<p>Lax,
There is more to what you say than we care to admit. My daughter was out sick almost a full year and the school provided tutors. Started lots of rumors. It was during this time that she came out with "I want to go to a boarding school". (also older daughter did not have books in honors bio and the 10 kids in all honors had to do a teacher's aide period as no other class thanks to NKLB)</p>
<p>You know the saying... he who laughs last... Last year when I mentioned that my son was looking into boarding schools, I received horrified looks. It is amazing how a year later some of those same people are changing their tune. I have now become the brave, unselfish parent who is allowing my child to follow his dream and the expert who can answer their questions as they contemplate bs for their kids.</p>
<p>I needed a place to vent... Today I ran into my son's old assistant soccer coach. He assumed that he was going to the local public hs. When I mentioned BS he went on and on about a friend who taught at a BS 20 years ago and said that the school was all rich sad kids who never saw their parents. </p>
<p>Now what amazed me is that he would bother me with his stupidity. Even if he thought it was true, why would he mention this after I told him that my son is going to BS. It seemed very tacky to me.... If anything it made me happy that my son wouldn't be going to a school where I would have to run into ignorant people. </p>
<p>Sorry for the rant....</p>
<p>Some people are just oblivious to the world around them. This happens all the time...and not just with boarding school. I've had people go on extended rants about my career, my geographic location, my religion, and pretty much every other important choice I've made in my life. Each time I make a heartfelt choice, I can count on there being at least one dolt who will feel compelled to share with me some story or tale that serves no purpose other than to denigrate my decision.</p>
<p>The response that I don't ever have the guts to offer: "You can't begin to understand how I appreciate your viewpoint on [something you value in your life]. And I hope one day to return your favor. If you should find yourself in a similar situation, please do not hesitate to call me so I can tell you all the ways that your decision sucks. It will be my pleasure."</p>
<p>You could smile and yeah he missed the soccer scholorship due to bad coaching :)</p>
<p>What really bothers me is when people assume we are sending our daughter to military school for disciplinary problems. These are people who know us and know our daughter.</p>
<p>Warriorboy648, good for you for ranting here rather than at the offending coach. If he is ignorant enough to say such things he is unlikely to be enlightened by pretty much anything you have to say in response. I love imagining snappy come-backs (good ones Dyer and Princess', but in reality they really don't help much and just confirm the offender's false notions. Remember your 6/22/08 post! If you really want to be magnanimous you could view the world through his eyes and feel sad for him and the limits he perceives. Imagine how limited your world view would have to be to feel threatened by someone who makes a choice different than your own.</p>
<p>laxtaxi - thanks for the support..</p>
<p>@ PhotoOp: I find that it helps to avoid using the verb "send" when describing which school your child attends, is going to, has chosen, prefers, can't wait to return to..." When someone says they are sending their child to boarding school, it practically begs the listener to think of the experience as punitive.</p>
<p>These parents wouldn't say, "I sent my daughter to school this morning at 8 a.m." They would say, "My daughter went/took the bus/drove to school this morning at 8 a.m." If you use the vocabulary that they can relate to I bet you'll find that you're less likely to have the disconnect.</p>
<p>I find that if I say my daughters are attending prep school, instead of boarding school, it seems to have a more positive connotation.</p>
<p>I've read many post of the myriad of emotions experienced by first-time students as they countdown to their first day. The question for parents/caregivers of these students is how's it going? Freaking out? Is it <em>real</em> for you yet?</p>
<p>Yep, I'm freaking out. Sometimes I feel like crying, sometimes I can't wait, most of the time I have butterflies in my stomach as if I were the one going. But I'm not. How about you?</p>
<p>My son enters 8th grade next week so we're just beginning the official app process. Haven't experienced any stomach pangs yet. I want to learn from current parents so that maybe, by this time next year, I'll have a few takaways to ease the process.</p>
<p>My freaking out was last spring. It was all about ME. Over time I've come to understand that this is about HER. Now I am very happy for her and proud that I have been able to support her in this, emotionally and financially. I have been sad - especially because both S AND D are leaving the "nest" for the first time this year - but I am choosing to look optimistically toward this next phase of our family's life.</p>
<p>I'm mostly optimistic too, laxtaxi. I really liked your post in the past about what you will NOT miss - you described my daughter exactly. There are things that I will miss and things that will be a relief to not have to deal with for awhile. That's why I'm not 100% sure where the butterflies are coming from but they have been there for the past six weeks or so.</p>
<p>PhotoOp -- I'm like you; while very excited for my S (and he is SO excited, doesn't seem to be nervous at all), I am also sad at him leaving so young, and can cry very easily about it....we're going to a school sponsored event tonight for incoming students, which all of us are looking forward to. Still, next week when he goes, it's not going to be easy. Plus the whole family dynamic will change quite a bit with just his younger brother at home. I still think that this is a sacrifice that we parents make to lose out on seeing them every day when they get home fron school and before their first dates, dances, etc. But of course, overall I'm thrilled for his opportunity, or he wouldn't be going.</p>
<p>We are all human, and humans don't embrace change easily. It is hard to remember all the changes all our families have been through already. First day of school, first time they drive in a car without you, first time they drive a car without you. Other changes, too - moving to a new home, losing a job, losing a loved one. I can remember distinctly being sad the first time my children talked to one another about me, as if I was not in the room. It was so weird to think they were going to develop lives that didn't center around me and spouse. But I not only survived it, the next stage was better.</p>
<p>One thing I am reminding myself regularly is not to feel shame, embarrassment or anger at being sad. It is an emotional time. To deny that is to deny an important part of ourselves. Not only that, but it models bad behavior for our children. I never want my children to grow up blocked emotionally or feelling shameful at experiencing an emotion that others might consider "negative." The correct response to "I feel sad" is not "don't be sad." The correct response is "I understand, me too."</p>
<p>EDIT: I meant to say "the right response FOR ME." It is wrong to project that on others...</p>
<p>2 more days and she still is not packed. That frustration is something I will unfortunately miss as it is her.</p>
<p>But. Older daughter in PHS and does not want to go to BS. She is on Dance team and all honors. Went to her PTA today and class sizes of +/- 30 as compared to +/- 10 at BS. Really excited for younger and feel sad as to what older may be missing.</p>
<p>@ Princess'Dad: My older brother and I were in much the same boat as your daughters. He preferred the BIG time experience of public school and I tilted toward the smaller prep school environment. We've cleaved to those preferences throughout life. College was the same. And even career-wise, I've stuck to smaller organizations and working units while he's thrived in larger team environments. Even when he had his own business, he built a rather large team around him! Maybe older daughter is getting exactly what she'll need from school to prepare her for what's ahead!</p>
<p>And I'm sure that I'm putting too much emphasis into your word choice "missing" but I'll add this: there's never really any comparison that's made once the choice has been made. I analogize this and other choices to shopping for a television at Crazy Phil's Electronic Emporium where you watch all of these amazing TVs side-by-side and compare them to each other. But once you buy one -- perhaps the one with fewer bells and whistles -- and bring it home, you experience it for what it is, not for how it stacks up to the other models in the showroom you can't see or compare it against any more. And in that isolation, it's hard to have regrets or miss out on the experience those other TVs might offer. So don't worry, because I doubt that she is feeling -- or ever will feel -- that she missed out on a boarding school experience.</p>
<p>I try to remind myself of this in the context of many types of decisions where I've got a choice among lots of terrific options. At the time it seems very difficult to give up those other choices by making a decision that limits me to one. I assure myself that once my decision has been made, I'll be experiencing my selection one-on-one and not in the "showroom" where I have to make that difficult choice. In that context, it's hard to ever feel like you're missing something that's back at the showroom. </p>
<p>As a parent, you're sort of like Crazy Phil. You still see all those choices that are out there that she passed over. In that light, I can see how you might feel sad as to what your older daughter is missing because your perspective is still in that showroom. But if her decision has been made and she's caught up in Dance Team and thriving academically, I don't think she's missing anything that you're looking at. So at least don't feel sad that she's got something to be remorseful over. She's not missing a thing. What you're missing, I think, is her being able to experience the choice you wanted her to make...and that's a much different thing.</p>
<p>To all you parents who are sending their child away to bs for the first time -
Last year when ds left my neighbor told me that the first 2 weeks would be awful, the next two tough and the 3rd two weeks would be alright. After that, it is clear sailing. This was all based on her experience of having her only leave for college a few years prior. She was absolutely right. After the first 6 weeks you will have hit your stride and contact with your son/daughter will be something to look forward to and the missing part will not be a constant thing.</p>
<p>As ds heads back this year I know I will miss him again but I also know that he is heading back to a school and friends that he loves. I am looking forward to grocery bills UNDER $300 a week, NOT having "stuff" all over the house, less laundry and no pressure to make dinner!</p>
<p>So, there is a light at the end of the tunnel and it isn't a train. Those first few weeks are tough, but all will be fine. BUT, still was hard not to cry when we left at the end of parent's weekend :)</p>