I had that same conversation with my Physical Therapist in the hospital. He said that 80% of his patients didn’t do their exercises. I replied that it’s not like they have a lot else to do. I always did mine 2x / day (I can still remember 10:00AM and 4:00PM). And I always went for a walk if anyone asked! I can remember the first time that I was able to walk without a walker!
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@GSharpM7 So glad to see you, esp after everything you’ve been through! (You are not alone in that regard. I totally get the rehab and after-care.) Congrats to D2, and stick around – we offer great stress relief!
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What an amazing testimony. At what age are you now, and are you still working FT?
Yes, you have to take care of yourself first. Gather the family resources (time and talent, not necessarily financial) on how to spread out taking care of your mom w/o adding a straw that could break the camel’s back.
I wasn’t around on social media until I recovered from aggressive stage III cancer (and now am still here, cancer free for over 13 years now), but I would get CC updates from my very good personal friend, who began what I believe may be the most popular thread on the parent forum (started in 2014, “How much do YOU think You need to retire?..and at what age will you”) which is now in part 2 since 2020 with over 6000 posts on the current thread. I am not part of the ‘older’ CC participants. In 2009, at my cancer diagnosis, my DDs were in 8th and 10th grades (and my good friend’s sons were older), but although married youngish (both 22) our DDs were born the years we turned 38 and 40.
Lots of good information on these CC threads. The “Parents caring for the parent support thread” has lots of good support and provides other insights for how various things have been handled in their situations. Someone who has had a ‘deep dive’ into the issues, even as a health care provider (like me). My ‘sunset career’ was with skilled care and rehab, working on skilled care side and doing nursing admission assessments on rehab. Information that is very motivating on taking care of one self!
DH does take the cardiologist seriously like you (DH had heart damage as well as paroxysmal A Fib right after the 2nd Covid shot), and after the cardiologist adjusted a medication at most recent visit, DH had less fatigue. Once DH cleared up a couple of other health issues (subsiding those issues was key for him to do serious walking), he has been very active and very conscientious on his diet. He says his MD ‘fat shamed’ him (I was there - it was a gentle approach). DH has lost over 20 lbs in his mid section (and has about another 15 lb to get to a good weight for him), and looks forward to the 6 month MD appointment. I had to order 2 pair of dress pants in a larger size, which DH hated the higher size but needed it. As a retiree, he has the time for walking - he will walk 6 to 8 miles a morning (depending on the route he takes on a nearby greenway) a number of times each week, and actively mows our lawn as soon as it needs it (no slow motion mowing). DH appreciates his ability to stay active, and good medical care. Some of his motivation is of course seeing others who do not stay active and do not watch their diet, and he does not want to be like them.
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@GSharpM7 HHIIIII!!! Glad to see you and hear that your D is a Dr. and you were there to see it.
I don’t talk much on CC anymore except this thread. But I read several. Having had two parents needing different care is a perspective and I try to help when I think I can, but the thread contains so many gems. … besides just support in knowing that you are not alone.
Good work on the rehab. It makes such a difference. I am angry at my oldest friend since she had 2 valves replaced that she didn’t keep up exercise after the PT guy stopped coming. Just mad and sad.
Anyway, enough about me. Hugs and glad to see you!
I was 59YO at the time. Yes, I am still working full-time and have no plans to retire (not so much financially, but because I like my job). I returned to work part-time almost 4 months to the day after my heart attack. I set the tentative return date with my surgeon (I hated an open-ended date) and beat it by 1 day. 2 weeks later started full-time. I was not completely out of shape at the time (40 years of Karate), but collapsed in class. I felt fine at the time. Luckily, 2 students performed CPR until the ambulance could arrive and get me to a hospital with a helipad to transfer me to a heart specialized hospital.
I have not returned to Karate yet (although my Cardiologist cleared me for “no heavy contact”), but I walk at least 1/2 hour every day and was able to swim 20 laps this weekend. At my last doctor appointment, we reviewed my lab work and his response was, “This is excellent. People should be coming to you for advice. Nobody has cholesterol as low as yours (which is too low).” The Dietician asked me about my motivation and I said, “Not spending another 50 days in the hospital.”
I lost 40+ pounds in about 2 weeks of ICU. I do not recommend that as a diet plan.
Really, DW had it much worse than I did. She had to see me at my worst… I was unconscious, so I don’t remember it. She has shown me 1 picture in ICW that all you can see if all of the equipment connected to me, but not me. She says I am not “ready” to see any of the others. Dr. D2’s fiancée is a doctor (MD, not PhD), so he was able to understand and explain what was happening, including having to explain to D2, “You know your father died twice last night.” (That’s true, but even difficult to type now).
Sorry, I feel like I inadvertently hijacked this thread by whining about trying to care for my Mom and myself at the same time. Luckily, my Mom is home, hopefully for a while. She wanted no part of assisted living yet, but we did have her go to temporary “Respite Care” for a while to continue on-site PT/OT/Speech. She has stopped asking everyday when she can drive again. She is having someone come in her home 3 days/week to help her get upstairs to her only shower. Otherwise, she lives on the first floor of her house. She has had SLUMS and MOCA tests that show borderline dementia, but she is for the most part OK. After my surgery and recovery, I couldn’t describe how strange I sometimes felt, so I made up a word… “Snookly.” It just means a little out of whack. I use the same word to describe my Mom at times. I do have 2 brothers who can help, but only 1 nearby. Also, I have POA, so I have some extra work to do. Greatest invention by mankind… autopay.
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I appreciate you relating your experiences!
As a result of both my parents having dementia, I try to do everything that’s within my power to avoid it. As you probably know, what’s good for your heart is good for your brain.
If it’s not too much trouble (and it may be!) what have you done to lower your cholesterol? All my various tests are good but my cholesterol is too high, so I am looking for tips. (I am listening to your doctor and coming to you for advice:-) )
But no worries if you’d rather not share, or don’t have time.
@GSharpM7 So glad to hear the happy ending. Congratulations to your daughter. So scary.
I wish I knew the magic answer, but a few things I have altered:
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Almost no red meat anymore (it used to be a staple for me). I joke with DW, “Can I have a ribeye with that?” for just about everything.
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I eat a lot of chicken, fish, and turkey (inc. turkey sausage for my monthly sausage patty!)
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Much more veggies and salad than before.
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I consume a lot of olive oil now and a lot of balsamic vinegar (you can put that on a shoebox and it will be edible).
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Smart Balance instead of butter helps control fat intake too. Vegan butter is just a bad as real butter. It took a while to get used to Smart Balance, but i don’t miss real butter anymore.
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Plant-based coffee creamer. Tastes the same a regular creamer to me now.
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More Oat Milk to replace 2% milk (cereal, etc.)
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I do take Atorvastatin.
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Avoid pre-processed foods to the extent possible.
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Read labels which makes grocery shopping take much longer than before.
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Everything in moderation.
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Watch what you eat if you eat out. If DW and I go out for Mexican, she says “You can have 4 chips.” To which I reply, “If I break them into 3 pieces each, can I have 12?”
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Pull out my transcribed surgery report and read that “… and this is where things got tricky and we had to stop is heart again” part. That’ll grab your attention.
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Look at the graphs from my ambulance report (obtained via FOIA request).
For reference, my LDL went from 100+ to 20+.
Not cholesterol specific…
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Low Salt, Low Fat… I call it the “Flavor Free Diet.”
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Cardiologist mentioned the Ornish Diet is the only one shown to reverse heart disease, but it is super strict and I don’t think I could stick to it.
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Spices instead of salt. I basically add no salt to anything anymore. Anything with salt tastes extra salty to me now.
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Balance competing needs… Kidney - kale and rhubarb (oxalates) are on the bad list, but bacon is OK. Opposite for Heart.
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Potassium Chloride as a salt (sodium chloride) alternative. Nephrology - it is bad for your kidneys. Cardiology - it can make your heart stop! Great, I’ll avoid that!
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Thank you so much!!
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Ty, i am paying more attention to LDL than before, appreciate it.
You need to join us on the health and fitness thread!
Good to see you back @GSharpM7. You’ve really been through a lot!
Congrats to your D, too! Quite an accomplishment!
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Made it back from my mom’s. So glad to be home and to sleep in my own bed. She’s continuing to go downhill mentally, but we had a relatively pleasant eight days.
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Wow, glad you’re OK!
I just spent six days with my dad and sister in Savannah and Charleston. We had a wonderful time but it was a little challenging. In just the last month or so, Dad has developed pretty severe arthritis in his hip. He had to use a walker to get around and he can’t go far. We discovered that there are not enough handicapped spaces around! I’m glad there were two of us to help him maneuver. It was hard seeing him struggle but I was proud of him for persevering.
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Hospice has been giving Dad ativan at night, and this week they resorted to that twice during the day. He is repeatedly trying to escape his bed, among other things. To be sure, he can’t even sit up on his own, so he is trying to push the sidebars down and roll out of the bed — also not something he can do. But he implores Mom to help, she tries to redirect, distract, leave the room – nothing works. And then he falls asleep for the rest of the day so he’s missing meals (which I understand is not really a problem but it distresses her) Some days he is perfectly fine and “himself”.
I know ativan can make agitation worse, but honestly it’s hard to tell if that’s happening here. Any alternatives to ativan? I’ve reminded her that distress is a kind of unresolveable pain, and we’d want pain meds for physical pain so ativan is not a bad thing.
Ativan actually worked well for my dad at night when he was on hospice. He was lucid though, almost to the end (no dementia) and basically refused morphine until the end (he was convinced he’d be immediately addicted plus that felt like giving up to him).
There are all kinds of alternatives to Ativan if it isn’t working well. The problem though is that some take longer to start working so may not be appropriate in this situation. Talk to the hospice nurse to see what they recommend but agitation can increase towards the end of life so it’s not uncommon for people to need more.
Big hugs!
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Both my parents were on morphine at the end.
I can only send you a virtual hug and some energy @greenbutton. this is so hard
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My FIL also tried to climb out of his bed. He was unable to sit or stand without assistance at that point, so it was really dangerous. Someone had to be with him at all times, so we had to hire a sitter to be with him throughout the night while MIL slept. In the final weeks, H, SIL & I did the night shift. It was heartbreaking. We had to request med changes a couple times, but nothing really worked. Morphine was the only thing that finally gave him peace.
Hugs to you as you move through this season.
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@greenbutton how close is the end coming, most likely?
I felt I was always working with hospice to get them to stop meds,. Ativan greatly increased dementia and confusion, sometimes for days after a dose. I declined it. We tried Haldol and gabapentin and an SSRI was discussed. I finally declined meds because they were not helping and had side effects. Basically, instead, my brother stepped up his visits, I went every day and I got two volunteers. I had the impression that oral morphine actually worked best, though it caused nausea. It helped to give it with food. I did use that for pain that was distressing.
That said for the last three days she had morphine and any and all Ativan to keep her calm and mostly not conscious.
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