<p>When I listen to everyone discusses finances, I get anxiety attacks! I think I am living in la-la land, because I don’t want to deal with the reality of it all. My d’s soon-to-be-ex private school NEVER discusses fin aid or merit money, because everyone is so wealthy they could pay 4 years of college NOW (they give $50-100,000 each year to the annual fund and we can barely give $50). They did have a fin aid company come to talk to the school but scholarships that are available that people don’t know about (I believe you pay that company a requisite amount to find them for you; it is a good company and got good reviews, but if you pay them $10K they better come up with at least $50K in scholarships I would think). However, the only people who attended the meeting were my soon-to-be-ex husband, and a handful of minority families in the school who were already on high school scholarships. Out of 340 kids from grades 9-12, there were only 11 families who came to the meeting. This is one of reason for sure we decided to leave the school because of the very wealthy community. Their kids are totally out of control with the drinking and partying (although I hear it is everywhere), and doesn’t matter if you get your stomach pumped and are promiscuous, as long as your family is a high contributor, you’ll wind up with a “character” award to boost your resume. That’s the politics of this particular private school sadly. </p>
<p>It was too much of a source of discouragement for my d and so now, we still don’t have a school due to her illness (since we may be out on medical leave). The money situation for us is not good; however, I don’t think the colleges care how much debt you have, or if you are foreclosing. I will not be getting a lot of alimony and child support, so I assume they will base our EFC on my ex’s salary even though he doesn’t give a fig about my d’s education. He is a selfish (among other things) person which is why I am divorcing.</p>
<p>My d’s ex-school and my therapist (who is on the board of a top lib arts college) told me (the school told everyone), not to go on college confidential or you will lose your mind. I have to say, I am very stressed after coming on the boards. Then I go and freak out and think my D isn’t doing enough. Another example is that her school’s AP courses will break your back, but when she saw all the practice books on AP Euro for example, she said she could have easily taken the test being in regular Euro (the same teacher teaches both classes), but the school refuses to let anyone take the test or let you off the day of the test to find a place to take it (I believe you have to take it at your school), so that is why we are considering our local public school. Before she got ill, we went to look at it, and they told her she could take whatever AP classes she wanted, which made her happy and very confident. For the life of me, I do not understand why the private schools make it so difficult to get into the class, when the AP tests are geared for everyone from around the country. You know that not all schools teach these classes alike. A friend of mine in a small town in upstate NY has her D, the same grade as all of ours, in 5 AP classes next year and had her in 4 this year. She was still able to work after school and participate in extracurriculars. There would be no way in the world anyone at my d’s school could do that. They allowed 1 ap class in soph yr (and the kids were up till 1-2am working on euro) and in jr and sr yr, you could only take 3 ap classes max. </p>
<p>At this point, it doesn’t seem like we are going to be able to afford much for college, but I did see Suze Orman speaking about college, and she said no way in the world should a parent co-sign a child’s college loan. The loan should be in the student’s name. Is that what everyone feels? How can our kids pay back loans 6 months after graduating (I didn’t realize that is when the re-payments begin, but I saw a special on CBS last year, and one student was saying, he was sorry he went to NYU and took out loans because he can’t repay them. He had gotten a job after college, but within 3 months, he got laid off, so he has to move back home with his parents and take a telemarketer job). He said the lesson he learned was he should have gone to the college that gave him all the merit aid, and then taken loans for a good grad school. He thought by going to NYU, he’d have more job opp’tys. </p>
<p>I, too, had no guidance in high school. I was in a Catholic school, and I did well, and in sophomore year, we had to make the decision to go business or academic. My mom, a single parent, made me go business despite the fact that I wanted to stay in the academic program. I had to be a “secretary,” because that’s what girls did (or become nurses). I resented it, but I had no choice. Plus we had a guidance counselor who was a year older than Methusala, and she knew from nothing. I went back for my 40th (gulp) high school reunion, and now the school is high tech, and the girls are graduating and going on to Ivy leagues and great liberal arts colleges. AND THEY HAVE A GREAT GUIDANCE COUNSELOR! At least our alumni contributions, as little as they may have been, went to a good cause!</p>
One was even a simple fill in the bubble scantron type form! So Longhaul, I understand the obsession. We recently moved and I laughed when I saw that my son had put all of the college planning books in the bookcase in his room. So my secret is out also. And now I’ve even resorted to sneaking a book out when he’s in the shower or something. I’m currently on pins and needles waiting for a new book to arrive. </p>