We are always in advice mode with our daughter. We never demanded.
My current advice which is slowly being elevated toward criticism contradicts my son’s direct boss (who is soon to become a partner in this major international firm) & other very experienced professionals in his firm who practice in the same niche specialty nationwide & worldwide.
Yet, they are wrong & I am right. Why ? Because I do not want my son’s practice area to be too specialized, he has the time & resources to follow my suggestions, and because I approach the issue from a much broader perspective than do his current superiors. If he follows my guidance, within 2 years he will be able to triple his annual earnings & be able to switch to more lucrative industries if he so desires.
P.S. To be fair, there is a nationwide shortage in this specialty practice area (due, in large part, to the many years of training required). Even in my son’s company they are able to transfer to any of 26 or 27 US cities, or abroad, if they so desire. But, geographic mobility does not address my primary concern regarding over-specialization.
Publisher- whether or not to subspecialize really depends on your son’s interests. Within health care the generalists do have more mobility. I noticed that among nurses while having a medical specialty meant only jobs available in that for us physicians. Historically it was also harder for physicians because most built practices but in today’s model physicians are more often employees whose practice is what the employer gives. Being restricted to only some cities but being able to do what one actively likes and is good at means going for it. Doing the extra time because a field pays a lot and there is current demand when one would not do it otherwise is not wise. Don’t forget about the possibility of changing in the future. Oh, and money isn’t everything.
My mother and stepfather did, especially my stepfather. He was very, very angry when I decided not to be an engineer. Then he wanted me to become a surveyor, since I majored in Geography, and that’s not the path I chose. There was much profanity and exchanging of personal insults, and I basically told my mother to go pound sand (in MUCH ruder terms) and take her husband with her. The whole thing was pretty nasty.
I am not my children, so I am not living their lives. How then can I know what they want out of their lives? I have never criticized my kids’ career paths, nor will I. I raised them well, and they are intelligent human beings. They can handle their lives & can deal with the consequences of their decisions.
I will confess to sharing with S that I was concerned about his current job when he got it, only because it is in a field that I thought might be an issue for him in future jobs. However, he assured me it would be fine, and he was right. He really enjoys his job, excels in it, and has a bright future. Glad I just expressed concern, rather than being critical.
I never interviewed for a job while in college, and I did pretty well, so I am hoping our kid will get a broad exposure to different classes and get some interesting internships and find a career in which he will feel satisfied. Therefore, I only give advice when asked. Life is hard enough as it is.
@wis75: Thank you for your post. Unfortunately, your observations do not apply in my son’s situation. For example, he would stay in the same practice area but with a different category of employer & increased earnings are important to him.
His reluctance is primarily based on time. In my view, he has the time, he just needs the appropriate flexible programs–which I have found & shared with him.
I think that you, or any reader, would be shocked if you knew the details.
Important detail that money/earnings is important to him. Knowing one could make more money doing x instead of y is not on my son’s radar- his interests just happen to pay well. Your son knows his future job satisfaction will include knowing he did not give up higher earnings. Good for you/him to know.
Meaning, his interests pay more than enough for what he considers necessities and luxuries that he would actually spend money on, and he is not the type of person whose spending habits will always increase to consume all additional available income.
I think OP is the student and it’s his dad who’s hypercritical and controlling.
Yup- kid’s checking balance kept increasing a few years back- when he still hadn’t switched from having it tied to ours and we noticed a large amount. Frugal. Like parents.
Key word is controlling- or attempting to do so. We parents, who spent all those years supporting and doing our best, really need to let go. Hard to do but we did raise them to be independent of us and do they show it sometimes!
I made it clear we would not pay for a straight theater degree. She could be in all the plays she wanted, take theater classes, etc but she needed a liberal arts degree that would help her get a job with an income she could live on. She also did not have the inner strength to deal with the rejection that comes with acting. It would have destroyed her. She initially majored in playwriting/screenwriting but took an extended leave of absence from school due to mental health issues. She returned to a new school as an English Major and theater/comedy minor. I’m ok with this. She will graduate in December and has fantastic speaking and writing skills that will make her very marketable.
She is a student ambassador at her college and loves giving tours, and they love her in admissions. She is considering getting a NYC tour guide license after she graduates. I think she would be amazing at it.
@wis75: Interesting development. My spouse went to family Easter dinner. Apparently a relative by marriage is the nation’s leading expert in the most important aspect of this specialty area, and he has been the leading expert for over two decades. Has his own firm & also teaches branches of the federal government (FBI & Treasury), major law firms & major accounting firms & major IB/PE firms. He is also the lead instructor for my son’s firm nationally. Small world. He authored the primary textbook in this area. He agrees with my advice / criticism / suggestions.
Just by moving, son’s annual earnings would jump from the 108 to 120 area to 300 with lock step pay raises for an additional 5 to 8 years. Work should be more enjoyable & cover a broader practice in this specialty.
In his current role, son works with these other firms & has significant exposure to them.
An interesting aspect of switching employer type is that he would be building career bridges, not burning them. Traditionally, those who leave are welcomed back if they so desire. So no inherent risk.
Re: #81 (and #92)
If his current specialty area is in shortage, why would it not be as highly compensated relative to the other(s) you are suggesting? Or does this refer to the specialty area that you are trying to get him to go into?
@ucbalumnus: Few are qualified to make any move. Because my son has a law degree & multiple bar memberships, he has more options than those who are not attorneys. Nevertheless, he will not be qualified to move to a different type of employer until 2 more year–which is about the length of time it will take him to follow my guidance / suggestions.
Also, those with whom he works spent many years just to get to this specialty area. There is no guidebook. Need to learn from others with very substantial experience in the specialty area. Even those with a Master’s Degree in Finance, CPA license, state & federal bar memberships and experience in the general practice area need many years of additional training. Plus, there are multiple professional designations which are very helpful, but take time, experience & resources to obtain.
My son is unusual in that his strengths are in people skills & litigation in addition to a very strong work ethic. Current position just requires education, experience & work ethic. People skills & public speaking / litigation are not important.
Our relative who I referenced above also teaches judges (Federal & State / local) at the National Judicial College & advises law firms on litigation strategies and techniques in addition to membership on a prestigious curriculum committee for MBA & Masters in Finance programs. Is a consultant/ instructor /speaker to many major accounting & law firms & federal agencies. He has several degrees & several professional designations.
To the contrary…we’ve been very supportive of our D who aspires to be a broadway actress in MT or straight acting. We encourage her to tryout for everything, hone her craft, etc. Now we have sat her down and explained the challenges and the likelihood that she’ll need another source of income along the way (i.e. outside of college, we’re not paying for your dreams as we’ll be paying for ours).
SHe’s all in and we’re good with that.
@ucbalumnus : In further response to your question raised in post #93 above : Son has decided to make the first move in the 2 year plan today after reading our relative’s bio.
Coincidentally, a major law publication labeled the practice area as the most lucrative for elite law firms. Many more are trying to enter this practice area.
As several industries are involved, pay varies greatly by type of employer & son is currently in the lowest paying. One of his co-workers with a couple of years more experience received a substantial scholarship to a top 14 law school in California & is sacrificing 3 years of pay (about $400,000) plus paying living expenses out-of-pocket to make the move to your alma mater in an effort to switch employer type in this industry. So even with a near full tuition scholarship, this co-worker believes that the $520,000 to $600,000 sacrifice over the next three years is a wise investment.