Have a label put on charger—patient x’s charger, room yyy, so it can be returned in case it wanders.
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@kiddie had the same thing happen with my mom. I talk to her everyday and she is absolutely not confused or in any way cognitively deficient.
Last week she told me she was glad to see her house because she her nails needed to be clipped and there wasn’t a manicurist there.
I could have sent you nail tools and mom said why I have some at home. 
I can’t get to your house but I can order anything from Amazon.
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Also when someone goes to the hospital - have their stuff labeled in case it doesn’t get packed when transferring out or leaving the hospital.
I mean, the only alternatives are abandonment or euthanasia of the person with dementia. My late MIL and her sister both screamed insults/hit/pinched the people trying to change their Depends, brush their teeth, etc., whether that person was their spouse or a staff member. Of course it isn’t okay. It’s just the least horrific option. (Unless the person with dementia is me, in which case I heartily endorse euthanasia.)
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I do think a psych evaluation (there are psych facilities that a patient/resident gets balanced on the right medications to treat any form of dementia or other psych issues) would be in order. When working skilled care and rehab, a combative patient would transfer to the psych facility, then transfer back when stabilized.
This is 2023. There are medications to help stabilize these long term care patients - be it with home care or facility care. They just need to be transported (via ambulance or EMS) to the psych hospital/facility if they need to get meds re-adjusted. Sometimes it may be a distance for a bed to be available - be it an hour away or closer. And maybe they need to be in long term psych care and be on Medicaid once they run out of personal finances.
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Good post. Our local hospital has reserved its psych floor primarily for geriatric patients. They did accept my son (since he had catatonic episodes and needed to be in a medical setting), and he said he didn’t mind being with elderly people. The care was excellent.
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As long as it’s tolerated, then it’s okay (actions speak louder than words). How awful for your FIL that he had to put up with this kind of abuse.
I get what you mean, but "put up with " conjures (for me) a sense that somehow the patient can be reasoned with, and they’ll engage with cognitive power and alter their behavior.
In the midst of caregiving,I think most people just don’t have the bandwidth for that sort of behavioral therapy and certainly the patient’s ability to change is very limited. I think loading caregivers with an expectation that they change a problem behavior is asking a lot. Look at all the sundowning here – you are just trying to keep somebody safe and relatively calm. Everything else is secondary.
My dad does not have dementia, but we find it hard to “reason” with him. It’s like explaining physics to a child. My aunt had early inset Alzheimer’s and she was at times restrained at her facility bc there was no other way to care for her physical needs (she attacked people she thought were strangers or coming to harm her).
It’s all very hard, and very sad. Hugs and virtual chocolate to all
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My friend’s dad, a brilliant doctor, grew very physically combative as his Alzheimer’s progressed. The kids made their mom put him in a facility (they were fortunate to be able to afford that), because there was no way to keep her safe. This was a man who would never have struck anyone, let alone his wife, before the disease.
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That’s interesting, because that’s not what “put up with” means at all to me!
That’s what should happen – the spouse is protected from physical and mental abuse.
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Mom moved into her independent living apartment today.
My husband has had some medical issues so I needed to be here for him. My sister is there helping mom.
My sister cannot stop gushing about the place. It’s even nicer than she could have thought. They have a coffee bar! And you can have a glass of wine with dinner!
So 
that mom agrees and settles in ok. She’s being a bit stubborn. She doesn’t want to buy anything new, or spend any more money. The grab bars she has that suction on are just fine. My sister is being strong!
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That’s how my sister and I felt when we found the facility where my dad now lives. It’s so beautiful. And the food is incredible.
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So frustrating. My father has been in this place 6 weeks now. Last week, he tells me he doesn’t have a phone charger. Today he tells me he is missing his eyeglasses, hasn’t had them since he got there. He calls me (no exaggeration) 50 times a day (I only answer a couple of times) and complains about ridiculous things like they haven’t brought him lunch yet, and now he mentions not having his glasses. I will have to track them down, but it would have been easier to do when he first got there. How was this not important to him before now? This one I really think the place should have called me about, unless he is confused about the glasses and he does have them? UGH!
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@kiddie. I am sure that @compmom has lots of stories about her late mother calling her on her phone to tell her she can’t find her phone. Hopefully it will get better soon as your dad is there longer. I always found with my stepmother that transitions back to something resembling the previous baseline took quite a while.
I love the one where the patient was on her cell phone with her family “I can’t find my cell phone.” True story.
Oh I have gotten those calls also. Calling from his cell phone complaining that his cell phone is not working.
To quote my late mother when she was failing- "You’ll be old someday. "
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My mother’s record was 37 calls in one day, though I later found even more that I had not seen.
Yup, got the call asking where her phone was. Here’s another one:
My mother to the dining room server at her AL: “What’s the soup today?”
Server: “You’re eating it.”
She would also gather clothes to “put in storage” for the change of season, but it would be the wrong season. She would say “oops!” and I would tell her “We won’t tell anyone!” and we would laugh. I loved that she felt safe enough with me to be conspiratorial rather than embarrassed. We had some good laughs.
But I get the frustration. My biggest one was that she took bandages off all the time and the AL “doesn’t do wound care.” So every time she took a bandage off, I would have to drive 20 minutes to put a new one on. I made a big poster with a drawing of a bandage and a big “NO,” in color, which I found under the bed the next day.
She also had some weird block about the difference between a walker and a wheelchair, so I would arrive and find her sitting and crab walking on her walker.
It’s so hard at the time, and now I miss it!
Ugh. Does he also call during the night? (Hope NOT!)
How long do you think before he forgets how to use the phone?
I have had to put my phone on sleep mode so if he does call during the night it will not ring (giving myself a 7 hour window of peace). He has not called me during the night from this place, has done it in the past from the hospital. I don’t think he will forget any time soon. It is almost like the phone is a video game for him, he just keeps pressing dial (from the minute he wakes up at like 8 to when he is put to bed around 9). Sometimes he leaves a voice message, sometimes the message is just the room noise. I am not certain how to handle this. I have been keeping my phone on mute most of the day and trying not to miss important calls (like from my daughter). When I have answered and said hey I just spoke to you, he gives me this guilt trip song - what you don’t have a few minutes to talk to your father. Other times he acts like he didn’t just talk to me. On so many of the calls he truly has nothing to say - not calling for any reason whatsoever. This can not continue as it is really getting me both upset and cutting into the quality of my life. I have spoken to the recreation person there and said please keep him busy however you need to do that. I will probably pursue further with them. But of course first I have to track down the charger I sent him and find his glasses (if they are really missing).