Parents, is this cheating? Help, I don't know what to do!

Parents Forum
1

<p>Although this took place early last spring, it's been weighing on my mind since then, and I want your opinion.</p>

<p>Around early April, I had a quiz coming up in one of my classes, and I wasn't prepared at all for it. Just before the quiz, I mentioned to someone in my lab group (who happened to have the highest grade in the class) that I wasn't ready for the quiz. I'll call her Jane (not real name, obviously). Well, we were in the middle of the quiz, and Jane happened to be sitting across the lab table from me. There was this one question where we had to label stuff on a diagram -- the type of question where your answer is either right or wrong -- no gray areas or multiple correct answers. I had completed the rest of the quiz with comparatively little difficulty, but this question had me stumped. I wrote down an answer I KNEW was incorrect, hoping the teacher would give me partial credit. I still had plenty of time left, so I just stared at my paper and racked my brain for the right answer. Suddenly, I heard Jane whisper my name, and I instinctively looked up. She quietly said the right answer. Right away, I knew the answer was correct, and I erased my former answer and replaced it with the correct one, figuring that I would have come up with the correct answer on my own anyway. I was thinking of saying something about it to my teacher after the lab period, but I had to leave before all the others eventually left, and I didn't mention anything about it to either Jane or the teacher before the end of the school year.</p>

<p>Well, I wound up getting an A in the course (a reasonably strong one, at that). I still can't shake that experience, though, and I'm wondering what I should do. I mean, I can't say that I sought the answer from Jane or that I tried in any unfair way to procure the answer. I may just as well have been able to eventually come up with the correct answer, given enough time. My school's academic honesty policy says that in-class cheating includes "unauthorized looking or procuring information from any unauthorized sources...or any other student's work."</p>

<p>Parents, I am utterly confused. I really don't know whether or not I cheated -- I guess it depends on whether or not I ultimately would have produced the correct answer on my own -- I guess I'll never know that. I have a wonderful relationship with this teacher, and I plan to ask her to write one of my college recs. However, I value honesty over a big-name college degree, and I would feel like more of a coward than I already am to not bring up this incident with my teacher. Honestly, I am scared. One of three things could happen:
1) My teacher doesn't see the incident as cheating, laughs it off.
2) She retroactively gives me a "zero" on that quiz (or on the specific question itself), not impacting my grade in the course.
3) I catch her in a bad mood (unlikely, but not out of the question), and she pursues further action -- changing my grade retroactively and/or utilizing some sort of school disciplinary action.</p>

<p>I honestly doubt she would resort to #3, but even #2 would absolutely destroy my reputation among my school's faculty. If I may say so, I am well-liked and respected by the faculty, and none of them would suspect me of cheating, and I fear that that would screw me for college admissions in their letters. Just the same, though, I want to do what's right. Also, I don't know what action, if any, should be taken with Jane. Supplying other students with answers is definitely against my school's policies, but she is no longer a student there, and I don't know what action would/should be taken against her.</p>

<p>So what do you suggest I do? How should I approach my teacher? Post here or PM me.</p>

2

<p>I'm not a parent, but I think many would agree with me: BREATHE.
Don't worry about it.
It was one question, one time. Clearly you have considerable guilt about it, and that's good because it means you won't do it again. You didn't ask for the answer and you didn't plan on receiving it. It was only one question of one quiz, yes? Plus it happened LAST SPRING. Ages ago.</p>

<p>Seriously. The teacher wouldn't do anything, especially because I'm sure you're a good student and well-liked among teachers. All the teacher would do is perhaps have a negative perception of you from a) slightly kind of cheating once, and/or b) being so completely wrapped up in one moment in the past. Plus it wouldn't look good for Jane either.</p>

<p>There are FAR better things to worry about.</p>

3

<p>So do you think I should tell her? I mean, this was awhile back, but it was still only 5 months ago, and I don't feel comfortable with not telling her, even if I AM in the right. On the other hand, QuickLikeCat, I don't want my teacher to develop a negative perception of me (for one reason or another) or take action against Jane. This is totally out of character for Jane, as far as I can tell, and I would hate for something bad to happen to her academic record because of me.</p>

4

<p>No, don't tell her.
Let it go.
Seriously. Bigger and better things to worry about in the big scheme of life.</p>

<p>You cheated, but you didn't plan on it or ask for it. It was wrong, but you feel awful and really you just want to relieve guilt. It's clear you've never done anything like this before and won't again. People make mistakes, and this is one that it is extremely small.</p>

5

<p>First - Did you cheat? I think so, was it wrong, I think so. I think you do also, and that is why you feel bad....a sure sign of a good moral compass trying to work.
Will you do it again? You probably know the answer....</p>

<p>Should you report it....I don't think so....find some other penance. Read a book on the subject...learn enough to justify your grade. Don't create extra work for others to ease your sleep.</p>

6

<p>I agree with Mr. B 100%. Yes, you cheated. The fact that it bothers you does show good morals. We've all done things we're not proud of. Learn from it and move on.</p>

7

<p>another vote for Mr B's assessment & solution.</p>

<p>The "honest" approach is NOT easy, often takes much work, and needs to be learned. Looks like you were taken off-guard when confronted with the moral dilemna of being told the right answer from an upstanding & presumably honest classmate. This type of situation is HARD for most people, so don't beat yourself up over it. You have now learned that you must react quickly to remain honest......I expect you will be a better person for it & you have been forced to thoroughly think about your actions in the context of cheating & honesty, so you should be better prepared next time & there will be a next time....these are principles for life, not just school. Good luck and chill out.</p>

8

<p>I agree w/Mr. B's assessment, but not the solution. This is somewhat analogous to finding a wallet on the sidewalk with a large sum inside. You helped yourself to that windfall, and now you feel guilty.</p>

<p>Papa Chicken is right that it's not easy at all to find a way to make amends after the fact. I don't agree, though, that just "moving on" will help you make peace with yourself, nor will it benefit anyone else. </p>

<p>At the least, you should talk to Jane to see if she realizes that she also acted unethically. She was looking at your paper too, you know. Otherwise, she wouldn't have known to offer you the answer. It is neither upstanding nor honest to be a party to cheating on either side. Don't tell yourself it would not be unethical if you had come upon the correct answer by yourself, that is just an excuse.</p>

<p>There are other ways to make amends for this other than to dredge up the particular incident. Here's a couple of ideas, I know you can come up with more.
Write an anonymous letter to the editor of your school newspaper that concentrates on what this incident has cost you: the worry, self-doubt, guilt, the impact on your self-image, the sadness at what you know your teachers and peers would think of you, the cost to your self-esteem in knowing that part of your accomplishment is unearned.<br>
If you do any EC involving younger kids, incorporate this lesson into your interactions with them. Explain how in the long run it is much easier to do what you know is right in the first place, instead of taking advantage and then trying to make amends later.
The next time you see a classmate confronting this kind of temptation (it doesn't have to be cheating on a test, it could be any sort of moral choice) don't keep your mouth shut. Intervene and help him to make the right choice! You know what the consequences are even if no one finds out--would you wish that on him?</p>

<p>I think any one of these actions, or something similar, would be a conscious positive step that will help you grow and give you some release from the negative emotions. I thoroughly disagree with the "it's just one little mistake that didn't hurt anyone" approach because these things will snowball into bigger things. I work at a prestigious university, and the amount of academic dishonesty at all levels is absolutely appalling. It did not spring forth full blown, it started with one little mistake.</p>

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<p>I agree with others. This is not something you need to report at this late date. However, you should carefully consider what you would do if a similar situation arose in the future. Would you cheat again, or would you decline to do so? How would you separate an answer another "Jane" gives you from a sudden brainwave that gives you the correct answer independently? </p>

<p>While the quiz is a fairly trivial issue, the ethics you develop on these small matters will reflect on more important issues you encounter later in life.</p>

10

<p>Talk to Jane. Perhaps you can do an appropriate "penance" together, like volunteering to tutor some kids in the same subject. This would do a heck of a lot more for other folks than creating headaches for others over your guilty conscience. </p>

<p>And congratulations to you for even feeling the sting.</p>

11

<p>Thanks, everyone, for your advice. Just a few issues:
1) Jane isn't at my school anymore (on to bigger and better things, I guess -- she was there for just a semester or so), and I have no contact information for her, nor do I immediately know of anyone who would have contact info.
2) Regardless of whether I bring this up to the instructor, how do I answer the question "have you ever violated your school's honor code?" on my college apps?
3) I really feel like I SHOULD, in fact, approach my teacher. Yes, I realize that many of you have advised against doing that, but I have a feeling I would feel a lot better by doing so, whether I'm ultimately right or wrong. If I do so (probably tomorrow or Tuesday), do suggest I tell her what I told you, or something else?</p>

<p>Thanks for your continuing help. :)</p>

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<p>Avalon - telling your teacher at this late date is a bit like the guilty spouse who tells his wife about an affair that took place years before. It has gnawed at his insides, while she has been happy in ignorance. He will feel better, but she will feel worse. He has transferred his problem to an innocent party. </p>

<p>Your telling your teacher at this point seems similar to me. Why? Because you simultaneously write you don't know whether to reveal your cheating on college applications. If you truly felt strongly about the lapse, your need to answer the question truthfully on your applications would be as strong as your need to reveal the cheating to your teacher. But it seems to me what you want to do is transfer the problem to your teacher. You are likely hoping that she will say, "Let bygones be bygones," as she will probably do, but she will then have some anxiety in not revealing it to your school administration. You want to rid yourself of the guilt, but not to take the punishment.</p>

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<p>Avalon, telling your teacher at this point serves absolutely no purpose OTHER than putting the teacher in the very difficult position of having to tell the entire administration of your school. She can't just go back and give you a zero on the exam without extensive explanations to everyone else. And then I will guarantee you that it will show up in your guidance counselor letter to colleges. You've learned your lesson. Volunteer to help someone else. Then forget it.</p>

14

<p>Not to beat what appears to be a dead horse, but I'm still not even sure that I actually cheated. I mean, looking back, I don't think I made the best choice by writing down the correct answer (it would have been wisest just to leave my answer as it was and to alert the teacher to the situation shortly after it occurred), but I think my intent was reasonable and within the "spirit of the laws." I did not attempt to obtain the answer unfairly, but I literally couldn't help hearing the answer. That said, I still feel uneasy about the situation, and I just want some closure. I would feel strange checking either "yes" or "no" on college applications. I have no guilt about the situation (yet, at least), but I want to know where I stand (or maybe I don't).</p>

15

<p>I think it's time for you to write out a neutral T-list of pros and cons (including possible consequences)... and then base your decision on that</p>

16

<p>
[quote]
Not to beat what appears to be a dead horse, but I'm still not even sure that I actually cheated.

[/quote]
Avalon - this is one of those things that you can debate internally forever. As I see it, this much we know: Jane cheated. </p>

<p>Now, you took the information from her. You will never know whether you would have come up with it on your own. You were in a catch-22, at least as you see it, because her whispering the answer to you precluded your coming up with it yourself.</p>

<p>So, my take is that you should stop trying to determine in your own mind whether or not you cheated. You feel some unease and you want closure. You can't have closure and you won't get it here, because what you are seeking to know is <em>unknowable</em>: ie, would you have come up with the answer on your own. So, move on, as others have suggested, and find a "penance" that allows you to make retribution, from among the suggestions others have provided. This will bring you as close to closure as you can get.</p>

17

<p>Thanks, jmmom -- your post was exactly what I needed. I just talked this over with my parents, and they pretty much echoed what you had said.</p>

<p>I think I will go ahead and make retribution in some form or fashion, definitely by trying to catch this kind of stuff when it comes up. I will carefully bring it up with my teacher, more in the "you might want to tell students not to give other people answers" sort of way rather than the "I cheated so kill me" sort of way. And I will definitely, definitely emphasize this with MY students when I'm a professor!</p>

<p>Thanks everyone -- I feel way better. ;)</p>

18

<p>You definitely cheated. You received help during the test. You didn't complete the test with only your own knowledge. If you didn't want to cheat, you would have heard the correct answer, and left your wrong answer, and got the grade for the knowledge that you had.</p>

<p>That said, it's 1 question, and it's not worth making a mess over. You should really keep quiet, and just not do it again. The teacher shouldn't have to tell someone to not give other people answers. They know what they are doing is wrong. I agree with those that said some tutoring or something along that kind of community service would be the best action to take. Help other people so they will not be put in the situation that you were in.</p>

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<p>You cheated not when Jane whispered the answer, but when you accepted it. Jane also cheated by giving it to you. If you had acted when it happened, fine. But now it is too late. Your qualms of conscience show that you really do know you cheated. But learn from this - remember how this feels and move on. Don't do it again. And if someone voluntarily gives you an answer, don't change yours.</p>

20

<p>Of course you cheated, although passively. Once you looked up, you really had no choice in receiving the information. It's water under the bridge, and I would take the lesson to heart and leave the rest behind.</p>