<p>I've posted this message in reply to other posts, but it warrants its own thread. My parents made me go to college. I hated every single second for four years. I graduated over five years ago. Looking back, I threw away those years of my life in a terrible situation in which I gained nothing of value. </p>
<p>Is that really what you want for your children?</p>
<p>Gardenia, for every story like yours, there are thousands that appreciated the experience on some level. If you hated it so, why did you stay for four years? No offense, but that was your decision.</p>
<p>5,6,10 years out from college is hardly perspective on what it can add to a life. I am not sure which since you have posted a couple different numbers in other threads. </p>
<p>Deep-rooted unhappiness like you speak of is more about you than the college experience. I advise this to all young adults. You are not an adult until you make your own decisions and take responsibility for yourself. If you were unhappy you should have left. That is more on you than your parents.</p>
<p>I don’t think many parents here force college. Honestly I think it a rare 18 year old who doesn’t look forward to college (or the military). That may just be based on where I am and who my children have befriended. </p>
<p>One of my favorite quotes that I drill into my daughter: </p>
<p>"The big question is whether you are going to be able to say a hearty yes to your adventure.” Joseph Campbell</p>
<p>Gardenia, at any point during your college years, you could have withdrawn, gotten a job, gotten your own place to live, and supported yourself. Agreed with above poster, the decision to stay in college was yours.</p>
<p>It was my decision. Because of the line drawn by my parents, to leave (even to transfer), would have meant cutting off all ties with my family at age 18. I felt personally unable to do that. So, the question I want to raise is, is that the situation you want for your children?</p>
<p>So it’s done. It’s over. I am truly sorry that it was such a miserable, horrible experience for you. But you were not thrown in a hole, a concentration camp, prison, in a war. You are now an adult and can move on. The college degree you now have, you can forget about and only whip out if it is useful. What you would have done those years, you can now do.</p>
<p>College is not the right place for a lot of kids, as the drop out rates show. Those who so hate it leave. You were an adult at age 18, the age we ship folks out to fight the wars. You could do what you pleased and no one had any say. If you preferred the rewards of going and staying in college, perhaps money and support from your parents, that was your choice and theirs. No one can MAKE another go to college. It isn’t a prison sentence. It’s been 10 years or so since you went off to college, 5 since you left. Get over it.</p>
<p>Ok…let me put it a different way. Are you saying that in four years of college, you found nothing of value? If that is the case, that is also your fault, not your parents’.</p>
<p>I agree with Thumper–college is what you make of it.</p>
<p>What would you have done if you didn’t go to college?</p>
<p>We are mean parents, our kids have to go to college for at least a year and give it a good try. If after that year they choose to drop out, fine, but they will find a full time job and support themselves if that is what they choose.</p>
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<p>Do you mind sharing what you are doing now? I’m assuming that whatever it is is something you could have achieved without attending college.</p>
<p>Gardenia2, I totally get where you are coming from, and am sympathetic. </p>
<p>It may be that in time you will be grateful to have the degree, because so many jobs now require it. You made it through and deserve congratulations, perhaps even more so because you were unhappy, but still summoned the strength to persist. Your college experience was not Hallmark Card, or anywhere near that, but you did it.</p>
<p>I do feel that this new “college degree as the new high school diploma” situation is harmful to many: many students who are in college are suffering in order to get the degree (particularly non-traditional students with kids and jobs). Many, frankly, are not really up to the academic work but could do very well w/out a degree in various jobs that now require one. Another important problem is that everyone is racking up debt that will affect them for years to come.</p>
<p>I had two kids at Ivies, who both love school, and my third does not want to go to college. She tried it for a year. She has other interests and I am supporting her decision whole-heartedly. I wish you had had support for what you did or didn’t want to do. </p>
<p>However, it is also true that you will find the degree useful at some point, even if it is not useful now. </p>
<p>And if your parents didn’t have education themselves, or have some other motivation for “forcing” you to stay in school, it was probably because they care about you, so hopefully, in time, you will see that.</p>
<p>I personally think time out of school, or time spent on alternatives to school, is so valuable. The Harvard admissions page has an essay supporting these things. But these breaks take money, and delay making money, so for many, the necessary thing is to finish as soon as possible, so that self-support can begin.</p>
<p>I do wish more attention was paid to other paths in our society, and even wish for small things like access to internships for non-students. There are still jobs that have on-the-job training, and community colleges are a great resource as well. But so many see the alternatives to college as “flipping burgers.” It is a scary prospect for many parents.</p>
<p>I am so sorry that college didn’t measure up for you, and hope that you can move forward in a good way now that you are out of school. If you are not feeling better, there are ways to get help and guidance. Take care!</p>
<p>I am curious. What type of work do you do now? Would you have the job you have now without a college education? What do you think you would be doing now if you had not gone to college?</p>
<p>My kids certainly could have done alternative things had they so pleased, but at age 18, it was either find work to become self supporting, join the military,find some mission or advocation that we could support or that would support them, or lie around and do what they pleased, which we would not financially support. They did not find anything that interested them as much or gave them as much freedom or as much money–yeah the college offer was the most money offered to them (only mom and dad are such sucker to pay that much towards an 18 year old!) , so they went to college. Some of their friends did take a gap year , and most found that college was the best choice they had. Not that many people out there willing to pay for an 18 year old like mom and dad are without some nasty stipulations attached, much nastier than the courses you have to sit out in college. I daresay one of my kids looked very hard for opportunities that were better, more freedom, more money, more fun, all through college, spending so much effort and time on that search, that I point blank told him that I did not want to waste the time and money for him to continue school and that time and was tired of his shenanigans. He decided that as much as he felt it was a waste of time and that he would rather do other things, the college deal we were subsidizing couldn’t be beat. Had he found something better, he certainly could have walked, and I told him so straight out–I was done at that point. And he could have spared me and him the speech if he reached that point before I did and acted on it. Just as you, the OP, could have done.</p>
<p>Your parents paid you to go to college. You could have declined and found other things to do with your life then. It’s a clear and natural choice every adult has. </p>
<p>You seem to be complaining that you were too weak to say, “no thanks” to your parents support for going to college and were unable to find something else. I don’t know what you are even advising parents to do. Most of the kids on these boards are trying to get their parents to pay for college so they can go. Now that is something for which we have no answer–when the parents won’t support the college aspirations, since you need their money in most cases to go. You don’t for anything else.</p>
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<p>The same argument could be said about making kids go to high school, or even elementary school. </p>
<p>Your parents have a responsibility. both moral and legal, to care for you and bring you up in a way to make you a successful, independent, productive member of society. And that almost always includes providing some level of education. And while it’s certainly possible to be a productive member of society without a college (or high school) diploma, your parents are doing their best to maximize your chances for success.</p>
<p>Your education is the one possession you have that no one can take away from you. I predict some day you will come to see the value of that and be grateful for it.</p>
<p>OP, no one can make you go to college. I think Cptofthehouse summed it up well. Ask yourself what else you would have done if you had not gone to college. I also think you need to ask yourself why this issue is still bothering you so much, 5 years after the fact. The reality is that most kids in college want to be there. Whether they should be there is another issue; but they are not there because legions of parents are forcing them. They are there because the realistic alternatives, as outlined in post #12, are not as appealing as being in school.</p>
<p>Until recently, the only way to keep your kid on an employer sponsored health insurance plan, was to keep that kid in college. So yes, dumb decisions were made based on that alone.</p>
<p>Why your parents felt that attending college was necessary if you wanted to stay being part of your family is beyond me. They must have had what they felt were legitimate reasons to require that. </p>
<p>Now if your parents were just plain bat-$it crazy, that would be another thing, and might merit spending a bit of time with a competent counselor so that you can get over being reared by nut-cases.</p>
<p>I offered my kid a gap year or two, as well as a lift to the union hall that controls one branch of her chosen profession. After thinking things through, she chose to go to college right after HS. So far things are good. However she is in a field that doesn’t require a college degree, and she had enough professional contacts that she could drop out tomorrow and easily support herself. Not every college student can truly say that.</p>
<p>Gardenia – I think your story would be more interesting and enlightening if you provided more detail. Why was it a terrible experience? What did you hate about it? How was it that you could spend four years at a place bursting with opportunities for just about any set of interests and find nothing of value? That’s an extraordinary statement, when you think about it. Are you happy now?</p>
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<p>Its a shame you regret your choice. Have you had counseling to develop decision making skills?</p>
<p>But to answer your question.
I have been able to make my kids do very few things, not when they were 10, and certainly not when they were 18!
How do you make another adult do something anyway?</p>
<p>I agree with the majority, but I’m also wondering if anyone else is thinking ■■■■■.</p>
<p>Even students I know who weren’t so fond of college don’t end up feeling it was horrid. Sometimes they think it was a waste of time (and/or money), but they can give pros and cons about their time. If this is not a ■■■■■, I suspect there are other issues involved.</p>
<p>I’ll agree that parents shouldn’t “make” their kids do anything once they reach adulthood (and probably before that). Sometimes kids just need to learn on their own via life.</p>
<p>I’m thinking ■■■■■–OP has posted the same overly dramatic tale in several forums, but never explains what was so terrible about college, why transferring wasn’t an option, why the degree is not needed for OP’s current career, etc. Some people just like to toss out conversational bombs and see what reaction they get. Yawn.</p>
<p>I’m afraid you are right creekland.
to be given the opportunity to attend college & earn a degree is something that most people around the world & even in this country, do not have so easily.</p>
<p>Unless someone held a gun to OPs head and forced him to attend college, I fail to see how it is his parents fault that it was a waste of time.
That says more about OP than it does his parents.</p>