Rules are made to be broken. Good for you.
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May her memory be a blessing, @HImom
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Thinking of you @HImom
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So sorry for your loss, himom. For years you have posted lovingly about your mother and your and your siblingsâ efforts to keep her comfortable. As others have posted, may her memory be a blessing.
@HImom I felt a little shocked that your mom died even though you posted that the end was near and she was not conscious. We have all been on this forum sharing stories for so long, it is almost like hearing someone you know died.
I am so glad she was able to die peacefully thanks in no small way to your efforts. I know you will be busy and in a blur. Wishing you peace as well but I know it is hard, even when the death is a âgood death.â Take good care and blessings to you and your family.
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@HImom So sorry for your loss.
@HImom I hope the wonderful memories of your mother will comfort you and your family during this difficult time.
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@Himom- wishing you comfort as you remember your mother. You have been thoughtful, caring and present as her health declined; may there be peace for your family.
Thank you everyone. I am glad my kids were able to spend as much time with mom as they did. Both flew down to spend last two or three weeks with mom.
We are all at peace with no regrets. I wish hospice had been used earlier but some family members just werenât ready. Hopefully hospice can provide some comfort to family in the way of bereavement support.
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But has he? What happens with the next crisis? Heâs really going to stay where he is and tell his parents they are on their own?
D just sent all my sibs and their kids a link to a nice video 30-minute interview we had of my mom in October 2022. It was nice hearing her voice, seeing her in the video and talking about her youth.
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Iâm so glad your D made the video as a cherished keepsake. I have a few short video clips of my mom singing but waited too long to get her conversing as âherselfâ. Iâll have to look through our old tapes to see if there are other moments on video.
Regarding delayed grieving- I feel thatâs been hitting me a lot lately. Although I cared for my mom for ten years and was slowly losing her the entire time, her death hit me hard.
Having to handle all the arrangements and estate since then has had me in work mode to get things done. Iâve finally had a break from those responsibilities the past month and have noticed an increase in my grief instead of a decline. Itâs been four months now, but I still occasionally forget and slowly inch open her door in the morning to see if sheâs awake. Adjusting is such a long process.
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Good question, I donât know. I do know heâs burnt out and my sister will not put up with his being gone a long time again.
And yes, they had multiple come to Jesus conversations with the parents. My sister doesnât hold back, ha. But they just dug in their heels.
For sure, @psychmomma. It took me about two years before I had any perspective on the two years before my fatherâs death. I think what youâre feeling is perfectly normal. You really went above and beyond with your mom.
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@HImom sending condolences. It is always hard. Glad you and your kids can comfort one another
Sounds like no more to be done until the in-laws agree. Sounds like they want to maintain their lifestyle on their terms. They seem to feel that they have mostly made it this far doing things their wayâŠ
Good luck to your sis, BIL, her inlaws.
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One thing that we did in October was to discretely film an interview we had with my mom, talking about her life as a youngster through her college days and early years before D was born. It was about 30 minutes and mom had no idea we were filming or she would have been self conscious and not talked. D just put her phone on a stand on a little table and we just talked for 30 minutes.
D just sent the link to all my sibs and nieces and nephewsâI think the video will be treasured.
Iâd strongly encourage anyone who wants this type of momento of their aging loved one to film sooner than later.
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I didnât film much because it was intrusive but with both my mom and dad Iâd get them talking about the âold daysâ or ask about certain stories Iâd already heard a hundred times (and still enjoyed) and turn my phone on to record them. So glad I did. I also took time to clear up some family history I was fuzzy on --pretty much a now or never scenario.
Not everyone might be a fan of Snapchat, but we use it in our family to send brief videos of things happening in our day. You can save your Snaps as well and they come up as âmemoriesâ on their anniversary date. My kids are always forwarding clips of their grandma (my mom) from past years. Her explaining a recipe, a quick little dance party, her telling a story of growing upâŠthey may only be seconds long but it is SO great to see more than a still pic - to hear their voice or see their hand movements etc. when they talk.
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My mom remembers nothing from her childhood. She remembers noting from my childhood!
There are no stories. She has fine cognitive functioning. Sheâs always been this way.
I remember the person that I might have offended 30 years ago. Mom, nothing.
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