It’s hard with this social media age.
You THINK everyone else is having the best time acclimating to college, making fast friends because everyone is just smiling huge smiles on their grams or snaps, etc, but in reality, many/most of those posts go home to a quiet dorm and furiously scrolling through all the pictures/posts of other people.
My 2 nieces last year had a hard time as Freshman (SIL received daily calls/text in stereo (since twins), easily up to 100 texts a day), especially the first 2 months because everyone seemed to be already finding friends, when in fact, most really didn’t.
Once the semester got rolling, real groups of friendship started to form.
Niece1 was adamant about getting a Single dorm, but didn’t get matched to one.
She was matched to a roommate who was also ADAMANT about getting a single.
Well, they both love living together, and they are now roommates again this year as Sophomores.
I’ll try to find video of a counselor who recommends to rename the Freshman year as the ‘Getting-comfortable’ year.
The student will encounter a lot of uncomfortable stuff, and so it’s just a year to trying to get comfortable with all the new stuff, and not letting it get to you.
This 100%. It affects guys as well as girls. My oldest had several male friends turn off social media because they were comparing their experiences to others and it put them in a bad mental space.
D’s college keeps the kids busy with group activities the first few days so they can hopefully bond and make friends. D told me her college is more organized than her high school, which I can also see. It’s nice to hear that she appreciates that.
On our drive home, we walked around Dickinson College in PA, which was a very pretty campus in a cute small town.
My daughter was a little teary today as we FaceTimed. Her older sister also was, five years ago, and eventually got past it. I’m hoping this situation will be the same.
I talked to S22 on the phone today. It was good to talk instead of text. I think he’s doing well. Slow to meet people, but I am sure he will, just like the rest of them. He says classes are good so far…after 3 days. Lol. But he’s finding his way and that’s what is important. I know it’ll work out and I remember how tough the beginning of freshman year was.
D22 has been on campus since last Tuesday. Good byes were brief as she was eager to run off with her room mates. She was jittery and nervous in the last days before drop off with lots of tears. But as soon she was on campus all was good. She is in a triple and so far the girls seem to get along great and do everything together. They have been going to eat together, done campus events together and gone to the bar together. I’m sure this honeymoon won’t last but it has made the start very easy. Also, the school has kept them very busy. The last week sounded more like summer camp than college Classes start tomorrow though.
Yes this is exactly what is happening!!!
We keep tellling her this and I think it’s finally sinking in that everything she is seeing is an illusion or something she is assuming about people that isn’t reality.
The open door is such good advice!
She and her roommate decided to walk down the hall looking for an open door. They found only one but asked the girls inside to play cards. I was so proud of her for stepping out of her comfort zone!
I agree about this. We told our daughter that she is feeling it now while others are kind of still in the excited phase and they maybe haven’t thought much about home yet. And some people deal with homesickness by getting really teary and depressed while others deal with it by partying!
Yum! a cookie basket sounds so good!!
She has been feeling so sad and anxious that she hasn’t been eating much so I think I’ll need to save that idea once she is fully out of this crisis mode. Classes start tomorrow so that will be good. She moved in Thursday and they have had tons of activities which has kept her busy. But she is falling into the trap of thinking everyone else is making their best friends and she is meeting some people but they are just “ok” and not really completely jiving with her. She seemed better tonight after going to a service event. We keep telling her to just keep swimming like nemo!
I was just thinking you could put a note with the cookies (or text her) that these are for sharing with the other kids on her hall or in her classes. Who wouldn’t want to be friends with the girl passing out cookies?!
Agree with this. My son and his roommate walked down the hall and knocked on every door, and brought with them some snacks and goodies. He said 100% of the rooms were happy to invite them in for a nice chat.
Another night, some of the kids decided to play soccer in the hallway and racket made everyone come out and hang out.
Cal has been top notch putting together events to bring people together, but in general orientation and first month of college is where most kids are most receptive to meeting new people and if you put yourself out there you will be fine.
Hi - D22 has an upper bunk in a triple room and I am exploring if there are cooling fans I can get her . Most fans I see in the market do not seem suitable. for the room/upper bunk. Anyone who had faced this and if you have figured out, please let me know. Thanks
Their design really circulates air, so you actually don’t aim it right at you, more at an angle bouncing off walls to really circulate air.
So she could have the large Vornado 660 on the floor, circulating air up at her bunk.
To the parents of the kids having a less perfect adjustment period:
#1 You know this and your kid knows this but we all forget (myself included): those people on social media are NOT having as much fun as it looks like they’re having! It’s a curated set of images and projected emotions. Maybe a good reminder if they are FOMO.
#2 Next to no one is finding “their people” in the first couple of weeks, by statistics alone. When/if we remember college as being that frictionless, it’s a combination of suppression and repression. I loved college, yet after learning about human psychology, I force myself to actively relive tucked-away memories of gloomy freshman days when I’d walk around alone under the clouds and feel blah and lonely. But it isn’t what I normally talk about when discussing my Alma mater. So kind of like #1 but pre-social media.
I hope each and every one of your kids finds their groove sooner rather than later. Mine has been on an absolute roller coaster socially and emotionally for the first month of college, but knows it’s early days and she is not glued to her first acquaintances for 4 years.
together. I’m sure this honeymoon won’t last but it has made the start very easy. Also, the school has kept them very busy. The last week sounded more like summer camp than college 
Classes start tomorrow though.