Parents, is there something more to life than money?

Parent Cafe
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<p>I've been wondering something lately. Is there something more than just making money? I'm going to be an engineer soon (civil and electrical), and there's this old friend who really admires and desires to save the world, literally. Up until today, I really desired to be rich. But is there more to life than being rich? My friend thinks so.</p>

<p>I guess this goes hand in hand with....should I try to rise above mediocrity? Sometimes, my parents are just content with where I am, but I think I want something more than to just be mediocre. I want to be a hero. I want to save the world.</p>

<p>Sometimes, my life feels very empty. Lonely without my family. When another friend at school said that it is important to be part of something more than yourself, it stuck with me. My old friend today further confirmed that. Is life more than just making money? Is happiness more important?</p>

<p>I'm debating whether I should fulfill my old dream of going to UIUC for EE graduate courses while I'm working. I didn't get to go when I was 18. Now that I am older, I'm considering going there for maybe some online courses to finish up EE. I visited UIUC, and it just seems to be such a wonderful place, a place where I can actually grow.</p>

<p>It just seems so expensive. But it is something that would allow me to make a difference in the world, more so than at my current school. Should I rise above mediocrity? Should I consider UIUC online courses when I may have no financial aid? Are my two friends right?</p>

2

<p>Thank you to everyone who responded in the engineering forum, but I'd like to hear from parents too.</p>

3

<p>EE will not make you rich. It will make you comfortable.</p>

<p>First of all, some people (myself included) could not be happy without a challenging career. Karma doesn't do it - going to work every day, being handed something and hearing, "We don't know how to do this. It might be impossible. Figure it out," is something I need to be happy. </p>

<p>Google various permutations of "income" and "happiness." One study showed that, once you make about $50,000/year, additional income does not make you more happy. The thing is, though, that you need to make a certain amount of money to not be worried about it all the time. Trust me, worrying about money is horrible - it's pretty much second only to worrying about the health of a loved one.</p>

<p>EE can get you a job that will allow you to have both. You can make a very nice salary, live an upper-middle class life, have a spouse, have little or no debt from grad school, and work a real workweek - like 40-50 hours. You can have a family and a stable marriage and kids. That leaves time (if you have a minimal commute) to save the world. It's easy to have teaching or tutoring or soup kitchens or mentoring as a hobby and EE as a job, but it's hard as hell to do that in reverse. :)</p>

4

<p>I really like teaching. I used to be a tutor at my engineering college. It made me feel so good every day, using my EE knowledge for the good of young students. However, I don't know if I could do it as a career.</p>

<p>Last summer, the best thing my family did was get me a temporary position as a civil construction engineer at the Department of Transportation making $1500 gross/week assuming a 40 hour week. It was awesome to work normal hours and have almost upper middle class income. I went to work every day thinking, "College was so worth it!" I did just as well as my parents.</p>

<p>But which is better? Civil or electrical? Or both? There's also still the question of how to pay for these online EE courses to finish my degree.</p>

5

<p>There was this poster at work that showed the results of some survey, and the main factors that make people happy. In other words, they ascertained which things in life most 'happy' people tend to have, and somehow assessed how important each thing is in determining the likelihood of being happy in life.</p>

<p>Was career /$$ #1?</p>

<p>No way!</p>

<ol>
<li><p>Marrying the right person - it seems that people who are happy with their spouses have the most likelihood of being happy in life - regardless of other factors such as job, money, etc. So, experience in relationships is more important than anything else in the long run.</p></li>
<li><p>Having children - This accounted for a great deal. People who have children claimed that this was a major reason for their happiness. Again, regardless of other factors. (I would advise waiting awhile before becoming a parent, however - there is plenty of time for that later!)</p></li>
<li><p>Health - well, this one makes sense - hard to be happy if one has some dreaded disease</p></li>
<li><p>Career/Income</p></li>
</ol>

<p>WOW! Career/income is #4 on the list!!!! What does that tell you?</p>

<p>Follow your heart...follow your dharma...</p>

<p>Saving the world is more important than being rich, but it's hard to save the world if you're poor. </p>

<p>$$ is nice, but lots of people with lots of $$ are still unhappy. However, lacking $$ can contribute to unhappiness by adding the stress of struggling to pay bills. My advice: Find the sweet spot... that will allow you to make a difference in the world, that you can feel good about. If you concentrate ONLY on getting rich, you will feel empty. Do what you need to be comfortable, not necessarily rich. Then, do what gives you joy and fulfillment.</p>

<p>And, always Remember:</p>

<p>'LOVE can get you thru times of no money
better than
Money can get you thru times of no love'</p>

6

<p>Oh, and, duh, of course there is something more to life than $$! $$ is just a tool, not an end in itself. To think that $$ will bring about happiness is delusion.</p>

<p>Life is nicer with $$ than without it. But, it is most definitely NOT the most important thing!</p>

7

<p>You are right, there is more to life than money. You should be happy. Hopefully, someday I will meet a wonderful young woman and maybe we'll be happy together. We could even have kids. Of course, that won't happen until I'm in my late 20's or about 30.</p>

<p>Of course, I still have to discover who that is. That could do a lot more than money could to make me happy.</p>

8

<p>This is nothing ashamed to desire being rich, particularly if you came from less privileged socioeconomic background. I have met and know many people, from developing nations, whose earning power would place them among America's poorest, list that as their #1 life pursuit. </p>

<p>I always think it is possible to pursue wealth AND make a difference. My most meaningful professional work is helping a team of medical professionals and engineers to develop a life-saving medical device. These people are well paid. Most importantly, they are very passionate, happy and true believers of their collective work, that is without a doubt "saving the world". </p>

<p>Your work/career will take up most of your life. For many, their work defines their sense of self. So, make your work count. Choose the profession, field and location where you can make the most contribution. You path to a superhero should be making one difference at a time, starting now, perhaps in your class, school or community.</p>

9

<p>Of course there is more to life than money. You have to follow your heart. For some, that is making money and that is okay. But if you follow your heart and study what you love and love what you do, the money will come, trust me.</p>

10

<p>Money is only an enabler. Too much focus on it loses sight of the reason for earning it in the first place. Don't under-estimate its value though - it comes in very handy to live comfortably, buy a house, go on vacation, travel, pay for kids, etc.</p>

<p>Since you're young and seem motivated, how about checking out philanthropic ways to utilize your skills such as the peace corps and similar organizations? You could do it for a year or so after graduation, gain some valuable experience, and really help some people in need.</p>

11

<p>Brooklynmom, I don't believe money will always come, if you do what you love. Trust me, I know that from experience. However, if you are doing what you love, you won't care if you have a lot of money.</p>

<p>My son is studying music performance. He knows he will never be a superstar and thus, he will never earn a lot of money at it. But he can't imagine doing anything else with his life, because he loves music so much. He will find a way to make enough to live on, and that will be sufficient.</p>

<p>I suppose it is a person's choice if they want to make money their goal. However, I have a feeling they will eventually find that while it may satisfy the body, it can never satisfy the soul.</p>

12

<p>After I graduated from college (1970), I was very career-minded...couldn't see fit to start a family. Then, I learned I couldn't have children...and the biological clock in my head started to gong louder than I could have ever imagined. In spite of the fact that I had a wonderful technical career and was highly regarded by my employer, I felt so-o-o-o empty inside...and so did my husband. Finally nearly 15 years after we were married, we adopted an infant son. I cannot begin to tell you how rich and complete I felt as a person when I simply gazed on this little bundle of joy. While I could easily have chosen to continue to exercise my talents and skills, it was the exercise of my love and nuturing ways that have given me the most. Because, we've nearly always been a one-income family (and a very, very meager one at that), we've had to sacrifice a lot and live a simple lifestyle...but raising our son has given me riches beyond compare. To see him succeed, to see him smile...ahh...that's what life is really about!</p>

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<p>Unfortunately, the lack of $$ often makes it impossible to follow one's heart. Trust me, I know. I have to support the family, and must work at a job that I loathe in order to pay the bills. So, one must already have a way to survive before having the freedom to follow one's heart.</p>

<p>If you are so blessed, then by all means, do what you love! You are one of the fortunate ones.</p>

<p>For someone just starting out, who has the resources to attend college, now is the time to choose a career that is fulfilling. Then, you can avoid the trap that many like myself have found ourselves in. It's easier to choose wisely now than to get off the treadmill later.</p>

14

<p>I quite my job to be home with my son, and it was completely worth it. We struggled with a single income, sharing one car, etc. But I would not trade those years for anything. There are some things more important than $$.</p>

<p>I know someone who has a huge house and a room decorated for a little boy and another room for a little girl, but alas! no children to fill the empty spaces. She deeply regrets putting career first for so long. Putting career first is a good idea while in one's 20s or so, but my friend waited too long and now she is 45 with health problems and it's too late to have children for her.</p>

<p>I'm a big believer in living it up as much as you can (within reason) and focusing on self and career while young, to get it out of your system. If you do that, then at some point, maybe in your 30s or so, you'll want to settle down and you'll be ready for it.</p>

15

<p>Do what makes you happy and keeps you fed, clothed, and healthy.</p>

<p>The saddest life IMO is always waiting to be happy -for the next milestone, next success, next goal, next accomplishment. To count on too many years on this planet can be overly optimistic. </p>

<p>Love your friends and whoever you consider your family to be. Love them deeply and to the point of public embarrasment. Yours and theirs. Shower your kids with kisses, your friends with kindnesses both simple and elaborate. Heck, shower your friends with kisses , too. Their humiliation will fade away in time and they will all be left with the indelible knowledge that you loved them. </p>

<p>Ignore those who don't like you. It drives them bug-eating nuts. (Even here.) </p>

<p>Find something holy to believe in. If you can't do that, then believe in your kids. Mine is the closest thing to a miracle I've ever seen. I've got to think that's going to be good enough. Heck, at least I'm hoping it is. </p>

<p>Yeah. There's more to life than money. </p>

<p>There's life. ;)</p>

16

<p>This year has been catastrophic for my family and me due to my diagnosis with a serious illness. Immediately after receiving the news, I had an incredible epiphany: I realized, rather to my surprise, that I have lived my life more or less the right way, and I have had not one second of real fear. I knew I have everything I need, and have had it all my life. Part of this is my birth family, which has always been loving and close. Part is my wonderful husband of nearly thirty years, and our children who mean so much to me. When people exclaim about my bravery, I don't know what to say. Most Moms I know would do the same. There are people in my house watching and listening, who may need to know these things someday. It's been a struggle but I've done extremely well so far and good comes out of evil, it's true. I know things about myself, my children, and my friends I would never have known before, and it's such a gift.</p>

<p>The list of difficulties for my extended family this year reads like a bad Russian novel, and if I wrote it, no one would believe it. Faith, family and friends have sustained me and I am enjoying life immensely, most of the time. </p>

<p>Do nothing for money alone. Do everything for love. Save yourself first, and then go out and save the world, one tiny corner at a time.</p>

17

<p>Good job, Ann. You've got your mind right. ;) Sometimes life helps us focus. I hope somebody's listening to you.</p>

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<p>Collegegrad - </p>

<p>You ask a great question. And there is no easy answer to the question. </p>

<p>IDEALLY, what anyone and everyone should do is "follow their heart" and "pursue their dreams" as some have posted. As the saying goes "if you pursue something that you are passionate about, then the money will follow".</p>

<p>We watch the "Inside the Actor's Studio" in which they interview famous actors for an hour. The host, James Lipton, asks them how they got their start, what their life has been like, high and low points in their life. Very often, you will hear very successful actors and actresses encourage the studio audience (which takes place at an acting school) to pursue their dreams, and the money will follow. </p>

<p>Unfortunately, life is not fair. For most aspiring actors/actresses, musicians, artists, and many other careers, it does not pan out that way. The vast majority of aspiring actors/actresses never get paid. The vast majority of musicians never make a CD, never make it big. Same for artists (painting, pottery, etc.). </p>

<p>You might think "what does it matter, if they never make it big. They are doing what they enjoy, right?" </p>

<p>The truth is that money (and the lack of it) is one of the biggest problems in the lives of families. It is one of the leading causes of divorce. You may not see "lack of money" put down on paper, but is often the underlying cause for many family problems. </p>

<p>After the intial bliss of love, intimacy, excitement, etc wears off, and the reality of life hits, then people realize how much money DOES play a factor. </p>

<p>What kind of house, condo, apt? If you have never had to pay for your own house, and then live in it for a number of years, you may not have personally experienced yourself, or your spouse saying "this is house is too small, we need to get something with more room", and then realize that you do not have the money to afford something more. And typically one spouse will feel more strongly about it than the other spouse (therein, a disagreement can take place, which can lead to an argument). </p>

<p>How about cars? Maybe your car is new, or only a couple of years old. Wait until it becomes 8-10 years old, and you (or your spouse) REALLY wants a new (or newer) car. And you figure out that you can't afford it. Again, one will more likely feel more strongly about it than the other.</p>

<p>Vacations? Maybe the wife's (or husband's) parents always took their family on expensive vacations. Skiing, Cruises, Hawaii, etc. After the initial years of marriage bliss subside, the years of low-budget vacations can start eating away at one spouse or the other. Not having enough money to take cruises or trips to Hawaii (when his/her friends are taking them) can even cause a spouse to resent the career choice of their spouce. (I have seen it with my sister-in-law). </p>

<p>There are other examples, but surely, you get my point.</p>

<p>In conclusion, the desire from MOST parents for their children to earn a good salary has NOTHING to do with being rich. It has EVERYTHING to do with their desire to help you avoid the hardships (and divorce) that occurs, in large part, due to financial difficulties within marriages. I am not arguing in favor of expensive vacations, or constanly buying new cars (and other toys). Quite to the contrary, we believe in balance. However, it is a good thing to earn a decent salary, so that the basic necessities are covered. </p>

<p>(for what it is worth, my wife and i are still happily married. We do take less expensive vacations than some families, therein the reason for my screen-name "lovetocamp". And we are ok with that, and we enjoy our campiong. We have learned to be careful with our money. We own a nice home. Our cars are both 8-10 years old. Again, we are ok with that also. The key is balance).</p>

19

<p>Follow Bill Gates' and Warren Buffett's steps. Become really rich and then be a philanthropist to help save the world!</p>

20

<p>I grew up in a household where money (actually lack of it) was always an issue. My goal was to be comfortable enough to not have money worries, not necessarily to get rich. To do this, you need to live somewhat beneath your means, get out of debt and have enough in savings that you can weather minor financial crises (the major ones require having enough insurance) and eventually retire.</p>

<p>Early on in my career, I was introduced by one of the leaders in my profession to Aristotle's “cross of life” which defines happiness as balancing work, play, love and worship. As lovetocamp stated, it is this balance that is most important. Money alone will not get you there.</p>