Is she doing/arranging for the yardwork and maintenance now? Or is someone else (one of your siblings?) doing that?
She may never need more than the independent/assisted living, but if she does, does a higher level of care exist at this facility? And, if she runs out of money, will they not kick her out, but take Medicaid? Those are /were important considerations for me, as we are investigating places for my mother.
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The question is once one moved to the assisted living in her community - what happens with decline from there and also is the AL in with independent living and skilled care? It may be stand alone, with no buy in. However, what happens when her health declines and she no longer can be in assisted living? With sale of her home, what is her bundle of assets - and how long could she go before running out of money?
You may very likely need to look at some options. It is always good to ferret out some options and maybe present the ‘best’ of another option if you are concerned that the move to this assisted living is not the right thing for her overall. If seeing that she may not want to do another option, of course seeing how long she can be in her current home (and also examining the costs for her being there) - while also thinking through various scenarios where she can live comfortably and happily through the rest of her life.
Is she contemplating giving up driving, or is she willing to give up driving before she ‘has to’? What are her costs to live in her home now compared to what her costs would be elsewhere? Does she have enough funds to ‘buy in’ to a community?
If she has her mind set on this community, and it is financially feasible, one does need to look at the details – pros and cons – and knowing your mother, can also think through her daily routine and how she can adapt (or not adapt).
I think if there is a group of strong willed residents who act like they ‘run the place’ - if anyone has been in a HOA or such that there are some people that are a thorn in one’s side – one can also see if mother’s personality can tolerate this kind of situation.
One bedroom apartment, $3700/month. Hard to ‘know’ with healthy 84 YO woman how long she can be there - both health wise, and depending on home sale and other assets, financially. Once going to skilled care, that cost per month more than doubles - so for sure to run out of assets – and that for her (and most) is an unhappy move. Moving ‘up’ in level of care within a same complex emotionally as well as in other ways can lessen the blow of moving out of IL/AL.
One can look at average length of time once someone moves into IL/AL - but a woman can often live a very long life.
It also depends on where close family lives, and being able to oversee her care once her health does decline, and a drastic decline. It again depends on mother and your family on ability to handle these transitions and needs.
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Another thing we learned at the place our mom lives—the institution decides which level of care you are placed in if you opt to leave independent living. They can place you in AL and then decide over the patient and family’s objection you need memory care. When they evaluated my mom, they said she was on borderline between AL and memory care. We opted to keep her in Independent living, but the 24/7 care is costly.
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In my father’s assisted living they reevaluate him every year to determine level of care (which he has to sign off on). They also do this at every readmittance after a hospital stay.
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We are in the process to help my mom and dad move to an independent living place 10 minutes from my sister. Dad has had mild cognitive issues for a few years and I think the stress and anxiety has pushed my mom right past his level. My sister and bil spent three weeks down there helping with the de-cluttering and getting the house ready to list. Listing went live Tuesday night and Wednesday was a steady parade of potential buyers as well as the realtor open house. They have a wonderful agent who is managing the whole process magnificently. By Wednesday night there were 4 offers and for more appointments booked for this morning.
Now we just have to 
That the new place will be ready! It’s been a roller coaster.
ETA there is also an AL wing but they do allow IL residents to hire caregivers on their own.
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Good luck @dragonmom. The idea of hiring help and remaining in independent living is one I never considered, but if you can afford it, I hear that works out really well.
My mother’s best friend in her assisted living died yesterday after a bad overnight fall. She had severe COPD and probably went to the bathroom without oxygen. or maybe tripped on the tubing. Kind of an end of an era at the AL.
I dreamt about the friend last night, but have not dreamt about my mother. I wonder if her friend is sort of a proxy until my dream brain can handle my own loss.
Burial and memorial service were a week ago (grandkids spoke. and my daughter wrote music for it). People ask me if I am facing a void and the answer is no. Already signed up for an art class. Why did I stop?
While you are caregiving you don’t know how draining it is. I can feel that now. I hope everyone can take care of themselves! Get out for that art class or whatever your version of that is!
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Thanks for checking in compmom. Glad you are doing art again.
For sure! It takes some time to have more of a perspective on it. Good for you, @compmom. 
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I cannot tell you how many older people fall on the way to the bathroom - either trip on something or are not careful enough - maybe rushing to not have an accident. For many it is a start to decline, or is what eventually precipitates their death. I saw a lot of it in my job doing Rehab Admissions Nursing Assessments.
It’s so sad. The injuries were horrific and she died in 12 hours.
My mom fell yesterday for the first time, luckily she is unhurt apart from a small knee scrape. I was getting out of the drivers side to come around for her, and hear this tiny yelp and she starts calling my name. Landed hands and knees, didnt hit her head but scared her badly (me too).
My dad’s cognitive issues continue. I wish his/their pcp could see their daily life and understand that he is faced with some serious deficits. Cannot remember the day or date, can’t maintain focus, and not being able to see very well doesn’t help.
@compmom thanks for checking in, it is good to hear you have a class to lookforward to
@greenbutton I (and one of the AL nurses) resorted to videos and recordings. In my old support group, the hardest thing for everyone was that providers didn’t see the real picture, especially when our parents, even those with dementia and physical disabilities, seem to perform so well in front of docs and nurses.
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Yes, my mom forgets that she’s supposed to let the aides help her when she gets up and moves around and goes to the bathroom. They mostly remember to keep an eagle eye on her and don’t count on her to alert them. She is fiercely independent and thinks she can do whatever without any help (tho has needed help for several years).
Security warning:
We are currently staying in my MILs condo and I finally got curious about the local EMS magnet on the refrigerator door alerting the parmedics about who the resident was. OMG. Inside the red pill bottle sized container was lots of helpful info for the EMS. And for anyone else. My MILs DOB, SS#, Medicare #. So shredding all that now. Check whats your parent’s “red pill bottle” n the fridge.
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In our state the pink MOLST form is left out where EMS can see it. It details DNR, whether patient can be transported to hospital (versus hospice), artificial nutrition, hydration and ventilation etc. Not sure EMT’s need anything else other than name, and proxy’s phone number.
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If transported, that info is helpful to pull up old medical records and merge new encounter with old ones. EMTs are bound by HIPAA laws.
I was curious and just downloaded the MA MOLST form (just name, dob, maybe medical record number):
MASSACHUSETTS MEDICAL ORDERS
for LIFE-SUSTAINING TREATMENT
(MOLST) www.molst-ma.org
Patient’s Name _________________________________
Date of Birth ___________________________________
Medical Record Number if applicable: _
IDK if you have kept some kind of a log of your parents (especially the daily loss of functioning on dad) - so you can summarize in a short written list - dad stopped being able to do XYZ 1 year ago, ABC 9 months ago, DEF 6 months ago. These are his loss of thought processes - and go back from how high functioning to how low functioning - and if periodic.
The mom’s fall was also scary for her because another sign their life as they know it is (in their home) is going downhill fast.
Your PCP may have digital medical records and may be willing to scan in your summary to his records on your dad.
Something to think about as things go on with your mom.
I have kept a medical time line on myself since I had aggressive stage IIIa cancer in 2009 (and with survival, other medical issues), and just starting keeping medical time line on DH since last year. When we travel, I bring along some of our medical information folders. My ‘time line’ is a one line summary of any medical interaction - and note medication start/stop, highlight with any scans, surgeries. I ask for copies of scans/interpretation-reading. Some areas may have medical personnel all on one electronic medical records system - we have various 'system’s - oncology, cardiology, orthopedic and urology have their own systems which can interface with hospital/radiology/testing, hospital, urgent care, and medical mall system. PCP still have medical chart.