Parents confining me to state school because they feel I can't handle being away...

<p>I'm going to read between the lines groovin' and tell you that if you do decide to go away to school, you should work out a friend-building plan with your current therapist--and try to find a school therapist who can help you implement it. Think of yourself as the the kind of kiddo that needs to find his people fairly quickly--and plan out the best way to accomplish that goal.</p>

<p>Secondly, I don't know if you'll hear me when I say this, but you are dancing around the label/meds issue. You are pinning ambivalent emotions on your parents--but those emotions appear to be a reflection of your own fears. (Who cares what your parents think anyway?). Hopefully your therapist is helping you work your way through all of that.</p>

<p>Doesn't sound like you have a medical case of depression, but rather you are just reacting to how your parents are treating you and your life in general. You need to sit your parents down and have a talk with them.</p>

<p>Just be like: Look here, all this pressure is not thuggin. Get off my dick and let me do my own thing. Then throw up the west side and say thats were ull be at if they need you. Then be like HOLLA. U might want to consider pimp slapping someone on your way out to show your serious.</p>

<p>^^^^Just joking :), talk to them seriously about it.</p>

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Who cares what your parents think anyway?

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<p>Eh, I can't help it - I care a lot about what others think of me. And my parents are pretty important people in my mind.</p>

<p>Thanks for everybody's help, though. This thread has really helped me put things in perspective. Even if I do care what they think, that's not the most important thing, and I shouldn't let it run my life. Better to think about the positives of going to state uni instead of the negatives, which are really practically insubstantial.</p>

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Get off my dick and let me do my own thing.

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<p>Haha, seriously! </p>

<p>But you know, maybe I can do my own thing best if I go to state uni and have less loans taken out in their name! Maybe staying close is the best way to severe ties once and for all.</p>

<p>I'm not sure what the importance of having same-sex friends is. Certainly, having friends is important, but it's not really that important that they be of the same sex I would think.</p>

<p>Yeah, I was wondering what the emphasis on same-sex friends was as well. I mean, most of my friends are of the same sex...but not all of them. It's prob like a 60/40 split.</p>

<p>I guess the implication of opposite-sex friends would be something like: really hot girl with a bunch of "friends" who are guys, but are really just hanging out with her because she's really hot and/or easy...which definitely wouldn't be healthy. Although we know that's not always the case.</p>

<p>Same sex friends are more judgemental. A good looking guy who cannot read social cues due to mental illness may have a carload of girlfriends--but not a single guy friend. My handsome brother had a line of girls waiting for him--but not a single male friend. Not one. Not through high school--not through college--not even as a good looking scholar athlete who had a bevy of girls chasing him. He couldn't read social cues--which was a condition of his bipolar illness--and his same sex peers weren't having any of that. He hid the enormity of his illness behind the girls but eventually, the level of reading that was required outstripped his minimal abilities and he was repeatedly hospitalized.</p>

<p>Adults are more tolerant. Believe it or not, he was 40+ before he found a cognitive therapist who helped him memorize social cues. A lifesaver.</p>

<p>Especially among children and teens, those who canot read social cues are cast out of social circles. The shunning is very primal--and it's amazing how many parents downplay the significance.</p>

<p>Same sex friends--and you don't need a ton to pass muster--are THE barometer for judging the ability to read social cues.</p>

<p>I'd kind of take issue with that statement. Both my kids have some same-sex friends, but seem to gravitate more toward opposite-sex friendships. It's not a matter of sex/dating. My daughter has a lot of male friends, many of them gay, but only one serious boyfriend -- and she is loyal to him even when hanging out with her male friends. (Fortunately, the bf isn't the jealous type.)</p>

<p>I think its often a matter of shared interests rather than social adeptness. </p>

<p>Also, the "primal" shunning you refer to, to the extent it exists, also is often reflected in petty jealousy or competitiveness -- kind of one-upmanship games that friends play among members of their own sex that doesn't go on with opposite sex friends. Things like teenage boys egging on one another to show their male prowess through stupid or reckless acts (the things that get some in serious trouble) -- or girls getting catty over issues like how one dresses. I'm talking about conduct exemplified by the worst kind of behavior you see in frats and sororities. Maybe that's the same as the "more judgmental" quality that you cite in your first sentence -- but I don't think that's necessarily a good thing. If a kid is coming from a high school where the jocks and cheerleader types are at the top of the social pecking order, her high school friendships may not be at all indicative of either her social skills or her likely ability to adjust in college. </p>

<p>Really... I graduated early from high school and went a couple of thousand miles away to college just to get away from all of that stuff. I didn't have any good female friends in high school -- I didn't even know any other girl who aspired to any sort of professional career. (admittedly, this was a long time ago, at a time when I was told in no uncertain terms that law and medical schools could not be wasting precious slots on women who would end up quitting their practices in order to have babies). </p>

<p>But the point is, in high school I was mostly interested in politics and the only 2 kids at my school who shared my interest happened to be male; even at college, political-activism was then mostly a male-dominated world. </p>

<p>I think it's a legitimate question to ask if someone has same-sex friends -- certainly I would expect groovin's therapist to inquire -- but I think it's kind of going off the deep end to conclude that the lack of such friends has to do with a deficiency in reading social clues. A better question would simply be to ask whether the person has friend, of either sex -- and then ask more about the nature of those friendships.</p>

<p>In any case, groovin didn't mention any problems in that respect. My impression from what she writes is that she is overstressed and under a lot of pressure at school and at home, with at least one highly critical parent -- and she's just been crumbling under it all.</p>

<p>"I postponed taking the medication for fear that my parents would see it as proof that I'm incapable of taking care of myself. I caved in, and my fears were confirmed."</p>

<p>I hope that you can encourage your parents to take the perspective that taking meds is a sign of maturity and your ability to handle problems appropriately. There is nothing noble about refusing medical treatment because you're afraid of what other people will think. Making the decisions that are right for YOU, as opposed to being limited by your worries about the perceptions of others, is a hallmark of growing up.</p>

<p>I agree strongly with the advice in post #16. If you do well, it WILL be because of you. Trust me, kids with problems fall apart at schools close to home, too. I would also point out that your initial depression occurred when you were living at home, so it's not like being at home is some kind of magical panacea that keeps mental illness away.</p>

<p>'I can, but my parents can't! Which is the problem"</p>

<p>See, I don't know if that's a true statement. My first read through had you refusing to take the meds to show how responsible you are.. sort of cutting off the nose to spite the face..isn't it? </p>

<p>As a parent, If I couldn't trust you to take your medications as scheduled, I too would have a bit of a problem letting you go farther than a long car drive away. </p>

<p>Want them to stop being negative about it? try doing that yourself..</p>

<p>Your current situation is just a mirror, each side (you and your folks) just reflect what the other is showing. Break the mirror. Mom will calm down when you improve your attitude about things.. </p>

<p>Try to adopt the old "where ever you go, there you are." Decide you will have a great time at school a,b,c, or up to z.</p>

<p>I think people are reading into the "not taking meds" thing wrong. It sounds like you didn't want to take them because you anticipated that your parents would use your reliance on meds as an excuse to limit your college choices. </p>

<p>Unfortunately, it sounds like not taking your meds only caused other problems which led to the same result with you parents-kind of a double edged sword.</p>

<p>Im sorry your parents are so controlling.</p>