winter track, lacrosse) so that could only help in admissions. What fact or thing finally made you let your kid apply? thanks in advance! mburgos13</p>

<p>One thing I was interested in is that there was a whole bunch of concerned, caring, available adults who were going to be helping me raise my daughter. I wanted her to have the life time connections that many alumni from small boarding schools have.</p>

<p>By the way, St Andrew's in Delaware isn't too far from Princeton.</p>

<p>D'yer
Your point is very well made.
One of the reasons older d does not want to leave PHS is that she is on the Dance team which is recognized statewide and has been invited to the Nationals this year - BS does not have that.</p>

<p>As to every choice, there are always a plus and a minus.</p>

<p>I think I meant in my post that "really sad what older is missing" is more of a "younger d will be alright going away at age 13" (and guess which one I am closest to?</p>

<p>mburgos</p>

<p>As I was trying to say, what got me convinced for my d was the 8 people per class around a Harkness table as opposed to 30 sitting in traditional rows.
Have your Dad and Mom go to the schools and sit in a class and then come back home and sit in a class. I think that will convince them.</p>

<p>thanks princessdad. I really appreciate all input, as you all know it first hand!</p>

<p>Just began a r-e-a-l-l-y h-a-r-d week. Within the space of six days both of our two are gone. Dropped D off at NMH yesterday. S is leaving for an exchange year abroad next Wednesday. I know all the things to say and think - I've said them for others and thought them for myself - but it's still a sad time.</p>

<p>Hang in there Laxtaxi! This may sound crazy but I dragged out a 1000 piece jigsaw puzzle after s left last year. Who knew you could happily spend many hours not thinking about your child when you are trying to fit little puzzle pieces together :) Should have done this when he was a newborn!</p>

<p>As a stay-home mom with only one child, I really don't know what will happen after he left. I'm so afraid I will be lazy on bed for the whole cold winter morning. Maybe I should joint a yoga or any excise classes which will force me get up. Or maybe I should get a part time job?</p>

<p>I feel for you Laxi, I have to say my goodbye in 6 days. ....I keep reminding myself BS has alot of breaks, parents weekends in the Fall, Thanksgiving, lots of time over winter holidays, and almost 4 months in the summer....</p>

<p>arling - A job is not a bad idea especially if you can return to something you enjoy doing. I already have one myself... A new exercise routine sounds good to me too, but it has to be something that will actually compel you to get going. Maybe with a friend who can hold you accountable? I also like the 1000 piece jigsaw puzzle. That's a great idea. How about a new pet? I'm looking forward to getting two kittens myself. We were going to do it anyway as our dear cat passed away recently but that's something I'm looking forward to - they will be a lot of work because they are little.</p>

<p>One door closes and another one opens.</p>

<p>It was hard for me 2 years ago, and I still remember how numbed and heavy I felt after dropping off the only. After 2 weeks went by, I had to bring something to campus, and I was delighted to see happiness all over my son. It made it all worthwhile, and life went on.</p>

<p>Gym, new job, interesting volunteer work, another foreign language, more time with friends ..... many new opportunities will open. And most schools have parent volunteer possibilities too.</p>

<p>Though we'll get to see D every few weeks at Parents Weekend and maybe FH game or two, not so with S. He is only a HS senior. As I said he leaves 9/3 and won't be back 'til July. There are deployments to Iraq that are shorter. Here we are just starting the college app thing with him. Next time he's home he will only be here long enough to have a few weeks to get ready to leave to some college or university. That is just so hard to fathom right now...</p>

<p>I hope all make it through this tough time with flying colors. Work and hobbies/sports are good time fillers. I have spent years thinking that I would join a book group, and I have never had the time. My work expands to fill much of my available time....</p>

<p>Tomorrow we're leaving with the car packed and barely enough room for dd to sit! She is starting her senior year. I still cry everytime we are pulling into the school. I know, though, what a wonderful opportunity this has been for her and can not be any prouder.</p>

<p>Could use some support here, parents. 10th grade D left for BS last week and this morning 12th grade S left for a year abroad as an exchange student in lieu of his senior year at local HS. Heart feels even emptier than the house. Supposed to be working but I cannot focus. I know all the reasons and explanations why this is the right thing and I believe it in my soul, and I wouldn't make a different decision in either case. But it...just...hurts. Will see D in a few weeks, but S - probably not until next July unless we can arrange to visit the country where he's living -which is generally frowned upon by the organization.. I'll even miss his 18th b'day.</p>

<p>Laxtaxi, my heart goes out to you. My oldest has left but I've got two younger ones to squeeze. It's amazing how fast their childhoods go, when I was a kid it took forever just to get through the 4th grade! </p>

<p>My MIL told my DH "you've lost her." My husband said to me (after he hung up the phone) that his mom didn't realize she had lost him around that time too, just he was living at home. It's around that time that I became very distant from my parents and stopped communicating. I had an afterschool job, skipped dinner, did homework, hung out with friends and listened to music which correlated with my feelings of disaffection. </p>

<p>What my D has instead is a whole community she is submerged in, one that perfectly caters to adolescent/teenage development. And from that environment, she writes to us in such an honest and open way that I never did with my parents. I'll take this open teenager over the sulky pouty unavailable one that I was.</p>

<p>I hope the pain of the separation from your kids lessens quickly. Parenthood is not for sissies!</p>

<p>What a nice post, Grejuni. Laxtaxi, I am sure you will be fine. That taxi is going to get a rest, and less driving will subtract tons of stress from your life if you live even anywhere near a major city. With your "free" time, you need to pamper yourself. Go to a yoga class, etc. Since your finances probably are stretched due to tuition etc, a run or a bike ride or a nice walk in the woods can refresh you. Your kids will be fine, and will always remember what you have done for them. I am still hoping to join a book group or take an evening class one day....</p>

<p>laxtaxi - I feel for you! I found it much harder than I thought it would be when my D left for BS last year and I still have a child at home so I can only imagine what you are going through! I am dreading having her go off in a few days. </p>

<p>She and I have always been close. An upside to her going away is that, in many ways, we have grown even closer. She seeks out my advice on many things and talks very openly to me about things. It is important when living in a dorm full of other teen girls to have an outlet and someone to talk to who you know has your best interests at heart and will keep your secrets safe. I am glad to provide that for my daughter. The conversations can be come more meaningful when they can be something other than "clean up your room" or "have you studied enough for that test". </p>

<p>For right now, my best advice is to keep busy as much as you can...</p>

<p>Your posts are all very helpful - thank you. I think things will start to improve when I hear from S that he is safe and sound in his host country. I texted D today and asked her to call me if (and only if) she gets a chance. She texted back and told me she would call me after her homework was done -would it be ok if that is after 10pm? One week into the BS environment and already she is thinking about time management. As for me, I can't decide whether it feels better to be surrounded by and receiving calls from friends to keep me occupied and engaged, or just to be alone and see how that feels...</p>