Parents of the HS Class of 2011 - Original

Parents Forum Class of 20xx Community
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<p>^ And just think about what we had to send to IDOC!!! </p>

<p>There is so much through College Board, I really didn’t like doing that and wonder if that will be an annual thing with this school. I hope not, though suspect it allows them to be more “paperless” and we wont be able to get around it.</p>

<p>FWIW, I think one way yo re-frame the SS Indecision is about how the poser to choose is now in the hands of our kids. They have been doing the work, and waiting. Now they can choose, and that’s empowering in and of itself.</p>

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<p>^^I am now getting emails from a few other companies besides College Board! Yikes - this could be interesting</p>

<p>Fogfog - you are so right…after all the hard work and everything, D really needs to make the final decision herself (providing the fin aid works out too!!). She has to pick the school where she will be happy and comfortable for the next 4 years…I think that is what has her concerned. But, it will all work out!</p>

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<p>he he gosh - typos</p>

<p>One way YOU re-frame…the POWER…</p>

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<p>Good Morning!</p>

<p>I have a question: Do you send your kids to the admitted students days alone or travel with them? When my S only had one acceptance, we were thinking to send him alone. But now I am trying to arrange for 3 back-to-back visits and he would have to fly across the country with plane changes, take a train or taxi, etc… So, I was thinking to accompany him. Well, now my DH and 10yo DD want to make a vacation of it and join us. </p>

<p>UT – agree about Stanford days, but on the other hand they don’t conflict with any others. But Son can’t visit Stanford on the admitted days anyway, so we are looking for alternative dates. As a matter of fact, we should have been there right now, but he got sick and we had to cancel. And we can’t find the thick envelope from Stanford that came Wednesday. I am telling him it’s a sign, but he doesn’t want to hear it.</p>

<p>What diet?</p>

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<p>Congrats to EmilyB on boychild’s decision to attend Bates. One more has left the SS indecision and made it to solid ground.</p>

<p>Keylimepie: I think that a lot of parents accompany kids to accepted students days. It can help the parent with the decision. At the one we went to a few years ago, they separated the kids and parents for part of the program. My husband is going to go to Boston next saturday with my daughter. He’ll make sure that she pays attention to the travel logistics so that she’ll be ready to handle it alone in the fall. I think if the whole family wants to go it will be fine.</p>

<p>Fogfog: I agree that it’s nice now that the kids finally have the power in this process. It feels much different to step onto a campus where you know that you have been admitted.</p>

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<p>Yes I also got the email-a final parting gift from the College Board.</p>

<p>Friday I had the pleasure of withdrawing his applications from 5 schools. He is still considering 3 with one clear favorite emerging. He will visit the admitted students day which I am also looking forward to because it is specifically for undeclared kids and I want to make sure we have the best picture possible so I told him make his list this week, I will make mine, and off we go. I wish my husband could come as well but it is not possible being so close to April 15th.</p>

<p>I read some threads on the schools he was admitted to but really didn’t want to go to-and after reading that I talked to my husband. He wanted to keep all his options open-my feeling was if he really didn’t want these schools why not give his seat and I hope the merit money he was awarded to another kid who wants so much to go there? He relented so I hope those spots get used. I felt worse saying goodbye to them than he did!</p>

<p>He is not going to accept the WL for Brown although his GC told him he should keep that option open-I guess they’ve had some admissions off it before. Her last piece of useless advice. I do bear some ill-will towards the GC and the whole setup there-I mean he got absolutely no help whatsoever other than I guess they at least managed in his case to send the right LOR and transcripts which is better than some kids got.</p>

<p>I have found it interesting to read about how kids on here had success with the Ivy-level type schools. Frankly, after reading this and other information I have gotten I am surprised he got even a WL-I can see now he never had a chance. I am just grateful he did as well as he did.</p>

<p>About a week ago I have an eye-opening talk with a friend of my sister who had talked with him last year since she was an English/Math major. The subject came up about his essay-she told me my sister had sent it to her and she was surprised he was having the success he was with that essay. I was a bit shocked because I thought it was pretty good and really was him. She said it was a wonderful story and well written and very creative but not for someone applying as a Chemistry major! The woman knows her stuff, is an editor and has done work with lots of kids advising on essays-even worked at MIT!
She told me if he got into anywhere with that essay applying as a Chem major she would be shocked. </p>

<p>Well she was right! She asked me why he didn’t ask her for help-I told her the whole story of how even getting him to finish the CA was a horror show. </p>

<p>Going through the process of withdrawing those acceptances was also a time to reflect on this whole process and all the other things swirling around while he was going through this. It’s been such a long saga with so much other life events, like everyone else has experienced, that I am amazed we survived.</p>

<p>I do know that for better or worse I helped him as much as I could. He took some help, refused some, and did his own thing for part of it. That’s who he is and I think in the end the school he chooses is going to be the best place for him-I just wish it hadn’t been such an ordeal getting there-he has learned a lot and not all of it good-me, I am sick of the whole thing and so emotionally drained and physically, mentally and spiritually exhausted that I feel like I need to go into hiding for several weeks at an undisclosed location.</p>

<p>Finally, and I know this is a long post but it is almost my exit conference, just when things were starting to settle down and he was starting to get over some of the disappointment he calls me into my office to show me on FB that one of his very closest friends posted the dollar amount of their award to a school he is still considering and they will go for almost nothing. He then pointed to the responses and was all riled up how people were congratulating this person on being rewarded for their hard work. He looked at me with such hurt and bitterness and said he was given 3X the Merit award they were but they can go for nothing because he is being penalized for his parents success. He wanted to post it wasn’t hard work it was financial-so I had to pull him aside, log him off that stupid FB, take the cell phone, and tell him to write an email to the financial aid counselor at the school but NOT to send it. I told him whatever you say you can never take back-and he needed to be happy for his friend. It has nothing to do with him.</p>

<p>I read his email later and it was a good idea I had him write it as it gave him a chance to vent and express his feelings. I get a lot of what he is saying but what he needs to learn, and at 18 I wonder if he truly can, is that this is just the way it is. Schools can give out money however they want if it is from their endowment. I just want to get him through this without bitterness. He’s had a tough week and he perceives that now it will be looked on at school like they wanted the friend more than him-he is going to a lower ranked school than almost everyone else in the top ten, and on and on. This truly isn’t my boy-and I know he needs to work through it and I think he will-but I am beyond sick of the whole thing.</p>

<p>I talked to his father and we sat him down later last night and said if you really want to go to that school we would cover the entire cost-with the Merit Award we could handle it. We want him to be where he wants to be. He said he still prefers his top choice as a better place for him. We felt it was something we could do for him and would remove the finances from the decision. I think it was a good move. I am so ready to move on-and I think he is too.</p>

<p>Thanks for listening-I needed to talk to people in the same boat.</p>

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<p>Aww Pepper, I’m sorry your son is still going through this turmoil. My ds is extremely easy going and bounces back from disappointment pretty quick but there are some sour feelings still he’s working through. Good friend who never took APs/honors is going to his #1 choice that we can’t afford. “Who got into ivy” envy. And most of all, his current frontrunner is a school alot of non-ap/honors kids are able to get into. It’s all the peer information that is getting him and the feeling that he has let us or himself down. Always have to come back to the marching band which he was adamant about needing in whatever college he picks. Soooo, we compared youtube videos of the marching bands, uniforms, practice schedules… Mind you I don’t think he is as secure about his major but he knows what he wants from a marching band!!!</p>

<p>Yesterday was the state u visit. Better than our initial impression last year where we all boarded a charter bus for a 1 hr tour of the 5-campuses that make up Rutgers. But like someone said before, it was a circus put on for admitted students, thousands of them, clamoring for parking, pushing into auditoriums…we got shut out from the only engineering session due to fire code…so we never actually got specific info from them. I think we will do an engineering tour this Fri. just to get the info for the heck of it. Spoke to the marching band people - that was reaffirming. It would be ok. He’d be ok. But…when people talk about a big campus? This has basically 3 big campuses, 2 smaller, separated by highway, a river, lots of lovely buses. Just not what I imagined for my little baboo.</p>

<p>Today little baboo is auditioning for a recital where he would play at Carnegie Hall. Pretty cool I suppose, can’t help but think - “but you can’t put this on your resume!”</p>

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<p>amanda that’s my son as well…so to see him like this is concerning.</p>

<p>But it’s good too because he is feeling what he needs to feel, communicating it (at times) and I know he’ll move through this stage and be better for it.</p>

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<p>^ Hugs to you Pepper.</p>

<p>The whole FB thing can be so toxic! Add addmissions pressures, the choices the kids now face and how an institution doles out the $$, it’s hard enough on the parents–even tougher on these Srs…and unless its strictly merit money–kid from successful parents just dont get the $. </p>

<p>A parent here on the boards has direct experience with scholarships that say they are merit---- which later they found out have a screening of the inital pool to remove apps from kids with high family EFCs…so in the end those merit awards aren’t strictly merit!</p>

<p>You were really wise to give your student an outlet to write about how he felt, how he perceived the FinAid stuff etc…and protected him from any injurious FB posts. Good Job!</p>

<p>I agree with how the process has taken its toll on the kids, parents etc…and depending on the GCs, we have seen how most kids are on their own…
a big thanks to CC for a source for parents!</p>

<p>If you take a vacation to that undisclosed paradise, be sure to drop us a postcard.
We here all appreciate you!</p>

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<p>^^Pepper sending you a PM~~</p>

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<p>**The SS Indecision left port on April 1st.</p>

<p>The ship is scheduled to dock in 28 days when all final commitments to schools are due.**</p>

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<p>Pepper and Amanda: I really feel for your sons. Most teenagers are very concerned with saving face and it’s tough to deal with other kid’s reactions to their options. The facebook stuff really adds to the difficulty because everything is so public. I think that once they get to college they will find lots of other bright accomplished kids and they will feel better about their choices. At schools with good merit money, the top 25% usually includes very bright kids who had to chose based on finances.</p>

<p>Amanda: I understand your son’s focus on marching band. That will probably be a big part of his college experience. One of the main things my D1 looked for was a club gymnastics team. She has loved being able to continue her sport, has made a lot of friends, and has gotten a lot of leadership experience on the team. Next week she is going to compete in Club Gymnastics Nationals with kids from all over the country.</p>

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<p>Pepper & Amanda (and anyone else struggling with less-than-desired-results) - I feel your pain. There is NOTHING harder than seeing your child suffer and not be able to “fix” the problem. You are both doing the right thing - helping your kids learn to deal with disappointment and focus on the positive is a big life lesson. Better that they learn it now, while still somewhat under your wing, than later when they are far away.</p>

<p>Wishing you (and all the posters on this board) the wisdom to know the right thing to do and say and the ability to help your children through these next few weeks and months.</p>

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<p>You know next time around, I hope to be better intentioned with “the list” and not to limit a potentially academically matched school for lack of the “extras” (like a marching band) if the merit part might be there. You know? I was naive about finaid and now I am not. I thought the EFC estimator was not accurately capturing the 1099 world we live in with a small biz. Silly me. Perhaps, I will get back to work like a good mom and put everyone through the college of their choice. Anyway, I told ds repeatedly that noone will remember where you go to school as soon as you graduate - I think that was true in my day but with FB, well - I’m pretty sure people will know but will they really care. Like I said about my bro who graduated from MIT, who is dealing with basement flooding as the snow melts on his rental house, and picking up dead bats out of the fireplace, well - life is what you make of it. When his electricity goes out because the wiring is old and his town is prone to ice storms…he can always stay with me.</p>

<p>Anyway, it is a sunny day here, almost all the snow has melted (almost - we actually had a delayed opening on Friday due to a snowy nor-easter). My dd turned 16 today and we are going to dimsum. My dd2 has her first track meet. I will ignore colleges today. Talk to you all tommorow!</p>

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<p>Big hugs to Pepper & Amanda. </p>

<p>Re saying goodbye to your kids no schools. I collected all the forms and return envelopes and when boychild came back from volunteering to serve lunch at some retired home for nuns (if they did this they don’t have to take religion final so) they where sitting in a pile on the kitchen island. I simply told him it’s time but said he could set aside his 2nd choice school if he wanted. Well, by the time there was only that one left he was ready to say goodbye to it also.</p>

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<p>Someone on CC that I read last night (was it back on this thread?) was saying that their kid is going to a school where they could have taken it way easier all through HS and still gotten in … sometimes it’s hard not to see it that way, and there is some comfort in the fact that a kid really doesn’t have to make him/herself crazy in HS and can get into a wonderful college.</p>

<p>My D had a hard time getting going her first 2 years, plus some unforeseen challenges that set her back very understandably, and while she has done beautifully these past two years she was not really in the league that she realized she wanted to be in for college admissions. She is very much in the situation I described above, in the long run, academically - although she probably would have still had to put in the hard effort she has in the arts.</p>

<p>But in another perspective - and we know this as adults, and the poster I read said this - is that they have become who they are as they made choices and put in effort through HS, and the qualities they developed and knowledge that they obtained will benefit them forever. Even if they found out they DON’T have to push themselves so hard - that’s a wonderful lesson in good mental health for lots of people.</p>

<p>My D right now is making a very hard decision between being a “top” kid or a “middle” kid at schools that will challenge her in very different ways. I can see the value in both, truly. I see the main goal is personal satisfaction, not necessarily in having to go with the choice that forces you to go to the max, absolutely. She’s not that kind of person, honestly. She can throw heart and soul as deeply into things as anyone, but she doesn’t do it while also winning the state tournament, running the charity event AND scoring tops on every test. Rigor and accomplishment will now be more individually defined, not so much from a box that has been created by someone on how a “top” HS kid should be. </p>

<p>If she can make a thoughtful decision now, regardless of what she chooses, I will see that as one more incredible lesson she will have learned, along with all of the very important choices she made throughout HS, to find meaning in what she did and pride in what she could attain, no matter how it ultimately “ranked” her.</p>

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<p>Hello everyone!</p>

<p>emilybee ~ Congrats on you Bates decisions! One of my friends’ S is a senior there and he loves it!</p>

<p>Dignified1 and keylimepie ~ Are you traveling to Cambridge (MIT) and Princeton for the admitted students weekends? If yes, I might see you there. :)</p>

<p>Pepper03 ~ Thanks for sharing your S’s story. I am still too exhausted to share mine, lol. You handled the FB thingie in a smart way. I am so happy for you you can afford to send your S to his favorite college!</p>

<p>amandakayak ~ Good luck with the Carnegie Hall recital audition! Too bad you can’t use it on the resume (is it because your child is not yet in high school?)</p>

<p>Oh, and I did get that lovely email from the College Board too…</p>

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<p>amanda - </p>

<p>Please don’t second-guess yourself on the list, especially about the marching band (something I have my own experiences with). You couldn’t have changed that in your S then, as you can’t now. If that makes him happy, then it was a successful way to choose a school. </p>

<p>Marching band (and gymnastics, for that matter) is one of the activities that only young people can do, and only when they’re in college, where it’s ready and available. We have an “adult” drum corps in our state, which is pretty awesome, but it’s not the same, kind of like a really great old-timer’s club. Really this is the time for him. I can see that it is something that makes his heart sing, and might be what makes college a wonderful memory. </p>

<p>Yes, maybe you’ll do things differently next time (esp regarding fin aid), but it will be different anyway with your other kid(s). My 2 experiences were incomparable - and their lists even overlapped with a couple of schools! But you made the right decisions with what you knew AT THE TIME. </p>

<p>We all have appreciated your humor and intelligence throughout these last months, and I hope you can have a sunny day.</p>

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<p>We woke with 3 inches of new snow this morning; what’s with that? Our household is currently in the lull before the next storm. Spring break is this week, so the gerbil wheel has paused a bit. There will only be two visit trips this month, one to the Bay area, and one into Philly.</p>

<p>We declined a couple of schools last night, and JR found it surprisingly difficult. After you spend months trying to make yourself attractive to schools, and you know that they are fine schools that other kids dearly wanted into, it is hard to say “Oh, never mind.” But getting the decline responses back soon may help the waitlists start moving as early as possible, and that is a good thing.</p>

<p>It is interesting how there are seasons in the posts on CC, or maybe it is just that my focus changes as my interests progress. The “school x v. school y” thread will no doubt dominate for the next month. But my heart breaks for the kids, and their families, who have few if any good options because of rejection/waitlists or the stark reality of family finances. The “what do I do now?” lamentations of the seniors adrift really pull at my heartstrings.</p>

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<p>I got the email, too, plus one from my CC company telling me that Epsilon had notified them and that they will never ask for any info in an email, and I should expect spam blah, blah, blah…</p>