<p>Parents: I was curious about your experiences with your kids' college essays. Did you know which essays they had to submit? Did you actually read them, or were your kids reluctant to show them to you. Did you discuss beforehand (topics, approaches)? Or was your role strictly proofreader/editor? How detailed were your suggestions? Did you love the original? Hate it? Did you limit yourself to grammar and word usage, or did you suggest wholesale changes? Did you end up trying to be the Procrastination Police?</p>
<p>I had all kinds of ideas about how my kid should write an essay. He of course ignored me, and the result - while not what I would have suggested - really had his "voice" (that elusive quality easier to see than to describe). So I just corrected a few grammar errors and that was the extent of my proofing. I did not know the topics until I read the essays.</p>
<p>I have been through this with four children & they never asked me to proofread their essays or advice on them etc! They asked each other for advice, but not their parents.
Rather independent bunch I guess. :)</p>
<p>Too early to call it a trend, but from our experience, it seems like there is very little parent involvement in the writing part or even some of the up-front advice.</p>
<p>Okay, I’ll chime in. My kids were interested in my input and suggestions. We brainstormed at dinner about what might make good topics. (There were many of our suggestions that were pronounced dumb.) My oldest really has a hard time getting started writing. I finally suggested that one of his procrastinating techniques - writing a program that combined bits of online sample essays - might make a good entry into his main essay. He wrote about his enthusiasm for programming, but that given the results of this particular program he clearly needed a bit more education. It still wasn’t a great essay, but I think it probably amused a few readers. I read his essays and definitely made suggestions beyond simple proofreading. I know his aunt also read an early draft and talked to him about the difference between “the question” and the “the agenda”. The question is the prompt, but the agenda is that they want to know more about YOU. I think that little talk was helpful, though he still hated the process. The oldest also liked having me in the room to keep in on track.</p>
<p>My younger son understood the agenda just fine. I didn’t like the essay that didn’t get him into Georgetown. (It used rather flowery language and took a creative approach to a question that most people probably answered with a policy wonk essay. It certainly didn’t sound like him to me.) However that same essay with a twist got him into U of Chicago so what do I know? I loved the twisted version. For his main common application essay there were a couple of obvious things for him to write about. Again we had talked about the possibilities over dinner. I have no idea whose suggestions were whose. In the end the first essay he tried didn’t work at all (in his opinion) so he went on to try a different topic. That one worked much better. I know I did tell him that he needed to show a bit more growth from the activity he was describing and to describe his frustrations and satisfaction at teaching himself. My kids tend to be very terse. The first rejected essay ended up working really well for the EC question, so it wasn’t a wasted effort. I was really surprised how an essay he rejected because it was “about the neighborhood not about me” actually ended up being totally about him when he changed the question it was answering and he still said just as much about the neighborhood! For an optional essay of alternate history he had something that was much too long. He asked me to make sure it made sense when he had to pare it down drastically. (It was fine, more than fine in fact.) I think the main input I had into that essay was he needed a plausible name for a German newspaper in his alternate history. I suggested a variation on a well known newspaper. </p>
<p>Watching my older son was painful, but I really enjoyed seeing my younger son tackle the project. It made me ever so much more confident that he was actually ready to go off to college. While he asked for our input, it was still very much his process.</p>
<p>I just think the kids need to own it…so when the decision comes in, whether it is accepted or denied, that they know it was their words, and not someone else’s. I think parents can help with the process, help the kids with deadlines, formats, packaging, etc…but at the end of the day, they need to own the content. Just one person’s opinion…</p>
<p>S would read me the prompts and I’d help brainstorm if he was stuck. Some supplements he’d choose the topic on his own. He did ask that I proof each essay and I’d point out grammar/spelling mistakes. I also circled words that I never heard him use before in conversation. Some he kept, some he didn’t. I enjoyed reading them. My only advice was for him to remember that the essays were the best way for the schools to know what makes him tick.</p>
<p>With #1, I never read his essay until after he had submitted all his apps. He’s a double major with English as one of the majors and a very good writer. With #2, I proofread because he tends to have horrible sentence structure, punctuation and spelling. I didn’t edit although I did underline sections and wrote “improve” or “fix” or “???” in the margins and I never read it again. #2 is "into science so it all makes sense in a cosmic way. Surprisingly #2 wrote a wonderful short statement that I wish he would have turned into an essay. It was surprisingly well written. Clearly he does better with short 150 word limitations.</p>
<p>Depended on the essay. Some I made lots of suggetions and brainstormed; others I hardly took a glance at. I guess that means I helped when he was stuck.</p>
<p>I read essays on request (not all of them) and made comments about awkward or confusing parts. Sometimes he was dancing around the point because he didn’t yet know what the point was. But if I asked him to tell me what he was trying to say, he’d think about it and come up with something succinct and interesting, and I’d suggest that he just put that down instead. A couple of times I suggested that he engage a little more deeply with something - just work a bit harder to explore the territory he was laying out. Most of the time my comments were very minor and only about wording.</p>
<p>With both kids and two nephews my wife (Grammar Queen) and I read and edited the essays. This seemed especially helpful when there were questions constrained by word counts. That’s not saying we wrote them, but we made sure that they were getting the desired points across. After all, even Hemingway needed an editor.</p>
<p>As for help on topics, our oldest wanted to handle everything on his own, his brother liked discussing different angles on the questions.</p>
<p>Yes, rebuffed many many times. Did not stop me from offering to help. :)</p>
<p>I am incredibly thick skinned as far as my son is concerned. He too is a classic procrastinator. Even now, in grad school he postpones writing his papers until a week from when they’re due. Then spends all day and night doing it. But now that he’s 24, I can’t say anything and have managed to keep my nose out of it. Hopefully, he won’t do it for his thesis (master’s).</p>
<p>D first tried one essay for CA and it wasn’t working for her. So we discussed the prompts and I suggested an interest that she has had for a number of years and is passionate about as an answer to a prompt. Then she went and wrote. Then I edited (which is mostly spell checking) and she submitted. One college has a supplemental she had a lot of problem with since she never did this before (write a class proposal) and I have done this. WE talked about possibilities and she chose to do it on something we hadn’t discussed. I did suggest tweaking the topic to be more conventional and she did.</p>
<p>We read the essay’s and made suggestions. S’s first attempt at the main CA essay was dismal. I hated it, but he kept working it and I kept my mouth shut. Finally, he moved onto a better (IMO) topic. We never edited for content but more for grammer and such and some examples he might include that he had forgotten about. He could take our edits or leave them and many times he did leave them. He also had teachers reading them so I felt like I could let go. S had some incredible supplimental essays without any input from us, but I never felt his main essay conveyed what he wanted it to.</p>
<p>I was rebuffed initially (especially when I suggested she do them over the summer), then we brainstormed in beginning of September, but she still didn’t want me to see (even to proof for grammar). One thing that helped A LOT was her English teacher made it one of the first assignments – turn in your essay – so my child, who excels at procrastination, knocked it out because it was due in class. After she got feedback from her teacher, she was much more willing to let me see it. But it was all her own.</p>
<p>For D1 I bought her a book on writing college essays and also printed out something from the Internet that described how to approach the task.</p>
<p>She came home one evening from babysitting and made a comment about their cat. It was a funny and good observation and I told her she should use something like that for her essay.</p>
<p>It turned out she DID use the cat story but I didn’t read it until after all her applications were submitted. She did have a teacher at school review it for her.</p>
<p>With D2, I again made a topic suggestion (relating to one of her unusual interests) and she used it, although not in the way I had imagined. (I did not giver her any how to books or print outs.) She showed me her essay but did not take any of my editing suggestions (nor did she take any from any other source).</p>
<p>Ah, the college essay.
Fortunately for me, my kids’ AP Lit teacher makes writing your college essay an assignment. With DD1 she owned the entire process and I only saw the final version for proofreading. But, of course, she was one of those that loved to write essays. DD2 always had a harder time getting going with essay topics and so we batted some around until she found something she felt really fit her. DD3 had a million ideas and needed more help narrowing it down. I feel her teacher’s input was especially helpful as she doesn’t like “advice” from me. Three down and none to go!</p>