Parents of the HS Class of 2011 - We're awesome!

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<p>AK Thanks for your great post. I have tried to not let those “what ifs” slide in–and yet since kiddo will be far from home–taking kiddo “to lunch” wil require 2 planes and a car to get there! so thinking about lofting and sheets is easier ;o)</p>

<p>Where are these waivers? Is this someting on the Us websites? I am not planning on building a helicopter pad on the roof of the dorm -and at the same time if there is a crisis I would hope the us aren’t expecting newly minted frosh to handle everything alone…
I realize the Us want the kids to come to the advisors etc and to figure out how to manage their own lives…there has to be balance…</p>

<p>Classof2015 I like that Tired and Sad/cousins… We talk about being
Hungry
Angry
Lonely
Tired
Stressed…
HALTS and that you have to pause and check yourself for those conditions before making impetuous choices/decisions…</p>

<p>Sleeping on it–is always helpful</p>

<p>Back early in Sr yr we counseled kiddo about the gf/bf thing and the “slow death” of long distance…have heard too many stories how that entanglement really affects how the freshman adjust to their school…</p>

822

<p>Good morning -</p>

<p>For the record, we never did any waivers or anything with D1. I guess we would have just dealt with it somehow if something had happened. I can’t imagine she wouldn’t have included us in her problems (and she did let us in on several over the years), or if she’d rather have handled it herself, she just would have. Worst case scenario I suppose suggests doing one. </p>

<p>We have about 35 days, 7 weeks. Still feels like a lot of time, although last night I looked at D’s stack of books and remarked that she needs to read a full book and 8-10 plays a week to get through it all. She said, “I know, Mom. I can count, too.” </p>

<p>I vote, too, for not sharing bought items. Too hard to split up. Deal out the purchases like cards. Share only rental costs. D’s new roommate has made two comments about not sharing things … “I think we should all have our own fridge” … “My TV is small and not very nice so you might want your own.” This girl is a sophomore and we’re getting the hint that she likes her own stuff separate. That’s fine. There’s one more girl in their triple bedroom, so we’ll see what she says. I don’t see D using the fridge much - she has a 15 meal/week plan, is not a breakfast eater anyway, might keep some granola bars around and a few cold drinks is all. If roommate #2 doesn’t bring a TV we’ll get one for D - she watches movies to relax and wants to bring a video game.</p>

<p>She said the other day that she’s OK with the triple because there will be a common room (with another 2-3 people) where she can breathe. I know it will be very different sharing a bedroom after all of these years of privacy, but actually she’s hardly ever in her room at home. She’ll figure it out, I’m sure. I had a single room but also had my favorite places to “nest” at school - various libraries, lounges, coffee shops. I’m not the bedroom type, either.</p>

<p>She also said yesterday that she was amazed at how happy and comfortable she was at orientation, how much fun it was and how much she clicked with the people. That sure warmed my heart. I think a good part of it is her attitude and the growth she’s made this year, and a good part is that she is very happy just to go to college. But there also is a big part that this school and its programs are an excellent fit for her. That’s a nice feeling for all of us.</p>

<p>As for dads who make cost comments - I think these guys are pretty freaked out by this huge jump in “provider status.” Even if they’re not the sole breadwinner, it’s a topic they hook into by nature. As a spouse, I’d talk to them privately and offer to be a sounding board for their fears and concerns (and as much about feelings as about dollars), but with the deal that it’s only when the kids aren’t around. Kids should respect that school affects the family finances, but it gets sticky when they might feel bad believing that they are somehow causing family friction.</p>

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<p>amadakayak- how did course registration go? I know you had some concerns about that.</p>

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<p>Our son has signed HIPAA <a href=“http://www.caring.com/forms/hipaa-release-form/free-hipaa-release-form.pdf[/url]”>http://www.caring.com/forms/hipaa-release-form/free-hipaa-release-form.pdf&lt;/a&gt; and the FERPA [Model</a> Form for Disclosure to Parents of Dependent Students - FERPA](<a href=“http://www2.ed.gov/policy/gen/guid/fpco/ferpa/safeschools/modelform.html]Model”>http://www2.ed.gov/policy/gen/guid/fpco/ferpa/safeschools/modelform.html) forms, but no way would I expect to have his power of attorney.[Power</a> of attorney - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia](<a href=“http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Power_of_attorney]Power”>Power of attorney - Wikipedia) I think that’s something you want if a person is deemed incompetent and unable to make their own decisions. If they are not capable of making correct adult decisions or even incorrect decisions, I’m not sure they should be attending college away from home.</p>

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<p>Mamom- Let me know what finally works in regards to contacting the roommate. My son had a 3 min. call with one of his roommates and that was it. I’d like to see them communicate a bit more.</p>

<p>I am not sure what to do about TV/fridge and such. They can only have one fridge per room but, since they are in overcapacity, if a room opens and someone moves out, their things go with them so I def. so not want to make a joint purchase. </p>

<p>olderwisermom-That’s the advantage of being the webmaster. You can put your own personal touches out there! And he can say, “I got paid to sleep on the job.” :-)</p>

<p>Re waivers: At orientation, the encouraged kids to sign the paperwork to allow parents to talk with the college. It is good for all 4 years unless the student goes in to the office and changes it. But I had not thought of the legal things like power of atty. I will be anxiously awaiting replies on that!</p>

826

<p>Thanks for the replies on DS’ dinner with the GF; we will let him proceed with his plans. Just have to figure out WHAT the dinner will be that HE wants to cook himself! </p>

<p>AK – I was in marching band at a big school here in Texas; I took 18 hours exactly one semester and I felt like I was in class all the time. Usually, I stuck with 15-16 hours. If he can hold off, I would recommend dropping to 15 hours during the fall; he could make up the other 3 hours in the spring or maybe even sophomore year after he gets the hang of how much time band will take. It does take a lot of time, but it was so so so much fun!</p>

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<p>

yeah, that was what I meant. I am considering just renting the fridge/micro thing. We are a plane flight away so we are not bringing it home at years end and I do not expect him to need storage over the summer, except if we bought a fridge/micro. H was hoping his room mate who lives nearby would be providing one of the big items but S “claims” roommate won’t make plans for living in all male dorm so we have no idea what if anything he can bring. </p>

<p>BI- I am in the same boat as you, I am OK one on one but thrust into a large group of folks where I know no one is stressful. Hope it went well. I found in June at S’s orientation thing the folks who sat our our table the first night all hung together the rest of the next day. </p>

<p>kinder - hope all is well. </p>

<p>AK- Well I am not as worried about my S as Iam sure I will be about my D. My biggest fear is S will go overboard on the partying and neglect his school work. Engineering is a tough program. In particular those first two years when they try to weed out a lot of kids and kids have to take all those difficult core classes in subjects they had no interest. I remember having to take an EE class as a ME major. I spent so much time on that homework. What will he do in marching band, I assume he won’t strt off as DM?</p>

<p>I think some of us might know more about our kids roommates than our kids do. :)</p>

<p>OWM - happy birthday to your H!! Good luck with his new job. Non work related visitors are not allowed at my work and I rarely socialize with coworkers at home, although I have had a few over for holiday dinners so H does know a few of my coworkers. h & I work 20 miles apart so I never visit his work. I have met a few of his coworkers at various events. </p>

<p>momofboston - all I can say is thank goodness for central ac.</p>

<p>Fog and momof boston- I am surprised they paired you with a jr! It amazes me that roommates will have sex in their room with a roommate feet away. I just don’t get it.</p>

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<p>AK - Wow - I think that some of these orientations just give too much info, I still think that this whole college process is unnecessarily complex. </p>

<p>I get that unsettled feeling daily these days…at Ds orientation they played this “ice breaker” game where they all stood in a circle. They leader started off saying “if pizza is your favorite food, step into the circle”…the benign questions continued and then they asked…“if you have ever tried drugs, step into the circle”, “if you ever questioned your sexual orientation, step inside the circle”…my D was a little freaked out - she said we went from pizza to drugs to sexual orientation in two minutes. D didn’t think this was an ice breaker at all…because now she knows personal info about people (TMI) before actually getting to know them…in fact, she is trying to stay off of FB becasue she doesn’t want to prejudge anyone before she meets them. BTW, she was in the last group to step in the circle - the final question was “If you are uncomfortable with this game, step into the circle.” I found this entire exercise unsettling. </p>

<p>Hey, I picked my colleges out of a book and only visited after I was accepted. I picked one, there was no orientation, my parents dropped me off, the school handed me a dining card and room key, and that was it. And I was excited about it. We just figured it out.</p>

829

<p>

S had what I called orientation in June. 2 days. Then he has what they call orientation in August for 5 days before classes start and they do the group bonding thing. Makes me wonder what was wrong with a cookout the night before and being done with it. Exactly how much is all this a factor into the huge increases in tuition?</p>

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<p>mamom - Exactly. Chaching!</p>

<p>I just don’t understand why it is so complicated. And why do they need to publicize sexual orientation or drug use? Or post intro videos on Facebook? This is when I feel old -what ever happened to taking your time to get to know someone?</p>

831

<p>Morning all. So D and her 5 suitemates set up a FB chat and are meeting for dinner this wknd. She told me last night that they want the moms to come as well. We were boht like-- WHAT?! Nothing like starting off in full hovercraft mode! Anyway, it seems pretty odd to us, but if the other moms are gonna go, how can I not? </p>

<p>As for access to D’s health info- I’m not going to go there. I can tell you my parents never knew diddly squat about my healthcare after HS. It is a step on the path to adulthood IMO.</p>

<p>As for D’s educational records, I currently have access to her personal and school email accounts and know her PWs for school login so I think that will suffice. I realize she may change those PWs at some point, and if she decides wants to keep me out of the information loop, she may find her bank balance concurrently dwindling -LOL.</p>

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<p>ShawSon signed HIPAA and FERPA authorizations and (I have to check) a durable power of attorney, although I think the FERPA letter was more generalized authorization for the school to talk with us about grades, academic performance, personal or other issues, and anything the school felt was relevant to us. I also think there is something called a pour-over will that we should do, but I’ve forgotten what it is [I think for the assets in the kids names].</p>

<p>Now I need to figure out what is needed in Canada. Thanks for reminding me, as US law won’t apply to a) Canadian universities; or b) assets in Canada.</p>

833

<p>kathiep: Thanks for posting the links to the waivers that your son signed. That looks like a good starting point for us. We have not had S1 sign a power of attorney, but could see the value in it if he were to be injured/ill/incapacitated and was unable to make decisions for himself. I have experience with POA’s only from the standpoint of aging parents and am an accountant, not an attorney. </p>

<p>momofboston: So many of these nifty little add-ons contribute to the high cost of education! Orientation, accepted students days, spiffy presentations at visitation days, flat screen tvs in the dining halls, etc. Nice stuff, but somebody pays. Oh, wait! That’s us!</p>

<p>amandak: It’s so unsettling to hear them lay out all the possible perils. Just makes you want to wrap them up in some bubble wrap and keep them at home. Believe me, I’ve thought of many possible ugly scenarios for freshman year. I guess that’s why it’s easier for me to focus on sheets, comforters, and fridges, too. S1 chose to attend a small, Chrisitan, liberal arts college. It was a “safe” choice for him as he tended to bit naive in high school and really chose not to confront some of the issues that most high schoolers face. He just avoided the drinking/drug thing by maintaining friendships with kids who shared his thinking. While his college choice has not going provide him much experience in binge drinking or girls staying over in the dorm room, he has still grown and matured. There are times when I wish that S2 had made a “safe” choice, but that’s just not him. The good thing about Pitt’s orientation is that it was in July and you have a chance to digest the information that they gave you, to talk to you son about things that troubled you, and to think things through before you drop him off. Duke’s orientation is the day of and the day after drop off. I know that’s way more convenient for folks like us who are traveling a long distance to get there. But really, if they feed me all this scary information and then expect me to kiss my baby goodbye with a smile on my face the same day, I’ll be really ticked off.</p>

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<p>mommylaw, The only reason I want the HIPAA is so that if there is an emergency, I can find out the information. I’ve had a couple of friends whose kids had college health emergencies and wanted their parents input on choices but the parents could not get that immediately because their kids had not signed the HIPAA. My older son (college grad) visited health services at college a couple of times but I didn’t know that until after the fact even though he had signed the HIPAA. They don’t notify you, but it allows you to know what’s going on. This is not about the flu, it’s about meningitis and serious illness. </p>

<p>My son still has not heard about housing or roommate. I thought he said he would know by now, but he said that he won’t know until mid- AUGUST! I remember being a bit apprehensive about my older son’s roommate because he had a really strange name and did not return my son’s e-mail’s until about a week before college started. Turns out he was out of the the state for most of the summer and had given a rarely used e-mail address. At my daughters college the students didn’t find out who their roommate was or where they were living until they got to campus.</p>

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<p>cooker - how disappointing to miss the call! Hope the weeks fly by…</p>

<p>kumitedad - how stressful for your DD! hopefully she doesn’t have to wait long!</p>

<p>momofzach - congrats to your son on his promotion :)</p>

<p>mamom - I don’t blame your DS for having a sour taste in his mouth over the roommate trying to get out of the dorm!</p>

<p>momofboston - that icebreaker does sound really inappropriate to me too! :(</p>

<p>AK - I’m not really freaked out about the possibilities, but feel like with DS away for the summer I haven’t had the opportunity to give him all the last-minute parental advice I should before he goes off into the wide world. He’ll only be home for a day before leaving for school. I’ve been putting whatever advice I think of into a Word document and I guess I’ll email him a copy and he’ll at least have it to look at when he needs it (if he thinks of it)</p>

<p>My DS is away for the summer with very limited internet access. He has only briefly met his roommate on FB. They are both engineers but that’s all I know. I offered to by DS a fridge that he would share with the roommate for now and that he would have going forward, but I still haven’t heard back from him as to whether that is what he wants to do. If they want to have a microwave in the room, they have to rent a fairly expensive microwave/fridge combo that switches the fridge off while the microwave is running to avoid blowing the fuse. I don’t want to buy one of those, so if they choose that route they will just split a rental this year. Otherwise they can use the microwave in the common room.</p>

<p>He hasn’t had a summer orientation but will have several days of freshman orientation before classes start. My college did have a frosh week at the beginning of the year so that seems “normal” to me.</p>

<p>Still trying to decide about and figure out waivers and medical power of attorney. Thanks for the links kathiep. I am not thinking about generic power of attorney but something medical in case they are unable to make their own health care decisions. I wonder if that would default to the parents anyhow for an unmarried young adult?</p>

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<p>It’s funny how different the roommate scenarios are from school to school. At D’s school, they could pick their own roommates and also choose their own room. So, D knows both her roommate and her room - in fact, she was able to go see her actual room during orientation. She has a fairly good idea of what will fit and what won’t. Helps a great deal!</p>

<p>We are planning on getting the fridge for both of them to share. Case doesn’t allow for microwaves in the room - so this will just be a fridge. </p>

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<p>Oh yes. H asked if we were paying anything for orientation - I told him that there was no “bill”, but yes, believe me we are paying!! There are three Welcome days before the beginning of school - filled with get-togethers, bonding experiences, ice breakers - the kids think it is cool!! And to top that, they have these additional “orientations” that you can sign up for (at an additional cost!). Since move-in day is Wed and really very inconvenient for us, we let D sign up for one of these additional orientations so we could move her in on Sunday. Think the Wed move-in was planned deliberately to encourage people to sign up for these additional orientations??</p>

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<p>Thanks for the replies. The roommate’s FB is not public so I can only see the profile pic which my S shared at least. The HS website dose not have any info either. Knowing my s, I think he will have to feel comfortable first before he wants to share.
Mamom-You are right not to take the roommate situation personally. Hope everything works out.
AK-I think the school tells worst scenario so it will not be a surprise IF it does happen. You are not alone. I will be the same way to think every scary thing I heard will happen to my son. Like others suggested, I rather concentrate on getting stuff for the dorm…</p>

<p>S and I agreed that he would learn how to prepare 6 entrees from scratch this summer. So far he has done Fried Rice, Meatball (he prefers over Meat Sauce) with spaghetti, Baked Chicken Fingers and he will do Enchiladas this week. Need two more dishes…</p>

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<p>mamom, lots of schools do an extensive group bonding thing (hiking, team exercises). Then they also do the sensitivity training stuff. And yes, they pay for this (although with ShawSon, we had to pay extra for the pre-camp hiking or backpacking or climbing trip). The good news is that our kids meet people before they are engaged in the rush of school work.</p>

<p>At ShawD’s school, they have an extensive frosh week. Everybody together. Apparently an incredibly effective group bonding/school spirit thing that last for four years.</p>

<p>She’ll find out about her room assignment and I think roommate in early August.</p>

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<p>mamom, I think it is too bad that the current roommate is freaking out over living in a single sex dorm, when the next year such a large number choose to live in a fraternity or sorority house anyway… single sex of course! Turns out they like having their “bro space” for living but still socialize with the opposite sex plenty.</p>

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<p>Kathiepie - Thanks for the links. I think the power of attyn. could be signed and filed away for an extreme emergency (accident/etc.) but I could be wrong about that.</p>