<p>My daughters’ friend’s parents said community college was good enough for them and it’s good enough for their kids. They refuse to pay beyond the cost of tuition at a community college (followed by a local CSU), and absolutely will not pay for housing. Their daughter is a high academic student, applied to colleges on advice of her school counselor, was accepted, but parents refused to pay the cost of tuition. She’s at community college now, working and looking for scholarships and will be putting in transfer applications this fall. Most likely she’ll end up at the local CSU since that is all her parents will pay for. Her parents make in the range of $250-275K/yr. </p>
<p>@MLM: I’m guessing that might lead to resentment.</p>
<p>@cptofthehouse : Cultural thing or cost thing? What if the daughter found a full-ride far away that would cost less? I’m guessing that might lead to resentment as well.</p>
<p>
Not me. I preferred sorority house drama over my parents’ intrusiveness any time. Coming and going as I pleased was worth all the mac and cheese in the world. </p>
<p>I absolutely agree that in my area, anyone who wants to go to college can do so We have good transportation options, lots of college options, low tuition, and high population density in a small area. So finding car pools or ride shares is more probable. So a parent can get away with not helping in college costs other than providing the 3 squares and cot around here and not making it very difficult to go to college.</p>
<p>My neighbor’s stance is that he is not going to pay for room and board when he has a very expensive, very nice home for them. To commute to NYU from here would more than $50K a year and that doesn’t count the expenses of having young adults in the home. My electiric, water bills go up when my kids are here, my fridge is depleted, there is never gas in the car, and I am constantly picking up this and that for them. So there is some savings shipping the out to live at school. Plus commuting to school without bagging a lunch snack and filling a water bottle with tap water, filling a coffee mug thingie with coffee from the home pot means expenses eating and drinking out too. A lot of schools one can go have the full live in experience with no fin aid, no scholarships, no loans for a lot less than what some of the privates in my area cost I believe Sarah Lawrence has had the rep of being the priciest college in the US at times. Columbia, Barnard, Fordham, Fairfield, just to name a few others are right up there in price.</p>
<p>But I think he is eyeing some of the smaller nearby schools for his daughters and expecting them to work part time at his firm, and wants a lawyer, an accountant and a manager out of the three for the family business. And with the first one, with the the half tuition award she got, they are all very happy with the arrangement. </p>
<p>How he would have reacted if the DD got an award so that the price was comparable to schools he had on his list, I don’t know. Didn’t come up. His girls have wonderful living quarters in their nice big house, their own cars and all the luxuries that a young adult can want, plus a nice paying part time job. They seem to have the freedom to go and do pretty much as they please too. </p>
<p>My own son had no interest in such an arrangement. He got a full tuition award from a local school and could have lived pretty much the same way as the girl across the strret. Actually quite a few of his peers, took that sort of option and seem to be doing just fine and in many cases, better than those who went away to school and then came home after graduation and had to look for jobs. </p>
<p>Why would someone lie about that? My parents said I am probably on my own for college. They will have three kids in college and although this does increase the need based aid, it won’t be enough to replace the almost 40K that they’re paying for the other two. Since I have good stats and will likely get a good scholarship, and because I’m going OOS, I’m likely on my own. </p>
<p>Flossy: here’s what I know about JAE’s family. </p>
<p>They wouldn’t have qualified for financial aid (father has a very profitable business) and I don’t believe they filled out the FAFSA in the spring of 2012. I really don’t think they discussed finances at all but, I think they let Jae apply to the IVIES to see where she would get in. </p>
<p>Older brother wasn’t as school driven and barely got into the CSUs. I’ve always considered that Jae was an entitled brat. She received her car before she could pass her license. She flaunted it in front of my dd who needed to get rides from me-no car for dd as we were saving money in 529 accounts.</p>
<p>The family has some old world cultural issues (males needs come first) but their priorities about money are skewed.<br>
The mother asked me one time how I was dealing with my DD’s needs for designer $200+ jeans. She was appalled when I said that all the kids wardrobes were provided by Costco budget and that my kids only cared if the clothes were clean. </p>
<p>I don’t think Jae’s family was aware of how much the cost would be at Berkeley and I think they may have paid for UCSD as a commuting student. I personally don’t believe they had saved any money for their children’s educations, but they also weren’t willing to fill out the FAFSA or contribute any money to their dd. Now that older son has graduated, they may have money for dd at UCSD.</p>
<p>The mother was shocked when we told her we were paying full fees for Davis (our dd was considering the good vet school at Davis and JAE’s mother, asked me why my dd was going to Davis since it wasn’t high caliber enough for her child). I’m sure she didn’t think we could afford it. We couldn’t, but we’ve scrimped for years.</p>
<p>So whatever is going on in their family is weird and Jae is really unaware of how much it really costs to attend college with no financial aid and with a bitter attitude.</p>
<p>Re: #125 <a href=“Parents not helping their children with college financial aid. Why? - #126 by aunt_bea - Parents Forum - College Confidential Forums”>Parents not helping their children with college financial aid. Why? - #126 by aunt_bea - Parents Forum - College Confidential Forums;
<p>I can’t see this ending well for either the self-entitled brat or the parents who cultivated the sense of entitlement over the years.</p>
<p>But the question is would it have ended well if they had just borrowed the money and let her go to UCB or another school of her choice? Probably not. You can’t cure ‘entitled’ by just giving in to it.</p>
<p>My kids are a lot more understanding when I show them the budget, the money I have to contribute, the ways they can contribute. Until I showed D#2, they were just numbers flying around. She still doesn’t have a clue as to how much all the little things like transportation, spending money, and insurance cost, but she’s a little clearer on the tuition, fees, room and board cost and where the money comes from to pay for those, and she’s about to learn the lesson of how much books cost.</p>
<p>Both of my kids are heading to college, and both want cars. The answer is no, even if my brother gives them cars, even if they pay themselves (because that money could just be used for tuition if they have so much extra). They don’t need cars.</p>
<p>
Sheesh! And I thought my dad was a control freak! Oddly enough, my academic life and choice of major was one of the few things he didn’t try to control. </p>
<p>Sigh, I know what you mean Bestfriendsgirl, but let me tell you, my oldest brother would be drooling over that family’s life plan. He’s an older dad who worked very hard to put together his now very successful law practice that he would love more than nearly anything to turn over to one of his DDs. The firm is successful mainly because of my brother. He is the driving force of the firm and the only way to keep this success going is to work closely with the successor in a way that he feels he can only do with his DDS. Has to be someone local that knows the area well, and I really can see the point. Ideally, yes, it’s something that will work well only with some years of hand in hand, with heart there too, working with my brother as he slowly lets loose. The market value of the firm would not reflect that should he sell the business. </p>
<p>But my nieces want no part of this. They have no idea what they are being offered on a silver platter, as they are so used to that silver from day one being silver spoon kids. They have absolutely no idea what a gold mine that company is, and that their aspirations are likely to include living a whole different life style than they are used to having if they take the “do as I please” career path that they want to take. It’s not that people should not do as they please so much as making a fully informed choice. I know they have no idea at their ages, what they are choosing over what as they are taking one choice as granted. I don’t think I’m really making this so clear, but really, to take over that firm would be the absolute lottery win for most people, most anyone who understood the ramifications of this, and those girls have no idea what they really want to do. They just don’t like the idea of what is offered. </p>
<p>It took my close friend many years before she understood what she was being offered and what she turned down when she decided she absolutely had no interest in going to medical school though she had the academic chops and numbers to do so. Her father was a very successful doctor with a high calibre practice. When he died unexpectedly, it went to nothing practically. My friend spent many years having a difficult time making ends meet, and married a doctor late in life, and learned first hand what a difference it would have made had she done as he had wished. She ended up in a medical field much later in life but in a much lower paying position than as a MD, and had some very rough years It is a regret she has. </p>
<p>So, yes, control freak parents, yes. But many times for good reason. My neighbor will be passing a multi million dollar business over to his DDs. The chances of them being able to come up with something like this on their own is very small. </p>
<p><a href=“Is $100k in federal college loan debt worth a business undergraduate degree at Cal Poly SLO? - Financial Aid and Scholarships - College Confidential Forums”>Is $100k in federal college loan debt worth a business undergraduate degree at Cal Poly SLO? - Financial Aid and Scholarships - College Confidential Forums;
<p>This is something I have been seeing a lot on these boards, and also to some degree among parents, not just in my day, but throughout the year.</p>
<p>Parents have spend every bit of earnings to live the status quo. So not only did they not save for college, they may be in danger of not having much or anything saved for retirement. The pensions of days from days of yore that are defined benefit have mostly transition to the 401k type defined contribution plans that require people to contribute and save. If that has not been done, trying to make up for it these days when retirement is not that fare away, low interest rates, income already earmarked for other obligations is not going to happen. And the economy is such that pay cuts, hour cuts are rampant. No one is safe. Forced early "retirement’ is happening a lot and social security is not going to cut it for many families who have bought themselves lifestyles needing that big paycheck each month. It’s going to a big time down sizing, maybe bankruptcy. </p>
<p>So, no savings or not enough savings, certainly not for something like college since something will have to come up like scholarships and all those loans available, and the paycheck may not even stretch to meet current expenses, let alone extra money to put towards college tuition and other costs. So it means borrowing to pay for college unless kid goes to local state school, and even then if the kid hasn’t worked day one, and there truly is no money saved and not a dime to spare, it means borrowing to go there. </p>
<p>There is a self pleasure to indulge ones children. I had my niece and nephew here for a couple of weeks, and oh how I enjoyed spending my money on luxuries for them. I only see them sporadically, sometimes not for years, so I went all out. American Girl Doll store, Amusement Park, Theater, special things. Yes, I could get into that. Though it was for THEM, I really so enjoyed MYSELF spending that money. A lot more fun than funding a 529 or putting it away for savings, I can tell you. For many parents, raising kids has a lot of that. It’s fun to see their happy faces when you buy the latest smart phone, buy those designer jeans, have a spa day at the salon, buy that special dress, and oh giving them that first car. Priceless, we often say. Except that’s a lie. It all has a price. A very high one. It costs money. A lot of money. It’s not so fun to pay that college bill–I can tell you that as one who has been doing just that for the past 15 years and paying for private school for double that time period. So yes, I can see what happens when it comes time to pay those big bucks for college. that the parents come up empty. They don’t have it. And they be all borrowed up already to the point that they are pretty sure they can’t pass muster on the credit check for the school loans which they probably should not be taking anyways in their current predicament.</p>
<p>
</p>
<p>Of course, it would not end well in that case. That would just be kicking the can down the road. There are no possible ways to make it end well after cultivating self-entitled bratty attitude and behavior with no sense of how much things cost over 18 or so years.</p>
<p>
On your own for college, when your parents have helped out your older siblings? They won’t even help with the room/board if you get a full-tuition scholarship somewhere? How do you feel about that? Will you be able to come up with the $10 - $15K necessary for room/board/year? </p>
<p>My mother’s job will pay for half of tuition (<em>not</em> half of cost of attendance) at any accredited university. The rest of her “contribution” is that her salary is low enough that we get need based aid. My brother went to a state school (his first choice) and used his earnings from three years working at a restaurant and a campus job each semester to pay whatever was left on his bill, which was only a few thousand.</p>
<p>My sister chose to go to a small, expensive school for fine arts (also her number one choice). The tuition benefit then covered a larger portion of cost of attendance (closer to $20,000). She worked 3 to 4 part time jobs per semester, lived in a dinky apartment in Chinatown with multiple roommates, and had extremely low expenses). She is now working full time at a hospital this summer before finishing her last semester in a joint program at another university so she can get a minor in a more marketable field.</p>
<p>I did not want to go to the school I ended up at (same state school my brother went to). I made the choice between a few higher ranked schools which would have cost about $30,000 after financial aid and the school I’m currently at. After financial aid, my mom’s benefits, work study, and my merit scholarship, I pay maybe $100 per semester (though that might go up slightly since next year I will be the only child in college). We’ve known since we were young that we are responsible for ourselves and my mom staying at her current job is contribution enough, so it was an easy choice and I now love the school I’m attending. I’m working full time in a lucrative field and will cover all additional costs myself.</p>
<p>I understand that not everyone gets need-based aid and tuition remission, but I find it ridiculous when students complain that their parents don’t contribute enough when they choose to go to a $45,000 school instead of a $20,000 school.</p>