<p>Longhaul- so sorry. I often find myself on that ledge. I know my D can have that tendency. It is so frustrating to see students wasting talent. </p>
<p>YES!!- “independent, employable and make enough to enjoy his life.” I would add with enough social skills that the boss doesn’t want to smack him with a 2 x 4. (This is for my DS’10). I am trying to hammer this down with my D who has some impractical ideas right now. High Schoolers, so smart yet so … I keep trying to hammer home the concept that you actually need to find employment and earn a living. </p>
<p>I vacillate between sadness and wanting to send ALL THREE of my kids off to college, TODAY. They are 16, 13 and 10 and the bickering can be enough to send me around the bend some days. Still, D13 is a wonderful kid and I will miss her for sure. We’ve had some practice, which is good, with one, two and three week blocks away- two of those in other countries. Makes going away to college not seem TOO bad. Plus, I am shocked at how often the college kids in our neighborhood seem to come home. Fall breaks, Thanksgiving, Christmas, sometimes all of January etc. Seems like about six weeks tops before they are back home again. </p>
<p>I’ve heard the transition back from school to home for the summer can be really, really hard. I remember that being the case for me. All that independence is hard to give up when you come back home.</p>
<p>Today is the first day of the second semester. Yesterday was a teacher work day for recording grades, so my D had the day off to do a load of AP Lang homework and to study for two tests. No rest for the weary… D was disappointed with her APUSH grade as 6 tests in the last three weeks effectively dismantled her grade. I think she is okay with the grade, though, as she knows of many that are much worse off than her. Good news is that she did great in AP Calc, AP Music Theory, and physics.:)</p>
<p>Longhaul, I have so walked in your shoes with my S. So intelligent and talented, but yet so unable to keep it together for any sustained period of time when he was in high school. I shed many tears for him and melted down several times from frustration. He had a higher SAT/lower GPA and we debated whether he should just go to community college where he might be better able to keep up with the work. We decided in the end, that he had to leave home and get out from underneath my umbrella for the sake of both his sanity and mine. It was rough the first year and a half for him, for he was struggling in a major I know he didn’t belong in, but insisted he wanted to do. He finally saw the writing on the wall and changed his major after the first semester of his sophomore year. He has now found his passion and has begun to florish. He did very well this past semester and brought home a GPA we thought we would never see. We are cautious, but optimistic that he will be able to continue this success. He has a great extracurricular for his new major, and was recently recommended by one of his professors for an internship in his field of study. We are very proud of him as we know how far he has come and how difficult it has been for him. Keep the faith with your S. I know it can be very frustrating and hard to see around the corner with kids like our sons, but it is possible to get there.:)</p>
<p>vandygrad87–I guess it just depends on how you treat your college student when they come home. If you expect them to follow the same rules they had (curfews, etc.) as a high school student, yes, the transition is difficult. When our oldest came home after freshman year we realized that he took care of himself for that year and was able to do so at home too. All we asked is that he let us know his general plans so we knew when to worry or not. If he was going to spend the night at a friend’s house, let us know so we didn’t wonder where he was. It did take a few days to remember he was home and make extra food at meals for him. He was respectful of us as well, not assuming that it was ok if he had all of his friends over without letting us know, etc. He was working quite a bit too so he was just busy.</p>
<p>Hugs Longhaul. DD13 is ADHD (inattentive) and she has been having a hard time keeping focused for the long periods of time required this year. It is a hard year. Two things we did: 1) added a booster med at 4pm to get her through homework, but a fairly low dose so it does not interfer with sleep; and 2) started her running again. Physical exercise really helps her maintain focus in the evenings. She had stopped running over winter sports because she thought she wanted to do drama, but found it really didn’t work for her. I don’t know whether she will be able to squeeze time into her schedule for spring track, but if not, she will run everyday after school. It makes a huge difference for her. Also, DD changes meds every 2 years or so b/c her body gets used to the med she is on. Could it be that he needs a change?</p>
<p>Also, I think we have to look at our whole child. Having a high IQ is meaningless unless you can produce something. Our kids have a hard time producing up to the same level as same IQ kids without ADD. Or, at least for the extended period of times they are required to do so in school. Instead of focusing on who he could be if only he turned in his work, look at who he is. If he is a B student, look at B schools. If he “finds himself” in college, he will flurish, if not, he will survive…and be employable. They have to want it and work for it. It is a waste of your energy to mourn the “if only” kid, celebrate the kid you have. </p>
<p>For us, that means that DD, who wants to be an engineer or scientist, will likely not apply to super reach schools, but will apply mostly to match schools where she will do well, but not feel overwhelmed. Could she go to Cornell? Probably. She’ll be better at a slightly lower ranked school where she can be at the top of the class, not struggling at the bottom. </p>
<p>Hugs to you. I feel your pain, believe me. Our kids are awesome!</p>
<p>Longhaul (and other in the same spot)–if you haven’t already thought of this, keep an eye on how long the classes are at each school. Some schools classes are only 50 minutes long, some they are 70-80 minutes. If your child ends up with a schedule where he has 3 80 minute classes in one day, how would he do with that? I’m not ADHD and that would be hard on me. I couldn’t imagine back to back classes like that for someone that struggles with attention. The school I attended had 70 minute classes but nice breaks in between classes so you could decompress a bit before your next class. Our oldest’s school had 55 minute classes but only 15 minutes between classes (small campus). One semester he ended up with a Monday/Wednesday schedule that started at 8:00 AM and didn’t finish until 4:00PM, with NO breaks during the day. That was really hard. The UP side was he only had one class on Tuesday/Thurs.</p>
<p>S3 is actually studying for finals. Or at least he is in his room at his desk (instead of in front of the TV). Woo hoo!! Just found out his Spring play conflicts with D1’s college graduation. I am SO disappointed!! I had planned on making a mini family vacation, and even a college tour at a neighboring university on the way. I had checked his sports schedules and the AP testing schedules but had forgotten to check the drama schedule! Oh well!! </p>
<p>If the ADD is documented, disability services, at whatever college he/she goes to will likely give them “priority registration” so that they can plan their schedules with significant breaks. We learned a lot about disability services when D1 had back surgery in the middle of her sophomore year at college.</p>
<p>I know I’ve mentioned it before, but D1 has ADD-inattentive as well as a non-verbal learning disability. One of the things that helped me “deal” with it was to realize that SHE had to own the process and the issues. No matter how much DH, teachers, tutors, psychologists, Dr’s, and I nattered at her, until it clicked with her that her performance in school mattered because it would affect her plans/goals for the future then it was all noise. Once she engaged (mercifully during freshman year of HS) then she did the best she could in terms of time & organizational management, and in learning strategies. Issues still pop occasionally but because it matters to HER, usually things don’t get out of control.</p>
<p>It’s kind of like potty training: you can lead a kid to the potty, but you can’t make them poop, KWIM?</p>
<p>I’m a “newbie” to cc. S1 graduates HS in 2013, S2 in 2014, D in 2017. S1 is a musician (trumpet), and only this year, as a junior, has decided that he may want to study music in college. He’s not sure whether he wants to study performance, though he has been advised it’s a tough path. He is not blessed with parents who are musicians, so we are feeling a bit insecure about advising him well. His musicianship has improved immensely in the last year, and he is loving AP Music Theory. He has good private instruction, and we hope to rely on them for some advice, but I’ve heard cc is a great place to converse about all things college. I’ve noodled around a bit on cc, but am unsure where to turn for conversation about summer music programs, what schools are best to have him consider, audition preps etc. We’re in Virginia, with music programs at George Mason, James Madison, and Christopher Newport, but we don’t know how to evaluate whether their music programs or others out of state are a good match for S1. Am I in the right place to converse, or is there a better thread for music conversation? Thank you.</p>
<p>I am here to vent/ask advice. We just learned D has a C+ in IB Bio. At her school it is about an 84. I am so frustrated with her. The grade is solely due to late assignements. MANY late assignments. The grade would have been a B+/A-. She is a very organized student. Her planner is well kept, even color coded, planned months out- so I know it is not an organization issue. She also has had a recent stead stream of HW (about 2ish hours a night), but did not have that much during the early months of the quarter. She has many ECs but her 2nd Q is always lighter than her 1st. Basically, I don’t think there is an issue other than intentionally comleting assignments late. Which just has me baffled. According to D she has no idea why, she just figured she would still be able to squeak out of the marking period with a B or higher. ??? </p>
<p>So what consequences do you give an otherwise great kid? I feel like she is too old for this type of issue, and really what are my consequences going to teach her? On the otherhand, in real life, there are consequences for not doing your work-kwim? </p>
<p>I am thinking that a ban on twitter and tumblr are in order here since I believe that was her major distraction. The kids use Facebook for project work/student council/newspaper too much to ban that one. She also is not a heavy fb user. </p>
<p>Just when I am feeling like she is grown and ready for the next stage of life…she reminds me she is a teen. </p>
<p>Soooo, what consequences have you/do you impose for grades?</p>
<p>Nellieh - This is a tough one. I’d say that she has already “punished” herself. I think all of us parents are transitioning from “authority figure” to “cheerleader/advice giver”. So, I wouldn’t do anything punitive. I would ask her if she would like you to do something, “Do you think it would help you to achieve your goals if I held onto your phone/computer/whatever after 9PM so you could finish your work? How can I help you?” This puts the responsibility on HER to figure out what works best for her. I would also have “the talk”; the one teens cringe over, the one that says, this is the most important year, you need to do the best you can to show your reach schools you can be the kind of student they are looking for. They hate that. At least mine do!</p>
<p>DPR–our high school is a very strong high school for music students. Many of them are in college studying music in some form, several are attempting performance. I will tell you that the process is brutal, ESPECIALLY for trumpets. If he is not one of the top trumpet players in your state, the chances going into performance are slim. Most of the top kids in our high school end up as first chair in various honor bands at the state and national level and many of them have been turned down for spots in major music programs. Just so your son understands this before he tries. From what the parents of kids that are in the performance track have said, it isn’t so much the “program” that is important but they professor that teaches his instrument. How to go about finding that right person is outside of my scope of knowledge though :). Good luck with the process.</p>
<p>Nellie–You know your DD best but perhaps instead of the extreme, a “ban”, a conversation about the importance of getting good grades and a strong suggestion to leave the cell phone in another room until homework is done is appropriate. It sounds like a first time offense and she sounds like a great kid. Don’t go overboard on this. At this stage in the game, we don’t impose consequences for grades. They need to take responsibility for those themselves. We do remind them that earning a low grade will affect their chances of getting into their #1 choice schools. Your DD already knows that, I’m sure too.</p>
<p>Also, keep in mind that when she sends off her applications to various colleges, the school sends her transcript along with a school profile. They will see that your grading curve is high and that a C+ in her bio class is similar to a B elsewhere.</p>
<p>I would just tell her that late assignments are not acceptable and this is the final warning. If you see them again, THEN start cutting off the cell phone, non-homework computer time, etc.</p>
<p>I’m reading this thread about your kids with ADD or ADHD with interest. My youngest child, who is in fourth grade, has ADHD. He was diagnosed and began treatment one year ago. It has been a roller coaster for all of us and it is hard to imagine riding it for the many years more to come. </p>
<p>I appreciate what you all share because it gives me some insight into what is to come. I am hoping that things will get easier for him in high school… and I say that only because I truly believe I am ADD-inattentive and didn’t know it until I had him and watched his struggles. I see so much of him in me every single day. I didn’t start to really “get” school until I started high school. </p>
<p>I find the medicine to be the hardest issue to handle. I feel like, while his hyperactivity is no cakewalk, I can deal with that better than the general nastiness that sometimes accompanies taking his medicine. It’s hard for me to figure out how to discipline a kid whose sometimes rotten behavior is directly linked to the medicine he is taking to help him do well in school.</p>
<p>@mncollegemom- Definitely it will be about letting her have some of the freedoms she had while at school. I just wonder how disruptive that will be with two other children still in the home. For example, when they have to get up for school but she is still sleeping, or when we are all sleeping and she comes home late and the dogs bark their heads off and wake everyone up. KWIM?</p>
<p>And can I just say, I am not- or at least I don’t think I am- the nervous neurotic worrier that the last two posts seem like. Somehow CC just brings all my neuroses right up to the surface! ;-)</p>
<p>Vandy—I guess the answer is “it depends”. The sleeping in part for our DS isn’t an issue, once that kid is asleep not much wakes him up. Our dog is a barker, but not so much for when someone in the family comes home. How she knows that, I don’t know but if it is just DS coming home late, she doesn’t bark. I think it is like anything else that happens in your life, it just takes a little bit to get used to the change.</p>
<p>@Nellieh- Sorry to hear about the late assignments. I know that can be so frustrating, when they otherwise would have done so much better. </p>
<p>I am wondering what advice/restrictions anyone on here has re: usage of electronics? As I’ve said, I have three kids and my D13 is my eldest. The others are 13yo and 10yo, both boys. I noticed in my boys especially that the call to electronics, particularly video games and tv, was a siren song. Especially in the youngest. It was almost like a loop in his brain and anything else he had to do was simply an impediment to get back to electronics. Consequently, anything else he did was rushed and poorly done.</p>
<p>Many families in our area do restrict electronics and/or TV usage during the school week. We do as well. I wondered if any of you do this, either with your '13 kids or younger ones?</p>
<p>Vandygrad: Yes, like you we have always restricted use during school week - no video games but maybe a little TV time after schoolwork, chores etc are finished. We’ve done this for so long that it’s not even an issue at all - it has just become routine. As my boys made their way into high school they spent less time playing because they have more on their plate and they’re all very social beings so they like to be out doing things or have friends over.
My younger ones are around the same ages as yours and one thing I have done is not allow them to take the small hand held devices with us when we go out anywhere-( I ddin’t buy these for them- gifts from relatives ! ) I don’t mind if they use it in the car on ocassion but if we’re going out to eat or going to watch a sibling at a sporting event they just don’t bring them with. I do think boys are more attracted to this stuff than girls. My older guys ( stepsons in late 20’s ) - well, all these electronic options were not so prevalent when they were tweens/teens so it was a little easier to manage. The younger ones have never known life without so to speak so I think it’s smart to set boundaries and be consistent - eventually it all becomes habit.</p>
<p>leftrightleft. Good information. I am trying to get my older kids to adopt these strategies as I didn’t when they were young. I have become a bad guy in the family trying to make them do their homework before friends, games and tv.</p>
They are 16, 13 and 10 and the bickering can be enough to send me around the bend some days. Still, D13 is a wonderful kid and I will miss her for sure. We’ve had some practice, which is good, with one, two and three week blocks away- two of those in other countries. Makes going away to college not seem TOO bad. Plus, I am shocked at how often the college kids in our neighborhood seem to come home. Fall breaks, Thanksgiving, Christmas, sometimes all of January etc. Seems like about six weeks tops before they are back home again. </p>
I think she is okay with the grade, though, as she knows of many that are much worse off than her. Good news is that she did great in AP Calc, AP Music Theory, and physics.:)</p>