It’s interesting that it doesn’t seem to have the same effect on your sister. I have sisters, too, and we’ve gotten similar questions. You don’t have to answer rude people or change your behavior based on whatever you think their perceptions are. An effective response is to look at them blankly and repeat their question back to them so they realize how foolish they sound. “What do you mean, ‘who’s smarter’? Smarter in what?” If they persist, it’s not foolish curiosity, but rudeness. A good response to that is, “Why do you ask?” If they’re bold enough to give you a reason, just say “oh” and walk away. One of my sisters had a pretty low tolerance for such people. She used to look them straight in the eye and say, “Well, that’s different. Usually people ask us who’s prettier.”
@austinmshauri Yeah! Though I’ve always felt inferior just 'cause of how well we do in school and our extracurriculars; she thrives on competition and is a really ambitious person, but my motivation primarily comes from a want to better myself regardless of other people in the world. Normally, this works, but when people start asking us those questions or even just making offhanded comments, I sort of lose my motivation because I’ll never be as good as her. I don’t think she has that problem. Last time someone asked us who was smarter, I just said that she was when I really just wanted to say, “And you ask that because…?” Most of the time I’ve got more confident remarks in my brain, but I default into a quiet, anything-goes person.
For example, some people ask me where I’m from when they first meet me (and expect to hear answers like China), and the conversation goes:
Stranger: Oh, where are you from?
Me: I’m from here.
Stranger: No, where are you really from?
Me: I was born here?
Stranger: Ok, where are your parents from?
Me: …Taiwan.
Stranger: Ah, ok! Is that like Thailand?
Me: Nope! uncomfortably makes exit
Here’s how it plays out in my head:
Stranger: Oh, where are you from?
Me: I’m from here.
Stranger: No, where are you really from?
Me: My mother’s womb, how 'bout you.
Haha, I think I just need to be more assertive.
You and your sister are different. Perhaps she’s an extrovert and you’re an introvert. I’m more reserved than my sister too, but it doesn’t make her smarter. We have different strengths. Explore things that interest you. Don’t waste high school competing with your sister.
You’re under no obligation to answer rude questions. I’m sure most people don’t mean to be rude, but it’s intrusive. My daughter’s best friend (let’s call her Jane) is multiracial and that question annoys her. She doesn’t mind some people, but people who doggedly pursue a response irritate her. This is how she responds.
Stranger: Where are you from?
Jane: I’m from New York." (Or insert whatever state you want).
Stranger: Where are you really from?
Jane: New York.
Stranger: Where are your parents from?
Jane: New York. Where are yours from?
That usually catches them off guard. If they answer with a location, she says “that’s nice” and changes the subject. If they persist, she excuses herself and finds someone who can actually hold a conversation.
My D had a friend in a similar situation with similar parents. She wanted to be a journalist but really had to double major in journalism and economics to appease her immigrant parents. She never actually finished the economics major, and the economics courses that she took were actually useful to her. She went to a top school with much FinAid and now is a self-sufficient journalist with a major daily newspaper - she got a byline on a piece about the election that I actually read without realizing it was her until D told me about it. Don’t give up what you love, just find a way to get there.
@austinmshauri Yeah, most people are just a bit clueless/oblivious to these things, and they’re really nice people who just don’t know how it could be perceived as rude or annoying.
@ClassicRockerDad Oh my goodness, that’s so cool! I’m trying, but I’m also finding a balance between being realistic and being idealistic/sticking to my “code.” I do admire those who go all out for their passions (like those who drop everything and head to New York or LA), but I think my parents would have a heart attack.