Yeah, I don’t think my dad is going to be able to afford his companion much longer. LTC insurance has been paying a good part of her salary, but he’s doing so well now there’s no way that will continue.
Is the companion basically keeping them company? Trying to figure out what the purpose is. Or what their purpose is.
Mostly being noisy
For my father, the companion is keeping him company (although he is mostly zoned out watching tv - not like they sit and chit chat all day). Doing little things for him - like bringing him things he can’t reach. They will wheel him from his room to public areas (he gets around in a wheelchair).
I spoke to my father’s lawyer today. He is looking into getting him into a VA facility instead of a Medicaid one. Hopefully that will work out.
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For my dad, basically the same as @kiddie 's dad. She also runs errands, does laundry, and keeps his apartment picked up. I know she makes life easier for my sister, ha.
Since my dad is in an assisted living - he is already paying for the facility to do his laundry and keep his apartment clean. So the aide has even less to do.
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We have a nice VA facility here (Skilled care, and there is a memory unit as well) - and with so many veterans in our area, it is a wait list to get in. Good luck with placement! Our families are very happy with the VA facility. It took a while to work out the ‘kinks’ - when they first opened, they first had a management company that was not good - and once that changed, things were on the upswing. I taught LPNs two semesters, and I was in that facility one semester.
My DD1 works for a VA Hospital. Veterans heavily use the hospital, especially ER. They are remodeling to meet the expanding ER needs.
And that is important. As the child who was local to my parents, my siblings had no idea how much time was involved in doing what I did for our parents until I started tallying up the hours and situations I encountered.
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I emailed my siblings most days, almost like a diary. I always thought it might annoy them but now that my mother is gone, my brother has put them all in a folder and is rereading. (Also doing this post-passing, which is as much work as before my mother died, so far.)
As a side note, I always sought consensus on decisions, but as the responsible person, reserved the right to make the final one (and invoked proxy/P of A made that a legal right.
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The lawyer is putting my father on the wait list now - hopefully to get him in there in a few months (around the time my father’s money runs out).
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My mom would like to move into assisted living in her community where she has many friends.
The cost for a one bedroom apartment is $3700 a month. Includes all meals. She hasn’t mentioned a buy in but that would have be investigated. I know she thinks there isn’t one.
My sister thinks that is very expensive and she could find another place cheaper but it wouldn’t be in the community where she lives now.
Currently I think between social security and her pension, she has about 2700 a month in income.
She would have to use the proceeds of her house sale and her limited savings to make up the difference. She’s 84
Any opinions? Right now she’s going to stay in her house for another year and see how things go. She’s fine in the house but getting tired of the upkeep. My dad has been gone for 10 years.
What would her additional expenses be? Are internet and phone included? Cable? Some medical expenses? $44,000 a year a year if everything is covered isn’t a particularly expensive lifestyle - what does she currently spend monthly now with food, property taxes, maintenance/repair, utilities (heat, water, electric, cable, internet) etc. Would she give up her car? That’s a big savings. I’d add up what she spends now and my guess it wouldn’t be that far off.
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That’s not a bad price, although costs vary by area. My MIL paid more than that, but when she moved 3 hours within the same state, the cost is lower. I think the first was $4800 - it was in her hometown, and it was amazing. No extra costs for typical services, including cable/phone/internet, but it was about $1,500 less expensive when she was considered independent living (assisted meant additional help such as showers). Her new one, closer to her D, is $2800. There are extra charges for cable/phone/internet and services, such as giving her meds. Neither required a buy in. She has a number of friends who are in a facility in her hometown that requires a very expensive buy in, and monthly rent is really high. Her friends had a lot of complaints about their place, but they weren’t about to leave because of the buy in. OTOH, we met people at MIL’s first place that left other facilities to come to hers. The new place is pretty meh, to be honest, but she has stated that the only way she’s leaving is in a box.
My in laws didn’t move into an AL facility until they were 91 & 92. There were plenty of people your mom’s age. The first place had an incredibly wonderful social program, and staff worked hard to make everyone feel included. The new one is smaller, with a core group of women who apparently never left middle school. If MIL actually wanted to interact with other residents (she does not - she is currently just waiting to die, to be blunt), she would not be happy with the options. The point is, your mom should spend enough time there to know she’d be happy. Knowing what I know from experience with my in laws, I would opt for a place that isn’t too small … that lends itself to the possibility of a vibrant social scene & less influence in case of mean girls.
I think a good independent/assisted living facility can be awesome for an older person. Money is an important consideration, though.
P.S. If she can stay with her friends, it will really help her stay “with it” mentally. If she needs to be moved closer to one of her kids down the road, you can cross that bridge then.
Excellent advice Juno. My mom moved to independent living at the end of the summer. She was tired of car and condo maintenance. Her cost is approx $3900/month. She has adjusted well and says she loves not having to worry about upkeep. She only gets one meal so does have some food expenses and pays for a landline. She quit driving and sold her car. Between no insurance for car/condo, no monthly condo fees, no monthly pest spray or cleaning lady her expenses are minimal. My mother chose to move her furniture and is really glad to have her things (a friend told her to get rid of her stuff and buy new). She has one or two acquaintances now in the new place. I think it would be worth the money if possible for your mom to move where her friends live.
Yes, it’s important to compare costs with the cost of living independently. No property tax, home insurance, home upkeep costs, food costs, utilities, etc. If she wants a car, she’ll probably use it less - if she gives it up, no car insurance, gas or upkeep.
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Thanks so much. These are very important questions to investigate with mom.
I think it would be independent living not assisted living. She’s just so tired of the upkeep of the house.
Today I think she would keep her car but not sure. She usually just drives to her bridge games, the grocery store and doctor appointments.
She’s so happy in the community where she lives, really don’t want her to move unless she has to. It would be hard to move to a community where she’s never lived at this point.
Mom investigated her costs living at home over thanksgiving so those costs have been gone over, but I think my sister is wrong as I think independent living is expensive everywhere. I’m pretty sure that her costs now are at least $1000 less than the independent living.
And that upkeep costs money and time too. And the house is likely too large for her needs, right? I think the move sounds terrific.
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I do also. She’s going to stay in the house for one more year and then I hope that all of us can agree that it’s the right move for mom.
Actually the house is right sized. A very nice 1600 sq ft 3 bedroom, 2 bath ranch. It’s the yard and maintenance that are tiring.
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Keep in mind that as she ages she may need to pay for more services. Things like cleaning, laundry, additional help with meals, stuff like that.
My father’s costs in his assisted living went up quite significantly as his health and mobility deteriorated. He now pays for them to do his medicine distribution, shower and dress him, get him out of bed in the morning and back into bed at night, stuff like that.
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My mom lives in the independent unit but she has 24/7 assistants to help her go to the bathroom and make/serve breakfast and heat her dinner, reminding her to eat each meal and exercise with her.
It’s expensive but helps keep her safe.
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