<p>ucb, I don’t know what it means by Jae’s family allowed her to apply to UCB. It could mean she took the credit card from her mom’s purse and hit submit button, because that is what my kids did.</p>
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The tricky part may be: When parents “sacrifice” and do too much for the kids, will it unintentionally put too much pressure on the kids? </p>
<p>Our kid has passed the college stage but not the graduate school yet. Our goal is to not become someone he will be responsible for as long as possible, until we become too old or too sick. Partly by choice and partly by necessity, we only paid for his UG expenses but not so much beyond that. Cross our fingers that he will not become as bitter as “Jae” does in the future because we make this choice today.</p>
<p>After the “kid” establishes his own family, his spouse comes from another family. If your child has too much responsibility for you, how are you sure whether his spouse has some different idea about how much sacrifice their family should have for you? Remember that you have never sacrificed for and raised her so her perspective and priority may be naturally different from your child’s.</p>
<p>There is some pros (as well as cons) of “don’t ask, don’t tell” also, as mentioned in Shrinkwrap’s post. A compromise is the key, I think.</p>
<p>So sorry I offended so many with my statement. It wasn’t my intention to be insulting though I do understand many may not agree! I did say there are circumstances that prevent people from saving for college. Having a child with disabilities certainly falls into that category. Health issues also is a problem. Unemployment. </p>
<p>However, I do think saving for college should take priority over driving a Lexus, expensive vacations and frankly a lot of other material items. I don’t view providing a good education as spoiling your child. </p>
<p>At any rate, sincerely sorry for being offensive. I clearly am coming at this with a different perspective that is not widely shared. I was very grateful to my grandparents for paying for my education though even though I didn’t grow up with lots of other material things. </p>
<p>Many times parents do not discuss college and finances with their children … until the student lands a spot at the dream school. Then, it turns into an all-out war.</p>
<p>Because we are teachers (and have gotten one raise in six years), we are honest with our boys. Look for merit money and the best possible educational situation you can find. The boys listened. They got outstanding grades and test scores. They also got local scholarship money, in addition the merit scholarships from their respective schools, so loans will be relatively small. </p>
<p>Talk to your kids about finances. They need to know what you will do for them, and what they need to do for themselves.</p>
<p>A lot of posters talk about not feeling as though they have any obligation to a child after age of 18. However I was surprised by the case of the NJ teenager last fall who sued her parents for college tuition that that isn’t legally the case in every state. Apparently in NJ at least, the parents financial obligations do not end if the child is continuing their education. That surprised me.</p>
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<p>Apparently in NJ, parents financial obligation does end at 18. The teenager lost in court.</p>
<p>@GMTplus7 No, she did not lose in court. The case did not go to court. She reunited with her parents and dropped the suit. The case was heard by a judge and continued because it had merit. He only ruled on the emergency funds part of the case which he denied. I would have thought it would have been tossed but it was not because, as all the legal heads at the time explained, in NJ there is a legal financial obligation to the child past 18. There was some vague phrase about showing independence. </p>
<p>The legal obligation in NJ is in the divorce laws, not in the general laws. It is not wide open, the child can’t decide to go anywhere, but the law and how it has been interpreted is that courts can allow child support, including some support for college, to be ordered even if the child is over 18. These parents weren’t divorced, so the law didn’t really apply to this case. It’s not really the child who is the beneficiary but the other spouse.</p>
<p>The NJ girl got grounded, ran away, then tried to argue in court that her parents had constructively forced her out - that is, they were being so egregiously oppressive that she had no choice but to leave (like a landlord renting you a house infested with rats and cockroaches, and a toilet spewing sewage, etc.). It was right before graduating from an expensive private HS, and I think it was also right after she turned 18. It was a really bad way for her to treat her parents who, from all the available information, had given her a great home and family environment all along.</p>
<p>They reconciled and she dropped the case. We don’t know what went on between them, but she probably never foresaw that the case would quickly gain national notoriety, and that she would be seen by everyone as a whiny spoiled brat. (The idiot lawyer who represented her should have foreseen that, though.)</p>
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<p>Yes. April of senior year is far too late to be discussing the cost constraints of college.</p>
<p>(The idiot lawyer who represented her should have foreseen that, though.)</p>
<p>–</p>
<p>I remember speculating that the lawyer, who was the dad of the school friend she stayed with when she flounced out of her house, must have had some kind of axe to grind against the parents. Very bizarre case, and one can only presume it was his idea to sue her parents.</p>
<p>It’s been a problem ever since I’ve been aware of financial aid. Back in my day, my own father balked at filling out the forms. A fellow student had the same issue; his father was adamant about not filling out the forms–now more than 50 years later, we have a pretty good idea why in that case. My husband had to goose step his mother with threats and heated exchanges to fill out the forms, and his uncle flat out refused to do so. When I worked with some families at one time with scholarships and fin aid, families that had a good chance for aid, and those who had some guaranteed athletic and merit awards but the school insisted on a FAFSA, parents refused. Wouldn’t do it. So, no, to me, it’s an old story. </p>
<p>As for PROFILE and NCPs, that was also an issue. Not that it mattered much as in many of those cases, with a completed NCP PROFILE , those kids weren’t eligible for any money from college funds. My good friend’s ex just laughed when he was so asked; he well knew it was absurd for any child of his to be getting fin aid with over a half million in income, not to even mention his assets. </p>
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<p>However, the older generations grew up in an environment when it is more likely to be possible to be self-supporting on one’s own job without parental support while being able to pay the trivial tuition to an in-state public university. But high school graduate job opportunities have gotten worse and in-state public university tuition has risen, so that more students need parental support to attend college (parental support can include living in the parents’ house more cheaply than living on one’s own).</p>
<p>NVM</p>
<p>My father felt that the forms were overly invasive and resented giving the information. My DH’s uncle felt that same way with the added issue of not wanting his children to know what the family income was. My high school friend’s father had some complications that he did not want to share with anyone. Also, in my case and my friend’s, we had alternatives that were very much affordable. My father’s job entitled me to go to a branch campus tuiton/fee free. That was perfectly fine to him. Why should he fill out some form asking for all of his private finances for the possibility of getting some money, was the way he looked at it. I could go to a perfectly fine school for free. My father did not want to pay for college when that option was right there, He correctly surmised that I wasn’t going to get full costs met anyways on a need basis. He saw no reason to pay for room and board when he had a home where I could live, and resources he was generously willing to give. None of us, in the examples I’ve given, were going to get away with all of our college costs met even at the most generous colleges. What the parents were saying, was that they did want to pay what they had a very good idea was going to be expected of them to send their children away to school, to a private school. </p>
<p>This is an issue these days too. Who should be paying for room, board, living expenses of a college student? My father well knew that he would be expected to pay something, a lot more than he wanted to pay, for me to go away to school, to go to a private school. </p>
<p>^My dad even sweetened the deal with sorority dues and assistance with a vehicle. I still would have liked to have have gone away though, and I insisted that my Ss go away.^</p>
<p>My parents refused to participate, but honestly, neither one of them graduated from high school and they did not understand why I would want to go to college. My daughter has a friend who says her parents don’t want her to go to college, but I’m not sure I believe it. I think they just don’t want her to go far away. </p>
<p>I am at the lowest run of middle class, but I will help my daughter as much as I can. She won’t be able to escape loans, but I’d like her to keep them no higher than $20K over 4 years (and less, if possible). I’ll be contributing a significant percentage of my income, but I have figured out a budget. </p>
<p>Some state schools have “exchange programs” that allow students to “go away” for one or two semesters while still paying in-state tuition. Factoring in travel expenses (and living expenses if you are commuting) the cost of these alternatives tends to lie somewhere between in-state options and out-of-state options while providing the benefits of going away. In fact, one could argue that going in-state and spending a semester (or year) abroad provides more personal growth than just attending school out-of-state. </p>
<p>For example, in Massachusetts, UMass Amherst has a number of domestic exchange agreements:</p>
<p><a href=“Student Success at UMass Amherst”>Student Success at UMass Amherst;
<p>and international exchange agreements:</p>
<p><a href=“http://www.ipo.umass.edu/index.cfm?FuseAction=Abroad.ViewLink&Link_ID=64E0828B-1B78-E111-DC4F39C9035D12F2”>http://www.ipo.umass.edu/index.cfm?FuseAction=Abroad.ViewLink&Link_ID=64E0828B-1B78-E111-DC4F39C9035D12F2</a></p>
<p>Here is the link for the NSE which includes a couple of state schools in Montana and some of the California state schools. Members of this exchange can also access some international exchange programs through some member schools.</p>
<p><a href=“http://nse.org/aboutNSE.asp”>http://nse.org/aboutNSE.asp</a></p>
<p>Here is a link to a related NY Times article:</p>
<p><a href=“STUDENT LIFE; Passport Not Required - The New York Times”>STUDENT LIFE; Passport Not Required - The New York Times;
<p>My neighbor out and out said that his daughters would not be going away to college. Which limits family costs to whatever the highest tuition cost is in the area. Oldest is now at a local Catholic College commuting and on half tuition scholarship. Her sisters will likely do the same. </p>
<p>^^Cpt, don’t you live near NYC where there are 9 million colleges? Not too limiting if you ask me. There were a lot of locals going to my college, and even if they lived in the dorm or sorority house for a term or two, most end up living at home for at least part of their time in school. Usually they could get a car for less than living near campus, and once that thrill of living in the dorms is over, they preferred living with washers and dryers that didn’t need quarters and eating meals that weren’t Kraft mac and Cheese.</p>