Parents cut off tuition, less than a month and a half away HELP!

Paying for College
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<p>The reality here, Jenniferxo, is that you are now in a position where you ALSO have to live within your means.</p>

<p>Living within your means = withdrawing from a private college. That is a luxury that only the wealthiest, most indebted and/or most impoverished with full need funding can afford. Families in the middle, and/or financially independent college students who have broken ties or otherwise irritated parents usually can’t afford a private or OOS school.</p>

<p>If your school is “public” but OOS, you would be well served (sort of) by living and working full time in that city. <em>Some</em> schools would then consider you a resident of the state if you were to return to school the following year, which would then make it considerably cheaper to attend (but still expensive for one low-income person with no aid). If your school is private, however, with a $30k tuition only price tag, well, that just usually isn’t within a real-world reach for a person with lower income, even if you WERE eligible for some federal aid.</p>

<p>So, if you want to BE CERTAIN you can actually afford to return at all, you would be at least financially better off working in your current city and living with your parents and saving your money if the school is private. Obviously, living with your folks is the smarter financial interim move.</p>

<p>I am sorry you’ve found yourself in this position, but by the same token, you are still fortunate that you have an opportunity that MANY students in the US and round the world do not: You have the opportunity to redeem yourself in your parent’s books and subsequently have someone sponsor your education at an exceedingly expensive school. Such an opportunity is truly priceless, and is not to be treated lightly, as you are now painfully aware. Please reconsider your strategy here – you have an opportunity to enjoy a very advantaged life!</p>

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<p>For the OP, take a leave of absence for a year. Get a job and save every penny you can. Do whatever it is that will help you reconcile with your parents. Hopefully you can return to school in a year with a agreed upon set of conditions with your parents. If the break cannot be fixed, move on/out. Consider switching to a less expensive college in state.</p>

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<p>The only way around this is if you fix things with your parents. </p>

<p>What did you do? If you don’t want anyone else to know, PM me. I’m an older guy, a senior in school, independent and I’ve been through/heard it all. Whatever it is, your parents want it nipped at the stem, maybe even completely unrooted. </p>

<p>And how old/young are you?</p>

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<p>Is there a clergy person or someone trusted by both you and your mom with whom you could speak to perhaps begin building a bridge between you?</p>

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<p>Yes I did read it wrong, it’s actually $6400</p>

<p>that still doesn’t sound right unless the 3 classes are only for about 5 total credits. </p>

<p>If a school is charging $15k a semester for a full time load, then they’re going to charge more than $6400 unless the classes are for a low credit total.</p>

<p>And what about any fees? University fees? course fees? </p>

<p>Even if that $6400 figure is right, 25% a month for 4 months is $1600 a month. WHERE are you going to get $1600 a month after you pay for your living expenses and taxes/FICA???</p>

<p>You would need to earn well over $2k a month to net enough to pay these costs, taxes/FICA and your living expenses. A student, who can’t work an 8-5 job, isn’t likely going to be able to earn that much.</p>

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<p>“Taking someone as a dependent for tax purposes does not require them to pay for college tuition. However if the OP actually moves out and pays for all (or even most of) his/her living expenses, then indeed the parents cannot legally claim him/her as a dependent.”</p>

<p>Not true. She would need to pay for more than half of her own expenses for the entire year. She says tuition is $15,000 per semester, and they paid that for the spring semester, plus they have supported her over the summer to at least some extent. I’m assuming she hasn’t paid them rent all summer, so they get credit for her share of the living expenses. Will she earn enough in the last 5 months of the year, after taxes? Even with just the $15,000 that’s $3000 she must earn per month, or about $800 per week.</p>

<p>Her parents want “adult consequences” and that’s what this is. She cares enough about this consequence that she wants to avoid it - but unfortunately the time for that has passed. Obviously they didn’t tell her the consequence ahead of time, but they probably didn’t contemplate the big mistake she made - if we set out a contract outlining every possible mistake they could make, are we not implying that we expect them to make those mistakes?</p>

<p>We don’t know what the OP did, but obviously it’s something serious in her parents eyes. I suspect if it really was something minor in the OP’s eyes, she would have stated exactly what she did. Maybe not fair to make such an assumption, but she admits is was a huge mistake. When my kids make mistakes in judgement, there is always a consequence, and the consequence is often painful in their eyes. But if it wasn’t it wouldn’t serve the purpose of encouraging better judgement in the future.</p>

<p>The other part of this is the message her parents are sending. She may well qualify for financial aid, but they choose not to fill out the FAFSA. The government already knows the information on the FAFSA, and has the ability to verify it, so I don’t really buy the excuse that they don’t want to share the information. They have put a price tag on their privacy, as is their choice, but it does give pause - what information do their not want either the school or their daughter to know? Is there financial information they want to keep away from her father, or other family members?</p>

<p>Perhaps OP can talk to her parents about why they don’t want to file the FAFSA, as well as what they want to see from her before they are willing to pay any additional money toward her tuition. She may be able to take a leave of absence, and stay home for one semester, allowing her to work and earn enough to cover most of her tuition for the spring semester. It won’t be the first time that has happened, and there may be a way to work around the class schedule (such as working near campus next summer, and taking a summer class to catch up.</p>

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<p>Jennifer, your parents view this as a very serious situation…in their eyes. They have been paying a lot of money for you to attend a pricey school outside of your state. I will tell you…my kids knew that if they had any issues involving the law, or if their grades went below a 3.0…we would be requiring them to come home to a school within commuting distance. And yes…we would have required them to contribute financially to the tuition too. We were paying a LOT of money for them to attend college…and while we are supportive of minor goof ups, something major would have gotten them a one way trip home.</p>

<p>I think you need to talk to your parents. The suggestion of involving some other trusted adult…a clergy person perhaps…is a good one. Everyone in your family needs to air their concerns. Your parents are concerned that a return to the same environment will result in the same issue happening again. As a parent, I understand their concern. What HAVE you done to reconcile this? (No…you don’t need to post that here…but do think about that). It sounds like ALL you are doing is trying to figure out how to go back to the same college…with support from your parents or elsewhere. Have YOU thought of any alternative plans that might show your ability to recognize what your parents view as a severe issue?</p>

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<p>Win the pot</p>

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<p>But they will not let me go back in the fall because they insist I need “adult consequences”. I’m sorry, but I really don’t see how my parents punishing me by FORCING me to take time off is an “adult” consequence, or how it will make me more responsible</p>

<p>Because in the adult world, when we screw up big time, there are serious consequences…marriages end, jobs are lost, etc. </p>

<p>Usually the pain of the consequence is a constant reminder never to do that again. In your case, just making a lot of promises/compromises can be meaningless to your parents - especially if you’re in another state with little means for them to even know if the promises are being kept.</p>

50

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<p>In the adult world, “huge” mistakes often have huge consequences, without quick fixes. If you made a huge mistake on a job, you’d probably be fired. And going back and saying, “hey, I’m sorry, I’ve learned my lesson, can I come back on probation” usually doesn’t work. Once the mistake is made, the consequence is often unavoidable, and you have to fix things yourself, often by taking a different and more difficult route than you’d hoped/planned.</p>

<p>Withdrawing financial support that you have abused in the past is a natural and very adult consequence.</p>

<p>You essentially had a job, which was to meet your parents’ expectations, in exchange for their financial (and other) support. You didn’t do your job, and you got fired. Or at least put on suspension, if your parents have or are willing to outline a way for you to regain their trust and support.</p>

<p>It may feel like an out-of-proportion consequence to you, and it may indeed be out of proportion to whatever you did. But your parents do NOT owe you an education. That was a privilege that you may not have appreciated sufficiently when you had it, and may have lost through poor choices. </p>

<p>I wish you the best of luck in finding your path forward from here.</p>

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<p>I may be the wicked witch, but I can envision circumstances under which I would haul my kid(s) home without a second thought and would not change my mind.</p>

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<p>jenniferxo, How much school do you have left? And have your parents put other conditions on your situation? (Has anyone discussed counseling? You said if you go back, they would have complete access to your info: is that something you are offering or did they say that and then decide not to allow you to return?) </p>

<p>CTScoutMom, I see it a bit differently. I think this family didn’t fill out the FAFSA because they didn’t need loans and were able to pay for tuition, room and board from savings. Under those circumstances, there is no reason to think that they are hiding anything. They may have erroneous assumptions about FAFSA (like that it would be shared with the ncp) but it is probably irrelevant to them because they weren’t interested in taking out loans. </p>

<p>Jennifer, I don’t think you are going to get far talking money to your parents. In other words, you think your problem is money but your parents’ issue is whatever you did wrong. The reason to keep you home probably is NOT to save $ but to punish you for what you did and perhaps to keep it from happening again. If the incident involved school (partying, cheating etc), you may have nowhere to go on this. If the incident was something that happened at home, you may be in a better position. </p>

<p>If you can get a 3rd party to discuss this, it would be better. What you very much need is a way to finish your degree-- a plan, a list of conditions, etc. I can see cases where your parents reaction would be reasonable and cases where it wouldn’t-- but it doesn’t matter if it’s reasonable or not, what matters is if you can make your way through this with them. Before you set your plans on going back to school without their consent, please double check if you can take out a full loan if you are only going to school part-time.</p>

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<p>Will your parents pay for you if you take a year off and regain their trust? You said they won’t let you go back in the fall, but what about after that? If they will pay for you to go back in a year, that sounds like a viable option.</p>

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<p>Is this a one year thing with your parents? Are you expected to stay home and get a job and be a working adult for a year to “prove” yourself or whatever, and then your parents will pay for school again? If that’s the case, I’d suck it up, get a job ASAP and be on my best behavior so I didn’t get kicked out of the house. Seriously, that is the easiest way to finish your education. Taking a year off isn’t the end of the world. The education at your school will still be there. Some of your friends may move on, and the experience may not be the same, but you’ll get your education eventually. If your parents are not willing to continue to fund your education after a year or so, or after you “redeem” yourself, then I think you need to find a less expensive school. But I think in either event you’re taking a year off to work. I just don’t see any way around that. Good luck to you.</p>

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<p>I’ve been reading this thread and then rereading parts of it and not being quite sure what I wanted to write.</p>

<p>I’ve known people who have been thrown into the adult world at a relatively young age. Sometimes they did something to contribute to it, sometimes not. I always felt guilty because my life was so much easier than theirs.</p>

<p>A lot of what your mother has told you is true. She doesn’t owe you anything. You are an adult and as such you can be expected to face adult consequences.</p>

<p>I think you should stop trying to negotiate with her. I think partly why she is so mad is that you don’t seem to be accepting that she will tell you what the consequences are, not the other way around.</p>

<p>The good news is that as an adult along with the responsibilities come the perks. You don’t have to try to ingratiate yourself with your mother and stepfather anymore. You can live where you want next year. If you don’t want to live at home then you don’t have to and you don’t need anyone to agree that you’ll be moving out.</p>

<p>Maybe when you accept your mother’s decision and stop trying to mitigate your consequences she’ll cool down and offer to pay for school. The again maybe not, maybe you really are going to have to figure things out without her help.</p>

<p>My friends all got through their forced independence. It was tough but it made them resilient. I wish you good luck.</p>

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<p>If your parents truly will not forgive you, give you money, kicked you out, etc. then…</p>

<p>I would total up all of my possessions (computer, phone, ipod, clock, lamp, jewelry, dvd, anything of some kind of value), figure out what it is all worth, and try to sell as much as you can. Every penny counts. Beg your friends, anyone you know for some money. Use it to get an apartment, travel where you want to be, etc. and then start working. Save every penny, and hopefully in a year or 2, you can afford to go to college, take some classes, whatever. Maybe if you show your commitment your parents will be more willing to offer fianancial help.</p>

<p>Best of luck.</p>

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<p>If you do not want to be behind in school but cannot afford to pay for your classes , have you considered going to community college in the city/town your school is in and work while saving money then transfer back to your current school? Have you apologized to your parents and beg them to pay for college? I do not know your parents maybe it will take a while for them to cool down and forgive you, so maybe you can take a loan and they can forgive then give you money later, but you may not want to take out a $30,000+ loan which I don’t blame you because that is a lot.</p>

<p>Good luck</p>

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<p>And, just to put all the options on the table, college isn’t an absolute condition for living the rest of your life.</p>

<p>We don’t know what the OP did, where she is in her college career, or what her major is. If she’s a rising senior with a 3.9 GPA in a Chemical Engineering program, ending college now would be a major loss of invested time and effort in a field that would place her in a decent financial position (all other things being equal). If she’s a rising sophomore with a 2.6 GPA majoring in Folk Dance, perhaps not so much so.</p>

<p>Not everyone needs to go to college, nor should every one. The remaining option is to move on. Look for a job either near her parents or near her school. Work 3 part-time jobs. Live in a 1 room studio. Consider the military.</p>

<p>Yup, that may be a major change from her prior situation, and one she wasn’t planning. But sometimes, that’s life.</p>

<p>And, if she gets her life together, she may find herself beginning a career that doesn’t require college and perhaps re-establishing a relationship with her parents. Maybe not. </p>

<p>But, end of the day, sometimes that’s what being an adult means.</p>

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<p>Taylor4friends, This student <em>can’t</em> take out a $30K loan. Someone would have to cosign. This student is limited to direct loans.</p>

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<p>I would say take a year off, get a full-time job (as fast as possible) and try to save for college… This might mean you have to sleep on friend’s couches for a couple weeks, but it is better then attempting to do too much.</p>

<p>Also- call your school’s financial aid office, it’s a long shot, but some colleges I know have a ‘disaster fund’ for cases in which a student suddenly can’t pay for a semester, because of an illness, or they were disowned for some unreasonable reason, etc… Also, about your parents refusing to let you go back in the fall- why are you listening to them? As soon as they stripped away their money, they lost any ability to control your academic career. IF you can pay for it, they can’t just call up the university and tell them not to accept you back. At least at the university that I work at, if some parents called in to tell the college to deny reenrollment, the first thing we would ask would be whether they were paying for the schooling, and if the answer was no, we would just laugh.</p>