<p>Had a really nice “moment” tonight . . . after a few weeks of DS being gone by the time I got home from work, or leaving immediately after supper to go to the GF’s or other friend’s house, tonight he was actually HOME. And we sat at the table talking about school, etc. for nearly 45 minutes after supper while the skillet on the stove congealed and the leftover salad wilted . . but I was staying put as long as he was talking!</p>
<p>And then he drops the bombshell that he’s actually thinking about majoring in physics! :eek: That’s as big of a switch as if Pepper threw away her frying pan or Amanda lost her sense of humor!! But I explained how, as he is going to an LAC, he doesn’t even have to pick a major for two years and that everything he’s taking this year will still “count,” because they want you to take all different kinds of classes. But it was interesting to hear him talk about looking up and reading about the various majors, and what jobs are available in those fields.</p>
<p>As for the GF staying over or vice versa, no way. And we don’t exactly have a set-in-stone curfew, but he does have to get up by 7:00 a.m. on week days for his job, so that cuts down on too much late-night stuff.</p>
<p>I’m not at all worried about our kids wanting to live her. ShawSon is both ambitious and friend-oriented. He said to me, “None of my friends are coming back. I think this will be the last summer I spend at home.” Waah. ShawD is in her third summer in Canada from home. She can be slug-like but will follow my lead in finding a job/internship. But, despite her attraction to the activities she’d planned for a gap year, she decided not to take one because for a fair bit of it she’d be at home. Maybe living in a boring town is a good thing.</p>
<p>We have a different view of the sleeping together thing. If I know that the my child and SO are sleeping together at night (as ShawSon is with his girlfriend at school), they are welcome to sleep together in our house if they are comfortable doing so. No one night stands, but BF or GF. I always thought it was strange when my parents wanted to have the kabuki dance – knowing that GF and I were sleeping together at school but pretending not to be while we were there and then getting together when everyone else was in bed. The kabuki dance seems hypocritical. My father-in-law took his kids on a trip a few months after I started dating my wife-to-be and said to each kid, “I’ve rented a condo in Maui. There’s a bedroom for you. You can bring a BF, friend, other. I won’t worry about sleeping arrangements.” No kabuki dance. It seemed much more natural and less hypocritical. But that’s just me.</p>
<p>As far as curfews, we ditto BI. As matter of respect and concern, we all tell each other where we are going, when we expect to be home, if an extra stop is being considered etc. DS has gotten better over the years about calling if his plans change. I’m a worrier. I try to stay up if DS will be home late, but usually I don’t make it if it is past 1AM. Fortunately that is infrequent. After 4 years of getting up at 5AM to catch the bus, DS considers sleeping til 8:30 really late. All freshman take the same classes next year so no registration issues. DS will enjoy not having to start til 9AM. No worry about gf sleepovers yet.</p>
<p>Arrived safe and sound at the conference in Indianapolis and have just briefly skimmed all your meaty posts from today. You all were very chatty today. </p>
<p>Thanks for the kind thoughts for our son. He did pass the CLEP Calculus test with plenty of room to spare, so crisis averted. His schedule can stay in tact.</p>
<p>The opening day of our conference is just for the adult volunteers who work with our college chapters. The topic is managing risky behaviors in college students. When I get back home, I’ll share some of the tips from tonight’s session about engaging in conversation about rules/compliance/policies. Really great stuff tonight. </p>
<p>Have a great day tomorrow; I doubt I will have time to check in, but I will with you in spirit as I learn more about the habits, opinions and attitudes about our students.</p>
<p>D’s graduation karoake/dj dance party went really well. The kids had a tremendous time. Drank lots of water etc, but I have tons of food left over! Can’t believe I can check that off the list of events…wow!!!</p>
<p>OWM- glad you made it to Indianapolis. Enjoy the conference. I am looking forward to info on risky behavior. </p>
<p>Holliesue - Lots of leftovers mean lots of no cooking in the upcoming weeks! Glad party was a hit. </p>
<p>S has a curfew of 11:30 on weeknights and 12:30/1:00 on weekends. He does have to get up at 7am S-Th for work, but he would still stay out much later if DH let him. I have stayed out of the curfew discussion. When I was S’s age I had no curfew and I took full advantage of it. H & S do occasionally renegotiate the curfew and H has let S stay out later than normal occasionally. He always waits up for him. I know S complains that most of his friends do not have curfews, but his arguements are halfhearted, so I don’t think he minds having to be home earlier than them. When H is traveling and out of town, I have S wake me when he gets home. I get up at 4am for work and there is no way I can stay up til 11:30 for him. S has an on and off GF who lives a few towns over. No sleepovers, although I would allow her to stay over, in a seperate room, if asked. I think when S has a serious GF I might reconsider the sleeping arangements, but it would have to be for a long term relationship. I have an 11yo D and I don’t need her thinking I condone one night stands. </p>
<p>I woke up last night around midnight and overheard H & S discussing the option of having him take all, except one, of his sophomore year finance requirements this year. There are 6 required classes, he tested out of 2, will definitely take 2 more and could easily fit in another one. It would mean he gives up one of his two electives to take either financial or managerial accounting. I am not sure how difficult either one of these classes are. Thoughts anyone?</p>
<p>Holliesue: I’m glad to hear that the party was a success.</p>
<p>Mamom: Why does your son want to rush the required courses? He’s probably better off sticking with the recommended sequence for at least the first semester. My D has found that it’s helpful to balance classes in terms of difficulty and type of work (reading, papers, problems or exams).</p>
<p>I agree with others that kids should check in with parents when their plans change. I’m a worrier. I try to give my daughters some space, but they know that they need to let me know where they are. Luckily,they are both pretty good about it. My older daughter calls or texts us every day or two from college. When we travel, she likes us to check in with her. The first time she asked me to “call me when you land” I heard my words coming back at me.</p>
<p>I don’t think that parents ever stop worrying. My MIL still calls from Florida everytime its snows to make sure that my husband got home from work safely.</p>
He doesn’t. unfortunately, they are requiring he use his AP credits to get out of 4 of the required classes and two of the schools core classes. We went into this thinking he would repeat calc and macro and micro econ, but they won’t give him credit for those classes if he takes them. he could take more electives but he already has two electives this semester.</p>
<p>**I have taken the first and last move-in dates for this countdown from the list on this thread. To try and list all of them would be overkill to say the least.</p>
<p>First new student move-in is the University of Georgia on August 9th. (Excludes cadet training at West Point)
Move-in day in 26 days.</p>
<p>Last new student move-in is University of Southern Oregon on September 22nd<br>
Move-in day in 70 days.**</p>
<p>If there are earlier or later move-in dates, please post them so that I can pick them up and adjust the countdown postings.</p>
<p>OK, just to reframe what you’re saying: They won’t give him “credit” for calc and econ, so you’re thinking he should take the AP credit and move up. On the other hand, you originally thought he should take them again for the educational benefit. Does he need the “credits” to graduate? In other words, if he takes them, would he still have time for everything he wants and needs to take, just as if he hadn’t had the AP scores?</p>
<p>Credit is “cool,” but it isn’t always necessary. D1’s school didn’t give credit for APs, just let you move forward. If you wanted to take the class, you were welcome to. Your only obligation was to fill the 4 years with classes in such a way that you met your major (and minor if desired) degree requirements and your distribution requirements. </p>
<p>I think sometimes “credit” is overrated. Some schools do not allow you to take courses you place out of (which I disagree with), but if this is just a question of credits, then maybe it would be good for him to take courses he feels would be important in the big picture. At schools where you can’t graduate early, regardless of AP credits, it’s nice that they earn you more elective time, but I think filling one’s needs in one’s field is equally important. I wouldn’t want a student to feel shorted either way.</p>
<p>I’m in the camp where you skip courses only if you are absolutely sure there is no value in repeating them. I can see situations where even the “obvious” first year language and some math classes are worth re-taking. I think your S should take what feels right to him; also he should be prepared to change if he realizes the course isn’t what he thought it would be (which is common with any course selections).</p>
<p>He has a good scholarship, no? Is your H hoping he can graduate early? This kind of issue is something a family has to decide for itself. But my personal opinion is that college is a chance to learn with depth and breadth and 4 years is barely long enough as it is. </p>
<p>I’m not trying to nitpick, but if he CAN take them, just wouldn’t get actual credit, it sounds like he could still take one or the other or even both and it really wouldn’t hurt him in the long run. This seems like a classic situation where he should be sitting in on both options the first week and doublechecking which classes really feel right for him personally.</p>
<p>WI has a young driver curfew but it is loosely written: if they are “on their way home” it’s OK to be out past it. I suppose this helps with some things like cruising around in the wee hours, but pretty much any kid can stay out late and then just be “going home.” My girls occasionally are out later than midnight. H and I really can’t stay up late - and once the kids were well onto 18 we started having them just wake us up when they get home. </p>
<p>Although sometimes we’re sleeping too soundly (especially me) and then we just get funny notes tacked to our door!</p>
<p>We have ended up with a double standard about sleepovers because of the 4-year age difference. We were somewhat conservative for a time because D2 was in 8th, 9th, etc. grade, even though D1 is in a committed relationship with a guy we all really feel great about. It didn’t seem right for a young girl to share a bathroom in the morning with a guy who is not a family member. But since D2 got to be about 17 we’ve relaxed the rules. And with no younger sibling we will make decisions for her without having to consider that issue.</p>
<p>We like general respect from our college students, but as long as it really doesn’t affect us (like keep us awake on work nights) we’re pretty light with the rules. We know they live differently the rest of their lives and want them to be themselves when they’re home. We’ve found we benefit from the flip side: older D cooks us dinner because she’s used to cooking, for example.</p>
<p>I may be repeating what EB has said but I believe it’s a matter of double dipping. This is the same at Bluejr’s school. If you take the AP credit you can not take the class for credit…if you take the class for credit you can not accept the AP credit. You can’t have both. There are a very few classes that if you have a 5 on the AP exam you are not allowed to step down (ie, if you have a 5 on the AB Calc engineers are not allowed to step down and take Calc 1, they have to move on to Calc 2). On the other hand Bluejr earned credit for AP Physics and will waive those credits to take the class next year. He’s aero/mech E and despite getting an A in the class (4 on the AP) feels he wants to take it in college. We support this decision. Another thing to consider is how each university uses the class within the program. If it is traditionally a big weeder class you may be better off skipping it.</p>
<p>If I’m misunderstanding the situation I apologize. I think it really depends on the student and what their goals are. There is nothing wrong IMO with waiving credits to take a class. AP classes are there to give you the flexibility to do just that.</p>
<p>My daughter, age 26, is not allowed to have her boyfriend sleep in her room when she visits and he’s with her. Neither is our 18 year old son, who has been dating his GF for over two years allowed to have her sleep in his room. It would make us uncomfortable. My daughter does not live with her boyfriend although I know they do sleep at each others places. Neither has ever asked for their SO to share a bedroom. I don’t think it’s any big deception and I don’t think it’s that big a deal NOT to sleep together. </p>
<p>Hollie, glad the party was a success and you have crossed off one more thing on your list. </p>
<p>The reception last night was lovely. There were 3 other freshman and their parents and a representative from the college there. It was very informal and intended to be so. </p>
<p>The kids seemed very nice and the parents normal. </p>
<p>I drank too much champagne but it was all good as I just made boychild drive home. </p>
<p>He doesn’t have a curfew- we just ask him to tell us what time he thinks he will be home and if he is going to be late to call. He rarely stays out later than 12. </p>
<p>Haven’t had to deal with sleep over except group sleepovers - which we are ok with. I don’t think we will care if he’s in a relationship but I don’t want him bringing home one night stands. My cousin’s son (who is out of college and has an apt in NYC) brings his one night stands to his parents house. He told them not to even talk to the girls if, by chance, their paths should cross in the house. </p>
<p>No chance that will ever be happening in my house.</p>
<p>He can take the classes but will not get the credits for them nor will he get graded, it will be like he is auditing the class. I have not looked into what happens if he does that, if he will have enough credits to graduate without taking an extra class somewhere down the line. I have to look into this more. We originally wanted him to repeat calc and both econ. But, after looking at his required classes for finance, I do not see any follow on classes that build on calc so we deicded his 2 years of HS calc would be sufficient. He got 4’s on both econ AP exams but even his HS teacher said retake your colleges econ classes which we planned on doing. But, when he registered online he got a warning that he would not get credit for econ because he had already taken it. His advisor told him the same thing. Of course, he could audit the econ classes, but I think it is unlikely he will put the effort in outside of class (homework and studying) if he isn’t getting a grade and if he is taking 6 other classes. Plus we now have an issue trying to fit the classes in his schedule. S doesn’t mind repeating econ in college, but he agrees auditing will not give him the motivation to do anything but attend the lecture. And yes, there may be value in doing that. </p>
<p>This whole thing kinda of messed with us earlier in the week. I had planned on a retake for those three classes and then we are told no you can’t. Since then, I have been looking at the benefits of having more room on his schedule. And to be honest he is not going to an ivy league school, I don’t see these kids as the brightest bulbs in the room. 90% if the businees school kids are starting off taking a precalc class. (other way around for engineering college which looks much more rigorous). So now I am thinking that if he is one of the brightest kids in the business program (and he won the business school scholarship competition, so based on that one test he is) then maybe he can handle the accelerated program. </p>
<p>He does have a very nice merit scholarship (pretty close to full tuition) for 4 years so long as he maintains a 2.0. So money is not an issue. We plan on having him attend college for the full four years. This does open up some opportunities for him down the line he might not otherwise have, internships during the school year in place of classes, taking a minor, or more finance classes. So there are benefits.</p>
<p>I am getting really antsy reading about all these sales. I can’t do any dorm shopping until D returns, which won’t be until mid-August. Hopefully there will still be good deals and a reasonable selection by then. D won’t be able to touch base (other than by 2-week snail mail) until at least next week; maybe then I can check and see if there’s anything I can buy in the meantime within certain restrictions (i.e. color).
Re: curfews. I have to admit that I have been extremely liberal about this (and I’m pretty strict about other things). I know D’s friends quite well, and when she’s out late, I know whose house she’s at (and when she’s out really late, it’s at someone’s house, with parental monitoring). Frequently, she has sleepovers at our house which is the primary, although by no means exclusive, hangout spot for her friends (which I will really miss). We do have a state curfew, but it’s pretty loosely enforced locally (if you politely tell the officer that you are on your way home, you’re fine). Frankly, I am so glad that she has a nice group of friends and they enjoy each other’s company so much, that as long as I know where she is, she can stay out as late as she wants - which can be pretty late. I know, I know - this sounds pretty lax. But this only applies on weekends, and she’s only really pushed it a few times.<br>
No BF in the picture so that hasn’t been an issue. I can’t imagine a shared bedroom situation in our house, but I think reasonable minds may differ on that.</p>
<p>I feel for you, mamom - it is a dilemma. It sounds like there are some rules that make his choices more limited. And I agree that he has a right to be confident in his abilities. I’m sure there are ways he can expand his econ opportunities, whether he takes or audits this class or not. I am sure it will work out well. </p>
<p>When I was in college I got credit for my 2-year FL requirement, and that allowed me to take some time before graduating to do some internships. That was really helpful, since otherwise I’d barely had any work experience.</p>
<p>@ mamom - Ahh, that does complicate matters. I agree that taking that many classes obviously the ones that are not being graded would get the least effort and quite possibly all would suffer. Not ideal. I’m sorry. As you said, your son is not in over his head and is in a situation where he will do well. </p>
<p>I’m glad that his scholarship is not tied to an astronomically high GPA. Bluejr was offered a spot at an honors college where he would have had to keep a 3.5…as an engineer. Yea…we told him that if he choose that option he needed to do so loving that school without the honors college. I don’t want to take anything away from my son, he’s a great student and may rock his college GPA, but a 3.5 is a really tall order for an e’school student and it’s pretty hard to swallow for kids who are used to getting nothing but A’s! As my kids say when I knock them down a notch or two on a regular basis ‘gee mom, thanks for keeping it real’ (insert sarcastic look here).</p>
I’m sorry, this would simply be an invitation for me to seek them out and offer coffee, muffins, and make conversation…to a degree that the overnight guests would stop very, very quickly (perhaps asking how they met…inviting her back for dinner, getting her name mixed up with ‘all the other girls’, etc.). I am nothing if not a formidable opponent. ;)</p>