<p>I'm a rising senior and I have started looking at potential colleges. Apparently, my parents are going with me, too.
Ever since I was a little girl, my dad has always told me that I'm going to go to Harvard. He always talks about how proud he's going to be at my graduation where he will know that I'm finally set for life.
A couple of months ago, I realized that I j don't share his dream. I HATE Harvard. HATE it. I've been through the whole cutthroat competition atmosphere in high school and I don't want to go through it again. I also don't want to go spend four years somewhere I know I will be very insecure. My family is from Ethiopia, so the schools that truly "matter" are world-famous institutions such as Harvard, Yale, and Princeton, and the schools I'm considering are not sub-par to his level by any means. He will be paying for my tuition, so I am trying to be as understanding as possible, but I don't know if it's worth it. I've tried talking to him about it, and he gets really defensive and says I have "self-esteem" issues and should be more than happy going to a school as great as Harvard. I don't know what to do. What should be the most terrifying yet exhilarating chapter of my life is turning out to be plain stressful. Can anybody else share their experience with meddling parents and what I can do to make this situation better?</p>
<p>does your dad realize how hard it is to get into harvard… perhaps you can show him the acceptance rate and stats of kids that are accepted and rejected…so he will begin to work with you in a search for schools you do like. as he is paying you may have no choice but to apply.</p>
<p>girlincross, can your guidance counselor talk to your dad? You know, don’t you, that HYP are a long shot for anyone, and even if you agreed with your dad, there’s absolutely no way to guarantee an admissions offer there.</p>
<p>My best friend is married to a Ghanaian immigrant. The guidance office at her daughters’ high school was very, very helpful in explaining to him why he had to reveal his financial information which was difficult for him to hear from his kids. Not the same situation of course but perhaps a way of heading off some difficulties for you and for him later on.</p>
<p>Do your best with grades, test scores, etc. Then you must schedule an interview…and because it’s only you and the interviewer in the room, you can “throw” the interview. that is, do your absolute worst, assuring that you will not be accepted. Then go to your dream school.</p>
<p>If neither of your parents were educated in the US, encourage them to read though the information at <a href=“https://www.educationusa.info/[/url]”>https://www.educationusa.info/</a> That will help them understand how higher education in the US works.</p>
<p>Harvard, Princeton, Yale, MIT, Stanford, etc. admit fewer than 10% of their applicants each year. This means that many students with perfect grades, perfect exam scores, perfect interviews, perfect ECs do not make the cut. Even if you are a perfect applicant yourself, the chance of admission at Harvard is less than one in ten. Probably closer to one in twenty. Your dad need to know that now. Encourage him to think of other places he might like you to go.</p>
<p>Pick several colleges and universities including your home-state public U, and ask your dad to sit with you while you run the Net Price Calculators at each website. He may not have a very clear idea of what each place is likely to expect him to pay. And yes, some families to find out that Harvard would consider them full-pay when truth be told, they can’t pay that much each year. If there are several children in your family, you should encourage your dad to think through the whole paying for college issue. Costs go up about 5% to 7% each year. In a blink of an eye, the place that used to be affordable, might no longer be quite so affordable.</p>
<p>I know that you love your dad, and want him to be proud of you, so this will be a challenging year. Help him sort through some other options that he finds acceptable. Make certain that there is at least one dead-on safety on your list (you are flat-out guaranteed admission based on your GPA and exam scores, you can pay for it with no aid other than guaranteed merit-based aid and/or federal and/or state aid, your major is offered, and you actually like it enough to attend if all else fails). If you have a Harvard-quality GPA and exam scores, there are places out there that you can attend for free which would mean that you could attend even if your dad hated the place and refused to pay a cent. Read up on that issue in the financial aid forum.</p>
<p>Wishing you all the best!</p>
<p>I would advise you to figure out a way to make the process less confrontational with your parents. If you want your parents to keep an open mind, make sure you have one as well.</p>
<p>Are you sure you don’t hate Harvard just because your father wants you to go there? Have you visited? I don’t think you’d that find Harvard is particularly “cutthroat.” My advice would be to put Harvard on the list along with some others that you like, and and investigate them all. As others have said, the chances of getting into Harvard are pretty small. I wouldn’t stress too much about the possibility you’ll need to fight with your parents about turning them down at this point.</p>
<p>Well, you can offer to pay the tuition.</p>
<p>Respect and honor your parent’s journey. And that they’ve set a high bar for you. And provided an environment in which you could at least mention Harvard at the dinner table. Better than the alternative.</p>
<p>I strongly disagree with Mitch about “throwing” the interview. Better that Harvard accepts you, and YOU decline THEM. Tell your Dad that it’s not good enough for you.</p>
<p>Have Dad catch you on the sofa reading a People magazine with Michael Jackson, McCauley Culkin, or Lindsay Lohan on the cover.</p>
<p>Force him to watch “Dance Moms”. Tell him you feel that way sometimes. When he says, “What!?”, say nothing except, “I dunno. Just a feeling.”</p>
<p>Of course, to his everlasting credit, he sounds like a guy who would take a sledgehammer to his HDTV screen rather than watch 5 minutes of Dance Moms. I’m with him.</p>
<p>You could also tell him that you heard that Harvard asks about the above on their entrance interviews. If he asks who told you that, mention my name. I got your back.</p>
<p>A few things to consider:
-You are so fortunate that your parents will pay for your college. Take a moment and appreciate that.
-Appreciate your parent’s background and that they seem to want the best for you.
-Do you HATE Harvard because it has been pushed don your, or is there something in particular you don’t like? It is a large school where most people can care out their place.
-The odds of getting into Harvard are slim for anyone (Unless you are in the Kennedy family or something).
-Be honest with your dad about your concerns with Harvard.<br>
-Look at Harvard but look at other schools as well.
-Talk to your guidance counselor with your dad about other options and opportunities.
-Think about what you want to get out of a college experience and how it will impact your future career.</p>
<p>Don’t fight with your dad over it. Apply to Harvard (and visit it) and make up your own mind how you feel about it. Also apply to safety and match schools. If you find you truly don’t like Harvard, simply tell your interviewer your dad made you apply when he asks why you did. It will be truthful. You won’t get accepted (small odds anyway, but you don’t want to have the fight with your dad), and your dad should feel better about where you do want to go.</p>
<p>There’s no reason to fight with parents about such things.</p>
<p>However, be open-minded on your visit. You might like it. Don’t just throw out everything your parents like - just because. That’s incredibly unwise.</p>
<p>FWIW, my guy didn’t like any Ivies either, but it wasn’t a battle here. On the contrary, I was happy he liked schools where he got offered nice merit aid. Nonetheless, be open minded.</p>