@GoingGrey --thanks for sharing your Daughter’s Goucher experience so far
@eandesmom --no worries on Goucher comments…everyone has different experiences and thanks for clarification on the acceptance posts
@inthegarden —she is into all types–ballett/modern/tap/hip-hop/bway/jazz…I’ve heard Goucher is ballet-centric and that wouldn’t be a negative in her eyes. We know the program there is well-regarded in the dance world.
@rbc1999 -
My D09 was a bright underachiever who wanted to be a teacher. She had a 2.8 GPA with no weighting but a 1260 on the old SAT. She didn’t study and didn’t care about her grades until 11th grade. She didn’t take a single honors or AP class. She once told me that she felt bad about getting good grades because it made other kids feel sad that they weren’t smart! Oy, where did I go wrong, lol. Anyway, I decided that the best path was a direct entry program so that she wouldn’t have to apply to graduate school. She wound up at a smallish state school where she excelled, making it into the honors program and graduating magna cum laude. I think that for students like my D and possibly yours, putting them at a school where they can achieve their goals, even if it’s not the tippy top school, is better in the long run. My D didn’t stress overly and that allowed her to do well.
You might want to consider which, if any, of her choices are direct entry and focus on those.
Good luck and welcome to the thread.
SOMEWHAT OFF TOPIC, BUT I HAVE COME TO VALUE YOUR OPINIONS… PLEASE GIVE ADVICE…
Techson17 turned 18 about one month ago. He is the youngest of my 5 and the 4th boy. He is very close with D09 and confides in her. This afternoon, he asked me if I remembered Ms. X, a girl who joined the stage crew this year. H and I met her and her parents briefly at the recent play. He told me he is “sort of dating her” and would like to take her to prom. The problem - she is a freshman and won’t be 15 until the fall. I know my son is a gentleman, but as the mother of a D, I would be concerned about my little girl going to prom with a senior. However, I am HIS mom in this situation and I told him it would be fine with me. I specifically recall telling her mom how old he was (turning 18 the week after the play) when I met her and the girl knows his age. He is not a fast kid and she would be his second gf. The first dumped him because he wouldn’t have sex with her, long sad story. I told him about age of consent, statutory rape and the like and he understands. I also said that I wanted him to go in a group and he is fine with that. Many of the kids go away for the weekend afterwards and I told him that if he went on a trip with his friends, Ms. X would NOT be permitted to attend - by me! I didn’t let D go with her then bf when she was a junior and was 16.
Am I doing the right thing? I am concerned for Techson17 if the girl accuses him of something. He is an adult (oy!) and she is a child incapable of consent. I know him and I trust him implicitly but I am still a little scared. H and I will be at the prom as adult supervisors if that changes anything. As far as I know, the “sort of dating” hasn’t involved being alone anywhere together.
Thanks, fellow moms.
There is a chapter in one of Malcolm Gladwell’s books (David and Goliath, perhaps?) that has a chapter about college success in STEM fields. While many quibble with Gladwell’s methodology, I believe his overall conclusions are sound in this instance. He argued that students interested in STEM, particularly girls and/or people of color, are much more likely to stick with the program if they are bigger fishes in less competitive ponds. Go to a school that is above your level, feel inadequate in a required freshman weed-out class, and you are likely to switch to some other major, especially if you are not a white male. A second finding he reports is that academics and researchers who went to less prestigious schools often end up publishing more and in better venues than their Ivy peers. So I think Gladwell would advise you to choose a school where your daughter is more likely to stand out, if she wants to attain her goal as an OT/PT. Just one perspective but I hope it is useful for your thinking.
Whatever she decides, remind her that there’s no shame in asking for help if it’s needed and professors can point students to tutoring, study groups, review sessions, and the like.
Yes, I worry about the same thing. There are a lot of threads on CC about that very topic, big fish, little fish… In the end, I just decided to let my daughter drive it and find the school she felt was the best fit for her. I think she picked a program that will allow her to thrive. But who knows. My daughter has to work hard for her grades, sometimes I think it takes her longer than most for certain subjects. I’m sure college will be no different. She also has anxiety and I worry about that more than anything, but right now, she’s following her dreams and i’m letting her go. I figure the worst thing that can happen is it doesn’t work out and on to Plan B!
I don’t know, I understand the concern, maybe your daughter will have more time to focus on studying if she doesn’t plan to swim. That could make a big difference. Not sure how I would feel about the wait-list; most folks on here recommend to just move on and love the school that loves you right off the bat!
PT is exciting though. I have been going to PT for my shoulder for the past couple of months and I am quite amazed by the skill my therapist exhibits! He’s also had a Grad student from Drexel for a 12 week rotation and the kid has been great. I hope things go well for her!
@techmom99 Tough one! I had concerns when my 15 year old D (at the time) started dating a 17 year old boy. Now they are 17 and 19 and still dating. lol. Initially, I went to the parents of the boy and explained he was her first b/f and I would hope/expect the mom would ‘check on them’ when they were hanging out in his basement if I were allow her to visit. As time went on, and their relationship became serious, I worried less. For your son, it is a big age difference, but girls tend to be more mature than boys. It would help if you knew her a little - find out why the attraction…
You’ve always seemed like a great mom here on cc and it sounds to me like you had all the right conversations with your son. I think it’s probably really up to her mom to set boundaries. I can’t imaging people who falsely accuse other people but I suppose it happens somewhere! That would just be sad all the way around.
In the end, I probably wouldn’t worry too much about it… sounds like you’ll be stalking them at the prom anyway! lol
Thank you for the kind words. I think CC parents are concerned parents overall.
I understand the attraction. She is interested in tech and there are relatively few girls who are. She joined stage crew this year and techson17 has been training her to replace him after he graduates. He has spoken of her as his “apprentice” and has expressed pride in how quickly she is learning the skills. When we met them, her parents praised techson17 up and down for his work with her - she looks forward to school, etc, etc. She seems like a nice girl but she is still only a freshman and one who won’t be 15 until the fall. I discussed it with H and his initial reaction was to say no. We then decided that we would let him ask her but he has to make sure that her parents really do know how old he is. I would assume that they would comprehend an age difference since he is asking her to Senior Prom. You are right that it is up to them to set boundaries, the way I did for my D. And, yes, we will be stalking at the prom…
Well, after 1st visit to CU Boulder and 2nd trip to WashU, still no clarity from S17–but it looks like there are 2 good options, but they are so different from each other. He really liked the students at CU Boulder, that they were fit, and outdoorsy types. He’s an outdoors kind of guy, who loves skiing/boarding. He also liked the engineering program and particularly its aerospace program which he has always thought is the field he’d like to be in. BUT, he also liked WashU though he felt he could relate to the CU kids a little better. He really likes WashU’s supportive environment, and that he felt sure he wouldn’t get lost in the shuffle there as there is a lot of academic advising and support. He also likes that he can explore lots of other types of classes or change major fairly easily there, and that their retention and graduation rates are so high. But St. Louis is no Boulder, and its engineering particularly aerospace did not seem as impressive to S17. Hmmmmm. He hasn’t ruled out a couple of other schools too, but seems to be leaning towards these two. There’s no $ coming from either one, so that’s not a huge factor. What is clear, is that S17 does not want to look at more schools. I had UCSB set for Friday, but he said he’ll look at it online. He might change his mind though . . .
I ran into a woman I know recently and her son did aerospace engineering at Wash U. He loved it and is now getting a masters there. She is a grad as well and is partial to the school but she mentioned to me how much the area has improved since she attended.
@Hankster1361 As a UCSB alum, let you son know that it’s a really difficult campus to “tour” online. The campus itself isn’t necessarily that impressive (other than some incredible ocean views from several buildings), but it’s important to spend time in Isla Vista, the adjacent college town where kids live year 2-4. Spending time there (perhaps lunch and walking around?) and talking with fellow students will help him determine fit. There are lots of “outdoorsy types” at UCSB as well, so he might feel right at home. Good luck to your son!
@eandesmom Congrats on the decision for UVM!! Love that area!!
Re: NY Tuition Free College - coming from NY and having gone to CUNY myself, this would have been perfect. Funny thing is part of the reason we moved to NC was for affordable state colleges that were very competitive. This would have worked for us perfectly, as we definitely fall in the range,. Oh well, D is very happy with UNCG Honors College. Now the only thing is that she is having second thoughts about boarding there. She thinks she will have a better experience if she does but if she boards, she needs to take the loan and she would prefer lowering the loans. Next year she intends to file for merit aid and other scholarships so hopefully that will help and perhaps she won’t have to take any loans.
We did appeal at Beloit since they gave the lowest financial aid. They were able to give $2K more, which makes it somewhat affordable but very tight. They called and wanted her to come visit but she would prefer not having the loans so she could travel more and take advantage of more study abroad options. So her mind was pretty much made up before we sent in the appeal. We still get tons of things and I am always curious but I am happy with her decision as long as she is too.
@mackatarinasmom and @eandesmom -
I am a CUNY grad as well but we just miss the cutoff for the Excelsior for this year.
I have a suggestion for your D. This is what we were toying with before Techson17 opted for a SUNY. We were going to bite the bullet and take a loan for part of the difference to allow him to live on campus at the private college for the first year, with the understanding that he would apply for an RA position for the next year. If he got one, great, free room and usually an allowance towards board. If he didn’t get one, he’d have to move home the second year. Perhaps that might work for your D? This way, she gets to live on campus for at least one year and I would think that the first year is the most important to be on campus. If she has to move home the second year, she will have friends on campus and could probably find someone to stay with overnight if the weather is bad or she has a night activity once in awhile.
@techmom99 That is not a bad idea! I am open to her being on campus, especially since it is in the honors dorms with advisers there and they even have a classroom there. My husband - not so much. I will see what we can work out. Thanks for the suggestion!
BTW, what CUNY? I went to Hunter.
We received the response to our appeal to Ursinus yesterday. They offered an additional 3K grant. Which was nice but given that the fine print didn’t state otherwise I am quite sure that was for year one only. Given that we are likely to only have 1 in school next year, that would go away and then we’d be back in appeal land for the following 2 years to try and get it and that doesn’t feel like a sure thing at all. S didn’t seem interested in waiting to hear the appeal results before committing so at this point I plan to leave well enough alone. If he recieved the CTCL scholarship than maybe we could look at it but honestly with flights purchased for Vermont, I’d rather have him focus on S2 grades and increase the chance of a bit more $ from UVM once those are in. Though I did buy trip insurance and “could” cancel the flights the fact his Ursinus was #3, the potential cost reduction just isn’t enough to revisit the whole thing and ultimately I think he’s exactly where he should be.
He did have about a half day of “OMG what did I just do” yesterday but his AP Lit teacher talked him down.
He did say the admitted student FB was “lame”. Or more accurately it is all awkward with kids introducing themselves with info and looking for roommates. I was like um…yeah, that’s about what i would expect it to be at this point. LOL! Hopefully he can do his initial housing stuff this weekend. I was able to get in and get the health insurance info and was glad I did. He can’t waive the insurance until after he is signed up for classes, but the waiver is due NLT 7/1. Orientation is 6/23 so it’s not like it’s a huge window and could easily be missed!
@techmom99
I can understand your concern but I would also want to trust my child. It’s hard as you want them to have fun but a 4 year gap is also quite substantial, regardless of the legal implications. In your situation I would likely do the same thing from an advice and “ruling” standpoint with my S. I agree at the point that he asks her, it is up to her to decide what both she, and her parents are comfortable with.
I feel like we live in a weird bubble, not one of our kids has really dated anyone seriously (though I don’t really buy that S17’s friend isn’t just more than a friend but he’s 1) said he is definitely going to prom and 2) not mentioned that he is taking her. Trying not to probe since it’s almost 2 months away still here.
Given that you will be at prom, that’s a pretty darn big deterrent and from what you’ve said, it seems like you’ve good reason to trust your boy.
S and I actually discussed the RA option. Truth be told, he would be a horrible RA. Right now his energy is best spent on those S2 grades. HOpefully he will get a local alumni scholarship (my mom’s HS) but to be honest, it was sent in while I was out of town and I wasn’t impressed with what he sent. Sigh. It’s not a huge amount of money and I’ve no idea if it’s actually competitive or not but it is renewable each year. He won’t know on it until his awards ceremony at the HS, apparently they notify the school and it’s announced there. There is also an outside chance of a new funding source that really would change the whole picture. I’ve not let him know yet as it may or may not happen but if it does, it will make a huge difference. We should know on that by graduation as well. Either way we’ve mapped it all out and it is manageable. He’s required to be on campus the first 2 years but I do trust his ability to find a deal for junior/senior years and save money both on housing and on food. He’s been trained well in that area…
@Hankster1361 Very different options, it is like choosing apples and oranges (with yet another very different choice at UCSB). I would try to get him to tour UCSB, BUT on the flip side if he really has narrowed it down to the 2 I might just let UCSB go versus overly complicating things. Was the honors college at CU an option? that could increase the supportive environment factor. I can ask my H from a recruiting standpoint if one or the other would have an edge but from what he’s said I think they all are solid choices and it comes down to fit. And sometimes fit, finding your tribe, does increase that chance for academic success.
@mackatarinasmom - I went to Lehman, Bronx born and bred. Techson17 has also opted for the honors dorm. I am hoping that exposure to bright kids will inspire him to work harder. I hope that the RA option is a viable one for you.
Being an RA is not for all kids. My D didn’t think it would be for her, since she had generally always had her own room at home. However, after she got to school and saw what it was all about, she realized it was something for her. She did it for 3 1/2 years (did a 5 year program for a masters) and loved it. Your son might also decide that it is something he’s actually interested in once he gets to school. Right now, it’s kind of an abstract concept for many kids. Techson17 has a better idea than most because of discussions with his sister and with H, who was an RD back in the day. However, I knew from day 1 that my middle son, even though he is an Eagle Scout, would never be a good RA and didn’t even suggest he apply. He was actually approached because he was at the same school as D.
For everyone - many schools have scholarships that are only available to currently enrolled students. My D earned scholarships from the education and music departments and based on her volunteer work almost every semester. Some were small, $250, but another was about $3K for the year and at a SUNY, that is a significant amount.
@techmom99 agreed, there are additional scholarships that open up within his program for sophomore year and beyond.
It’s not about the own room issue, that’s not remotely an issue. It’s more about the role model/being responsible for others piece of it. LOL!
I agree about there being many facets. My point was that D didn’t even consider it and thought she was all wrong for it, but once she got to college, she realized that she might have had what it takes. The same thing might happen to your son. OTOH, my middle son is a well-regarded role model within our local scouting group but just not the right fit for RA.
@Fishnlines29 He’s still talking to coaches and trying to figure things out. They’ve given him a time to shoot for that should be doable, but it’s a little hard to hit it because so far this season he hasn’t run against anyone who is anywhere close to his speed so he’s alllllll alone by many seconds for the whole race. It’s humorous to watch and fun listening to the comments around us in the stands, but it’s hard for him to run super fast with no one to push him. There are kids as fast/faster than him in the state but not in our section, and our school can’t afford to travel to the big meets. So we’ll see. I’m almost wondering if we should pay two deposits so that both options are open when the fast races finally come at States. @-)
@curiositycat333 The new SUNY grant will help us a bit this year, but much more in the next three. This year DS '17 will be close to full TAP because we will have 3 in college, and the new grant will just top off his TAP to the full tuition. We’ll still be enormously grateful for that because every little bit helps. Keep in mind, though, that there will still be $2000-$3000 in mandatory fees, depending on the college (and of course room and board $$$). When the state Regents board doesn’t allow the SUNYs to raise tuition, they seem to raise fees instead and the new grant doesn’t touch those /
.
But when his siblings graduate from college and TAP starts going away, that grant will be a lifesaver.
@mdcmom -
Are all 3 of yours in SUNY’s? I got zip with that but maybe it was because one was at a CC.
@eandesmom Congratulations on Vermont! A great school in a great town! I love your idea for thank you gifts, and it reminded me that on our recent trip to the Netherlands we found out that maple syrup is not available there. Living in Wisconsin, I thought maple syrup was everywhere. As a Pacific Northwesterner, you might appreciate the swag I ordered for D’s graduation party - a giant Willamette U umbrella!
@brindlegreyhound And Congratulations on Western Washington!
@curiositycat333 Sorry your S is still mulling over his decision, but at least now there’s one less school on the list! I am a Colorado native and have several friends and relatives who attended CU, but it didn’t click for me, either - I never even applied there.
@techmom99 It sounds like you have raised a wonderful, respectful son and I support your decision to give him your blessing and cross your fingers that the girl is equally good-hearted and honest and will not make false accusations. But as the mother of a son, I get your concerns.
@rbc1999 What motivates your daughter? Is she motivated best when she has the confidence and ease of being a big fish in a small pond, or when she is surrounded by big fish and is inspired to rise to their level (within reason - I agree with other posters that if there is too far of a gap between a student and the big fish, it could be very destructive)? My D attends a public high school in a small town where only about 1/4 of the class goes to college. The fall of her junior year she attended a semester school where almost 100% of the students go to college. D blossomed there. I had never seen her so excited about learning, her teachers, and her peers. However, the atmosphere at the semester school was very collaborative. D is not competitive and would not blossom in a cut-throat environment. So in choosing a college for her, we chose a small liberal arts school where the student body appears to be very friendly and collaborative. Basically, we tried to find a college that would re-create the inspiring community that she experienced at the semester school.