<p>It is hard to get them to change their habits. That is one thing I am forever grateful to our twins’ kindergarten teacher, she assigned “homework” every day. It was one sheet of paper, took them MAYBE 5 minutes but it was something the TEACHER said they had to do so there wasn’t the battle. Since it took as long as it took them to eat a snack, they got in the habit of coming home, sitting down with their snack and doing homework. They STILL do that today. Our oldest wasn’t at the same school for kindergarten and didn’t have that so it was a battle to get him to read or whatever after school because he didn’t “have” to.</p>
<p>Electronics, ugh! This is a big one in our house. My boys are 17, 15, and 10. The oldest is all about his phone, the middle loves Xbox, and the youngest could easily play on the computer for hours on end.</p>
<p>I have tried several different techniques to limit their use of electonics. Not all have been successful. We do have a rule that there is no video gaming during the school week. But, you better believe S2 comes running home on Friday - and straight to the Xbox.</p>
<p>Since I kept finding that I had to repeatedly tell them to get off (the computer, Xbox, etc.) I felt they were not learning how to self-monitor. So, now, I have begun saying to S2: “Are you going to play Xbox now? How long do you think is reasonable?” When they respond, saying something like “How about 2 hours?” I look at the clock and say, “Okay, then YOU have to make sure you stop playing at 5:50. I am not going to remind you when your time is up.”</p>
<p>Believe it or not, this has been very helpful. They have never responded with “How about 6 hours?” because (hopefully) they realize that is a long time to spend playing a video game. In fact, I find they actually spend less time, when its been planned ahead. And, since it is under their control, they really do (almost always) stop at the given time. </p>
<p>My hope is that they are learning some time management skills, as they will be living in a culture of more and more distractions of the electronic kind. For everyone (myself included) time flies by when we are doing something that interests us. Time management is about prioritizing what is most important, and not ‘wasting’ too much time on those fun but unnecessary hobbies.</p>
<p>Hello parents, I have been following collegeconfidential for a while and just came across this thread so decided to be a member today. I have son in class 2013 too and just finished his SAT last month. He did well, M 800, W 800, CR 730. He’s happy with scores and doesn’t to retake it. What colleges he would reach for? Son interested in bme.</p>
<p>familyof3boys–I hear you, our oldest is a video game junkie too. We found what worked best for him was not to ban it during the week but told him he could play as long as he wanted AFTER all of his homework was done, and done correctly-checked by us… That gave him immediate incentive to get his homework done. It took the “forbidden fruit” temptation away. Some days he would play non-stop until bedtime, other days not at all.</p>
<p>The upside to that is he now does Beta testing for a couple video game developers on the side–fun for him and gets a few bucks for doing it.</p>
<p>Vandygrad- I’d be happy to talk to you about the ADD meds and what worked or didn’t work for us. The “nastiness” you talk about is what we called “the crash”. When my dd was younger, she crashed around 4 or 5 pm as she was coming off meds. It was bad for about 15 minutes and then it would be over. What we found was that when the crash was bad it was a signal to us that her meds needed to be increased or changed. Once she was on the correct dosage, the crashing stopped. However, we also instituted a “it’s ok to be in a bad mood, just don’t impose it on me” rule. That crash period was spent in her room alone where no one would bother her and she wouldn’t bother us. When she was done, she was our regular good kid again. </p>
<p>The advice I give every parent who is dealing with this is to find the expert in your town that treats ADHD kids. I find that pediatricians “play” at treating ADHD kids and really have no clue what they are doing. Find the pediatric neurologist or child psychiatrist who specializes in ADHD kids. Ask around and then start calling offices and ask, 1) what % of your practice is kids, 2) what % of your practice is kids with ADHD? Both answers should be pretty high. Having a real doctor who understands the nuances of treating these kids is key. The best practice we were a part of had several child psychiatrists and a child psychologist who would run behavior mod classes for the kids and parents in the practice. For us, DD just needed meds, but others need the mod classes too. </p>
<p>Also, every kid is different, so be prepared to change dosages and meds till you find the right combo for your child. Then be prepared to start all over in a year or two because as they grown their body changes and their med requirements change. This is normal! Its like you have to run little science experiments on your kids. However, when you find that sweet spot, your whole life and their life changes. All of a sudden they can meet their own potential rather than the ADDs potential. It is glorious! </p>
<p>As for the electronics, we let our kids dictate what works for them, as long as they keep their grades up, their assignments turned in and they are meeting all their family obligations. So, if their grades are good, then they can do what they want. If that changes, then they might need our “help” in monitoring electronics. They don’t like it when we “help” so they work hard at keeping their privilege.</p>
<p>There is rarely any time to watch TV in the house. There are no video games in our house. I think S makes up for it by playing chess (on the internet/ phone), creating chess videos, reading at Barnes and Nobles, watching movies at the theatre, watching live theatre plays etc. He also loves his Friday night Philosophy club meetings, where a philosophy professors at a local univ. introduces them to various philosophers and their philosophies, every week.</p>
<p>No point in banning video games in our house. H is a video game designer and he plays as much as the kids do (or more). We just tell our kids that homework must get done (whenever they decide to do it) and they must be in their rooms by 11. A couple groggy mornings after a late night WoW session was all S2 needed to convince him that he needs at least 7 hrs of sleep. He’s been fairly self regulating ever since.</p>
<p>electronics: I don’t allow anyone to play video games (including DH) on the weekdays. I try not to have the TV on before 8pm. It is hard when my 2 college kids come home. </p>
<p>For each of my kids, I had to figure out what it was that was most important to them, then limit that if I need to. For S3 it is the car. So if he is slacking I limit his use of the car.</p>
<p>Thank you for the welcome to the forum. And thank you for the advice on the other threads I should visit. I had seen the 2005 family history, which is very informative. I will study the music major thread. Looks like lots of good stuff there.</p>
<p>I especially appreciate your pragmatic comments, mncollegemom. S1 is, perhaps, coming a bit late to the party of getting serious about music, but he’s working hard and progressing nicely. He is not competing at the state level, but did make our large District Band and perhaps has a chance at the State level next year, but at that point he’ll be beyond the point of no return for college decisions (assuming he doesn’t take a gap year, something I’ve considered). He wants to apply for the NSO Summer Institute, so we’ll do that and see what happens. It’s close to home, which he likes. I imagine NSO is extremely competitive, especially for metro DC kids like him, but he’s played the audition pieces for other auditions and is comfortable with them. His tone is gorgeous (says his mother!). Otherwise, I’m looking at other Summer programs, but he doesn’t want to go too far away for too long.</p>
<p>As for electronics, S1 has an addiction to them, so we ban them during the week and closely monitor on weekends. We’ve come to realize he’s going to have to start making these choices himself, and we told him that if he uses too much of his free time for nonproductive electronics, we’re not going to feel confident he’ll benefit from an expensive education out of state etc. Shortly after that, he cancelled his Facebook page, because he thought it was too much of a distraction. Very interesting. He still games when he can; battle mode still on… S2, a year younger, is very disciplined, and is on a very long leash for pretty much everything. He doesn’t game during week because he feels he has no time, and he’s never on Facebook. They are all definitely very different, aren’t they?</p>
<p>One more question: how do you all keep up with all of the posts on the various threads you participate in? It seems like a big time commitment to be a responsible participant. Any advice on that front?</p>
<p>How do you keep up–you do what you can. This is my slow season at work (I work from home) so I fill in the gaps coming here :). I like that they have those nice bright red stars on the threads where you have posts so you can find what you are looking for easily.</p>
<p>Good luck to your son and his musical career. Our kids’ middle school music teacher was forced by her parents to stay with band “at least” through her sophomore year in high school. She thanks the for that because that is about the time she wised up and realized she had a lot of talent (also a trumpet player). She got serious about playing about then.</p>
<p>S2 met with his counselor today and picked classes for senior year. The final verdict is:</p>
<p>AP English Lit
Earth and Space Science (not my choice, but all his friends are taking it)
AP Music Theory
Varsity Choir
Show Choir
Acting IV</p>
<p>Looks like it will be a fun (meaning easy) year!! Luckily, counselor knows son well and didn’t even attempt to talk him into a senior year math class. Wish he had taken a history course because he enjoys it so much, but he didn’t want to take 7 classes. He says the best part of senior year is being able to leave campus early.</p>
<p>Lots of junk mail from colleges today, Franklin Olin COE, Macalaster, Duke, Swarthmore, Williams and Colorado School of Mines, asking S to consider them.</p>
<p>Did anyone get a chance to read about the news on Claremont Mckenna falsifying SAT scores? </p>
<p>[Claremont</a> McKenna Official Resigns After Falsely Reporting SAT Scores - Head Count - The Chronicle of Higher Education](<a href=“http://chronicle.com/blogs/headcount/claremont-mckenna-official-resigns-after-falsely-reporting-sat-scores/29556]Claremont”>Head Count: Claremont McKenna Official Resigns After Falsely Reporting SAT Scores)</p>
<p>The above news, on the heels of news, earlier in the year, about some kid taking SAT tests for others for $2,5000 in NY, does not inspire confidence in the college admissions system.</p>
<p>We got a bunch too–times two kids. It is all stuff that they got emails from in the past few days too. I think we could have our own forest in the back yard with all the college mailings we have gotten in the past year. Nothing too exciting in this batch.</p>
<p>Lots of junk mail here too! </p>
<p>S3 finished day 3 of finals. One more final to go. Today’s was the important one (Spanish where he is on the A-/B+ line. He is not sure how the test went. I don’t think results will be out until the weekend.</p>
<p>Keeping up on threads: There is a “My Control Panel” tab up top where you can subscribe to threads, etc…</p>
<p>It seems S13 has been getting mail from schools forever (we didn’t know you could not get the mail his first two years taking the PSAT), but it has defintely increased this year. Todays batch included Macalester, Drexel, Stony Brook and USF. He doesn’t even bother opening stuff anymore, but I like looking at what they send. Some of it is very creative. Stetson sent a comic book this week. U. of Chicago has sent interesting stuff as has Carnegie-Mellon. I must have been a college admissions person in another life becuase I find the marketing/psychology of it all fascinating.</p>
<p>We are pretty loose, but the primary rule on electronics for both boys is homework first until it is done well and reading before bed, not electronics. Given ECs for both, that really doesn’t leave much non-weekend time for electronics.</p>
<p>Wow tx5 - this seems very late for finals. I thought we were late in mid-January, but February finals seems really late.</p>
<p>Thanks all for the input on D’s consequences for the missing assignments. We are still quite frustrated here. D is also frustrated with herself. We have talked to her about what behaviors she plans to adjust. She has agreed that she is going to limit the tumblr and twitter use during the week, also TV. She is also going to scale back her ECs- which was one of her biggest issues. She is the go-to girl for anything Student Council related/or the administration need a student to ------fill in the blanks. She is giong to work on saying no. And will use the mean mom excuse when she needs to. </p>
<p>She is now shooting for an A+ in that class to counteract the C+. I am fully confident she can do it if she really applies herself. </p>
<p>Electronics are a mixed bag in my home. D uses Twitter/Tumblr and facebook. Until now we did not have an issue with this since she was using it to generate content and as someone who wants to be a journalist, that is a good thing. D has agreed to self regulate at this time. She has never played a video game on the computer or xbox.</p>
<p>S15 is an entirely different story. We do not allow video games m-thurs because we found he would rush through homework. What we do find is that he is often on the computer after dinner and HW is done. He tends to skype his friends/watch youtube videos. I am not a fan, but he is carrying As right now. </p>
<p>The distractions are so much greater now than when we were kids. For me it was literally running home to catch General Hospital, spending two hours on the phone with various friends, then going out for drive with my boyfriend. Not many memories of HW. :)</p>
<p>Meg, so jealous of your S schedule! D would love it. She has enough credit to graduate now, but next year she still has a full load of IB/AP which is the school’s requirement. You must be in a fairly large school to have those types of selections.</p>
<p>TO nellieh
I too am of the opinion that it’s not productive at this age to inflict some punitive action. I believe the kids then become fixated on how “unfair” it all is and sort of ‘forget’ the fact that it is their own actions that caused the difficulty.</p>
<p>I’ve always told my kids that whenever they don’t do their best, they limit their choices of what they can do in their life. You might point out to her that instead of having her pick of colleges, she will limit the kind of schools she can attend. If her attitude continues that “getting by” is good enough, she will be forced into a job that just “gets her by” instead of one she may love and thrive doing – both monetarily and emotionally. </p>
<p>I truly believe that our teens still can’t fully comprehend the consequences of their actions. As parents, we can help them by vividly illustrating those consequences.</p>
<p>Good morning all! Interesting discussion about how much use of video games, social media, tv, etc our teenagers should be engaging in. In full disclosure, my D doesn’t play video games or watch much tv, but she is an avid user of Facebook and her cell phone is never far from the end of her hand. I do not restrict the use of technology of any kind because I believe my teenager is a practicing adult who is learning how to balance many things in her life. She will soon leave us and quickly find the distractions she faces now pale in comparison to those she will find in that freshman dorm. In making her own choices now about how she uses her time and taking responsibility for her actions helps to prepare her for what is to come. Of course we have talked about distractions when things haven’t been running as smoothly as they could, but it is up to her to make the adjustments or suffer the consequences.</p>
<p>Morning all! The mail has picked up considerably here this past week; I was almost starting to get concerned because there had been so little. Most all make some type of reference to PSAT scores, so College Board must have sold that list 
D isn’t interested in reading any that aren’t on the “list” but since the tenor in content has changed, she’s been at least opening a few. Our favorite this week was Maccalester (I’ve never seen a school tout indoor plumbing before; thought they used humor in a creative way) but as D said “too bad they’re in MN.” To which DH & I said "you’d better look at the map again and see where U of Iowa & Northwestern are She also got a number of pieces from Jesuit & other Catholic institutions which made us all say hmmmm.</p>
<p>Re: electronics. I don’t really limit, because it’s never been an issue (yet.) The girls had to ask to watch TV from being really little & got used to us saying yes or no so I think we’ve always had the mindset that it’s not just a given that you can do that. Video games get played occasionally but really it’s facebook, tumbler & texting here. I don’t limit because her friends are all in the same classes so while there is a lot of chatting going on, there’s also a lot of “how many AP terms have you finished” and “did you get how to graph #5?”</p>
<p>We did have a chat about math though; beginning of this marking period has been rough & D was getting down on herself. DH & I explained that as long as she was doing her best, we didn’t really care what the grade was. And that truly she’d probably never use that type of math in real life ever. BUT a plummeting grade would hurt her chances at about 50% of the schools on her list. Since we’re fine with all the schools on the list, DH & I are not worried but D2 wasn’t happy & kicked it into another gear. Mischief managed. For now.</p>